Dating an acquaintance's ex

  • sideout

    Posts: 57

    Mar 06, 2013 7:47 PM GMT
    Question for everyone - how close do you have to be with someone before dating their ex is bad? I've been debating this for a while with a buddy and we would like some outside input!

    Obviously hanging out with them regularly makes their ex off-limits, but what about friends you see occasionally, or people who are more acquaintances?
    Where would you draw that line?

    Also - would it matter if some of you and this acquaintance have mutual friends who would have taken his side in the break-up?

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    Mar 06, 2013 7:50 PM GMT
    Just date him. It's not like he's someone else's personal property that you're stealing. Or is he?
  • sideout

    Posts: 57

    Mar 06, 2013 7:59 PM GMT
    Nah definitely not seeing anyone. Just curious to see where people draw the line.
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    Mar 06, 2013 10:07 PM GMT
    There's a complex algorithm that takes into account how long they've been together, how messy the breakup, how close the ex to your group of friends, and how small your town is.

    There's the potential to lose your acquaintances over the ex, so are you ok with that possibility? There's your answer.
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    Mar 06, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    Date whoever you want. For the longest time I was dating Scooby Doo, and then all of a sudden, Casper the Friendly Ghost found out (personal note, Casper ain't all that friendly when he finds out you been plowing his dog) anyway everything fell apart, but lesson learned.
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    Mar 08, 2013 1:40 PM GMT
    I dunno.. Life , love and friendships seem to have odd cycles...
    ..Just when you think it's safe....

    ...Dating a friend or acquaintance's ex..??
    Personally i wouldn't go there.. But that's me.
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    Mar 08, 2013 1:44 PM GMT
    If your acquaintance isn't in your immediate friend circle then I don't see why not. People break up for a reason: it's over. If it's over then why the hell would you care who your ex dates, whether it be someone you know or someone you don't, he's still going to find someone and get over you!

    If he gets mad at you well then so be it, you never know, what if this guy is husband potential and you let that go because of this 'acquaintance'. And if I were in your acquaintance's situation, I would care that my ex is in a relationship (because lets be real, it sucks) but I wouldn't blame your or like you any less. Just because we didn't work doesn't mean you wont.
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    Mar 08, 2013 1:45 PM GMT
    Date him and you don't need his permission. Who cares what his ex think
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Mar 08, 2013 2:06 PM GMT
    For context, my city population is in the 3 million ballpark... When I was single I COULDN'T date or have sex with anybody within my age group that wasn't acquaintance with someone I knew, or even an ex of someone I knew. Hell, several times an ex of mine would also turn out to be another's ex's ex.

    Even now when I introduce an acquaintance to my BF, there is usually this non verbal "Lol, I sexed him once" look between us. And the same going the other way. You only laugh and keep on.

    In a nutshell, don't be such a prude. Don't be a relationship interloper neither. We gay men do "experiment" a lot, so it is unavoidable to get in bed with somebody's sloppy seconds... So to speak. And keep in mind: Someone's sloppy second is someone's else soul mate. You n
    ever now.
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    Mar 12, 2013 7:59 AM GMT
    Personally, I think it depends how soon it as after they've broken up. I wouldn't go right for it, Id wait a few weeks or months. Of course, it depends how close you are to the person in question I guess.
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    Mar 12, 2013 8:59 PM GMT
    I say FUCK IT! and date the guy. If you like him, date him. Unless he's seeing someone.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Mar 12, 2013 9:05 PM GMT
    It happens all the time... There are whole groups where guys just swap each other around like shirts, and it seems to work fine.
  • andyb91

    Posts: 173

    Mar 16, 2013 10:17 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]sideout said[/cite]Question for everyone - how close do you have to be with someone before dating their ex is bad? I've been debating this for a while with a buddy and we would like some outside input!

    Obviously hanging out with them regularly makes their ex off-limits, but what about friends you see occasionally, or people who are more acquaintances?
    Where would you draw that line?

    Also - would it matter if some of you and this acquaintance have mutual friends who would have taken his side in the break-up?


    Dating a friends ex is playing with fire my friend, I wouldn't date anyone of my friends ex because I wouldn't like them to do it to me, all it's going to bring is problems for you. You have to remember there's a reason ex's don't stay friends, no matter how much they say they will, it's because they most of the time don't want to see each other again. I'd hate it if my mate said "hey let's all go out for a drink so you can meet my new boyfriend/girlfriend and it was an ex, because then id have to see him or her when I wanted to see my friend. So don't do it, it's not going to work out and you might end up losing your friend.
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    Mar 16, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    They are an "EX" for a reason......not any-longer a concern......if both are consenting adults....carry on as you like.

    If this is a "GRUDGE FUCK" or some fucked up mind game on the other person....don't even walk into that mess...
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    Mar 16, 2013 10:27 PM GMT
    If they are a very close friend than you probably want to avoid it... but in the gay world guys are friends with guys, and we like guys. Also given our much smaller population, its not really fair to stop yourself from dating an "ex" of a friend.
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    Mar 16, 2013 10:47 PM GMT
    I am really familiar with this situation because I grew up in a small town and my brothers fiancee...was the younger sister of his girlfriend in highschool. Being Jewish, if you date in the community, you WILL date somebody's ex several times over and as for being gay, its unavoidable. I have just learned not to judge and that what works for some, may not work for others. As long as the couple has a healthy dynamic and acceptance from all sides, its not a bad situation.
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    Mar 17, 2013 12:34 AM GMT
    I had two ex's who fucked each other and they told me about how they both said, "Let's do this one for Alan!" before they fucked.

    I felt honored that a fuck was given in my name.
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    Mar 17, 2013 12:35 AM GMT
    It's a function of time and closeness with your friend/acquaintance.

    Quite frankly, if Dave found romance with someone that we both know, I'd be THRILLED. Everyone deserves loves.
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    Mar 17, 2013 12:36 AM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    buddybuff86 saidI am really familiar with this situation because I grew up in a small town and my brothers fiancee...was the younger sister of his girlfriend in highschool. Being Jewish, if you date in the community, you WILL date somebody's ex several times over and as for being gay, its unavoidable. I have just learned not to judge and that what works for some, may not work for others. As long as the couple has a healthy dynamic and acceptance from all sides, its not a bad situation.

    Jews in Grand Rapids? Who knew?


    Did not grow up in GR, try smaller. LOL