In all actuality, when people say you will find the right one when and how do they mean?

  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Mar 14, 2013 2:26 AM GMT
    I ask this because lately I've been feeling depressed and angry lately. I can't seem to find any any friends or possible relationships in my area more so because of my race. The guys here either only want me for hook ups, are taken, want to experiement, or want to cheat on their respective partners. And I'm so frustrated because here I am sitting here at my apartment alone for Spring Break with nothing to do or no one to talk to and I know I have tried to meet people and use my resources. I really don't want to sound like a drama queen but every guy in each of the scenarios always tell me "why are you single" or "it will happen soon enough" and I'm fed up with being led on and nothing seems to work out. Sorry if it sounds like i'm venting too much but I know what my priorities are for school however, I still feel like I have a void or an insatiable appetite to find someone I can be there for while taking care of myself. Right now, this part of my life feels like torture because I want to hook up out of desperation but the other side stops me but I'm still lonely.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 14, 2013 3:04 AM GMT
    Did you ever see one of those games with the little plastic duckies and you keep tuning one over until you find a winner ... well that's sort of how finding the right one is ... the thing is ... if you aren't in the game, you're never going to find him
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    Mar 14, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    You have to be "Right" before you find you find the right one..

  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Mar 14, 2013 3:12 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidDid you ever see one of those games with the little plastic duckies and you keep tuning one over until you find a winner ... well that's sort of how finding the right one is ... the thing is ... if you aren't in the game, you're never going to find him



    Then how do i get into this so called game?
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    Mar 14, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    That is typical feeling for a gay person at 20. Most people at that age forget to appreciate the things they already have and what they can do to make themselves better. Channel that negative feeling into something useful.
  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Mar 14, 2013 3:24 AM GMT
    Usually I wind up just hanging with my straight friends... (not having sex I mean, just for emotional connections).
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Mar 14, 2013 3:29 AM GMT
    I literally only have my roommates and no one else. Everyone is really conservative and i don't drink or smoke or party
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Mar 14, 2013 3:45 AM GMT
    I'm sure plenty of the black guys in San Antonio have friends and get dates just fine. Gotta start looking at the man in the mirror, bruh! icon_idea.gif

  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Mar 14, 2013 3:49 AM GMT
    great_scott saidI'm sure plenty of the black guys in San Antonio have friends and get dates just fine. Gotta start looking at the man in the mirror, bruh! icon_idea.gif



    I'm not in San Antonio, I'm in college station
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Mar 14, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    I'm sure plenty of the black guys in College Station have friends and get dates just fine. Gotta start looking at the man in the mirror, bruh! icon_idea.gif
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Mar 14, 2013 4:07 AM GMT
    I hate when people tell you that you'll find "the one." There isn't "the one," sorry to say. There is the one that can tolerate your BS and baggage just as you can tolerate his BS and baggage, tho. A relationship is not written in the stars and it was never predestined to happen by fate or by some other super natural being.

    Relationships require hard work. Ask any old couple that have been together for years, if not decades, what they did to make their relationships work. They are going to tell you that it took lots of hard work and the desire to stay together (and the fear of being imprisoned for killing each other). People don't have the patience or what it takes to make a relationship work nowadays. We live in a hyper-paced society where everyone is multitasking everything, including their families and relationships, so when things get to complicated or out of hand, both parties split without even trying to work it out.

    I am starting to realize that not too many gay men are willing to put work into a relationship, not to mention that for many a relationship gets boring after the first couple of months, so they either want to cheat, open the relationship or go their separate ways and continue their pre-relationship dating and partying days.

    I hate to burst your Disneyesque bubble, but there is no prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet and carry you away on a horse. Find someone that you are remotely attracted to and someone you don't want to stab his eyes out whenever you see him and snatch him up. If you wait around to find the man that meats all of the one million requirements on your "perfect mate" list, then you are going to be one lonely old man living with a bunch of cranky old cats.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Mar 14, 2013 4:10 AM GMT
    He_Man saidI hate when people tell you that you'll find "the one." There isn't "the one," sorry to say. There is the one that can tolerate your BS and baggage just as you can tolerate his BS and baggage, tho. A relationship is not written in the stars and it was never predestined to happen by fate or by some other super natural being.

    Relationships require hard work. Ask any old couple that have been together for years, if not decades, what they did to make their relationships work. They are going to tell you that it took lots of hard work and the desire to stay together (and the fear of being imprisoned for killing each other). People don't have the patience or what it takes to make a relationship work nowadays. We live in a hyper-paced society where everyone is multitasking everything, including their families and relationships, so when things get to complicated or out of hand, both parties split without even trying to work it out.

