Please Help. Can Strict Bottoms Become Versatile?

  • FunkyJay45

    Posts: 31

    Mar 16, 2013 2:51 AM GMT
    I am a strict bottom but want to be fully versatile. I like receiving head so that wouldn't make me a strict bottom would it?

    I was talking to a friend about this and I asked him if I could become one.

    He said he think I can make the transition but others said it isn't possible or would be extremely hard to do.

    I've tried to top a couple guys in the past, but I just couldn't get hard enough to penetrate them. The one time I finally did get in I only stayed erect for 5 minutes and went limp.

    I am turned on most by being dominated, but it frustrate me that I dont get the urge to penetrate guys even dudes with big butts and sexy bodies. When I see a big butt the only desire I have is to grab it as the dude pounds me out.

    Some people say strict bottoms brains are wired like females, i dont want to be a female nor do I think like one but I understand why someone would say that. But yes, it's this a mental block or just the way I am. I want to become a full versatile but I cant get my dyck hard enough to penetrate a guy. Why is this and am I able to change this
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2013 3:00 AM GMT
    Tough question asking a group of strangers why "You" are this way..
    .. You are clearly evolving sexually.. But the rest can best be answered by a professional .

    ..Take a viagra..start there??
  • FunkyJay45

    Posts: 31

    Mar 16, 2013 3:05 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidTough question asking a group of strangers why "You" are this way..
    .. You are clearly evolving sexually.. But the rest can best be answered by a professional .

    ..Take a viagra..start there??


    Uhmmmm... im not looking for any of you to give me a definitive answer or solution.... Just hoping others could maybe share their experiences on transitioning. I want to hear others opinions on why I maybe having a hard time topping and if you think it's possible to change your sexual position

    I shouldn't have to talk to a professional to get advice, they dont always have the right answers either
  • FunkyJay45

    Posts: 31

    Mar 16, 2013 4:25 AM GMT
    Dang, I have to find another gay site to post questions in because you dont get no responses on this site
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2013 4:39 AM GMT
    FunkyJay45 saidDang, I have to find another gay site to post questions in because you dont get no responses on this site

    Maybe if you just gave some of is a little bit of time to repsond...

    I have been where you have been. Mentally very submissive. It's taken me a long time to get to a place where I am pretty verse, maybe even a bit more top now. How did I do it? Well for starters, I believed that I could do it. I think almost everything is learned behavior.

    First I had to realize that the act of topping is really all about pleasing the bottom in many ways. Sure it feels great for me, but I get off the most knowing that the bottom is getting off. Perhaps in some ways I am topping the bottom but I'm imaging at the same time that I am in his position, and I know how good it can feel.

    I think one way to go about learning is to just be honest, and find guys online or on hookup sights who are willing to be a bit patient in helping you explore. If you are comfortable with a f-buddy and can just have a chill time trying, you might be surprised how it just gets all hard.

    Keep us posted on how it develops.
  • FunkyJay45

    Posts: 31

    Mar 16, 2013 5:01 AM GMT
    JerseyJames75 said
    FunkyJay45 saidDang, I have to find another gay site to post questions in because you dont get no responses on this site

    Maybe if you just gave some of is a little bit of time to repsond...

    I have been where you have been. Mentally very submissive. It's taken me a long time to get to a place where I am pretty verse, maybe even a bit more top now. How did I do it? Well for starters, I believed that I could do it. I think almost everything is learned behavior.

    First I had to realize that the act of topping is really all about pleasing the bottom in many ways. Sure it feels great for me, but I get off the most knowing that the bottom is getting off. Perhaps in some ways I am topping the bottom but I'm imaging at the same time that I am in his position, and I know how good it can feel.

    I think one way to go about learning is to just be honest, and find guys online or on hookup sights who are willing to be a bit patient in helping you explore. If you are comfortable with a f-buddy and can just have a chill time trying, you might be surprised how it just gets all hard.

    Keep us posted on how it develops.


    My fault for being impatient... it is late friday evening so most people probably aren't online around this time. Idk, I have topped before.. and I want to become more versatile.. I dont want to bottom all the time... I just have to find away to get hard and stay hard.. I guess I have to be very attracted to the guy in order to top him. Some times I can see myself wanting to top and other times I can't. What's starting to work for me is getting off on knowing that a guy is willing to submit to me... but i have to find other ways to get and stay hard and IM GOING TO TAKE YOUR ADVICE THANKS A LOT SIR. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT I CAN TOP before attempting to do it.. maybe there is a pill I can take besides some damn viagra that can help assist me and maybe i should start off with a dyck ring TO HELP ME MAINTAIN MY ERECTION ONCE IM IN THE DUDE
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3516

    Mar 16, 2013 5:20 AM GMT
    try a femidom...it might be the condom bothering you.
  • FunkyJay45

    Posts: 31

    Mar 16, 2013 5:24 AM GMT
    Apparition saidtry a femidom...it might be the condom bothering you.


    Sorry but i might have to google femidom lmbao im slow

    But i use to find it hard to get hard before even getting a condom on

    But I feel this is something I can adapt too, Im going to become a versatile and fukk the life out of a dude soon enough lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2013 6:36 AM GMT
    1) Nerves
    2) You need to be comfortable with your partner..
    3) The guys are not hot enough
    4) I can tell from your posts you are impatient and overzealous..chill?
    5) Total bottom to truly versatile overnight??..patience
    6) Maybe your'e just not a giver?
    7) Erectile dysfunction ?

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    Any of those?
  • FunkyJay45

    Posts: 31

    Mar 16, 2013 6:57 AM GMT
    Anocxu said1) Nerves
    2) You need to be comfortable with your partner..
    3) The guys are not hot enough
    4) I can tell from your posts you are impatient and overzealous..chill?
    5) Total bottom to truly versatile overnight??..patience
    6) Maybe your'e just not a giver?
    7) Erectile dysfunction ?

