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Emotional Intelligence - Can It affect the quality of your life? What's your take on it?

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Mar 07, 2013 7:42 PM GMT

Hey guys, I have seen some really good posts lately on relationships and I thought I would join the parade.

What is your take on Emotional Intelligence? Do you think it can play a role in your relationships? Specifically the quality of them, for example can it affect your ability to have more meaningful friendships, productive careers, peace with family members, and a lasting, meaningful, relationship with a partner?

For those of you that may not be familiar with the subject, check out the following article:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-personality-analyst/200909/what-emotional-intelligence-is-and-is-not

Personal trials and achievements are always welcome and I personally feel very useful for the readers.

No matter your opinion, I would like to ask that you exercise respect and consideration with anyone that chooses to post to this thread. If you feel very strongly about something you definitely can communicate that without trashing your fellow forum posters.

Thank you gentleman!

LEANDRO_NJ

Posts: 1166

Mar 07, 2013 11:18 PM GMT

Excellent topic that invites the reader to explore the true essence of what it is to be truly human! it is my personal belief that human beings are in a privileged position unlike any other living creature on this planet, that puts him/her right in the middle of a three dimensional world consisting of artificial/learned and an innate/emotional intelligence.

Artificial intelligence is learned, rehearsed, and studied in order to achieve its maximum potential. On the other hand emotional intelligence goes much much deeper. It is a natural state of mind that can only be achieved by the degree of not only how much in touch your are with yourself, but also to what extend one is capable to identify itself with the surroundings! thank you for such a thought provoking and enlightened topic!

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Mar 08, 2013 3:08 AM GMT

Leandro, thank you for posting man! Great feedback and insight. Very well thought out and written!

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Mar 08, 2013 3:09 AM GMT

I definitely don't want this topic to appear overly philosophical or complicated for the average reader as It does not need to be I believe.

This subject affects everyone and can be as simple as needing to work on ones listening skills or seeking help for anger issues.

Personally speaking, being lovingly honest with those I care about has been a life long journey but I have come to realize if we can't be honest with those we love what kind of relationship do we really have with them. Being superficial is definitely not something I desire from those I love, work with or experience community with.

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Mar 08, 2013 5:06 AM GMT

It's like a car; you can drive well in it and even give troubled people rides if you can help them out with this talent, but you can also, like driving a car, wipe out half the pedestrians on the block, destroy trash cans and scar telephone poles.

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Mar 08, 2013 5:07 AM GMT

"What is your take on Emotional Intelligence? Do you think it can play a role in your relationships"?

Yes, it plays a huge role in all relationships - I prefer to think of it as "evolved vs un-evolved"

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Mar 08, 2013 5:11 AM GMT

I like to see it from the other end, as in, there are many different kinds of stupid and any one of them can fuck up your life in a gloriously diverse manner of ways

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Mar 08, 2013 5:12 AM GMT

Ariodante saidI like to see it from the other end, as in, there are many different kinds of stupid and any one of them can fuck up your life in a gloriously diverse manner of ways

LMAO!

LEANDRO_NJ

Posts: 1166

Mar 08, 2013 5:17 AM GMT

European_Knight saidI definitely don't want this topic to appear overly philosophical or complicated for the average reader as It does not need to be I believe.

This subject affects everyone and can be as simple as needing to work on ones listening skills or seeking help for anger issues.

Personally speaking, being lovingly honest with those I care about has been a life long journey but I have come to realize if we can't be honest with those we love what kind of relationship do we really have with them. Being superficial is definitely not something I desire from those I love, work with or experience community with.

Dear European_Knight unfortunately there are so many people hurting in this world, that it seems no one have the time nor bother to be emotionally available!? which is sad because emotions are at the center/core of what it is to be human!!

