How cautious are you when meeting strangers off the net?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2008 7:43 PM GMT
    What do you do to take deal with any untoward incident that may take you by surprise when you go to meet people for sex, after one or more public meetings where you assesed them to be safe.

    I would suggest the following:

    Never eat or drink anything they offer you at their place.

    Carry pepper spray, stun gun, or a small dagger or knife with you.

    Make sure the doors are not locked unecessarily.

    Keep an eye on heavy objects that can be used either by you or him.

    Avoid bondage and be alert even during the most pleasurable moments when you can let you guard down.

    Tell some one close exactly where you are going and for what and with whom, leave a message too on their phones both land and cell.

    Get suspicious if you're being taken to a seedy looking neighbourhood or even a place that looks seedy be it in an upscale area.

    If there are more guys in the place even if its just one guy more, where you have gone just leave and tell the person you dont feel comfortable in the situation, regardless of the fact that the extra guy looks harmless, nerdy, saintly, angelic, clean, guy next door type. If sex partner tells his friend to leave and you start feeling ok, still be cautious and on the look out.

    If sex partner trie sto be seductive and domineering thinking that will turn you on and make you stay, push, shove do whatever and rush out of the place.

    Jump out of a window if you have too in situations where there may be no options.

    The above could cost you some potentail partners but may save you.
    Sorry to make you paranoid, but better safe then sorry.

    I have been with people where I felt I could have been taken advantage of in the wrong way had I not been overly suspicious, alert, cautious or even paranoid, who knows what I may have been spared.

    Interesting part is that sex partners will make you feel stupid about this, it could be they are right, but you dont let them drop your guard.

    I did a very stupid thing once it may have been a harmelss situation but you never know, what happened was I had picked up a guy form somewhere, he seemed decent chances are he was just that looking for a decent partner, he gave me his phone number, his business address and even told me about a guy he had a steady relationship with till that guy got kidnapped while cruising for sex, he was released after police found out where he was being held but thats another story.

    I felt it odd that this person should be telling me all this and trying to rassure me at the same time that hes decent and not that type, again maybe it was just me being paranoid but its better that way, I used to meet him often but we never went beyond fondling in the car, he insisted to trust him and go to his place that he shared with five other guys by the way.

    Eventually I met his other freinds they seemed decent too, and I decided to check out his place, he took me to a very congested locality buzzing with activity, even if anything were to happen people were so busy they wouldnt notice, and such things have happened where crimes have gone unnoticed in active areas and in broad daylight.

    Went upto his room it was bare with a few beds and a toilet plus a make shift kitchen, attached to the room was another, it was a large room carpeted with a few throw cushions, the room could be bolted from outside and pad locked.

    He told me this is where we would make out, he insisted repeatedly on being naked part, like do people have sex with clothes, maybe he meant to say that hes not in quickies where you can just screw with your pants off.

    The strange part about this setup was, that such rooms can be used to keep kidnap victims without anyone in the area ever knowing it, it had no windows and no light was coming in from anywhere, so imagine going there with ones own consent where no one would even doubt what you have come for.

    To top it off being without your clothes off, then imagine being treated to food or drink tainted with sedatives and the guys friends coming in gang of five, any of these things was possible maybe even all. Infact they could have done whatever they wnated even then.

    Anyways I just checked out the place and said I'll think about it, meaning I was actually considering taking a risk, but ofcourse I didnt, eventually I stopped meeting the guy, not due to suspicion but he didnt really turn me on and I was on medication that had lowered my sex drive by that time.

    What if the guy had been exactly the type I wanted, would I have taken such a risk then, No I wouldnt, because I was involved in such a situation too, but again being cautious helped me realise something was not right, eventually I found out through someone that this second guy had ulterior motives.

    The thing with guy guy was when I just saw him I got turned on like never before, it was very strange, but thankfully I never got desperate enough to risk anything.

    I noticed whenever I met this guy he would always want me to drive him out of the area that we met in, like he would have excuses that he had to meet some one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2008 8:19 PM GMT
    I'm fairly cautious, though not to the extent that you are.

    I met both my late partner (who died of AIDS) and my present partner online, and lots of tricks & BFs in between. No horror stories to relate. On the contrary, online has been wonderful for me.

    I'm a fairly good judge of people online, based on how they present themselves in writing. I want someone who's able to express himself coherently and intelligently. That criteria alone seems to filter out a lot of the junk.

    Next I exchange photos, which can also be enlightening, in indirect ways the sender may not intend. Followed by phone calls, that tell me if the words online match the real person.

    Finally I meet him in person. I do make sure the setting isn't some kind of trap, but being a former Army Military Police Colonel, if he tries anything he'll live to regret it (if he's lucky).

    On the whole, I think the Internet's the best thing that's ever happened to the gay community, especially in remote areas where gay populations don't exist.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2008 10:58 PM GMT
    wtf?

    fpkhanCarry pepper spary, stun gun, or a small dagger or knife with you.