    I am starting to realize that not too many gay men are willing to put work into a relationship, not to mention that for many a relationship gets boring after the first couple of months, so they either want to cheat, open the relationship or go their separate ways and continue their pre-relationship dating and partying days.

    I hate to burst your Disneyesque bubble, but there is no prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet and carry you away on a horse. Find someone that you are remotely attracted to and someone you don't want to stab his eyes out whenever you see him and snatch him up. If you wait around to find the man that meats all of the one million requirements on your "perfect mate" list, then you are going to be one lonely old man living with a bunch of cranky old cats.



    I find your claim very intriguing however are you advising me to lower standards and snatch a guy im just remotely attracted to?
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Mar 14, 2013 4:16 AM GMT
    MIS37 said
    He_Man saidI hate when people tell you that you'll find "the one." There isn't "the one," sorry to say. There is the one that can tolerate your BS and baggage just as you can tolerate his BS and baggage, tho. A relationship is not written in the stars and it was never predestined to happen by fate or by some other super natural being.

    Relationships require hard work. Ask any old couple that have been together for years, if not decades, what they did to make their relationships work. They are going to tell you that it took lots of hard work and the desire to stay together (and the fear of being imprisoned for killing each other). People don't have the patience or what it takes to make a relationship work nowadays. We live in a hyper-paced society where everyone is multitasking everything, including their families and relationships, so when things get to complicated or out of hand, both parties split without even trying to work it out.

    I am starting to realize that not too many gay men are willing to put work into a relationship, not to mention that for many a relationship gets boring after the first couple of months, so they either want to cheat, open the relationship or go their separate ways and continue their pre-relationship dating and partying days.

    I hate to burst your Disneyesque bubble, but there is no prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet and carry you away on a horse. Find someone that you are remotely attracted to and someone you don't want to stab his eyes out whenever you see him and snatch him up. If you wait around to find the man that meats all of the one million requirements on your "perfect mate" list, then you are going to be one lonely old man living with a bunch of cranky old cats.



    I find your claim very intriguing however are you advising me to lower standards and snatch a guy im just remotely attracted to?


    No, there is a difference between lowering your standards and being realistic. My main point above was not about lowering your standards, but that a relationship takes a lot of work. It's not something that just happens magically and without any effort. Too many of us fall for that fake Disney-prince-charming-BS, not understanding that relationships aren't perfect and require a lot of hard work.

    You need to find someone that is willing to work on a relationship just as hard and as much as you are willing to work on a relationship, and like I said above, in the gay world, that's very rare.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Mar 14, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    thats why I can't stand this life being that I have so much potential. There are many girls that find me attractive for my heart but do not know my secret. I am cognizant of the work that must be put in without as much as experiencing it I know my heart is genuine enough to be in a suitable one but this community can't register with me.
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    Mar 14, 2013 4:24 AM GMT
    great_scott saidI'm sure plenty of the black guys in College Station have friends and get dates just fine. Gotta start looking at the man in the mirror, bruh! icon_idea.gif


    Black Guys in College Station is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. No offense but C-Stat is a White Out to the extreme.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Mar 14, 2013 4:30 AM GMT
    msuNtx said
    great_scott saidI'm sure plenty of the black guys in College Station have friends and get dates just fine. Gotta start looking at the man in the mirror, bruh! icon_idea.gif


    Black Guys in College Station is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. No offense but C-Stat is a White Out to the extreme.



    Thank you! finally someone that understands!
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    Mar 14, 2013 4:37 AM GMT


    "The guys here either only want me for hook ups, are taken, want to experiement, or want to cheat on their respective partners."

    MIS37, this passing-for-white man had the same experiences over 30 years go.
    It's a matter of numbers of people you've met; explore meeting more people and not just ones you think you'd like.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Mar 14, 2013 4:38 AM GMT
    Why is it so hard for young gay men to be themselves these days when in today's world being yourself is highly encouraged!? these days people no longer have a few options for being what the majority finds acceptable! like someone already mentioned on this thread, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MR. RIGHT! My BF and I are far from being perfect, and yet we are both learning and appreciating each other's differences a little each passing day! Love is built from having a better understanding of your partner's complexities.

    Being who you are is at the core of finding or attracting the right kind of person for each individual! i am one who believes that there is always one special person for everyone of us! and to find him you must be very socially active, out and about every where!! and not just limit yourself to Online dating, social media, or even the gym!! I met my current boyfriend through my sister-in-law's niece's brother's boyfriend friend (my BF) on my Goddaughter's Facebook page!!
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Mar 14, 2013 4:40 AM GMT
    msuNtx said
    great_scott saidI'm sure plenty of the black guys in College Station have friends and get dates just fine. Gotta start looking at the man in the mirror, bruh! icon_idea.gif


    Black Guys in College Station is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. No offense but C-Stat is a White Out to the extreme.


