Not good looking enough to go yo clubd or when I'm older bars?

  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Mar 23, 2013 4:11 PM GMT
    Does anyone else believe that they don't look good enough to be approached to at clubs or bars? Maybe its my self esteem that needs a little boost but there is a lot of competition in the gay community and sometimes I feel inadequate whether it be looks,personality, intelligence, money, or clothing.Am I the only person who thinks this way?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Mar 23, 2013 4:40 PM GMT
    Everyone feels that way from time to time, but you have to find confidence in yourself. People will respond to that!
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    Mar 23, 2013 6:01 PM GMT
    LoveAndPeace said Does anyone else believe that they don't look good enough to be approached to at clubs or bars? Maybe its my self esteem that needs a little boost but there is a lot of competition in the gay community and sometimes I feel inadequate whether it be looks,personality, intelligence, money, or clothing.Am I the only person who thinks this way?


    just go. if you get rejected, you get rejected. you can't win everybody and you won't lose everybody.

    at some point, you're going to have to say fuck it and just get over with it.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 23, 2013 6:14 PM GMT
    Here's some news for you ... the good looking one's rarely get approached. Good looking guys don't approach good looking guys because they fear rejection. So you are going to have break through that fear and approach other men, because they cannot.
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    Mar 23, 2013 6:18 PM GMT
    You are human
    you are unique
    you have the right to be here.. !


    "I feel inadequate whether it be looks,personality, intelligence, money, or clothing.Am I the only person who thinks this way?"


    Be careful with this mindset... This could easily morph itself into bitter jealousy !

    ..No matter who and what you think you are..there will always be someone better..Still this is no reason to feel inadequate.

    ..Love you for you!
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Mar 23, 2013 6:19 PM GMT
    LoveAndPeace said ...sometimes I feel inadequate whether it be looks,personality, intelligence, money, or clothing...


    The last 4 factors mean absolutely nothing at a gay club, unless your clothes look horrible on you
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Mar 23, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidYou are human
    you are unique
    you have the right to be here.. !


    "I feel inadequate whether it be looks,personality, intelligence, money, or clothing.Am I the only person who thinks this way?"


    Be careful with this mindset... This could easily morph itself into bitter jealousy !

    ..No matter who and what you think you are..there will always be someone better..Still this is no reason to feel inadequate.

    ..Love you for you!
    thanks for the advice icon_smile.gif
  • imbrad

    Posts: 377

    Mar 23, 2013 10:06 PM GMT
    It's a tough world out there. Be beautiful within yourself and do it with grace. The easiest way to get attention is by acting like a hot mess... the BEST way to get attention is by knowing yourself well enough to be an conscious individual.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Mar 23, 2013 10:22 PM GMT
    LoveAndPeace said Does anyone else believe that they don't look good enough to be approached to at clubs or bars? Maybe its my self esteem that needs a little boost but there is a lot of competition in the gay community and sometimes I feel inadequate whether it be looks,personality, intelligence, money, or clothing.Am I the only person who thinks this way?


    I'm not much of a club person but I won't lie, I'm guilty in feeling those 4 traits in general but at the end of the day, I wouldn't change who I am just to attract or get attention from a guy. So you just have to remember to add some perspective to those negative thoughts. True, there may be those days where the feelings can seem overwhelming but just remember to keep a grip on perspective. You can't please everyone and if you get rejected, just shrug it off and keep your head up. This is coming from someone who has been rejected a lot so believe me, keeping your head up and not analyzing the rejection makes it a little easier.

    Stay strong. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 23, 2013 10:52 PM GMT

    assuming one passes the many RJ cute vs hot thread(s)icon_question.gif

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1000851
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    Mar 24, 2013 1:56 AM GMT
    There will always be some guy out there that thinks your incredible and you'll snub him cause he ain't hot enough for you.

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    Mar 24, 2013 1:58 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidThere will always be some guy out there that thinks your incredible and you'll snub him cause he ain't hot enough for you.



    An ugly truth icon_sad.gif No pun intended.
  • paulken

    Posts: 24

    Mar 24, 2013 2:04 AM GMT
    You are a victim of our societal value system. We gage goodness by the Hollywood standard, when most of them are superficial. Their only real redeeming quality is that they can act. So we put them on a pedestal. I dont get that, so come away from all that pretense. In fact, bars and clubs are not places I would look for a quality guy.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Mar 24, 2013 8:10 PM GMT
    I think as far as the celebrity thing goes. I can admit that I used to think that you had to look like a celebrity to be considered attractive but after looking at pictures of celebrities not dolled up or in a normal setting that wasn't on the set, it showed that they are just like any other person. And seeing some videos on youtube that had to deal wit hthe photoshop effect for perfection, it opened my eyes even more.

    So really, I think once people learn about those kinds of things, it can help put ease on your mind (depending on the person of course).
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    Mar 24, 2013 8:14 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidThere will always be some guy out there that thinks your incredible and you'll snub him cause he ain't hot enough for you.



    ROTFL.. You need an exorcism.. icon_razz.gif
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Mar 24, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    Eh. I have low self-esteem about all of those issues, but I don't let that stop me from enjoying myself at the club. I go there to dance and have fun, regardless of whether or not I'll be approached (which I won't—except that one time).
  • FitAquarian

    Posts: 78

    Mar 24, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    I don't know what it's like for some people but I rarely get approached at bars or clubs. Maybe it's because guys don't want to be perceived as cruisy since the type of bars I go to are usually frequented by groups. I think it would probably happen more often at afterhours bars when people are either desperate for a fix or to get laid.

  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Mar 24, 2013 10:10 PM GMT
    Learn to love yourself. Guys have won my heart over, even when I wasn't attracted to them to begin with because they have confidence.

    Confidence can make a man so much more attractive. Doesn't matter about his height, weight, anything.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Mar 24, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    highforthis said
    LoveAndPeace said ...sometimes I feel inadequate whether it be looks,personality, intelligence, money, or clothing...


    The last 4 factors mean absolutely nothing at a gay club, unless your clothes look horrible on you


    That's not even a little bit true.
    At least in the boston/cambridge area intelligence and personality easily put you in high demand. Though obviously those only apply after you start talking to someone.
    And fashion sense is a decent way to get noticed though (thankfully for me : ) not a necessity.


    But yeah, what other people said.
    Always look to better yourself, but don't get caught up in self-loathing or irrational worry. Work what you got with confidence and it will be more than enough to find the right people in your life. ;)