    !

    fpkhanJump out of a window if you have too in situations where there may be no options.


    I usually don't see guys who I imagine might be serial killers. Generally, internet dates should be met in a public place like a bar or pub and you can get a reasonable idea whether they are a psycho from having a drink and conversation with them. If anything feels wrong, just make your excuses and leave. I don't think it's ever advisable to carry knives for safety.
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Oct 12, 2008 11:07 PM GMT
    I am not cautious at all.

    But then again i have been meeting hundreds of people off the net since i was around 14 or so - mostly people i met from playing online video games (which i guess is very different than a networking/dating site meet).

    Never met any weirdos, never was someone not exactly who i expected them to be from talking with them online (including the people i have met from this site).

    I also am a Canadian who has never locked his door and has no fears about posting my phone number or address on the internet so, i do not have the typical internet paranoia that most people seem to have.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Oct 12, 2008 11:14 PM GMT
    Delivis saidI am not cautious at all.

    But then again i have been meeting hundreds of people off the net since i was around 14 or so - mostly people i met from playing online video games (which i guess is very different than a networking/dating site meet).

    Never met any weirdos, never was someone not exactly who i expected them to be from talking with them online (including the people i have met from this site).

    I also am a Canadian who has never locked his door and has no fears about posting my phone number or address on the internet so, i do not have the typical internet paranoia that most people seem to have.

    You've been lucky! Except for the odd beheading on a bus, the Canadians seem to be less crazy than your average American.
  • ASH557

    Posts: 112

    Oct 12, 2008 11:18 PM GMT
    This is some good advice. Thanks. I will definitely use it next time I put out an ad on craigslist.

    x
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2008 11:20 PM GMT
    fpkhan saidCarry pepper spary, stun gun, or a small dagger or knife with you.

    I'm reluctant to critique a well meaning post, but I do think you're a tad bit paranoid.

    And has it occurred to you that if someone you meet finds that you're carrying a stun gun or a dagger, they may very well think you're the one that's a threat to them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2008 11:22 PM GMT
    Ok, I have just noticed the OP is from Pakistan where you probably do have to be little more cautious than you would in a western metropolis.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2008 11:27 PM GMT
    If I had to worry that much, I would just stay home and wack off.... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2008 11:27 PM GMT
    fpkhan said

    Carry pepper spary, stun gun, or a small dagger or knife with you.


    I always carry a dagger!
    hahahahahahahah
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2008 11:30 PM GMT
    swimbikerun said
    You've been lucky! Except for the odd beheading on a bus, the Canadians seem to be less crazy than your average American.

    There have actually been two attacks on buses in Canada recently, altho the second wasnt fatal. I think I would take the train in Canada.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2008 2:40 AM GMT
    My advice is this:

    1. Never meet someone without talking to them online for an extended period-- weeks or months, unless you have a mutual friend or some other way of vouching for them.

    2. If someone is only willing to meet you late at night, they are probably only interested in a hookup. Anyone serious will be willing to meet for coffee or something.

    3. Never tell someone online your address, until you have met them.

    4. Always meet the first time in a public place that you familiar with.

    When I was dating (about 5 years ago), I had one experience where I was having a party, and I invited someone I had been chatting with. Turns out, he was not who he said he was, and to make it worse, he invited someone else to come in his place. Although in my chats with him I had made it clear that it was NOT going to be a hookup, just a group of people hanging out, he had been talking to someone else about hooking up, and he sent me to pick them up, thinking it was him, and I guess with them thinking I was him. After I realized that it was a bad scene, I didn't meet the guy, but he called me for weeks wanting to hook up. I have no idea what would have happened if i had gone all the way to the guys place-- only intuition alerted me to stay away. Yes, I know that's confusing, but the point is, there are a few assholes out there, and you can't always count on the person you are talking to being the person you meet.

    On the positive side, I met my partner online. We chatted for several months before we ever met, about a wide range of topics. The first date was for dinner, coffee, and a long walk and conversation, with it clear that there was no expectation of anything other than a nice talk and meal. We've been together more than three years now. So my point is, when looking on line, look for people willing to take the time to get to know you, and to date in a non-sexually charged setting. Those are the people that have the potential for more.

    If you are online looking for sex only (which is not for me, but I'm OK with it if that's what you are looking for), I think my advice still applies. You are too important, if you respect yourself, to give it up to someone who is not willing to spend some time getting to know you and making you comfortable. Some things you can do:

    1. If you don't think they are who they say they are, ask them to take a picture of themselves to prove it, or webcam-- anything that proves it's them (like getting verified here)

    2. Look for references-- anyone on their hot list, etc that you have spoken to before, and if you feel comfortable, just ask one of them if they have met the person, and if they are OK.

