my best friend im in love with.

  • rower20

    Posts: 9

    Mar 18, 2013 9:40 AM GMT
    this is a very long winded and 'typical' scenario - i understand if you cant be bothered with it - but some help in this area would be very much appreciated.

    i have known james for about 5 years now, i only ever saw him at partys etc and never really thought that much about him. i thought him and his gf were awesome and enjoyed their company but it was never really anymore than just mates.
    over the course of a few weeks we started hanging out more and more until after about a month, we were pretty much inseperable. we did everything together, if one or the other hadnt heard from each other we'd get in contact. not a day went past when i didnt see or hear from james. his gf had moved to another city to study, and i am in the closet - i personally identify as bi..i have nad numerious girlfriends, and up until now no feelings for guys. i realised i had very strong feelings for james. so much so that i truly fell in love with him. it sound silly perhaps but it was a very scary feeling - but i now know what love is. its amazing, but awful and agonizing at the same time.

    I recognised and acknowledged to myself tht i had fallen in love with a guy, so this isnt to do with an issue of sexuality. the opposite, because i loved james so much i didnt care about being gay, or bi, the important thing was him.

    We continued to hang out more and more and he began doing everything with me, to the point where people did wonder about our relationship. he got more and more cuddly and affectionate and it was a great feeling when he leant on me or touched me. He needed a place to live and so moved into my house - things got more and more affecitonate - we began sleeping in the same bed a couple nights and week for instance....just slowly rolling along over 6 months.

    One night after a few drinks we had a fight and i ended up leaving. the next day i took a deep breath and told him i was in love with him. he took it amazingly, said that nothing changes and we are still best friends and we continue. it felt great to get it off my chest, but there was no definite answer.

    we had a summer break from each other of a few weeks, i pined alot for him and it was great when we were reunited. It didnt take long bfore we were sleeping in the same bed again...and it got cuddlier and cuddlier until it was spooning on a regular basis. the one night he told me he loved me too, and we kissed and spent the night together and it was incredible. more than the physical aspect of the whole thing, it was his words that were so comforting.

    I could tell in the morning he was trying to figure out what had happend....i gave him heaps of space for a few weeks. things became distant between us but i just continued to give him air.

    then over the last few weeks there has been more and more affection again, we have begun sleeping in the same bed again, small kissed here and there, and we are talking about the future together.

    where are we? is this him slowly coming to terms? or is he just being nice to me and letting me kiss him etc.......

    big story, let me know if you can. i cannot live without him, but i cant live with him as a friend.

    thanks for reading, thanks for any help.
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Mar 18, 2013 1:27 PM GMT
    sounds like you already know where you are, at the beginning of a relationship thats daunting for the both of you
    if its true that you are talking about a future together then yes, it sounds like he is slowly coming to terms with his feelings for you. Perhaps he is more attracted to girls than guys n so it's harder for him to accept that he likes a boy in that way.

    I'd say for now things are looking up n you should be happy that you get to kiss cuddle n hang with the person you love, I would give him time to come to terms with himself but dont ignore the situation. I would talk about how you're going to handle it, whether he would consider what you two have a 'relationship,' whether you're going to take it slow n steady in the closet or if you'll tell your friends/family or move away together, the possibilities are endless! Be open to his input though n considerate of what he wants to do, you dont want to scare him away

    however, is he still with his girlfriend? if he is thats an entirely different story. I would avoid him n try your best to get over him. That situation isnt good for your psychological well-being considering you're madly in-love with him,
    n just cus he says he loves you doesnt mean hes gunna leave her for you.
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    Mar 18, 2013 2:57 PM GMT
    Time for both of you to sit and have an adult conversation on who each of you are, where you want to go with each other and whether you're both interested in a gay relationship or not. If either is not ready to admit to yourselves that you're gay and in love, then I'd say it's time to break off the sexual portion (sleeping together, cuddling, sex, kissing, etc) and build a platonic relationship or go your separate ways.
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    Mar 18, 2013 3:03 PM GMT
    First rule of Homo Bro Code : Don`t. Screw. The. Crew.
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    Mar 18, 2013 3:13 PM GMT
    Good God....what kind of drama did you get yourself into?

