Guys over 30 (or anyone), Do You Count Your Sexual Partner Number?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2013 10:10 PM GMT
    I'm assuming on this website that most of this population gets tested at least once a year for STDs including HIV. When they ask you how many partners you have had in your lifetime, what do you answer?

    Obviously the older you get, if you are still single and not a nun, you are probably still hooking up or dating. Can you remember everyone? I can't, and I just say "who counts?" I don't understand why they can't just check 'high risk' in that category or something. Plus, there are blurry lines on what you consider a sexual partner that would put you at risk. I don't consider masturbation or oral something I would run to the STD testing center about, so why include those people in the number? I think it's just their sick way of living vicariously and/or using the number to secretly judge or report for sick studies that want to show correlations. Those correlative studies are crap (and are most epidemiological studies). You can have sex one time and get all the STDs if you play with someone who has them unsafely. Statistics and risk factors are nothing more eloquent/scientific divination/astrology. They can't run studies that use human subjects, one who has a disease and one who doesn't, and then figure out exactly how things are transmitted. Instead we get fear and blame and guilt. You know it is bad news when you go into the clinic and they look at you with fear in their eyes.
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    Mar 12, 2013 10:18 PM GMT
    I lost count when I ran out of room for more notches on the bedposts.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Mar 12, 2013 10:40 PM GMT
    lol, i think a lot about it,but cant get a number icon_smile.gif)
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    Mar 12, 2013 10:47 PM GMT
    I have no clue what you're talking about. When I see my primary care physician for my annual physical, he'll ask me if I want to get tested for STDs and talk about any issues I may be having. I've been going to him for 10 years and my professional relationship with him pretty much guarantees that we can trust each other. What also helps is that he's gay and he understands the sexual health questions he gets from gay men. Otherwise, there's no questionnaire to fill out asking how many partners I've ever had.

    And to answer your question on if I remember the count.....the answer is no. But I do remember the names of the ones worth remembering.
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    Mar 12, 2013 10:51 PM GMT
    I came out at 15 at the height of the aids crises.

    When I started getting tested they asked and as a result I was always very aware and I actually do know the exact number.
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    Mar 12, 2013 10:54 PM GMT
    bluey2223 saidI'm assuming on this website that most of this population gets tested at least once a year for STDs including HIV. When they ask you how many partners you have had in your lifetime, what do you answer?

    I've never been asked that question, for any STD & HIV test I've had. Including a routine blood draw I did last week, will be seeing my doctor for the results tomorrow. Is that a Texas requirement? Wouldn't surprise me...

    I have tried to answer that number question in past RJ threads, estimating I'm way over 100 sex partners since 1995. I've always had safe sex, and I'm still negative for any kind of STD ever. I have gay sex with confidence, without guilt, and without disease.

    And without a headcount, at least so far. If that's a new requirement I'd like to know about it, and the reasoning for it.
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    Mar 12, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    bluey2223 saidI'm assuming on this website that most of this population gets tested at least once a year for STDs including HIV. When they ask you how many partners you have had in your lifetime, what do you answer?

    I've never been asked that question, for any STD & HIV test I've had. Including a routine blood draw I did last week, will be seeing my doctor for the results tomorrow. Is that a Texas requirement? Wouldn't surprise me...

    I have tried to answer that number question in past RJ threads, estimating I'm way over 100 sex partners since 1995. I've always had safe sex, and I'm still negative for any kind of STD ever. I have gay sex with confidence, without guilt, and without disease.

    And without a headcount, at least so far. If that's a new requirement I'd like to know about it, and the reasoning for it.


    The same is usually done in NYC for as long as I can remember.

    If you are being tested yearly by the same doctor they may forego the question over time.
  • PolaroidSwing...

    Posts: 1131

    Mar 12, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    Well.. some people might think this is really weird, but ever since I first became sexually active (at 19) I've kept a list of my activity. I only put in a first name and a symbol corresponding to the extent of what happened.

    The thing is, I'm not sure if that information is ever going to be important or not and I'd rather just update the list periodically and not worry about it; rather than not be able to remember later on.
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    Mar 12, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    They have never asked me that, and I get tested every quarter.

    And for the OP, epidemiological studies use a pretty low confidence rating for any self-reported information.

    Damn... I had better get busy or it's going to be a wasted quarter...

