Quick question about a relationship.

  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Mar 14, 2013 9:28 PM GMT
    Just a quick question. You have two people, A and B. They are broken up after being on and off together for 2.5 years. They both want to work towards having a relationship but there are things in the way for both of them. A currently has someone, C, who they're flirting to and sleeping with. B needs to change parts of themselves that causes A grief.

    Can the two of them work on their relationship while A is talking to someone else? B does not think they can because now A has a distraction and if A truly wanted to work on a strong relationship with B then A would stop talking to C. B thinks that if A stays with C, then A isn't as serious as they claim to be.

    What do you think?

    A and C are NOT dating, but if things keep going on how they are then it could happen. Also, I use the term on and off again loosely because it is much more complicated than that. They were technically always together, I just don't want to get in specifics.
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    Mar 14, 2013 10:46 PM GMT
    B has a point. If A really wanted to work things out with B, C should be out of the picture for the sake of the relationship, but I have a feeling A is enjoying C too much to make it happen.
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Mar 14, 2013 10:47 PM GMT
    After 2.5 years of trying and failing A and B should just say goodbye and A should pursue happiness with C. B should move on also. Not every relationship is ment to be.
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Mar 14, 2013 10:48 PM GMT
    I have two friends who are in almost exactly the same situation.

    Based only on what I've seen, if A and B want to get back together for a serious relationship, then A flirting with / seeing C will most likely cause complications.
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    Mar 14, 2013 10:49 PM GMT
    C needs to go. If A isn't willing to let C go, then A may very well not be too interested in fixing things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2013 10:53 PM GMT
    A sounds really selfish, and no matter what angle you look at it A is stringing someone along.
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    Mar 14, 2013 11:21 PM GMT
    A needs to talk to B and make sure that B is really interested in working on the relationship, given that A is really interested, and is willing to cut things off with C.

    If B agrees, then A needs to go to C and say "I really like you, but I also really care for B, and we've got a lot of shared history. I need to let you go, and work on this old relationship. If it just doesn't work out, perhaps you and I will cross paths again."

    Then A stops the new thing with C, and invests on the hard work with B.

    BUT! A REALLY needs to want B back, and B really needs to want A back.

    If your gut is telling you that you don't want to cut C out, then it's because you're more interested in C. If so, that is human, and OK. Let B go gently.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2013 11:23 PM GMT
    Dominican_Gent saidAfter 2.5 years of trying and failing A and B should just say goodbye and A should pursue happiness with C. B should move on also. Not every relationship is ment to be.


    I second this
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    Mar 14, 2013 11:28 PM GMT
    Sounds like A and B are dealing with unresolved issues. Unsuccessfully.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2013 12:28 AM GMT
    I'm confused - I thought it was I before E, except after C. (Sorry - just couldn't resist)
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Mar 15, 2013 12:37 AM GMT
    Sounds like high school to me. If these people are not independent enough to run their own lives without using a third party to influence and manipulate, they need to do some serious retooling.
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    Mar 15, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    If A wants to work it out with B, then C has to go - A can't have B and C. If C stays, then B has to close that door and move on...it's over.
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    Mar 15, 2013 1:07 AM GMT
    A and B should just be friends (with or without benefits) and just focus on being that for right now.
    Once they both value each other enough to be willing to make major sacrifices.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Mar 15, 2013 2:09 AM GMT
    Everyone needs to move on.
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Mar 15, 2013 2:34 AM GMT
    Why not make an alphabet soup involving AB&C! Just have a trinogamous relationship.

    I want to be in a trinogamous relationship. Anyone game? I think it would be cool. I'm taking applications... icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2013 2:53 AM GMT
    I didn't think bears were trinogamous
  • blueyedgrey20...

    Posts: 285

    Mar 15, 2013 2:54 AM GMT
    but wheres D because E thinks it wont work if a and b cant work this stuff out and you actually gotta try! DO OR DO NOT THERE IS NO TRY.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2013 2:57 AM GMT
    MidwesternKid saidEveryone needs to move on.


    Couldn't have said it better myself.
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Mar 15, 2013 3:00 AM GMT
    believeitornot saidI didn't think bears were trinogamous


    Sure they are! Haven't you ever heard of Goldilocks and the Three Bears? There's actually a gay version of the story. Goldilocks is the name bears give to their Fag hag, who always comes over to the three bear's home and hangs out. The three bears are in a loving and committed, trinogamous relationship. The End...
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    Mar 15, 2013 3:17 AM GMT
    LJay saidSounds like high school to me. If these people are not independent enough to run their own lives without using a third party to influence and manipulate, they need to do some serious retooling.


    That's the first thing I thought.."high school"....cut ties, grow up and move on.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 15, 2013 3:22 AM GMT
    i think A needs to leave them both alone and find him someone where while like a D. B is never going to leave C because he is having his cake and ice cream both A and C seem to love having enjoy each other.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Mar 15, 2013 3:53 AM GMT
    A wants to have his cake and eat it, too. B should not be happy with being just an option, and neither should C. Both B & C should demand A make a decision or drop A like a bad habit.
  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Mar 15, 2013 6:00 AM GMT
    Since B has caused A grief, it is now the responsibility of B to prove to A he really wants A back. Unless A is completely convinced of B's intentions, B should not be making demands of A and whomever A is seeing at the time.

    iow: if you like it, you should put a ring on it, not make promises to that effect.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2013 11:23 AM GMT
    He_Man said
    believeitornot saidI didn't think bears were trinogamous


    Sure they are! Haven't you ever heard of Goldilocks and the Three Bears? There's actually a gay version of the story. Goldilocks is the name bears give to their Fag hag, who always comes over to the three bear's home and hangs out. The three bears are in a loving and committed, trinogamous relationship. The End...


    Oh yeah - I forgot. But wait a minute... in the movie version wasn't Goldilocks really a drag queen, and wasn't that the reason why she got booted out of the picture, so that she wouldn't destroy that perfect trinogamy and ruin the 'happily ever after' ending?
  • Lucky350

    Posts: 167

    Mar 21, 2013 10:01 AM GMT
    Yikes!

    Letters and gays?...

    *confused*

    I flunked math!... I'm gonna pass on this one