Divorce or Stay

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    Mar 17, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    I have been married to my partner for 5 years only to recently find out that he has always been a Paranoid Schizophrenic which he was controlling with medication. He stopped taking because he says he doesn't have a problem.
    Now he says everyone is spying on him has threated to kill me and others. But still denies he has a problem. What would you do?

    Gregg
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    Mar 17, 2013 3:24 PM GMT
    Divorce, change your name, move far away and never look back. Major lie on his part about the medication and the reasons for taking it and now the lack of reasons for not taking it. Sounds like it is only going to get worse.
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    Mar 17, 2013 3:46 PM GMT
    That's what Schizophrenic people do...they have a strong delusion, you cannot argue with them

    Schizophrenic patients do think they are perfectly alright and normal.
    I've seen few patients, they try to avoid taking medications, some of them requires force administration

    "Everyone is spying on him" that is a sign of Persecutory delusion...
    people with these kinda symptoms...sometimes attack others to protect themselves because they think they are being persecuted (In reality they are not)!

    If his condition is severe, call emergency and put him in psychiatry department (sadly, most of the times it requires force)

    He really needs medical help; If you love him, first consult a psychiatric doctor...
    If there is a chance to record his actions, record it with your phone or whatever...

    If you leave him alone, his condition may go worse and either puts himself or others in danger.
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    Mar 17, 2013 3:52 PM GMT
    It's very common for individuals with mental illnesses to discontinue their medication. They struggle with the stigma of being "defective"..one day they feel "normal and healthy" ( that's because the meds are working! ) and assume they must be fixed, then they go off their meds.

    It's a rough journey for their partners. If I was in your situation, I would stay, but only if the relationship is otherwise fulfilling....

    I personally would suggest ( with his consent ) you make a joint appointment with his doctor, the 3 of you will be able to discuss a medically supervised plan of action and you will be able a better grasp of his situation.

    This will also demonstrate your support and commitment to him, your relationship and for the well-being of you both.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 17, 2013 3:55 PM GMT
    To me, marriage means you're committed and will be there when your husband needs you. He needs you. Get him the help he needs, even if that means having him committed against his will.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 17, 2013 4:11 PM GMT
    There is some research on LSD and Schizophrenia ...does he have a past of high LSD usage? Schizophrenia can be from mild to extreme. I don't think you can do much with extreme, except stay out of the way, your partner likely has a mild case. Perhaps you can educate him into understanding why he is feeling what he is feeling. Maybe another dose of LSD or Mescaline with a guide through the process can force his brain to reboot and get back to reality, but there is a chance it could get worse. Maybe look into herbal medication. It is difficult to help someone that does not want to help themselves. Sorry for your situation.
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    Mar 17, 2013 4:12 PM GMT
    Timbales saidTo me, marriage means you're committed and will be there when your husband needs you. He needs you. Get him the help he needs, even if that means having him committed against his will.



    This, ABSOLUTELY!!icon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif
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    Mar 17, 2013 4:14 PM GMT
    Timbales saidTo me, marriage means you're committed and will be there when your husband needs you. He needs you. Get him the help he needs, even if that means having him committed against his will.


    I agree.
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    Mar 17, 2013 5:04 PM GMT
    People seem to forget this line a lot

    To be with your partner "IN SICKNESS, and in health...."
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    Mar 17, 2013 5:33 PM GMT
    I would try an intervention first. (You loved him for a reason right? And if you are married didn't you agree to the whole "...in sickness and in health"? )

    But if he doesn't change, and isn't willing to get help, then separation, or divorce, are the only options.
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    Mar 17, 2013 6:53 PM GMT
    The problem here is he is not able to see his behavior.
    Personally.. I would set up a hidden cam ..or even a voice recorder..

    ..If he hears or sees himself having an episode...there is a chance he'll reconsider the seriousness of his condition.

    ..Just a suggestion..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2013 9:17 PM GMT
    I think this was posted by Metta or someone else on a past thread. Seems to apply here...

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    Mar 17, 2013 9:25 PM GMT
    The problem is there is no right or wrong answer. He is, however, in the wrong for not telling you about his disease, but that is probably due to the fact he thought you might not want to be with him once you found out.