Ironman4U

Posts: 742

Mar 08, 2013 5:22 AM GMT

I am a consultant and trainer. I've used emotional intelligence assessments with my clients for a dozen years. IQ is pretty static, but EQ (emotional quotient or intelligence) is something that can change over time. In other words, we can gain more emotional intelligence through experience, improving how we handle and respond to situations and building new skill sets. Emotional intelligence has a huge impact on our success, not just in relationships but in all aspects of our lives.

Two of the components that are included in EI are intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships. In other words, how well we understand and handle our own emotions and feelings, as well as how well we relate to others.

In a relationship, if you have two individuals with strong emotional intelligence, you are more likely to have better skills for handling emotions, sharing emotions, communicating, relating and connecting.

So the answer to your question is an unequivocal "YES!"

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Mar 08, 2013 6:51 PM GMT

meninlove said It's like a car; you can drive well in it and even give troubled people rides if you can help them out with this talent, but you can also, like driving a car, wipe out half the pedestrians on the block, destroy trash cans and scar telephone poles.

Thanks for the analogy I'm still laughing! Very cute but applicable. To bad we don't have a mandatory driver's safety and licensing program for such things. If we did we could require one to present such an operators permit before joining them for a ride, that way we could avoid being part of any pileup or mayhem which seems to be the norm for some.

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Mar 08, 2013 7:12 PM GMT

European_Knight said
meninlove said It's like a car; you can drive well in it and even give troubled people rides if you can help them out with this talent, but you can also, like driving a car, wipe out half the pedestrians on the block, destroy trash cans and scar telephone poles.

Thanks for the analogy I'm still laughing! Very cute but applicable. To bad we don't have a mandatory driver's safety and licensing program for such things. If we did we could require one to present such an operators permit before joining them for a ride, that way we could avoid being part of any pileup or mayhem which seems to be the norm for some.

It was the best I could come up with to dovetail the article's point that:
" Emotional intelligence, however, is not agreeableness. It is not optimism. It is not happiness. It is not calmness. It is not motivation."

However I feel that EI can be applied to bring about agreeableness, optimism, happiness, calmness, and motivation.

..and I've seen some people with a lot of EI ruthlessly insult and hurt others, knowing exactly which buttons to press and when to press them. I agree with the article; it's a form of intelligence that can be utilized for good or bad reasons.

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Mar 08, 2013 7:37 PM GMT

Meninlove..and I've seen some people with a lot of EI ruthlessly insult and hurt others, knowing exactly which buttons to press and when to press them. I agree with the article; it's a form of intelligence that can be utilized for good or bad reasons.

Good point! I do not view EI this way, I believe if one uses such skills for selfish, deceptive and non-noble purposes that they actually still require much development in this area.

In my experience working with many individuals with diverse problems and back grounds they actually didn't realize they were being selfish or in fact were the very cause of the lack of quality relationships in their own lives. As they learned to accept responsibility for their actions and understood the heart of their actions they evolved as people and were able to be free of such things as selfishness and personal agendas. With that said it usually is a lifetime work for many of us even with help, sometimes even more with professional help

.

Please know I am not in anyway disagreeing with you I just don't see EI this way!

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Mar 08, 2013 9:46 PM GMT

" I believe if one uses such skills for selfish, deceptive and non-noble purposes that they actually still require much development in this area."

I'm inclined to agree with this, however, EI, like the article says, is an ability rather than a personality trait.

The little test given in the article is an example. What one does with the skill tells me about the person.

*winks warmly, enjoying this conversation hugely*

I guess what I'm saying is I think emotional intelligence doesn't equate to emotional maturity.

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Mar 08, 2013 9:50 PM GMT

meninlove said It's like a car; you can drive well in it and even give troubled people rides if you can help them out with this talent, but you can also, like driving a car, wipe out half the pedestrians on the block, destroy trash cans and scar telephone poles.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Not my new trash can..!!

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Mar 08, 2013 10:05 PM GMT

Anocxu said
meninlove said It's like a car; you can drive well in it and even give troubled people rides if you can help them out with this talent, but you can also, like driving a car, wipe out half the pedestrians on the block, destroy trash cans and scar telephone poles.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Not my new trash can..!!

