Are you and your partner TOO CLOSE to have great sex?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2013 6:53 PM GMT
    Just read this article and it made a lot of sense to me. I know it's a topic thats been covered over and over again but do any of you guys feel the same way about LTRs that just seem to fizzle out when it comes to sex ?

    "It’s ironic: the couples who have the closest, soul-mate connection and the best relationships often have the worst sex lives. Why? Because the same achingly wonderful intimacy that makes us yearn to merge as ‘one’, obliterates desire by completely neutralizing sexual chemistry.

    Almost anyone who’s ever been in love subliminally senses the point when the relationship subtly but significantly shifts from you both being lovers, to being a couple in love.

    Sex tips with it: lust morphs into romance, torrid kissing gets replaced by tense eye-gazing, greedily devouring each other’s bodies with your eyes turns into examining each other’s faces. If intimacy increases even further, a fiercely powerful friendship muscles its way into the mix, pushing sexual passion even further out of the equation."


    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2290062/Too-good-thing-Sex-expert-Tracey-Cox-argues-close-great-sex.html
  • rnch

    Posts: 11526

    Mar 08, 2013 6:55 PM GMT
    What clueless IDIOT wrote this stupidity icon_question.gif



    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2013 6:56 PM GMT
    Really. icon_lol.gif
  • thegaymessiah

    Posts: 214

    Mar 08, 2013 7:40 PM GMT
    i like in the middle closeness. where they still txt me and want to hang out but also clearly give me my space and enjoy my own narcissistic identity as well. doesn't have to be an either/or thing.

    and wtf @ 'disconnect is attractive.' nah not really. that's just pure sociopathy/antisocial behavior and that's not really sexy. at least not to me. icon_lol.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Mar 08, 2013 9:20 PM GMT
    Role playicon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2013 9:59 PM GMT
    Lol @ this article. It's because people do relationships wrong. Treat them like they're your best friend and I'm sure things will go a lot better - intimacy and all!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2013 10:13 PM GMT
    Interesting article... I think it should be used as a tool to help couples understand how love and lust differentiates. As for Gay Men, I believe we are generations away from forming a workable mold that can been seen as the tried and true model for successful gay LTRs.

    Can you have great sex without love? Yes of course!
    Is sex better with love? Sure, why not!

    Both are the right answers. You can enjoy a great cup of coffee with or without skim milk. It's about choice and what's available to you at the time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2013 7:00 AM GMT
    No way, the more I love some one the hornier they make me icon_razz.gif
    Love is the biggest turn on!
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    Mar 13, 2013 7:42 AM GMT

    In a sense the article is kinda true...at least of my say, I kinda agree to it.

    Then there is always a special moment where they retreat and have their wonderful moment together.

    *probably I'm that Sophie in Letters to Juliet icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2013 8:28 AM GMT
    just put on a hat and change your voice icon_cool.gif

  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Mar 13, 2013 9:26 AM GMT
    Har19 said
    In a sense the article is kinda true...at least of my say, I kinda agree to it.

    Then there is always a special moment where they retreat and have their wonderful moment together.



    Yeah so do I. Love my other half to bits, despite all his frustrations. He's my closest closest friend but I dont want to have sex with him....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2013 9:43 AM GMT
    Sex without love is mostly related to FWD, FB, casual intercounters or HookUps.
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Mar 13, 2013 9:46 AM GMT
    Related to what now?

    In my head there is a huge differance between sex between lovers and a shag with a fuck buddy. One has love and a connection the other is just lust...and one can be in love but not lust and in lust and not in love. Sex, good sex, can be the glue in a relationship but is no the be-all and end-all of one. I think people place too much importance on it.


    and now I get shot down in flames.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2013 10:30 AM GMT
    I can see what the OP is getting at. Me and my partner have romantic sex but we never have that amazing full on physical hot and steamy sex that I sometimes crave for. Also yes sex can fade over time so that's why keeping it interesting and involving other people may be the answer haha.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Mar 13, 2013 11:13 AM GMT
    I think it takes work. I think it's not healthy to let it slip into non-sexual complacency. Both partners deserve to be loved AND to be objectified.

    The problem is that in intimacy we take a huge risk - being known.

    Dan Savage does a great riff on an aspect of this in his YouTube 'price of admission' piece. It's about continuing to believe the lie of your partner and living up to the lie he believes about you.

    I think it's about respecting the truth you discover - e.g. He's really insecure about his looks, or he's a procrastinator - and never taking advantage of what knowledge. That also means feeling safe that he won't take advantage if what he's discovered about you - e.g. That you're not the tough guy and kinda' a nerd, or that you're obsessive about order and time. What happens is we unwittingly use this knowledge in ways that hurts. For example we bring up his blustering bullshit macho in public 'yeh, right, you go beat his ass... Pffft. Just order the Cosmo and stop pretending you like beer'. That's when a couple of things happen: we send a signal that says 'I figured you out, you're not what you posed as when I wanted to fuck your brains out. Mystery dead.' And we betray trust and kill their confidence.

    I see straight women do this all the time to men. Its so ugly and mean and it gets written off as Ok and part of marriage and I think it stinks. That makes a guy stop trying and feel exposed and vulnerable and that kills a certain sexual energy that is present in the early stages of limerence.

    You have to be VERY mindful of how you respond and what you say when someone opens their most private self to you. Of course it's hard to believe in Superman when you discover one day he wears a toupé, if you will, but he wants to BE Superman, and if you don't let him either he'll go looking for someone who does or he'll stop believing it himself - and that's very sad in my book.

    I think you can, with love and discipline, look at your partner and still objectify him lustfully if you both keep believing. And yes, it's a bit of a game, a bit of fantasy. But it's a very loving thing to NEVER tell a secret, never let someone stop believing and never use that truth against them. No matter how small or insignificant it seems to you.

    Sometimes you keep each other's secrets even from each other. And you still believe in the myth you advertised for when they answered and got the job

    ;^)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2013 11:37 AM GMT
    That might be true depending on how the author defines good sex. With the intimacy you also create a zone with your partner where you can be open about your sexual desires and actually care about pleasing each other over yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2013 12:09 PM GMT
    If I ever say that I "yearn to merge as one" with someone, you all have my permission to kick me in the nuts.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Mar 14, 2013 1:27 AM GMT
    A sex expert? Now why would you go taking advice from someone who's unemployed? LTR sex is better. Hands down.