First few months away from home

  • South_Howler

    Posts: 46

    Mar 23, 2013 7:03 AM GMT
    I've been feeling a bit anxious these last 8 months because there's been a lot of changes in my life. A major one has been coming out to most of my friends and family, the other has been moving out of my home country to pursue a master's degree. Although I'm happy with how my education is going, I am sad to say that I can't feel the same about being away from home. When I left I promised myself that this would be part of me doing things right, and getting more in touch with my online gay friends - but sadly that hasn't worked out the way I expected. I want to hang out with more men over where I am but my fear of rejection keeps bugging me and I find myself putting school work as an excuse.

    I honestly don't know what to think anymore, hence this post. I'm hoping someone can at least contribute to this because it's been weird and I don't know if going out to a gay bar by myself is such a good idea.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2013 10:53 AM GMT
    I don't know about gay bar, because I have never been to any!

    But I can say to you one thing
    Stop fearing...Dare once & you'll never be the same. Just close your eyes & imagine the possibilities you can achieve if your fear is not a problem anymore.

    for ex: If you're fear of heights, close your eyes & think (I don't fear of heights anymore & there is nothing to fear about it. Now I can go to Empire state building, Mount Everest, Grand canyon etc.) It will be very helpful in motivating you to overcome fear.

    here is the a link.
    http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/fear-of-rejection/
    I hope it may help you...

    All the best!
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Mar 23, 2013 2:28 PM GMT
    Sorry you're going through this. From the way you write it's obvious you are intelligent and articulate, and your pics are great; you have a lot going for you!

    I would say that what you're experiencing is a phase that will pass if you let it. It doesn't have to define you or your future. Look at all the recent change you have had to navigate! It would throw anyone off.

    Stay connected by phone and Internet with friends and family back home, but at the same time, take a chance where you are. There have got to be people in your graduate program you can relate to. And you're probably able to meet up with other RJ'res in the city. Take a chance, but don't let one experience determine your attitude. Keep at it.

    I hope you will keep us updated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2013 3:34 PM GMT
    Start going to "Meetups" where you can hang out with people who share the same interests as you. From there, friendships may sprout. This is part of what going to school away from home is all about.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Mar 23, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    Going out to a gay bar by yourself is a great idea..Sometimes we hold ourselves back by thinking we need others to socialize...I've gone to the bar in the past by myself...If they played a song I was into...I'd go out on the floor and dance alone..Many times other guys joined me...All in all it was a good thing...Never hold your breathe until things are ideal..You may end up picking yourself off the floor...All the best.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2013 7:26 PM GMT
    And yet on your profle page you say "I'll let you know if I want to meet you."

    Under your description it says, "Ask."

    Taking the initiative with others is a great way to begin. There will be the disappointments and the rejects, sure, but if you are waiting for them to come to you . . . .
  • South_Howler

    Posts: 46

    Mar 24, 2013 4:38 AM GMT
    mileshelvetica saidAnd yet on your profle page you say "I'll let you know if I want to meet you."

    Under your description it says, "Ask."

    Taking the initiative with others is a great way to begin. There will be the disappointments and the rejects, sure, but if you are waiting for them to come to you . . . .


    Yeah, there's a reason for that: I'm not perfect.

    Not that it justifies me being so cold when it comes to describing myself however I feel I should explain why I have those fields filled out like that:

    In the past I have been approached by other guys here who have wound up not being who they portray in their pictures. It got to a point that I just decided to raise that wall. Maybe it's time I should be a little bit more open. Worth a shot.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 24, 2013 5:21 AM GMT
    starboard5 saidSorry you're going through this. From the way you write it's obvious you are intelligent and articulate, and your pics are great; you have a lot going for you!

    I would say that what you're experiencing is a phase that will pass if you let it. It doesn't have to define you or your future. Look at all the recent change you have had to navigate! It would throw anyone off.

    Stay connected by phone and Internet with friends and family back home, but at the same time, take a chance where you are. There have got to be people in your graduate program you can relate to. And you're probably able to meet up with other RJ'res in the city. Take a chance, but don't let one experience determine your attitude. Keep at it.

    I hope you will keep us updated.
    what he said. wow, great advice
  • South_Howler

    Posts: 46

    Mar 28, 2013 5:31 AM GMT
    Right now I haven't done anything different because of school. I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety and also feeling a bit isolated. I had two gay friends that I suspect are not talking to me any more and I'm not able to have an eye to eye conversation with them.

    I just had to post it somewhere to get it out of my system. Plus the deadlines from school, and not getting a job for summer and just everything else. I don't know what the hell is going on right now.

    Sorry for venting here, but I just want to get over this and move on.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Mar 28, 2013 8:30 AM GMT
    there is probably a gay discussion group at your school. join it.
    if not, find a coming out discussion group on meetup.com or something

    if you are at school, even if you dont have time make the time to join a club of some kind, any club, chess if you must, or something gayer.

    With muscles like you have it shouldnt be hard to make friends.

    At worst put your name on the skype jerk off list, and when you are done with the jerking off part, talk to a couple guys, I have over a hundred contacts and 5 or 6 that will talk afterward in just a few months of looking.