wtf are the odds situation..

  • Hellojawh

    Posts: 26

    Oct 13, 2008 4:56 AM GMT
    ok so i start talking to this guy..met him online.. he goes to the school that connects with us in sports. like people from his school come do sports at mine and vice versa..(im in hs and 18, yes) well so i meet him he get alls weird and super attached. he tells all his girl friends that he met a guy from the school i go to and shows them my picture and facebook. one girl says she knows me.. i have no fucking idea who she is.. she said she never talked to me before but still knew me... i didnt mind it at all.... OK soo.. she adds me on facebook i ignore it..the same day i go to my best friends moms 50th bday...well im there dancing and going crazy cause i drank (yes, it happens) and i see this girl all like looking at me the whole time while we're dancing..i thought she liked me.. (she might idk) well party ends; shes all like bye and so so w/e.. well the next day (today) i decide the girl that the kid knew on facebook... to find out it WAS THE FUCKING GIRL FROM THE PARTY...i freaked out.. like this girl is my best friends cousin and she knows my secret. that not even he knows. its a mindfuck. i havent talked to her yet but i did message her on facebook.. like really what are the fuking odds? its so weird. idk what to do cause my social life is now in her hands. hahah. well thought id tell u guys about this clusterfuck and maybe give me some input. icon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2008 6:13 AM GMT
    Are you upset that you were seen drunk and dancing? Embarrassed that one of your friend's cousin knows that you like a boy? How is this a clusterfuck? I can't see what the problem really is here.
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    Oct 13, 2008 3:01 PM GMT
    If you're worried about this one girl knowing you're gay and what might get out about you, you're giving other people too much power and control over your life.

    People might find out, they might not. Life goes on. Trust me, you might not want people to know now, but life will be so much easier if they do. I almost wish someone had outed me at 18. It would have saved me years of being scared of being found out.
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    Oct 13, 2008 3:08 PM GMT
    Tough shit.

    That is the danger of being partially out. Either come out to to your folks or deal with this anxiety every day. Unless I misread your post (which is in dire need of a red pen and lots of proper nouns) that is your only option.
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    Oct 13, 2008 3:31 PM GMT
    I sympathize with you. A person wants to take care of "telling people" himself, not wonder if someone you don't know is going to take care of it for you. Will she be discreet, or is she the type to spread gossip like the flu? She might have the best intentions but still misunderstand - maybe she thinks you're "out" or at some moment of"sharing" with her cousin (or a someone she meets from your school) decide to "share" your business.

    Maybe you've been thinking you'd like to just get through High School before coming out, get that petty world behind you and into college before telling your friends and parents ... to be able to tell them your way, one at a time, etc.

    I get that. On the other hand, I've had friend "outed" to their parents in similar ways: one friend's sister was told he was gay by someone who was told by another guy who ran into him at a bar ... (so typical). She confronted him and was pretty hostile. THEN she told his mother, who freaked out , of course. But this all turned out for the better, the cat was out of the bag and everyone eventually dealt with it.

    However, he was in his late 20s, out of law school. Not 18, living at home, dealing with the cliques and other issues of high school. So I can really appreciate the difference for you.

    You have a few options immediately open to you -
    1. You can find out who this girl is, in fact; is she really your best friend's cousin? You could then follow up with her, since you've met now, and privately tell her you're not out (possibly not even 'decided') and ask her to keep it to herself. Maybe you should ask the guy who was the original contact about her ... get your facts straight and find out how much you have to worry about.

    2. You can ride it and see what happens. Maybe nothing.

    3. You can privately tell your best friend what's up before she does. You can even leave out the part about her, just tell him you're gay. Or tell him you "might be" gay, if you want to break it easy. (I had that conversation with a couple of friends when I was about your age - because in fact, I wasn't sure. I knew I liked guys, but thought then that I would probably enjoy that then later "move on" to girls and getting married. In none of those cases did the friend freak out or even alter their relationship with me. But many people have different experiences.)

    You're smart to post your dilemma here. There are as many different experiences of "coming out" and being "outed" as there are guys here.

    In my case, a few months before I finally came to the realization that it was to be men only for me, and no wife somewhere down the line (I was dating a girl, who was pretty frustrated that she couldn't get me into bed!) I met a guy and brought him home. He knew lots of people I knew, and the very next day I was hearing from one of them how cool it was that he and I had hooked up, she thought we were perfect for each other, etc. YOW! I felt ambushed.

    It turned out to be just another step for me, and didn't have any actual repercussions at all. (Except that it made me distrust him just enough that we never slept together again - and we actually might have been pretty good together.)

    So, final advice for now: keep calm. Don't freak out. You sound pretty well sorted, so fall back on your ability to keep your cool.

    Watch the booze. You can do far worse damage to your reputation and future getting drunk and losing control of your actions than you can by experiencing an outing by a high school girl.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Oct 13, 2008 3:36 PM GMT
    Go buy a book: English for Dummies
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    Oct 13, 2008 3:37 PM GMT
    Crimjawh said idk what to do cause my social life is now in her hands.


    I know it's hard to imagine right now, but that social life means very little when you leave high school.

    I would suggest you come out before she can out you. If not to everyone, at least to your best friend. If he can't accept it, well, was he really that great of a friend to begin with?
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    Oct 13, 2008 3:49 PM GMT
    If I had a time machine, there's one thing I'd have the me of today go back and tell the me of 18, and that's how little most people actually care whether you're gay.

    Besides mom, who wants to have grandkids, and other hyper-religious family members you rarely see, no one really cares. And it's better to have friends who accept you as you are and allow you to live your life honestly. Why should your friends need you to censor who you are?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2008 4:01 PM GMT
    coolarmydude saidGo buy a book: English for Dummies

    Go Buy a book Compassion for Heartless Bastards
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 13, 2008 6:32 PM GMT
    I'm sorry, but I have to admit I got bored reading this and never finished it...
    Is it out in "Cliff Notes"? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Hellojawh

    Posts: 26

    Oct 13, 2008 8:26 PM GMT
    basically i dont want to be outed by someone else. i dont want my friends knowing now because i want to get out of hs alive. (lol) my english/grammar because i dont really care about, i have more important things to worry about...like getting what was going through my head, at that point, typed. (im in AP english btw, so im not a dumbass) um i should be seeing this girl this weekend again at another party. im gonna ride it out and see how it all turns out.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Oct 13, 2008 8:26 PM GMT
    Fable said, "Go buy a book Compassion for Heartless Bastards"


    Whatever! When the author writes, "its so weird. idk what to do cause my social life is now in her hands. hahah.", I took the "hahah" as a light-hearted sense about the situation. Read between the shorthand, fella! icon_rolleyes.gif