Relationship without sex

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    Mar 04, 2013 11:51 AM GMT
    If you met a guy who you thought could possibly be the one and you later find out that he is abstaining from sex; would you 1. enter into a relationship and 2. be willing/able to wait (and be faithful to him) until marriage if he asked you to?
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    Mar 04, 2013 12:03 PM GMT
    If he is "The ONE" guy...I would definitely wait as long as he wants me to...
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    Mar 04, 2013 12:10 PM GMT
    Harry7785 saidIf he is "The ONE" guy...I would definitely wait as long as he wants me to...


    +1
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Mar 04, 2013 12:18 PM GMT
    Define 'sex'.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Mar 04, 2013 12:26 PM GMT
    no.

    and i try not to date anyone that hasnt been in a ltr before either.
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    Mar 04, 2013 1:31 PM GMT
    Goodguy_SouthAfrica saidIf you met a guy who you thought could possibly be the one and you later find out that he is abstaining from sex; would you 1. enter into a relationship and 2. be willing/able to wait (and be faithful to him) until marriage if he asked you to?


    I think you may need to define what you refer to as sex, as it's different things to different guys. For some sex is just heavy petting, or frottage, or oral, or anal, or masturbation.
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    Mar 04, 2013 2:01 PM GMT
    In my 20s/30s when I my gears were stuck in sexual overdrive, I'd have wished him the best of luck then said "seeyalaterbye".

    My then LTR was totally hot, we played well together, lots of people wanted to play with us and we were very accommodating. Hugely fun decade.

    But then in my 30s/40s, after I came out of my mourning my 1st guy, I'd met this other amazing guy. We were not sexually compatible but that didn't matter because we connected so completely on every other level that no intimacy was lost to not being sexual. But we both still were horny guys and so we played with others separately or together. That was not an issue.

    Also I have a cousin who is nonsexual with her partner who is also nonsexual. They play neither with each other nor with others. They've been together as a very loving couple for more than 30 years.

    So basically my take on it is that we're individuals even when we are together. And if his living his life the way he wants doesn't interfere with your living your life the way you want, then go for it. But if his situation is going to force you to be uncomfortable with your life or if you have similar intent towards him, then don't torment yourselves, find someone more compatible.
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:06 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidDefine 'sex'.


    Sex: Penetration
    Oral sex

    Not sex: Kissing
    Cuddling

    On the fence: Handjob
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:08 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidDepends on his reason for abstaining.
    If it's just to prove some arbitrary point, I would not be interested. This is a serious red flag.


    Moral believes e.g. he wants to save himself for his soulmate and share that type of intimacy with one guy only.
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:09 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidFirst of all, anyone who doesn't drop trou for you instantly is clearly insane.
    Why do you want to be with a guy who's insane?


    Haha, i'm the insane virgin.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Mar 04, 2013 3:09 PM GMT
    undoubtedly
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:13 PM GMT
    For as honorable as waiting sounds, I couldn't because what if the sex wasn't good? If I waited and was severely disappointed, I'd be looking for the exit (to the relationship). Guys that say sex isn't important are lying or have their own issues with sex.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Mar 04, 2013 3:15 PM GMT
    I don't know, I get vibes from when people were like "no sex before marriage", got married madly in love, and then when they actually slept together it was like "Oh :/"
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:18 PM GMT
    Goodguy_SouthAfrica said
    MuscleComeBack saidDefine 'sex'.


    Sex: Penetration
    Oral sex

    Not sex: Kissing
    Cuddling

    On the fence: Handjob


    So everything is OK except for oral/anal?
    In that case, you're already having sex. icon_wink.gif

    Now the question is, how important is oral/anal to you?

    In our case, we waited over a year after getting together for oral/anal as we wished to go without protection, and so our relationship was one of complete and total openness with each other. We willingly and gladly gave up our personal privacy and laid every aspect of our lives out and kept our private lives completely accessible to each other. This we felt was necessary in order to develop a level of trust that permitted us to make love without protection or safe activities. It worked for us, though we don't recommend it as we think many others wouldn't want to do what we did.
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:18 PM GMT
    Yes- if you are looking for something of substance, sex should not be the foundation stone.. it should be respect and appreciation. Sex is better when you care about the person.. and theoretically it should get better with time.
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    No. For me, sex is an integral component of any relationship that I would want to be in.