    Seriously, I agree with eb925guy that you two need to sit down and figure out where the relationship is headed. The "spacing" that you're giving him is going to get old. When you get the courage to talk to him and if he seems distance or avoiding the subject, then you have your answer.....he's not interested in a relationship and it's time for you to move on. Good luck!
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    Mar 18, 2013 3:19 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidTime for both of you to sit and have an adult conversation on who each of you are, where you want to go with each other and whether you're both interested in a gay relationship or not. If either is not ready to admit to yourselves that you're gay and in love, then I'd say it's time to break off the sexual portion (sleeping together, cuddling, sex, kissing, etc) and build a platonic relationship or go your separate ways.


    this...
    you only get answer by discussing with your buddy...
    & one more thing...
    did he break up with his girl friend?


    jackooh said
    however, is he still with his girlfriend? if he is thats an entirely different story. I would avoid him n try your best to get over him. That situation isnt good for your psychological well-being considering you're madly in-love with him,
    n just cus he says he loves you doesnt mean hes gunna leave her for you.


    & this
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    Mar 18, 2013 4:38 PM GMT
    Your feelings of romantic attachment to a heterosexual man may possibly indicate unresolved issues/conflicts with prominent heterosexual male figures in your past.
  • blueyedgrey20...

    Posts: 285

    Mar 18, 2013 5:01 PM GMT
    i think its hot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2013 5:09 PM GMT
    dang you got it bad. icon_confused.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 18, 2013 5:09 PM GMT
    Congrats, man. Love is grand! Give him time but he doesn't need distance. Don't worry about the future, just love him and enjoy today. It will go where it goes but no need to push it. I've seen so many people, guys and girls, gays and straights, feel the need to put a label on their relationship that they end up putting pressure on themselves and screwing up the whole thing. Just bathe in the pleasure of love and don't worry! And remember, every couple is unique and every relationship is different. Your's doesn't have to look like anyone else's. Find your own happiness and love your great guy!
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Mar 18, 2013 6:29 PM GMT
    icon_biggrin.gifWhat is the problem boy, he loves you too! Now go get your man. Jesus, most of us wish we had it this easy
  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Mar 18, 2013 6:41 PM GMT
    I disagree with most everybody on the thread who said "sounds like you have to establish rules, talk it over, bla bla bla," in other words: slap a category/name to this and put it in a box

    I agree with the people who say, it seems like a love story. Just go with it and let it go where it wants to naturally.
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    Mar 18, 2013 7:07 PM GMT
    blueyedgrey2014 saidi think its hot.


    + 1
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Mar 18, 2013 7:08 PM GMT
    heyom saidI disagree with most everybody on the thread who said "sounds like you have to establish rules, talk it over, bla bla bla," in other words: slap a category/name to this and put it in a box

    I agree with the people who say, it seems like a love story. Just go with it and let it go where it wants to naturally.


    Yeah, and that works cute in the movies. In real life, adults need to communicate clearly.

    Sit down and talk it out. No big deal.
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    Mar 18, 2013 7:11 PM GMT
    Lol, some guy just posted this on another board of mine. Sounds like a scam story.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2013 10:10 PM GMT
    heyom saidI disagree with most everybody on the thread who said "sounds like you have to establish rules, talk it over, bla bla bla," in other words: slap a category/name to this and put it in a box

    I agree with the people who say, it seems like a love story. Just go with it and let it go where it wants to naturally.

    Where it's going naturally is all over the place because neither of them knows what to expect from the other! This is terrible advice. This is exactly why relationships fail, because you sweep all the questions and concerns under the rug, go on day to day like nothing is wrong and then wonder why you grow apart.

    Get some balls, sit down and open up completely. He either loves you and wants you (OK, now there's a love story) or he has no interest other than to snuggle and fuck you on occasion when his gf is out of town. Now don't you think it would be nice to find out? Or would you rather just let it go where ever it goes naturally? Seriously? Ahhhhh!
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    Mar 18, 2013 10:13 PM GMT
    Fiyero27 saidLol, some guy just posted this on another board of mine. Sounds like a scam story.

    Well that would explain the faceless profile. You should copy the other site's posting and post it here for comparison.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Mar 18, 2013 11:05 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Fiyero27 saidLol, some guy just posted this on another board of mine. Sounds like a scam story.

    Well that would explain the faceless profile. You should copy the other site's posting and post it here for comparison.

    I thought it sounded almost too good to be true... but life is very weird. At least in my experience.

    Given recent threads, maybe we should rename this forum REALSOAP icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    SA_Muscle saidFirst rule of Homo Bro Code : Don`t. Screw. The. Crew.


    Hell. I never got the memo on that one. icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 19, 2013 2:07 AM GMT
    Don't expect to force a position from him it you try to talk it out. If the affairs of the heart could be talked about then they would be the affairs of the mind. It sounds like he is just taking it one day at a time and you are really lucky he is open to the experience. So just try to enjoy him and the experience in the now.

    You can't protect yourself from a love affair, you just live it and enjoy it and don't focus on expectations of a unknowable future.