HIV and sex

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2013 4:51 AM GMT
    I know this can be a scary/depressing topic for some but I think it is important to discuss so thanks for reading. I have a few questions for you guys:

    1) Would you get physically intimate with someone you were already sexually attracted to if you found out that they were HIV+? When I say intimate I mean anything from 100% safe sex like sensual massage, dry humping, hand jobs, closed mouth kissing, etc to "safer" sex acts like oral and anal with protection (basically anything that has a low or non-existant rate of transmission). Please state how far you would go with a poz Bard Pitt if you had a chance to fuck or get married.

    2) Would learning that the guy you are interested in (or already dating) is HIV+ keep you from dating them? Obviously I mean if they had never lied to or deceived you about it. Would you feel betrayed if they didn't bring it up until after several dates? I hope you would still remain their friend either way.

    Personally I would still get physical/date someone regardless of their status. However, I'm not sure if I would go all the way (anal) with someone who was HIV+ if I was negative, but I would also not write it off right off the bat. I know several couples where only one partner is positive and they all seem to be doing fine, so I know it is totally possible.

    Please me nice when you respond, don't be offended by what I say or say anything offensive. Keep in mind that there is a very good chance that you might have already slept with someone poz and just don't know it. Be careful and get tested! Thanks!! icon_wink.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Mar 02, 2013 5:02 AM GMT
    My last relationship of several years was with a HIV+ man. I was and still am negative. We were very sexual.
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    Mar 02, 2013 11:34 AM GMT
    Answers:

    1) I've had sex with several guys who were poz and I'd do it again! All I see is hot safe fun....not fear! Btw, the sex was several years ago and I got tested this past December. Negative!

    2) I would go out with a poz guy in a heartbeat as long as we're compatible. I would be interested in getting to know him, not his disease! I expect him to tell me the truth from the beginning about his status because that truth is how trust is built. I wouldn't be able to go out with him if he lied.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Mar 02, 2013 11:46 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidSearch the archive, dude....this topic has been hashed out like you wouldn't believe. icon_wink.gif


    but then...


    278488d1315662756-they-flowered-already-
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2013 6:01 PM GMT
    I'm just looking for some fresh opinions, this post was more for me then for anyone else. I couldn't find a post asking about how far you would go (just if you would or not) if you knew.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Mar 02, 2013 6:10 PM GMT
    to be honest i dont think i could go ahead with it even though i know that if someone is hiv + and has been on antiretrovirals for years the likelihood of contagion is very low i still wouldnt feel comfortable. having said that i do respect the ones who go ahead and have relationships and make them work!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2013 6:11 PM GMT
    I have told people I have HIV and they still wanted to get intimate with me even knowing that; I am Poz but I am undetectable in the bloodstream. It really seems like thanks to modern medicine people don't really care if you have HIV as long as it is being treated. I have had HIV for over 3 years and I am healthier than ever, HIV is not like it used to be in the 80s. I admit that when I do tell some people they tend to freak out because they don't know that much about it. My doctor even told me that as long as I am taking my medication every single day any sexual partner I have should not be concerned about contracting it as long as we use protection and practice safe sex. I just have to explain to any sexual partner that I do have HIV and make sure that they are okay with it; most of them are.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Mar 02, 2013 6:16 PM GMT
    cjs176 saidI have told people I have HIV and they still wanted to get intimate with me even knowing that; I am Poz but I am undetectable in the bloodstream. It really seems like thanks to modern medicine people don't really care if you have HIV as long as it is being treated. I have had HIV for over 3 years and I am healthier than ever, HIV is not like it used to be in the 80s. I admit that when I do tell some people they tend to freak out because they don't know that much about it. My doctor even told me that as long as I am taking my medication every single day any sexual partner I have should not be concerned about contracting it as long as they use protection. I just have to explain to any sexual partner that I do have HIV and make sure that they are okay with it; most of them are.


    Good for you mate! you do the right thing by telling them! hope you keep being healthy!icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2013 6:18 PM GMT
    owen19832006 said
    cjs176 saidI have told people I have HIV and they still wanted to get intimate with me even knowing that; I am Poz but I am undetectable in the bloodstream. It really seems like thanks to modern medicine people don't really care if you have HIV as long as it is being treated. I have had HIV for over 3 years and I am healthier than ever, HIV is not like it used to be in the 80s. I admit that when I do tell some people they tend to freak out because they don't know that much about it. My doctor even told me that as long as I am taking my medication every single day any sexual partner I have should not be concerned about contracting it as long as we use protection and practice safe sex. I just have to explain to any sexual partner that I do have HIV and make sure that they are okay with it; most of them are.


    Good for you mate! you do the right thing by telling them! hope you keep being healthy!icon_smile.gif


    Thanks man I appreciate it. Telling them is the right thing to do, I would be able to live with myself if I wasn't completely honest with them. I am definitely going to continue to stay healthy now and forever!
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    Mar 02, 2013 6:20 PM GMT
    johnq said
    Please me nice when you respond, don't be offended by what I say or say anything offensive.

    A number of guys here have already heard me say that my late partner was HIV+, which he told me about before we got together. I performed oral on him with a condom, and he also topped me. We practiced safe sex which I knew still carried at least some degree of risk, especially if a condom broke, but that was a chance I elected to take, because I loved him very much. I remain negative to this day.

    The greater risk I took was investing my love & future in a guy whose long-term health prospects were uncertain. But here again, I weighed the factors and took that chance. He did in fact suddenly contract an opportunistic disease and died very quickly, just a few years into our relationship. I'd still make the same decision again today, because as briefly as I had him, my life was the better for it.

    And these are among the things a man must consider in becoming involved with anyone who has significant health issues of any kind. I don't have a simple answer or formula that works for everyone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2013 2:36 AM GMT
    thanks for the replies! you guys are great icon_biggrin.gif

    except you fable, you suck icon_wink.gif
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Mar 03, 2013 8:19 PM GMT
    I think it's a different question from the others. Seems to mostly be about intercrural/frot and not intercourse. So yeah, if it was someone I liked (more than just physically), we could still be J/O buds (separate rags of course).

    As far as LTR/partner potential, I don't think it'd be a good idea for me. There would still be a limit on how far we can go. I'd like to be able to at least have the option to go bare with the person I marry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2013 8:56 PM GMT
    That's exactly the kind of answer I'm lookin for, Thanks!