Advice for finding a relationship

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2008 2:06 AM GMT
    I am sure this has been posted numerous times throughout this forum, but I would like some advice on how to find and start a relationship. I am almost 30 and have only recently decided to forgo my religious teachings and live my life as a gay man. I may be putting the cart before the horse, but how does one go about meeting other gay guys? I live in the rural south where the pickings are slim. Bars have never been my favorite places and the internet isn't yielding the results I'd hoped.

    Any advice, suggestions, or thoughts would be appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2008 3:15 AM GMT
    Sites like this are great for intellectual banter. For the hotties, an opportunity for a romp may even present itself here n' there.

    However, my advice, or: What works for me: Get out there. Go where you KNOW single guys socialize. When I get out of the house, I get approached.

    If I waited for a dating opportunity to come via an online forum, I'd be waiting a long while.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2008 12:53 PM GMT
    you say the internet isn't working for you but are you able to put a few photos up? it helps. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2008 12:56 PM GMT
    oh and well done ditching the religion. possibly the most important decision you've ever taken.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Oct 09, 2008 3:30 PM GMT
    Another thing to possibly think about is moving. Gay men tend to be in big metropolitan areas. You'd definitely have better luck in a big city, probably on one of the coasts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2008 3:31 PM GMT
    Here it is....

    STOP looking, it'll come to you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2008 4:31 PM GMT
    The guy who wrote right before me is right. You tend to find a guy when you're not looking. That's when I found my boyfriend
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    Oct 09, 2008 4:35 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidThe guy who wrote right before me is right. You tend to find a guy when you're not looking. That's when I found my boyfriend


    Truer words were never spoken! Look for gay friends, not a relationship, and you'll end up finding both.
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    Oct 09, 2008 4:57 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidLook for gay friends


    Um, JUST look for good people GAY or STRAIGHT!!!
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    May 04, 2010 7:33 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidThe guy who wrote right before me is right. You tend to find a guy when you're not looking. That's when I found my boyfriend

    keep a man guessing and keep him focused on learning more about you ... a little at a time. make him work for wanting to be with you. it's not about finding the perfect guy, it's about building a healthy medium of communication and respect between you and someone else.

    but until someone else comes along - or you two run into each other - you need to be YOUNG: go out, have fun, focus on finishing school and beginning a stable career, note your values as they become more refined, note the places you go and travel to see ... stuff that makes you stronger as an individual will make you better suited to be a lover.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2010 1:54 PM GMT
    join a gay sports league if there is one there. It is a great way to meet a lot of people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2010 3:19 PM GMT
    rwd78 said...
    how does one go about meeting other gay guys? I live in the rural south
    ...
    Move

    Seriously

    <-- Born & raised in Bumfuck Arkansas, and got the fuck out 'cause I was two steps from suicide.
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    May 04, 2010 5:35 PM GMT
    It happens or it does not. People keep forgetting that gay man are not really relationship oriented. Waiting for someone to knock on your door and joining a league will do not it. You need to be yourself and make people aware you are single and open to dating. Otherwise, it's the luck of the draw. Of course anything you can do physically always helps. Sad but true.
  • JayDT

    Posts: 390

    May 04, 2010 5:41 PM GMT
    Even in the Rural South there are opportunities to meet other gay men that don't neceissarilly require going to a bar. Start volonteering at a local gay chairty, find a local gay sports team or social organization. I know in the south there are all sorts of those. When I lived in Millbrook Alabama for a year there were golf touranments and hiking expeditions. I am sure if I had looked for it there would even have been a gay Civil War Reenactment group.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2010 5:46 PM GMT
    guidojock said... People keep forgetting that gay man are not really relationship oriented. ...


    Hmm ... that's quite a generalization that many would disagree with. Given current divorce rates and obvious marital disfunctions, I'd say straights are having just as many problems. Being relationship-oriented is not determined by your sexual identity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 5:06 AM GMT
    a1972guy saidHere it is....

    STOP looking, it'll come to you!


    That's a possibility that doesn't happen for everyone.
  • demonicius

    Posts: 26

    May 06, 2010 2:51 AM GMT
    I think finding a partner is very difficult for gay people, because we are a minority, so you must look for and do not wait for someone to come pick you up, life is hard bro,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2010 3:10 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa said

    Truer words were never spoken! Look for gay friends, not a relationship, and you'll end up finding both.



    I tend to agree with this for a few reasons. One is that friends can fill many of the roles a bf can (someone to confide in , laugh with, etc), without the pressure. Another is that if you are friends first and things don't work out, it's generally much easier to go back to being friends than if you never had that in the first place.
  • NashRugger

    Posts: 1089

    May 06, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    A lot of relationships I know of, and a few of mine, started as simple friednships. Honestly, that's the best way to start out is as friends, but that's just me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    JayDT saidEven in the Rural South there are opportunities to meet other gay men that don't neceissarilly require going to a bar. Start volonteering at a local gay chairty, find a local gay sports team or social organization. I know in the south there are all sorts of those. When I lived in Millbrook Alabama for a year there were golf touranments and hiking expeditions. I am sure if I had looked for it there would even have been a gay Civil War Reenactment group.



    In the rural South they would probably call it the War of Northern Aggression Reenactment group.
  • NashRugger

    Posts: 1089

    May 06, 2010 3:23 AM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    JayDT saidEven in the Rural South there are opportunities to meet other gay men that don't neceissarilly require going to a bar. Start volonteering at a local gay chairty, find a local gay sports team or social organization. I know in the south there are all sorts of those. When I lived in Millbrook Alabama for a year there were golf touranments and hiking expeditions. I am sure if I had looked for it there would even have been a gay Civil War Reenactment group.



    In the rural South they would probably call it the War of Northern Aggression Reenactment group.

    hey, hey, hey, watch Yankee.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2010 3:27 AM GMT
    Ok I'm probably going to be beat up for this.. but the bars are a good place to meet gays. There are some good people out there that go to the bars. It's not all about finding one nighter sex. If you go with the intention to meeting great people, you will find them..
  • NashRugger

    Posts: 1089

    May 06, 2010 3:35 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidOk I'm probably going to be beat up for this.. but the bars are a good place to meet gays. There are some good people out there that go to the bars. It's not all about finding one nighter sex. If you go with the intention to meeting great people, you will find them..

    This is true too, even better when you're with friends so you can kinda sorta avoid being akward. Sometimes they'll introduce you cause they know them and notice you lookin at the other guy, and goes from there.

    Of course, my current bf and I met on gay.com.icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2010 3:36 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidOk I'm probably going to be beat up for this.. but the bars are a good place to meet gays. There are some good people out there that go to the bars. It's not all about finding one nighter sex. If you go with the intention to meeting great people, you will find them..


    I also think that this is very true. Bars are fun, and I think having fun is a good quality in anybody. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 06, 2010 4:19 AM GMT


    The first thing you need to do is find a support system. Rejecting either all or parts of your religion might send you thru a roller coaster of emotions. Whatever your hobbies are, I would suggest you look them up and try to find other gay men that have similar intrest. Not every relationship is sexual so make some good friends and branch off frm there.