I don't want Ugly Platonic Friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2013 7:38 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gif This is what a guy recently shared with me while we had lunch over the weekend. In conversation, we talked about all the good and bad of gay friendships and he proudly stated that while he hadn't seen his 2 best buds naked, he still preferred that they look attractive in order to maintain his friendship.

    Is he only stating what most of us feel but are afraid to say?
    What are your thoughts?

    Is attractiveness a requirement in "platonic friends?"
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    Mar 05, 2013 7:44 PM GMT
    DarkMatter saidIs attractiveness a requirement in "platonic friends?"

    Not in my case. Common interests and likeability matter more.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2923

    Mar 05, 2013 7:49 PM GMT
    TellMeMoar said
    DarkMatter saidIs attractiveness a requirement in "platonic friends?"

    Not in my case. Common interests and likeability matter more.


    I'd ad intelligence and honesty. And a degree of generosity. Frankly, I find it a bit repulsive to require my friends to be attractive; there are so many more important qualities.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 05, 2013 8:46 PM GMT
    well, I guess you better hope he continues to consider you as one of the beautiful people going into the future, otherwise you might loose his friendship



    .... if it's so worth keeping
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    Mar 05, 2013 8:55 PM GMT
    DarkMatter saidicon_eek.gif This is what a guy recently shared with me while we had lunch over the weekend. In conversation, we talked about all the good and bad of gay friendships and he proudly stated that while he hadn't seen his 2 best buds naked, he still preferred that they look attractive in order to maintain his friendship.

    Is he only stating what most of us feel but are afraid to say?
    What are your thoughts?

    Is attractiveness a requirement in "platonic friends?"


    Absolutely yes. But I would not find your friend to have that inner attractiveness which I require for friendship.

    And if you simply don't say what your friend says because you are afraid to say it--or even if you were brave enough to say it, if that's the way you think--then I wouldn't want to be your friend either.

    PS, your friend is an asshole. What else would like clarified?
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    Mar 05, 2013 9:21 PM GMT
    His feelings stem from insecurity with how people will see him, A real dink. I aspire to be like Liz Purr from "Jawbreaker" myself lol
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    Mar 05, 2013 11:06 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidwell, I guess you better hope he continues to consider you as one of the beautiful people going into the future, otherwise you might loose his friendship

    .... if it's so worth keeping

    ________________
    He's not a friend of mine. I had a meet n greet with him after he messaged me online. We haven't contacted each other since our meeting Saturday. I thought he was extremely narcissistic and superficial. He made a point to have me walk with him to his car after our lunch so that I could see his new Audi lol

    He was sexy (I must admit), but I think he knew that I wasn't into him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2013 11:44 PM GMT
    Well its certainly not my requirement and that date of yours sounds like a douche bag.
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    Mar 06, 2013 12:38 AM GMT
    I hope you at least thanked him for thinking you're hot enough to be his friend.
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    Mar 06, 2013 1:08 AM GMT
    DarkMatter saidicon_eek.gif This is what a guy recently shared with me while we had lunch over the weekend. In conversation, we talked about all the good and bad of gay friendships and he proudly stated that while he hadn't seen his 2 best buds naked, he still preferred that they look attractive in order to maintain his friendship.

    Is he only stating what most of us feel but are afraid to say?
    What are your thoughts?

    Is attractiveness a requirement in "platonic friends?"

    This guy may be expressing a stricter and more original interpretation of Platonic Love than you realize.

    Nowadays we think of Platonic Love as any non-sexual attraction, often of an intellectual nature. That was not how Socrates proposed it, as related by Plato (hence "Platonic").

    Socrates spoke of the attraction of physical beauty, that didn't involve the sexual. There was no mention of the purely intellectual. The concept of beauty in the more abstract, to include the non-physical and non-visual, is a modern interpretation not clearly present in Plato.

    Hence your friend may be adhering more closely to the original Greek meaning. You might ask him if that's his deliberate intent.