    3. Always schedule a first date with an easy escape-- in a public place a hour before closing, etc, so that there is an un-awkward way to bring things to a close if you have to. If you can, bring a friend as backup-- even if they are just at a different table or something.

    4. Always practice safe sex, and never do drugs or anything else that will impair your judgement.

    5. Never go to their place, or invite them to yours, as a first date, even if it's just to pick them up. If they don't have transportation, send a cab for them or something, or take a cab to get them (so that you have a driver with you)

    6. If someone is ONLY interested in hookups with you, never really let your guard down, especially if they are closeted, or if you have any suspicion that they are cheating on someone. Some people with things to hide have reason to do things that may harm you if they feel threatened.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Oct 13, 2008 3:30 AM GMT
    Good post, esp for younger guys out there hooking up from the net and the bars. When your young and in your twenties and early thirties, you think your invincable. When I was younger, I didn't really give a second thought to the guys I hooked up with. Because of my size, I have never really worried about my safety. Many years ago, I invited a guy over I met on the phone lines, he was bigger then me and basically told me what he was going to do. He said he changed his mind and was going to top me instead of me topping him. I told him that would be two fighting dudes, (then he gave me this really creepy, devilish laugh that I will never forget) Then he left, I really felt like I was dealing with the devil. I have never been terrified by another human being before, but that night I was. After that I always went out when I wanted to hookup. We also have several unsloved rough trade murders here in Chicago, where guys took strangers home and were later found murdered usually stabbed to death. So be careful guys, AND TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2008 4:12 PM GMT
    In August a leading Pakistani fashion designer was killed not by religious fanatics or an estranged lover but by a wanna be model whom he was grooming, according to the 19 year old who knew the 37 year old designer since three years the guy had drugged him by spiking his drink and tried to molest him or molested him sexually and made a video of the act, and when the boy regained his senses he went home brought his 23 year old brother along and their fathers gun, text messaged the deisgner that he was willing to do what he wanted, the unkowing designer opened the door for him they barged tied him with cable and telephone cords, stuffed his mouth with a cloth when he tried to scream and then shot him thrice at point blank range through his face, they said he was probably dead when they had stangled him.

    There must be more to the story the boy definitely seems to hiding his bisexuality, whereas the designer was gay, also the guy had called the boy at his place at 3 am to meet him so the other party wasnt so innocent either, news was splashed in all newspapers of this conservative country bringing out the designers lifestyle in public. The guy himself was very wealthy while the boy was from a low income background, though they didnt steal anything from his place.
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    Oct 13, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
    Well, that tale is horrible in all sorts of ways. But doesn't quite relate to online meetings.

    If you're meeting a guy who's ad you read on Craigs list, who wants to meet "NOW", and who you know really nothing about - well, buyer beware.

    I used to have a policy long before internet hookups, that if I went home with a stranger from a bar, I'd be sure to introduce him to another friend of mine first. (Usually my hookups were with someone a friend already knew anyway - I just like a friendlier, less anonymous date.)

    But my policy for a long time is not to get in the sack on the first meeting anyway - with a few exceptions.

    I'm not leery of meeting someone in person after connecting online - but use good judgment. Meet someplace public (anythign from a bar to Starbucks is OK) and treat it like a blind date. There may be no chemistry for one of you (or both), or he may not show up.

    I say if you have any qualms, let him see and hear you make a phone call to a friend saying where you are - "255 25th Street" or whatever.

    You actually are much more likely to simply have a bad time or a jerk who wants to sell you a time share than to be assaulted or robbed, etc. But use your head.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Oct 13, 2008 7:57 PM GMT
    Caslon7000 saidIf I had to worry that much, I would just stay home and wack off.... icon_rolleyes.gif


    First off all I don't do that kind of thing, but as Cas says, if I had to worry that much, I would just whack off at home. In fact I would sooner serve my time in Iraq.

    The OP is paranoid beyond belief. And as Global_C says, if someone finds your stun gun, or a small dagger or knife, you could end up in hospital or worse.

    Seriously, find a nice guy and settle down before you get hurt, and stop this craziness.

    I mean how could you possibly enjoy yourself with a guy, if you have to think like that?

    This is just the craziest thing I have ever read on RJ icon_rolleyes.gif

    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2008 8:12 PM GMT
    I myself are yet to go and meet anyone from the net. I have no intention to do so either; but then I've never come to the net looking for love or sex either, and I hope I never do. But then I also have 2 very long lasting relationships also,
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Oct 13, 2008 8:25 PM GMT
    On second thoughts I would carry all those weapons, and probably an Uzi, if I were to meet Pattison in person.

















































    That's a joke Pat icon_lol.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 13, 2008 8:28 PM GMT
    I think it depends on the circumstances. If I were to meet MikePhil or a number of guys off of RJ, I wouldn't be the least concerned. If it was someone that you hadn't conversed with much, I would probably be a little more aware.

    I would never go to someone's home whom I've talked to little and don't
    know.