Relationships with Benefits

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2008 7:37 AM GMT
    Ok so my boo and I have been going out for 2 years and we have this other couple that we know/he works with. My guy and the couple have dance practice together 3 times a week and hang out alot. My guy has also hooked up with the elder of the couple a few times before.

    Now in the other couple, the younger of the two has made sexual jokes and sexual innuendos at my guy more than a few times. Also, there seems to be the impending idea that the four of us might get together sometime.

    It sounds fun, but at the same time, they arent what I am attracted to and the fact that they always hang out and I dont know them as well may make things a bit awkward for me. Also, I dont want to give that one guy from the couple the benefit of getting with my guy especially if it is true that he likes my guy....

    Sooooo, whats a boy to do??
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    Oct 14, 2008 7:44 AM GMT
    umm you do what you should always do, talk to your partner about it, see what he feels and express your own ideas...

    Or, you could do what I'm sure others would do and stalk them, read his emails and snoop through all sorts of things trying to prove something that isn't there.... that could work... Or you could talk to him..

    Might just be better to talk to him.
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    Oct 14, 2008 7:52 AM GMT
    Lol....well i definitely am not a snoop....
    more of a chatty kinda guy....so maybe that would be the wiser of the descions! Thanx...

    Have you ever been in such a situation??



    And if a couple were to do such a thing, is it better to do it with friends or people youre never gonna see again??
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    Oct 14, 2008 8:43 AM GMT
    I personally have been in situations like that, and my advice to you would be if they were guys you would never see again...then i say go for it! have fun/play safe....but if you are not "feeling" them on an intimate/sexual way then I would be blunt about how you feel and make a stop towards any more advances.....If they are good friends, and you play around it may complicate your friendship, wich among other things can create jealousy, awkwardness etc....whatever you do have fun, dont take things TOO seriously....and remember that there is nothing wrong with having standardsicon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif....if your not feeling it, dont do it, if you do, you may regret it later....there are plenty of hot coupled fish in the sea icon_lol.gificon_exclaim.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 14, 2008 9:29 AM GMT
    Why would you want to make a bad situation worse....

    You said you're not even attracted to these guys
    You hang out with these guys a lot so it's going to become a chronic thing hooking up sexually with them
    and it's going to turn a friendship into something pretty dam awkward
    I think you'd be crazy to go thru with this

    tell you're BF that you're not into them plain and simple
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Oct 14, 2008 9:37 AM GMT
    Agreed, talk with your BF and be open and honest! and ne1 unable to accept the outrageousness of one bold not to worry re: the PC- political correctness, well he is a real, true, macho stud!
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    Oct 14, 2008 12:35 PM GMT
    Hoodiestud saidLol....well i definitely am not a snoop....
    more of a chatty kinda guy....so maybe that would be the wiser of the decisions! Thanx...

    Have you ever been in such a situation??

    And if a couple were to do such a thing, is it better to do it with friends or people youre never gonna see again??


    Yeah I have but it was a very very long time ago, my first... erm.. "boyfriend" I suppose you'd call it... we did the group thing with two of its friends.. unfortunately it didn't last, it "fell for" the other guy, but neither my self nor the other guy where at all concerned, we found each other to be more exciting in bed anyway icon_razz.gif

    ya know, if you don't want to do it, its probably better not too, however if the idea is interesting you, that possibly two people you don't know, that way there isn't any future jealousy problems or other emotional turmoil...
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    Oct 14, 2008 1:40 PM GMT
    I agree with some comments made here: doing a 4-way with this couple may become increasingly awkward in the future. Both my late and current partners & I always avoided sexual entanglements with other couples we knew socially.

    Rather than giving your "boo" a flat no, see if you can offer him an alternative. Is it a group scene he really wants, not this couple especially? Are you comfortable with some outside play?

    If both answers are yes, then look for another couple that doesn't have these prior connections with either of you. Let your boo know you're open to this possibility.

    Whether regarding this issue or any other, it's prolly wise to have a "consolation prize" for your hubby when you really can't go along with something he proposes. Rigid NO's without anything in return can threaten a relationship over time. It's part of the art of compromise.