    Actually, last time, they offered to sign me up for a program that would pay a bounty for every new person I could get to go in for testing. I think it was "points" good for free drinks and stuff at local places. I told them they should look for somebody more sociable who gets around a lot more.

    Wow, I just checked - it's $10 a head! Hmm...
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Mar 12, 2013 11:21 PM GMT
    I think it depends on where you go - in Ontario I had the same family doctor for over 20 years so after I came out and went in for an appointment, she inquired about my level of knowledge about stds, etc, but always in a respectful, "I just want to you to know you can ask me for information" kind of way. After that, any time I wanted an STD test it was "here's the requisition form, go to the lab when you're ready and we'll call you with the results."

    In Montreal, I don't have a family doctor so I've gone to a clinic in the village.
    There WAS a form inquiring about my behavior in general (drugs, condoms, etc) and they did ask for the amount of sexual partners I've had in the last year, but not in my lifetime. It didn't feel intrusive or judgmental, it just seemed like an acceptable question considering that I'm in a clinic that specializes in gay male sexual health.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 12, 2013 11:24 PM GMT
    I know my number.
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    Mar 12, 2013 11:33 PM GMT
    Cash said
    ART_DECO said
    And [I was tested} without a headcount, at least so far. If that's a new requirement I'd like to know about it, and the reasoning for it.

    The same is usually done in NYC for as long as I can remember.

    If you are being tested yearly by the same doctor they may forego the question over time.

    I've been tested in Washington State, in Minnesota, and in Florida, by public agencies as well as my own doctors, and I was never asked to give a number of sexual partners. Is that some Republican-mandated invasion of privacy?

    Because I could never give a definite number, the anonymous guys in bathhouses alone running into the scores.
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    Mar 12, 2013 11:37 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    Cash said
    ART_DECO said
    And [I was tested} without a headcount, at least so far. If that's a new requirement I'd like to know about it, and the reasoning for it.

    The same is usually done in NYC for as long as I can remember.

    If you are being tested yearly by the same doctor they may forego the question over time.

    I've been tested in Washington State, in Minnesota, and in Florida, by public agencies as well as my own doctors, and I was never asked to give a number of sexual partners. Is that some Republican-mandated intrusion on privacy?

    Because I could never give a definite number, the anonymous guys in bathhouses alone running into the scores.


    I believe it was used for statistical purposes and for tracking the spread of the virus.
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    Mar 12, 2013 11:43 PM GMT
    Your opeing post is all over the place..

    ..Do you want us to reply with a number..??
    ..Would you like to figure out who caught the "Fuzzy Muppets"..???
    ..Should we start a new support group??
    ..And on top your'e feeding us statistics..

    Is it Bluey 223..is it ME or is it my ADHD??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2013 11:48 PM GMT
    Cash said
    I believe it was used for statistical purposes and for tracking the spread of the virus.

    Well they never got that info from me. Nor will they.

    And I would have to believe that the Right Wingers here, and the Teabagger strict interpreters of the Constitution, would have to agree with me. If it's unconstitutional to tract gun ownership and sales, then it must be equally unconstitutional to invade my medical records, and personal relationships. If we can't tract the spread of lethal weapons, how can we tract the spread of disease caused by private activity?
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Mar 12, 2013 11:55 PM GMT
    bluey2223 saidI don't consider masturbation or oral something I would run to the STD testing center about, so why include those people in the number?


    While it's incredibly rare to get HIV through oral sex, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis and other STDs are spread through blow jobs, and often the carrier -- especially the one who has it in his throat -- is asymptomatic. Also, drug-resistant gonorrhea is a global health concern as we have steadily gone through the effective antibiotics; one after another has stopped working and last I heard no new drugs were in development.

    I'd say now's a good time to be rethinking your 'what counts as safe' parameters, especially when it comes to hooking up -- e.g. making stuff like frottage, body contact and j.o. your first and second date activities and saving oral and/or anal for guys who stick around (whether as guys you're dating, friends w/benefits or whatever). A simple change like that can pretty dramatically reduce your opportunities to get exposed to an STD that may turn out to be more than a minor hassle.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Mar 13, 2013 12:07 AM GMT
    As I posted in another thread, there is a problem with getting tested here in Albuquerque NM. The state STD clinics will not test unless you've had a certain number of sex partners since the last test the stated reason being that their funds have been reduced. However, they still will not test even if one agrees to pay. One alternative is private doctors or clinics, but many of us are reluctant to use them. Another alternative is to go to a private laboratory, but they seem confused if one requests that the throat be tested.