    No matter what, at this point it sounds like he is a danger to you, the public, and to himself, and he needs to get the help and be put back on the medication. You need to get him committed back to a hospital, if he refuses voluntary help.

    After you or he gets that help it falls onto him to keep up with his medication. You can't force him to take care of himself everyday and make sure he is taking his medication, it's not fair to you. He needs to WANT to be better and needs to ACCEPT he has a disease.

    Again, there is no right or wrong answer, and no one should judge you, because you are in an extremely difficult position. But, you should get him the help he needs RIGHT NOW, before something bad happens.

    Good Luck!
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    Mar 17, 2013 9:33 PM GMT
    If you married for better or for worse it sounds like your on the edge of worse. Things will most likey get worse but would you be asking this if he won a billion dollars, No you'd bask in the riches. This man needs the guy who stood beside him and made a vow of commitment.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Mar 17, 2013 10:03 PM GMT
    I'd probably want to help him get better instead of leaving him. The meds must work if you didn't know this for 5 years. Just have to get him back on them.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 17, 2013 10:08 PM GMT
    Do your best to help him, but "tough love" may have to be a part of it unfortunately....
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    Mar 18, 2013 12:14 PM GMT
    Leave him, if he agrees to see a doctor and take his medication it's fine then you can give it another shot, else you are only making your life miserable. I have seen schizophrenic patients especially those who think someone is after them, it's not healthy for your mind to be around such people. Be practical. You are only 40, you have your whole life ahead of you.
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Mar 18, 2013 12:33 PM GMT
    seek a psychologist who deals with schizophrenics and let him inform you and from there choose a course of action. yes the lie stings and schizophrenia is not a little thing but you're married to the guy. you love him right? maybe the best thing you could do for him is find a way to get him back on his meds. if you don't love him enough to help him with that, who's going to? does marriage mean so little that you would leave him to his own devices and just wait for the day that you get a phone call saying that he's dead?
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    Mar 18, 2013 1:25 PM GMT
    Ugh. I wish you strength and peace with this one.

    Maybe suggest couples counseling, and find a therapist with experience with Schitzophrenia.

    My very close buddy went through this with a bi-polar son. My buddy didn't handle it right, and the situation ended horribly: manipulation, gun play and incarceration. Love your hubby, but remember that you're no good to anyone if you don't preserve your own self.
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    Mar 18, 2013 1:30 PM GMT
    gamh7 saidI have been married to my partner for 5 years only to recently find out that he has always been a Paranoid Schizophrenic which he was controlling with medication. He stopped taking because he says he doesn't have a problem.
    Now he says everyone is spying on him has threated to kill me and others. But still denies he has a problem. What would you do?

    Gregg


    Hey Gregg -

    You can't fix him by yourself, and if he doesnt want help, you have no other option than to consider your own safety.

    He needs to get back on his medication, and he may return to being the man you married, I'm sure you've already tried all the avenues.

    I wish you the best of luck
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Mar 18, 2013 1:34 PM GMT
    Schizophrenia is a medical condition. Would you leave your partner if he had cancer or would you try to get him the help he needed to deal with his condition?
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    Mar 18, 2013 1:34 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Timbales saidTo me, marriage means you're committed and will be there when your husband needs you. He needs you. Get him the help he needs, even if that means having him committed against his will.


    I agree.


    +1

    I think divorcing him while he is in this state may make it worse for him to get well. I would get him the help he needs (even if it's involuntary on his part). Then once he is back on his meds and stable, have a lengthy discussion with him about not being truthful.

    Then decide.

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    Mar 18, 2013 1:41 PM GMT
    Either he gets back on his meds or he loses you.
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    Mar 18, 2013 1:44 PM GMT
    CuriousOne saidEither he gets back on his meds or he loses you.


    This
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    Mar 18, 2013 1:52 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Timbales saidTo me, marriage means you're committed and will be there when your husband needs you. He needs you. Get him the help he needs, even if that means having him committed against his will.


    I agree.


    BULLSHIT!

    The OP says he recently found out after 5 years of marriage. This was something his partner should have revealed to him at the onset so that he could have made an informed decision as to whether he wanted to marry him and take on the responsibility of care for someone with mental issues.

    I say he was lied to (a lie of omission is still a lie) and has no obligation to honor the commitment he made to the guy because it was made under false pretenses.

    RUN LIKE HELL, HONEY.