Reigniting the spark

  • Rush_

    Posts: 402

    Mar 02, 2013 3:07 AM GMT
    Hey everyone, I need some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for almost half a year and things are headed south lately. We had a talk today where we both feel that recently it almost feels like friends rather than a relationship but we both want to try to ignite the flame again.

    When we started seeing each other, there was a decent amount of action, but he held off on sex because normally he pushes guys away after. We haven't had much of anything at all in the last month or so, and he just generally has no interest-I think that may be one factor since usually intimacy does tend to be a factor in relationships.

    He also isn't used to being in one as I'm his third boyfriend and thus far longest. He's getting a little insecure about that lately and I try to reassure him as best I can and just try to be there for him.

    Does anyone have any idea where to start on saving this? We both talked very frankly and want it to work and want to make it through the rough patch, but with the underlying baggage neither of us really knows where/how to start.

    Thank you in advance for thoughts and ideas.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 02, 2013 3:37 AM GMT
    open relationship
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    Mar 02, 2013 3:43 AM GMT
    With "spark" and "flame" are you talking about sex?
  • Rush_

    Posts: 402

    Mar 02, 2013 3:50 AM GMT
    glutamine saidWith "spark" and "flame" are you talking about sex?


    The whole thing, really. A few of my friends think that's the the lack of sex may be part. The idea is that since he feels somewhat like it is feeling like friends rather than boyfriends, it may be in part related to the lack of sex. These friends figure by getting the sex life up (threeways, whatever pretty much works), the rest may follow.

    I think that is part and his insecurities/both our baggage from the past may be a big factor as well. And that is one part I have no idea how to start handling. I have been working with myself the past years but don't know how to help him with his
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    Mar 02, 2013 3:51 AM GMT
    Sometimes people fall out of love and into "just friendship"

    Opening the relationship won't fix that. Ending the relationship and remaining friends will.
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    Mar 02, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    Let me guess..the honeymoon phase is over.. reality is setting in???
    ..to get a bit more of the honeymoon phase you'll just have to deal with reality..

    ...Communication and effort..that's all it is..
    Sometimes a little effort..sometimes loads..


    600x400-timgunn-make-it-work.jpg

    Good luck
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    Mar 02, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    7Famark saidSometimes people fall out of love and into "just friendship"

    Opening the relationship won't fix that. Ending the relationship and remaining friends will.


    This is correct, in some cases. Even if the sex is VERY good.
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    Mar 02, 2013 4:02 AM GMT
    Rush_ said
    glutamine saidWith "spark" and "flame" are you talking about sex?


    The whole thing, really. A few of my friends think that's the the lack of sex may be part. The idea is that since he feels somewhat like it is feeling like friends rather than boyfriends, it may be in part related to the lack of sex. These friends figure by getting the sex life up (threeways, whatever pretty much works), the rest may follow.

    I think that is part and his insecurities/both our baggage from the past may be a big factor as well. And that is one part I have no idea how to start handling. I have been working with myself the past years but don't know how to help him with his


    Dont take this wrong, but im just speaking out of honesty.

    If hes not "interested" in sex just as much as you.. Then he may not be that physically attracted to you as you are to him.

    My BF is 100% bottom and im about 80%top and 20% bottom. I am against cheating, so i dont fuck other guys...But there are rare ocassions i do crave bottoming, but i cant never get it from him, so its very frustrating. But our physical attraction with each oter is very strong.

    But if its the chemistry/spark were talking about, it takes two to fix that.

    If he is invested in the relationship as you are, then it reigniting that spark is definitely possible.

    But it cant just be one person putting the effort. Must be both of you trying.
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    Mar 02, 2013 10:32 AM GMT
    Wish I had a clue on relationship advice. Sorry, bud.
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    Mar 02, 2013 12:09 PM GMT
    7Famark saidSometimes people fall out of love and into "just friendship"

    Opening the relationship won't fix that. Ending the relationship and remaining friends will.


    Agreed! Re-igniting that spark is going to take a lot of work but it sounds like the emotional baggage you two sustained have put that spark to rest.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Mar 02, 2013 12:19 PM GMT
    Jesus Christ guys- Would it kill to have a little bit of optimism?! Seriously, the fact that you are both talking about it is a good thing. Do some new things together - act out a fantasy or whatever. Relationships require work if either of you feel like it's too much work and either one doesn't feel it is worth it then you can end the relationship knowing that you tried your best, but there's nothing wrong with trying.....
  • Ridge181

    Posts: 11

    Mar 02, 2013 12:43 PM GMT
    Yeah. It takes work on both ends although u cant really fix his emo issues on intimacy and falling out of love after sex.

    Do u both live together?

    In my opinion u try to make it all cute with gestures but i feel spark does eventually go and what replaces it is two lovers who can be fun, enjoy hanging out and good/best freinds. I think the spark we want in a long relationship is that inner excitement one gets when you see the person you like and they like you back. I feel the inner excitement requires our own work in our own inner thoughts about keeping that spark alive in a committed long term relationship

    Dont forget what made you smile when you first started dating. And applaud for the chat you had with him! Good on ya!

    Im having my own issues so who knows if i know what i am saying - ha!

    -A
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2013 12:47 PM GMT
    Couple Counseling.


    seriously, it works.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 02, 2013 8:57 PM GMT
    Try and remember that spark at the beginning. Don't forget the think about the positives and why u 2 are together in the first place. Remember those sweet things he's done for u or said to you. ... Keep those things going.... dont forget that stuff.