    As for myself, I prefer to think of beauty as being both outer and inner. And in choosing my own BFs, I've favored the inner over the outer. Outer beauty tends to be fleeting and deceptive, whereas inner beauty is lasting and true.
  • Kairr

    Posts: 239

    Mar 06, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    Not really. But it would be hard if someone's look scares me...


    or if they smell...
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    Mar 06, 2013 2:19 AM GMT
    Birds of a feather flock together.
  • Jerebear

    Posts: 329

    Mar 06, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    Real lifelong friends are precious and rare. Attractiveness absolutely does not matter.
    For social friends the minimum requirements are that they are 1. fun and 2. not an asshole (like the guy you are talking about)
  • andyb91

    Posts: 173

    Mar 06, 2013 3:35 AM GMT
    DarkMatter saidicon_eek.gif This is what a guy recently shared with me while we had lunch over the weekend. In conversation, we talked about all the good and bad of gay friendships and he proudly stated that while he hadn't seen his 2 best buds naked, he still preferred that they look attractive in order to maintain his friendship.

    Is he only stating what most of us feel but are afraid to say?
    What are your thoughts?

    Is attractiveness a requirement in "platonic friends?"


    omg I cant believe I just read that, and that you didn't see this in the messages before you met him. The only thing id want to read about people like that is there obituaries. I guess I should at least answer your question, no I don't need my friends to be attractive. Most of the time I'm not trying to get in my friends pants so it doesn't matter if they have a nice ass, I'm not trying to fuck it icon_razz.gif

    Andrew
  • Eeeev

    Posts: 30

    Mar 06, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    No thats not a requirement for me, but at the same time i do remember in one of my psychology classes they were talking about how people are more likely to associate and befriend others that are on the same 'attractiveness level' of themselves. its difficult to say what exactly that means but i find it to be true.
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    Mar 06, 2013 5:56 AM GMT
    I'd put it this way: being attractive is a +1 (or +2 -- depending on just how attractive)....but ultimately what matters more on a 50 point scale are the other attributes (intelligence, comparability, not being selfish, etc.)
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    Mar 06, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    What really matters in a friendship , is respect , loyalty and honesty .
  • FitAquarian

    Posts: 78

    Mar 06, 2013 7:16 PM GMT
    I imagine being sexually attracted to your friend would complicate things at least initially. Secondly, I wouldn't call any of my friends ugly just because they do not fit the type I'm looking for in a boyfriend or date.

    However, there are some people who like to hang around attractive people for the same reason others latch on to those with a lot of money. They do get preferential treatment.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Mar 06, 2013 7:35 PM GMT
    I think he was just keeping it real. He said what a lot of people think but don't say because it's not PC, and we all know we're supposed to be super PC these days (even when we know we're lying). Looks probably do factor into platonic friendships, but there's still a difference between thinking someone's attractive and being sexually attracted to them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2013 7:41 PM GMT
    Well, I mean...no one wants ugly friends.

    Btw, were you having lunch with MA3000?
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    Mar 06, 2013 7:48 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidNext time you meet him, tell him you've given his policy some thought, and that there's some merit to his theory. Then explain that therefore ---upon further consideration---you can't be seen with him anymore. (and walk away)


    ^that
  • HorrorHound

    Posts: 1435

    Mar 06, 2013 8:11 PM GMT
    FranciscoC saidHis feelings stem from insecurity with how people will see him, A real dink. I aspire to be like Liz Purr from "Jawbreaker" myself lol


    Jawbreaker FTW!!

    Personally I'm not attracted in a sexual manner towards my friends, & I prefer it that way!
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Mar 06, 2013 8:14 PM GMT
    What are platonic friends? I don't understand the concept of not sleeping with people you know...
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 06, 2013 8:17 PM GMT
    Hell no... you don't have to be hot to be a "friend".... for me its all about who you are and things in common. It does help if the friend "does" something with his life. Respect is an important part of my friendships. Hard work, dedication and achievement (and yeah, things like cleanliness) make sense, but whether someone is "good looking" doesn't make the list.
    Being "real" and honest seem to be a bit more important here.
  • Beastmode

    Posts: 213

    Mar 06, 2013 8:23 PM GMT
    Well if the Ops friend was my friend I don't think I'd have him as a friend for long. That attitude is just toxic.