    The state clinic also admonishes guys to use a condom every time. They do not qualify that by how one has sex.
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    Mar 13, 2013 12:16 AM GMT
    Funny you should mention this. I used to think that everyone was getting laid more than I was. Then, one day I realized that I had no idea how many people I had sex with, and I gotta admit, it made me feel like a stud!
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    Mar 13, 2013 12:52 AM GMT
    slimnmuscly said
    bluey2223 saidI don't consider masturbation or oral something I would run to the STD testing center about, so why include those people in the number?


    While it's incredibly rare to get HIV through oral sex, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis and other STDs are spread through blow jobs, and often the carrier -- especially the one who has it in his throat -- is asymptomatic. Also, drug-resistant gonorrhea is a global health concern as we have steadily gone through the effective antibiotics; one after another has stopped working and last I heard no new drugs were in development.

    I'd say now's a good time to be rethinking your 'what counts as safe' parameters, especially when it comes to hooking up -- e.g. making stuff like frottage, body contact and j.o. your first and second date activities and saving oral and/or anal for guys who stick around (whether as guys you're dating, friends w/benefits or whatever). A simple change like that can pretty dramatically reduce your opportunities to get exposed to an STD that may turn out to be more than a minor hassle.


    Do you have to put the cock down your throat for you to get something there? I have a gag reflex and just do sloppy blowjobs if I do anything like that. It's more of a foreplay thing than anything long lasting. I don't see how you could get something in the back of your throat unless you're literally rubbing the culture against it repeatedly...if you have it in the front of your mouth it would have to make its way to the back among all the other good bacteria...

    They want us to use condoms for blowjobs. Who does this?
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    Mar 13, 2013 12:58 AM GMT
    bluey2223 saidI'm assuming on this website that most of this population gets tested at least once a year for STDs including HIV. When they ask you how many partners you have had in your lifetime, what do you answer?

    Obviously the older you get, if you are still single and not a nun, you are probably still hooking up or dating. Can you remember everyone? I can't, and I just say "who counts?"


    Bear in mind, advanced age does not necessarily mean someone's had an astronomical number of sexual partners. I've only had 7 in the whole history of the whole history....so far. On the flipside, my last partner was five years younger than me, and when we had "the talk" about our respective histories, he estimated his lifetime number to be around 700. Yup, 100X more than me. I didn't know if I should feel more shocked by his number, or more ashamed of mine...
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    Mar 13, 2013 1:05 AM GMT
    Yes, I know and remember everyone I've been with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2013 1:24 AM GMT
    I keep a spreadsheet.
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    Mar 13, 2013 1:26 AM GMT
    livelifenow said
    bluey2223 saidI'm assuming on this website that most of this population gets tested at least once a year for STDs including HIV. When they ask you how many partners you have had in your lifetime, what do you answer?

    Obviously the older you get, if you are still single and not a nun, you are probably still hooking up or dating. Can you remember everyone? I can't, and I just say "who counts?"


    Bear in mind, advanced age does not necessarily mean someone's had an astronomical number of sexual partners. I've only had 7 in the whole history of the whole history....so far. On the flipside, my last partner was five years younger than me, and when we had "the talk" about our respective histories, he estimated his lifetime number to be around 700. Yup, 100X more than me. I didn't know if I should feel more shocked by his number, or more ashamed of mine...


    I don't believe people should have shame at either end of that spectrum. People should do what they want, are comfortable with, and can handle within their personal moral/ethical framework. There is a no standard. And anyone who attempts to insist there is likely has some jealousy/insecurity/judgmental bullshit they need to get checked.
  • thatirishbast...

    Posts: 3523

    Mar 13, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    I've got the notebook. Doesn't compare to Run's spreadsheet, but I've kept track, ever since that first time in the dressing room.....only two minutes I enjoyed in London really.
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    Mar 13, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    thatirishbastard saidI've got the notebook. Doesn't compare to Run's spreadsheet, but I've kept track, ever since that first time in the dressing room.....only two minutes I enjoyed in London really.


    Now now, you don't know how many worksheets are in my spreadsheet. icon_wink.gif