    I wasn't even suggesting that he should only speak to other African-Americans though.
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    Mar 14, 2013 5:07 AM GMT
    He_Man saidI hate when people tell you that you'll find "the one." There isn't "the one," sorry to say. There is the one that can tolerate your BS and baggage just as you can tolerate his BS and baggage, tho. A relationship is not written in the stars and it was never predestined to happen by fate or by some other super natural being.

    Relationships require hard work. Ask any old couple that have been together for years, if not decades, what they did to make their relationships work. They are going to tell you that it took lots of hard work and the desire to stay together (and the fear of being imprisoned for killing each other). People don't have the patience or what it takes to make a relationship work nowadays. We live in a hyper-paced society where everyone is multitasking everything, including their families and relationships, so when things get to complicated or out of hand, both parties split without even trying to work it out.

    I am starting to realize that not too many gay men are willing to put work into a relationship, not to mention that for many a relationship gets boring after the first couple of months, so they either want to cheat, open the relationship or go their separate ways and continue their pre-relationship dating and partying days.

    I hate to burst your Disneyesque bubble, but there is no prince charming to come and sweep you off your feet and carry you away on a horse. Find someone that you are remotely attracted to and someone you don't want to stab his eyes out whenever you see him and snatch him up. If you wait around to find the man that meats all of the one million requirements on your "perfect mate" list, then you are going to be one lonely old man living with a bunch of cranky old cats.


    Totally agree with this.
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    Mar 14, 2013 7:15 AM GMT
    I totally agree with He_Man.

    Personally, I hate it when people say "oh, you'll find the right person one day." It's like "um, I'm in my mid-30's and never been in a relationship. If it hasn't happened yet, it ain't going to happen!"

    Anyway, I digressed. I won't say you should "lower your standards" but perhaps take inventory of whatever standards you have and be realistic. No one is perfect. If you actually find where you live to be less accepting of your race, then you should move to somewhere more accepting once you're done school. There is a reason why people from small, conservative towns move to large cities.
  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Mar 14, 2013 7:26 AM GMT
    He_Man saidI hate when people tell you that you'll find "the one." There isn't "the one," sorry to say. There is the one that can tolerate your BS and baggage just as you can tolerate his BS and baggage, tho. A relationship is not written in the stars and it was never predestined to happen by fate or by some other super natural being.

    Relationships require hard work.


    I agree with this that the idea is very much romanticised... however, some of the people I know who are together, and the people I met, have convinced me maybe there is such a thing as "fate" of some type, or a sense of belonging with a specific person because they are somehow one's "other half" in a soul-mate kind of sense. That said, I don't think it is a matter of "the one" in the end: that is still a matter of choice, but there is perhaps, just a hint of predestination, or rather, a kind of guiding stream?
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    Mar 14, 2013 7:49 AM GMT
    tumblr_m4lzzve8N81qga2g5o2_250.gif

    If He_Man pointed out that keeping relationships is hard work, getting into one is hard work too .

    You have to go outside your element and do things that might make you uncomfortable. Stop thinking about what is wrong with all the other gay people, and think about what is wrong with what you're doing.

    If you're gonna assume that white people don't want to date you (untrue), that you have to drink to meet people (untrue) and that there are no options.. the your biggest barrier is yourself.

    Join a dating site and message some guys, go to a gay friendly church, check out meetup.com and find some gay "non-scene" kind of group.

    Those are just a few things..

    I lived in a super small town, and I don't really like meeting people... but I did it. I went on a ton of dates. They were ALL horrible. The last one in the series, the guy I didn't even think wanted to date, just wanted to be friends... we met, had dinner and fell in love.
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    Mar 14, 2013 7:54 AM GMT
    MIS37 said
    msuNtx said
    great_scott saidI'm sure plenty of the black guys in College Station have friends and get dates just fine. Gotta start looking at the man in the mirror, bruh! icon_idea.gif


    Black Guys in College Station is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. No offense but C-Stat is a White Out to the extreme.



    Thank you! finally someone that understands!


    Texas A&M has an LGBT group. Check that group out.

    I'm personally not in to the LGBT scene just because I'm more into the jock scene. If you're into the "jock" scene, you gotta put on more weight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2013 8:09 AM GMT
    Honestly, I think 'the one' is whoever you choose it to be.
    I believe there are people out there who you are more compatible with for sure, but even with complete polar opposite personalities if both people in the relationship work together and communicate well, any relationship can work.

    Humans are complex, they have ups and downs, highs and lows and so it's a given that relationships will have similar patterns.
    Stick through the hard times and I'm sure you'll appreciate each other more as you overcome things together.