Dear Abby

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    Mar 13, 2013 11:33 AM GMT
    http://news.yahoo.com/wife-cant-forgive-husband-cheated-her-years-050026109.html
    DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man who has been single for seven years. I met this guy, "Mark," about 10 months ago and we hit it off immediately. We have almost everything in common except that I'm a Democrat and he's a Republican. We both know how we feel about our political differences and decided to continue dating anyway.

    My problem concerns my other gay friends, mostly Democrats, who don't like Mark because he's a Republican. I have tried explaining to them that we overlook our differences and concentrate on the many things we have in common, and they should try to do the same. But they no longer invite me to gatherings and their phone calls have ceased.

    I feel hurt and rejected by my closest friends, some of whom I have known my whole life. I feel torn between them and Mark, who is someone I really care for. Is it wrong to continue my relationship with my boyfriend at the expense of my friends? -- POLITICALLY INCORRECT

    DEAR POLITICALLY INCORRECT: Twenty-twelve was a particularly heated election year, with important issues at stake and negative campaigning bringing out the worst in many people. Now that the election has been decided, one would hope that inflamed emotions will settle down and life can return to normal.

    I know several couples who have strong and happy "mixed" marriages in which the spouses do not always agree politically. It is a shame that you would be required to choose between the man you care for and your longtime friends, who want to ignore that there are also gay Republicans.

    I see nothing wrong with continuing your relationship with Mark; however, I think it may be time for you to expand your circle of friends if this is how your old ones behave. You'll all be happier if you do. Trust me on that.

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    Mar 13, 2013 12:27 PM GMT
    It's like that one episode of Girls where Hannah dates a black republican and tells everyone it doesn't matter until their friends started clashing and she broke up with him.

    TLDR: bro's before hoes
  • Whipmagic

    Posts: 1481

    Mar 13, 2013 12:37 PM GMT
    Friends don't let friends vote republican.
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    Mar 13, 2013 1:02 PM GMT
    What POLITICALLY INCORRECT does not provide in his letter is the degree to which, if any, his BF Mark inflicts his Republican views on their circle of friends. I honestly don't know the political views of most of our own gay & lesbian friends, or if any of those couples (as most are) share differing views with each other.

    Nor do I know their religions unless they themselves mention it, or if they are HIV poz or not, or almost anything private about them unless they choose to share those things. Naturally our close friends share many private things with us, but then, with my terrible memory, I usually forget them.

    My husband is always annoyed at me that I can never remember things like who has HIV and who doesn't. And if I was ever told about their politics, today I couldn't tell you who are the Dems and the Repubs among our social circle, except for the several who actually hold elective office. That's because our friends don't stress their politics with us, nor we with them.

    So I wonder if "PI" has this right, or is telling the whole story. Maybe his new BF is a generic jerk, nothing to do with politics, and that's why his former friends are bailing. I've certainly seen that happen before. If PI loves him then he may not recognize how obnoxious his BF appears to his friends, and so he wrongly assumes it's a political matter.

    Or maybe Mark is pushing his Republican ideology down everyone's throat, and that's the problem. Again, Mark may be simply a social schmuck, but based on his vocal views on politics. When our friends gather we almost never discuss politics, but if BF Mark is doing that when it's unwelcome, regardless of the party slant, it could be turning guys off.
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    Mar 13, 2013 2:57 PM GMT
    Yeah saw that this morning....thought it was a little bit silly of a reason to stop talking to your friend. That is of course his boyfriend is the type to continue bring up his political views in front of them and being obnoxious about it then it would make sense.
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    Mar 13, 2013 2:58 PM GMT
    Friends should respect your choice in a partner and not base a friendship on person's political views. They don't have to agree, can debate civilly their point but to dislike either the BF or the friend is wrong.

    I agree with the conclusion, it's time for new friends. What kind of a friend treats someone like this? Friends are suppose to be supportive, not critical. Expressing opinions is one thing but dumping a 'friend' because they don't like his partner? Wrong. Unless there's more to the story, this guy and his new BF need to find real friends.
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    Mar 13, 2013 3:28 PM GMT
    Yeah, I don't agree with Republicans about much politically. But I really don't like that it's gotten to be OK to absolutely villianize someone because they disagree with you on politics. I'd rather be with someone civil that I don't agree with than a bigot who agrees with me!!
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    Mar 13, 2013 3:42 PM GMT
    eb925guy said...Expressing opinions is one thing but dumping a 'friend' because they don't like his partner? Wrong. Unless there's more to the story, this guy and his new BF need to find real friends.

    The "more" to the story I proposed in a post above.

    When I was first introduced to my future partner's friends they were very standoffish, very dubious of me. Did I merit his attention on me? Was I good enough for him? It was like meeting the critical family members.

