Coming Out - friends or family first?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2013 7:48 PM GMT
    So when you guys came out, who was it you first came out to? Friends or family members? Why did you choose family over friends first and vice versa?

    P.S: I apologize in advance if this is a redundant thread.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2013 8:28 PM GMT
    Friends because I thought it was much easier to tell them first. But I realized it wouldn't have mattered. My family is equally supportive as my friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2013 8:32 PM GMT
    it depends on who you're most closest to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2013 8:36 PM GMT
    Coming out? Never go in and you will never have this issue.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2013 8:39 PM GMT
    Best friend, sadly the same guy I had been crushing on for two years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 5:56 PM GMT
    Best friend.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Mar 26, 2013 5:59 PM GMT
    Friends, because if they are your friends they shouldn't give a shit if you're gay or straight - also if your family have a negative reaction (which thankfully seems to be rarer these days) your friends will be there to support you. Good luck!
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    Mar 26, 2013 6:01 PM GMT
    Friends. Family is a lot harder for some reason.
  • brickboy1966

    Posts: 359

    Mar 26, 2013 6:05 PM GMT
    I'm going through the same thing. I started with friends so I would have some support when telling family. You just don't know how people will react.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3515

    Mar 26, 2013 6:08 PM GMT
    i told a roommate first. i think whoever you are living with at the time usually finds out first.

    my aunt told my whole family after she got sick of not having anyone to go to the gay bar she want to go to. I didnt tell her, but she knew. She got me laid, so it worked out.
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    Mar 26, 2013 6:09 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidComing out? Never go in and you will never have this issue.


    Easier said than done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 6:11 PM GMT
    I started with who would be the most supportive and worked my way down. I have a couple of straight men friends that I still haven't told. Apparently I dont consider them to be either a) supportive, or b) I dont give a fuck!!.. LOL.
    all the best and do what makes sense to you.. no one else.
    Cheers~
  • LexLuthor

    Posts: 199

    Mar 26, 2013 6:18 PM GMT
    Friends it was a lot easier to do that, =)
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    Mar 26, 2013 6:29 PM GMT
    LexLuthor saidFriends it was a lot easier to do that, =)

    I agree, build a circle of support first.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Mar 26, 2013 6:34 PM GMT
    Friends. They're your friends because they like you. Family you're stuck with.
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    Mar 26, 2013 7:02 PM GMT
    I came out at school when I was 13 years old. Didn't phase me that my sexuality could be such a big deal, but I didn't even consider coming out to my family until I was already out of town. I say come out to your friends first. You can handle the social restructuring; if any, when it comes around. Be sure to come out your closest/bestest friends first. Than to the family you're closest to.
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    Mar 26, 2013 7:09 PM GMT
    Friends, one of whom then told my sister, and then it escalated from there, until my sisters spilled everything to my parents while I was away at school. My friends couldn't throw me out, and few of them had a problem with it, so there wasn't much of a choice necessary in it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 7:20 PM GMT
    Family. For me the decision was easy... my family was someone that I knew would always love me no matter what happened and I would never lose them. I also felt if I told my friends first and not my family, they would feel like I couldn't trust them and thought of them last. Oddly enough, I actually am still not out to all of my friends. I told my best friend and his wife last weekend. Took it very well but am in the process of telling everyone else and just getting it out there. My biggest fear is to lose those friends (I know, if I lose them then they were never friends), friends act different around me and also be judged on all of the above. I knew my family would never do that so it was much easier for me to tell my family.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 8:11 PM GMT
    I told my gay friend first, singular. Only had 1 after I retired & relocated, and then came out. I didn't retain a single straight friend from my former life, basically reinvented myself, starting from scratch. And to this day most of the many friends I now have are gay.

    I waited before I told my relatives. That was a disaster, total disapproval, and so I dropped them from my life, too. My husband's relatives have more or less adopted me, so they're my family now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    Definitely build a support circle first. Start having the conversation with friends first so they can be there for you as you go through the process. I started with someone I pretty much knew would be there for me no matter what, and built on that...
    Each time you have the coversation it gets easier so you'll have practice as you work your way down your list to the more difficult situations.
    I still haven't told some people because it's just none of their business and don't feel like I have anything to explain.
    Best wishes
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Mar 26, 2013 8:27 PM GMT
    Start with the guy you lose your virginity to.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 8:30 PM GMT
    A mix nuclear family, then friends, lastly rest of family

    the only reason friends are where they are is because of social media
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    Mar 26, 2013 8:30 PM GMT
    Apparition saidi told a roommate first. i think whoever you are living with at the time usually finds out first.

    my aunt told my whole family after she got sick of not having anyone to go to the gay bar she want to go to. I didnt tell her, but she knew. She got me laid, so it worked out.


    Haha everyone should have an outspoken lesbian aunt icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 16, 2013 1:33 AM GMT
    You all know something? One day really soon, it may just not be such a bfd! At least I hope so anyway!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    I told my friends first. Well, my really close friends anyways. I wanted to have a support system in case my family didn't take it well. It kind of backfired though because several of my friends got really weird about it for a while. They came around eventually, but it made me even more nervous to tell my family. My family, however, was completely cool with it. I got really lucky with the family I have I guess haha