    Ergo, he would not be the one.
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidInteresting question. Not so sure how I'd feel about legally marrying someone that I've never had sex with. Your sexual chemistry plays a part in keeping many couples together. Just because you have sex with someone you're dating, does not make you promiscuous.
    No sex till marriage is a gamble at best for both straight and gay couples.


    In the past people got married all the time without having sex. I just feel if the passion and connection between two people are so intense, then there's no why the sex wouldn't be.
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:21 PM GMT
    I think it would be highly frustrating if I cared about someone - so, I'd have to say no
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:24 PM GMT
    Goodguy_SouthAfrica saidIf you met a guy who you thought could possibly be the one and you later find out that he is abstaining from sex; would you 1. enter into a relationship and 2. be willing/able to wait (and be faithful to him) until marriage if he asked you to?


    Had no clue gay men were able to do such a thing, gay and abstain from sexicon_confused.gif
    Guess I learned something today.... Damn

    Harry7785 saidIf he is "The ONE" guy...I would definitely wait as long as he wants me to...


    A+
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:25 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Goodguy_SouthAfrica said
    MuscleComeBack saidDefine 'sex'.


    Sex: Penetration
    Oral sex

    Not sex: Kissing
    Cuddling

    On the fence: Handjob


    So everything is OK except for oral/anal?
    In that case, you're already having sex. icon_wink.gif

    Now the question is, how important is oral/anal to you?

    In our case, we waited over a year after getting together for oral/anal as we wished to go without protection, and so our relationship was one of complete and total openness with each other. We willingly and gladly gave up our personal privacy and laid every aspect of our lives out and kept our private lives completely accessible to each other. This we felt was necessary in order to develop a level of trust that permitted us to make love without protection or safe activities. It worked for us, though we don't recommend
    it as we think many others wouldn't want to do what we did.


    Just because I said I'm on the fence about touching, doesn't mean I've done it. But yeah, if kissing counts as sex, then I've had sex before.
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Mar 04, 2013 3:27 PM GMT
    I'd respect the guy for doing what he believes in but I don't think I could wait till marriage. I mean, sex is a important part of a relationship. so is the rest. I wouldn't enter in any kind of commitment without making sure that all aspects of the relationship works.
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:31 PM GMT
    Good luck in your decision making process Good Guy - Uusally I am leary of someone who would claim the title 'goodguy' as a moniker, but you do seem to be thoughtful and considerate.
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:32 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Goodguy_SouthAfrica said
    TheGuyNextDoor saidInteresting question. Not so sure how I'd feel about legally marrying someone that I've never had sex with. Your sexual chemistry plays a part in keeping many couples together. Just because you have sex with someone you're dating, does not make you promiscuous.
    No sex till marriage is a gamble at best for both straight and gay couples.


    In the past people got married all the time without having sex. I just feel if the passion and connection between two people are so intense, then there's no why the sex wouldn't be.

    Oh, Grasshoppa... you have much to learn about sex. Just because you find someone you have a lot in common with does not mean you are going to be sexually compatible. The heart wants what the heart wants.. and the body wants what the body wants.. if your partner does not want what your body wants.. then you're asking for problems unless you are both Asexual.
    Plus,, your desires evolve over time.


    If you spent more time listening to what I teach you, one day you too my son, will be a man.
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:34 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    musicdude saidI'd respect the guy for doing what he believes in but I don't think I could wait till marriage. I mean, sex is a important part of a relationship. so is the rest. I wouldn't enter in any kind of commitment without making sure that all aspects of the relationship works.

    B I N G O!


    That's what I meant too... I was just rather more reductionist in expressing it! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 04, 2013 3:39 PM GMT
    believeitornot saidGood luck in your decision making process Good Guy - Uusally I am leary of someone who would claim the title 'goodguy' as a moniker, but you do seem to be thoughtful and considerate.


    Yeah, I'll change my username to Guy_SouthAfrica when I make the decision to have sex. Nah, just joking - not a decision making process for me; just wanted to get a general view from thems homos on the topic.