    But I'd been through that before, and knew that winning over his friends and family was as important as winning over him. And that their defensiveness was an indication of the esteem in which they held him, their protectiveness telling me how much he was admired & loved by others, that they wouldn't let something bad befall him. I could only be positively impressed by that kind of devotion to this guy I was dating at the time.

    Today he jokes that his old friends and his family like me more than they like him (not really true). But I did work on winning them over, because you just don't buy into a single guy, but the whole "ecosystem" of friends & family that surrounds him. And perhaps that's where this BF Mark is failing.
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    Mar 13, 2013 3:44 PM GMT
    I am hard core progressive, but I do believe that the greatest progress on civil rights (gay and otherwise) happens when conservatives either support the cause or willingly get out of the way. We cannot get what we want politically without a sizeable portion of our conservative brothers and sisters getting on board. Only Nixon could go to China. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 13, 2013 3:48 PM GMT
    I thought this was about Arby's...
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Mar 13, 2013 4:31 PM GMT
    These oh-so-tolerant PC answers seem to overlook that support for the Republican party is support for oppression and political victimization. Witch hunts. The Republican party uses our lives, our job stability, our ability to live like every straight American and attempts to crush us as a wedge issue to gain power. Try stretching your memory all the way back to four months ago. They won't change until they realize they're losing power because of these tactics. Republicans are tactical. Democrats are ethical. I don't want an unethical, tactical person at my dinner table. If you bring one with you, you won't be invited back.
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    Mar 13, 2013 4:56 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidThese oh-so-tolerant PC answers seem to overlook that support for the Republican party is support for oppression and political victimization.


    Which may well be true. I can't argue that because I would tend to agree with it.

    However, I don't have a relationship with a party, I have a relationship with people. My "faux parents" (we adopted each other when I was in my 30s) are very conservative and religious, and I love 'em. I've had other neighbors and friends who always vote GOP and say some really ridiculous things about politics. They probably think the same about me. I don't assume those individuals have evil or ulterior un-American motives, however.
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    Mar 13, 2013 5:05 PM GMT
    35ddit5.jpg
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    Mar 13, 2013 5:11 PM GMT
    Time to get new friends. I wouldn't want to hang out with people that are so hung up on politics.
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    Mar 13, 2013 9:29 PM GMT
    The sad truth is the Republicans have the ability to love Democrat, But saddly the Democrats do not have such abilities to love, as they are blinded by so much hate and contempt, and their narcissism blinds them to so much truth, that they are so foolish to think they are always right, and fail to see the damage they do, and hurt they breed.
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    Mar 13, 2013 9:56 PM GMT
    tru_blu_aussie saidThe sad truth is the Republicans have the ability to love Democrat, But saddly the Democrats do not have such abilities to love, as they are blinded by so much hate and contempt, and their narcissism blinds them to so much truth, that they are so foolish to think they are always right, and fail to see the damage they do, and hurt they breed.


    You are more crazy than I originally thought. Which was already pretty crazy to begin with...
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    Mar 13, 2013 9:56 PM GMT
    Well frankly, political views are derived from values and principles. Broadly, there are liberal values - equality of opportunity, compassion, environmental sustainability, collective welfare, science - and conservative values - independence, privacy, capitalism, loyalty, tradition. These values push against each other in a lot of ways and when someone describes themselves as liberal or conservative you usually know which values they prioritize.

    Even further, political views correlate with a lot of other differences, it seems that most conservatives that I've met eat different foods, listen to different music, play different sports, watch different kinds of porn, prefer different cities, study different subjects, use different modes of transportation, read different books...

    If you care about your political views, it's a bit puzzling for me to see how you could have more than a superficial relationship with someone on the opposite end of the spectrum.

    And aren't we done confusing tolerance for things that can't be changed, like sexual orientation, with things that can, like political views? Or tolerance for things that can't hurt anyone else with things that can? Whenever I hear the "liberals are supposed to be tolerant" etc. line, I can't help but think that the speaker has some sort of critical thinking deficit.
  • daveindenver

    Posts: 314

    Mar 13, 2013 10:13 PM GMT
    Hey destin harbor : you nailed It!!


  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Mar 13, 2013 10:20 PM GMT
    just out of curiosity...which ultra right wing, theocratic, non-gay marriage legislation signing, drug law enforcing, environment killing, non-universal healthcare supporting, warmongering, deficit tax spending, party that only cares about wealthy people is the correct one for gays in the US?


    Perspective...
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    Mar 13, 2013 10:20 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    tru_blu_aussie saidThe sad truth is the Republicans have the ability to love Democrat, But saddly the Democrats do not have such abilities to love, as they are blinded by so much hate and contempt, and their narcissism blinds them to so much truth, that they are so foolish to think they are always right, and fail to see the damage they do, and hurt they breed.


    You are more crazy than I originally thought. Which was already pretty crazy to begin with...


    One stands by what one said, and talk about hate being blindingicon_wink.gif I bet you think your one of the good guys tooicon_lol.gif