    And if you find too many areas where you simply can't compromise, because after all your feelings matter, too, then maybe the match isn't a good one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2008 2:57 PM GMT
    If you're not comfortable or want them or have that connection/desire, then shut it down before it gets out of hand!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2008 4:44 PM GMT
    Well ok, I know them, we've all hung out a couple times and what not, and at one time i thought one of them was cute, but im just unsure.

    I do have the desire, we have done a couples thing before, its just for some reason this situation is a little more than that. And because they are our friends I think it would be a better situation.

    Ay yi yi!
    Any other imformation you guys have for me??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2008 5:14 PM GMT
    You could just leave the whole mess behind and take comfort in my arms! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2008 8:40 PM GMT
    I think we're all agreed, it's a bad idea. You're not comfortable with it and your gut feeling is to say no. Go with your gut.
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    Oct 14, 2008 9:21 PM GMT
    what about: "relationships that are over, but in which codependency has set it, so standards get lowered" - how is that one?
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    Oct 14, 2008 9:23 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidwhat about: "relationships that are over, but in which codependency has set it, so standards get lowered" - how is that one?


    Nailed it.
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    Oct 14, 2008 9:37 PM GMT
    Hoodiestud saidWell ok, I know them, we've all hung out a couple times and what not, and at one time i thought one of them was cute, but im just unsure.

    I do have the desire, we have done a couples thing before, its just for some reason this situation is a little more than that. And because they are our friends I think it would be a better situation.

    Ay yi yi!
    Any other imformation you guys have for me??



    Is it because your guy has already played with one of the guys in the couple? Does that bother you? Or is it because the other one makes all those sexual comments about your man?

    If it was me...it would bother me playing with the couple because my man has already played with them...and there might be a history you are not aware of. And I would prefer we all remain friends and not lose a friendship because we all got naked and shared and sampled the flesh.
  • TallSoCal

    Posts: 321

    Oct 14, 2008 9:49 PM GMT
    Veto the idea anything happening between the four of you. Let him know about your suspicions about his friend so he can keep an eye out for them. Don't try to keep him from seeing them, though. He'll think you don't trust him. Maybe you guys can find another couple (whom you both find attractive) to get together with if you both agree on it. That's just what I'd do. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2008 10:24 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidwhat about: "relationships that are over, but in which codependency has set it, so standards get lowered" - how is that one?


    I think that one sux, since our relationship isnt over....Its just having fun....so maybe your should re-evaluate your thoughts before you put them out.

    It was just an idea we BOTH had, and to act on we are both skeptical, but i still think there is a slight chance it may occur. Like I said I am very skeptical but at the same time I cant help but be curious. I dont mind the fact that him and the other guy messed around before, cuz he told me and it happened before we met, so i dont care. The only thing that catches my interest is how much the other guy seems to be interested in my boo.

    That being the case I dont want to allow him the pleasure of getting to have my guy. So yeah, I dont think its gonna happen afterall, even though I havent told him all this yet, but Im just gonna end it now.

    However, what do you guys think if as couples we all have sex in the same room in front of eachother, just not with eachother??

    Cuz im TOTALLY fine with that....or is that still technically crossing the boundaries??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2008 12:45 AM GMT
    It's not crossing boundaries unless you all agree to that upfront and before play begins.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2008 1:10 AM GMT
    since whatever does or doesn't happen will affect you & your bf more than all of us combined, talk to him, not a bunch of people you don't know.
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    Oct 15, 2008 6:54 AM GMT
    I like to talk out my thoughts....im gonna talk about it with him, but if i decide to share it you guys dont get all fussy! I just like to chat, if thats so bad then dont respond at all please.
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Oct 15, 2008 7:54 AM GMT
    redheadguy saidI think we're all agreed, it's a bad idea. You're not comfortable with it and your gut feeling is to say no. Go with your gut.


    NO, seems some are agreed but i reread 2 more times and saw not any where unanimous decision.

    Again hes closest to the situation and has the nuancees mapped. and again my post is pasted below from within last day!....


    PRDGUY Posts: 215

    Oct 14, 2008 5:37 AM
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    Agreed, talk with your BF and be open and honest! and ne1 unable to accept the outrageousness of one bold not to worry re: the PC- political correctness, well he is a real, true, macho stud!


    Above all else, to paraphrase be open to ur own self, ur morals and beliefs.