pall-bearer

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Mar 25, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    Sadly one of my female best friends mother got diagnosed with cancer and only has 2 weeks to live. Its such a sad and horrible situation and I feel so bad for my friend.

    She just asked me if I would be one of the Pall-Bearers...never got asked that before...I said " yes it would be honor"

    I know it might sound cheesey but should I have said something different.?

    How would you guys respond to a friend asking you?

    I am kind fo close with her mother shes such a sweet person with a firecracker sense of humor....me and her mom wernt extremely close butI have known and liked her for about 20 years....Im not family so thats why I was taken back

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2013 3:29 AM GMT
    You have been extended a very special honor.

    Unless I had a health issues (i.e. bad back), I would solemnly accept the honor to perform such as meaningful gesture for close friend, extended family, or family member.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Mar 25, 2013 3:32 AM GMT
    Thank you for saying that. I told her It would be an honor even though I am not family and super super close...but close enough. Its one of those odd answers...your not really excited to be asked but honored.

    What do Pall-bearers wear? I feel like the dress code for them is very strict.

    Thank you for the information in advance
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    You did that just right. It is an honor and that was kind of you to offer such recognition for your friend.

    I've done it a few times, though never carrying a casket, rather, rolling them on a caster table or whatever it is they use. You just keep a hand on the casket and walk with it. I don't really even remember if I was helping to push or probably just guide it. It's all pretty emotional at that point. My memory of it is walking with a ouija board. It sort of moves itself.

    The toughest one I did was a laying of a wreath out in the ocean for my bud's dad. That was brutal. I carried the flag, holding half mast over the side. We had a flotilla of probably 15 or 20 boats in single file out the inlet and then heading in V-formation towards the Gulf Stream where we stopped for the ceremony. We were lead boat with my bud commanding his dad's vessel.

    The boats are bouncing up and down and I had this sensation that someone was tugging at the flag. It was spooky. After a service broadcast over the radio, my bud and his mom helped set the wreath onto the water and as it floated away, one carnation broke free from the ring of flowers and I thought I was gonna lose it. I don't even remember going back to shore. Weird. But my memory of that day stops right there.

    As for what to wear, just your usual nice go to funeral clothing. I tend to be casual but I'll put on slacks and a dark jacket. Most people wear suit and tie.
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    Mar 25, 2013 4:49 AM GMT
    Unless you are told specifically by the family to wear something special, remember it is a funeral after all and a black or dark suit is the standard. And as others have said it is indeed an honor to be asked be a pall bearer. I have done it 4 times.
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    Mar 25, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    You should be honoured. Im not a 'lover' of funerals, wakes, etc.
    Walk tall and be proud they think so much of you. I have been PB at 2 funerals, and I eulogized my best friend when he died tragically. As a man, at times we have to 'step up' and do what is asked, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes us feel. Sometimes its not all about us! My best to you and yours at this time.