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    Any of those?


    U make good points you've helped me out a lot. I don't think im completely comfortable but not with my partner, but with myself. I dont think im that confident if I was more confident I think I might be able to top. That's a possibility... I think I been with quite a few guys who I just settled with.... but I think im just too focused on being dominated and have to get out of the mindset of always wanting to be dominated and be more open to topping sometimes. I do understand that it will take time and i dont realistically see myself being a complete versatile but i want to be able to top in case a dude cant get up or wants it time to time so im looking to become a verse bottom i guess

    Just not a giver? Can u really be born being one thing or the other?

    Erectile dysfunction is when u struggle to get your peen peen up.. i dont struggle to get erection I get them easily, just not when im trying to top but I think its just me not being with the right guy. I topped before so im sure i can do it again and i will
  • FunkyJay45

    Posts: 31

    Mar 17, 2013 5:46 AM GMT
    104 views and only 3 users posted a comment

    Thanks a lot guys...... you were veeeeery fukkin helpful!

    icon_confused.gif
  • LuisG_82

    Posts: 37

    Mar 18, 2013 7:08 AM GMT
    You are waiting too much for any of the situations. As an example your post, You cannot blame people because they don't answer to your post, with such comments, really i think after reading all the comments, including yours, people just think, boahhh another guy who doesnt know what he wants...

    Just wait,... and you dont need to plan your sex life, if it works once, it will works forever, if not, just wait and try when the situation is better.

    Sex is like drinking something, Some of us like beer, some others like coffee, or tea, some of us can drink coffee and tea, and some others can JUST drink milk, The first thing you have to learn is know your self, and then answer the question. I am doing that because I want??? or because others are telling me that is cool to that other thing?? ..... Never try to be someone u are not, that is the worst thing one can do,

    Cheers.
  • FunkyJay45

    Posts: 31

    Mar 19, 2013 7:57 AM GMT
    LuisG_82 saidYou are waiting too much for any of the situations. As an example your post, You cannot blame people because they don't answer to your post, with such comments, really i think after reading all the comments, including yours, people just think, boahhh another guy who doesnt know what he wants...

    Just wait,... and you dont need to plan your sex life, if it works once, it will works forever, if not, just wait and try when the situation is better.

    Sex is like drinking something, Some of us like beer, some others like coffee, or tea, some of us can drink coffee and tea, and some others can JUST drink milk, The first thing you have to learn is know your self, and then answer the question. I am doing that because I want??? or because others are telling me that is cool to that other thing?? ..... Never try to be someone u are not, that is the worst thing one can do,

    Cheers.


    Im not trying to be what others are telling me to be... im trying to be what I want to be.

    Being a bottom is painful to me at times, and it's hard to find a total top... I just feel if I was more versatile i'd have better luck finding a mate and there will be more men available to date when you are versatile.... its hard to find somebody when u are a total anything because most gay men are versatile
  • FunkyJay45

    Posts: 31

    Mar 19, 2013 7:59 AM GMT
    Also, yea i am mad im not getting any responses... thats what the funk this site for

    Other people post threads about dumb ignorant shyt and they get plenty of responses so I dont see why someone would look at my thread as you said and say "another dude who doesnt know what he wants"

    Lots of us arent sure what we want that shouldnt stop u from trying to help someone find themselves
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Mar 19, 2013 3:23 PM GMT
    If you like the bottom, then don't stress over not being able to top or wanting to. Just bottom and enjoy the experience.
    I'm sure you can top, it's just that for now, you're wired to get off on getting fucked, and there's nothing wrong with that.
    Anytime you start overthinking something, you stress and that will usually lead to not being able to perform. If you're trying to fuck a guy and you start to stress about it, you'll lose your hard. 90 percent of sex is mental.
    I have a feeling that with the right guy, under the right circumstance, you'll be able to top successfully. It may take time to meet that guy and develop the sexual chemistry. Just don't worry about it. Do what you enjoy and gets you off.
    There are plenty of guys that just like to top and you're the kind of man they like to find.
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Mar 23, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    There is another thread about total bottoms and you have responded to that thread also. I am a total bottom. That is what I like and I love being penetrated by another man. I am very submissive when it comes to being with a top. I do not get hard at all when I am a bottom. My point is I very much enjoy being a bottom.
    I do envy versatile men though. That really would be my ideal, being able to both give and receive.
    Like some of the other responders have said, sex is very mental. When I was young there was a brief time when I went out with girls. When it came time to have sex, I could not get hard. It was very frustrating not just embarrassing! But when we would just lay together and cuddle, I would get relaxed and not be all tense about not getting hard and behold(!) I would get hard. Once I was comfortable with that girl there were no problems of performance. Still whenever I was with a new girl, the first time my penis would fail me...I totally understood it was all mental but its still hard to control your nervousness.
    Just relax, maybe think about how good it is going to feel topping the sexy guy you are with. Think about how you want to please him and yourself. Definitely, stop thinking about the fact that you cannot get hard, that will make things worse. Relax, think about yourself pounding your man, may be hug each other for a while get comfortable with your partner. I am sure if your partner is a bottom he would love having to hold you and hug you and kiss you before penetration. Take it slow and see how it goes.
    I do think you have issues with your masculinity. I think you are not comfortable with the idea of being a total bottom. I think that to be a dude, a real man, you have to also be able to top. I sympathize with you. I have lost that urge to top almost totally and I give in to the absolutely intense feeling of another man penetrating me.
    But I hope you find the balance that your are looking for. Gosh, you look so handsome...