Oh yes; even the Eddie Bauer trashcan with the hunter green piping.

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Mar 08, 2013 10:12 PM GMT

Humans have the ability to use both emotional and rational capacities of our minds. It is healthy and necessary to do so.

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Mar 08, 2013 10:12 PM GMT

IF you ask me Emotional Intelligence, is like integrated logics with little buffer in it! to bring forward intentions of emotions then again to store pattern of a subject for future circumstances.

Well something like how the way Peugeot cars are built and engineered for the road.

Motions & Emotions

well on Astrological scale Scorpions/Cancerian mainly Scorpions they are well embedded with this intelligence.

you may bite that cake and it seems its all okay, but you have no Idea what they will make you buy to bite.

Worst I bet is not something you wanna play hide and seek!

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Mar 08, 2013 10:16 PM GMT

meninlove said It's like a car; you can drive well in it and even give troubled people rides if you can help them out with this talent, but you can also, like driving a car, wipe out half the pedestrians on the block, destroy trash cans and scar telephone poles.

OMG someone said something about cars?! as well

....

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Mar 08, 2013 11:15 PM GMT

meninlove said

" I believe if one uses such skills for selfish, deceptive and non-noble purposes that they actually still require much development in this area."

I'm inclined to agree with this, however, EI, like the article says, is an ability rather than a personality trait.

The little test given in the article is an example. What one does with the skill tells me about the person.

*winks warmly, enjoying this conversation hugely*

I guess what I'm saying is I think emotional intelligence doesn't equate to emotional maturity.

And to piggyback on this...

Being emotional intelligent is being cognizant of people's feelings and what they might be experiencing or enduring [by noticing their facial expressions, body language, tone/tenor of voice, etc]. It is hoped that those whom are emotional intelligent than proceed to exhibit caring, affectionate appropriate responses.

However, there are some that are highly emotionally intelligent [cognizant of people's temperament & feelings] but are - nonetheless - empathy-deficient.

They choose to be abusive or uncaring regardless of the circumstances or situation.

This is, in my opinion, symptomatic of what a sociopath's behaviors would be.

An example: A person is grieving over a loved one's death and the other makes a joke about worms eating their loved one's deceased body - knowing the impact of those words at that time & moment will have on the grieving person.

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Mar 08, 2013 11:19 PM GMT

I test high on EI/EQ... but I'm such an Aries, it's easy for me to blunder.

What the heck is it with all the car talk above? I don't get it.

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Mar 09, 2013 3:55 AM GMT

On a serious note..
..Emotional intelligence can definitely affect your quality of life ...

..This level of intelligence determines how, when, where and why we feel what we feel and how to sort through a web of neuro activity.

.. I would say the higher your emotional intelligence..the more rational , empathetic and practical you become.?

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Mar 09, 2013 4:10 AM GMT

Many different things linked under the 'emotional intelligence' umbrella.

The ability to read other peoples emotional states. It's perception, integrating body language, tone, what is said, what is not said, the context and history.

The ability to share other people feeling. It's empathy. You emotional state resonate with what you perceive as someone else emotional state.
You can have it, while doing a poor job at emotion reading, or the opposite.

The ability to predict how your actions and/or words will impact other people feelings. It's one thing to understand who is in front of you, but a very different one to be able to predict how they will feel out of what you say.

And of course, those three abilities (it could be more), have nothing to do with how good or bad a person you are.

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Mar 15, 2013 10:48 PM GMT

Hey Guys, I just wanted to thank all of you who posted to this thread. I really enjoyed the well thought out opinions and feedback.

There is definitelly a great bunch of deep thinkers and emotionally solid men on RJ contributing. I believe this type of sharing brings a quality to the forums and their value to the countless men searching for answers in a society that continues to make life more challenging than it should be for the gay man trying to find his way in a seemingly straight world.

I find the light hearted responses always refreshing too

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Emotional Intelligence - Can It affect the quality of your life? What's your take on it?