Should I or Shouldn't I?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2013 11:53 PM GMT
    I've been single for many years, approximately 5. I'm a picky son of a bitch...but only cuz I go for the full package. What a guy looks like can only get me so far...personality and sense of humour are key.

    I've become really good friends with this guy for almost a year now...we are identical in terms of personality, masculinity, fit level etc. I AM attracted to him and he is to me...I've been noticing we've been growing "closer", tho...like something that could go beyond best friends. Only problem is...I don't have many gay friends..and he's the first one Ive had who I've felt 100% happy and comfortable with.

    Should I date him and risk losing a really good gay friend (which is rare) or just stay as platonic friends? I'm not the type who can really stay friends with someone if I've dated them before...which is why I say "risk losing a friend"...
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 25, 2013 11:56 PM GMT
    Talk to him and ask him how he feels about it, express your concerns - the pros and cons.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Mar 26, 2013 12:18 AM GMT
    Best thing to do is talk about it. But I think you might have answered your own question already by telling us you two have been getting closer lately. I wish for the best for you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 12:38 AM GMT
    every healthy relationship should start with a good friendship however, its all about timing- figure out what both of your goals are and decide if the timing is right.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 12:40 AM GMT
    Sounds like you want to ask him out. I say "go for it."

    If the romance ends and the friendship is still there, you two can still remain friends. I've heard of former lovers becoming friends after they've broken up (both in straight and same-sex relationships). However, this can only happen if you two still have respect for each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 12:51 AM GMT
    better to have loved and lost... and, if it doesn't work..Call me! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 12:53 AM GMT
    A good indicator is to see where a relationship 'drifts' on its own...
    By the sounds of things your direction is closer...

    If it doesn't work it doesn't have to mean the end of the friendship either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    You have to get drunk with him. Let him grope you and do something that would be an otherwise regrettable mistake, except don't be gone in the morning. Make him breakfast and take him to the park.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 1:40 AM GMT
    seams like a win-win situation to me.
    Seriously, if you're that good of friends, think putting it on the table would only make things better.

    and
    Thanks a lot...now this is stuck in my head:


    wait...THANKs forgot: 80's Kenny Rogers-- ROAR!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 1:51 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidseams like a win-win situation to me.
    Seriously, if you're that good of friends, think putting it on the table would only make things better.

    and
    Thanks a lot...now this is stuck in my head:


    wait...THANKs forgot: 80's Kenny Rogers-- ROAR!!


    Love me some Kenny Rogers!
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Mar 26, 2013 1:53 AM GMT
    wonofakind saidI've been single for many years, approximately 5. I'm a picky son of a bitch...but only cuz I go for the full package. What a guy looks like can only get me so far...personality and sense of humour are key.

    I've become really good friends with this guy for almost a year now...we are identical in terms of personality, masculinity, fit level etc. I AM attracted to him and he is to me...I've been noticing we've been growing "closer", tho...like something that could go beyond best friends. Only problem is...I don't have many gay friends..and he's the first one Ive had who I've felt 100% happy and comfortable with.

    Should I date him and risk losing a really good gay friend (which is rare) or just stay as platonic friends? I'm not the type who can really stay friends with someone if I've dated them before...which is why I say "risk losing a friend"...


    If most gays knew (and I don't doubt you already know by now) that friendship is the solid foundation of a love relationship! you both are in a very fortunate place and time, enjoy while it last!

    All my past lovers started as a purely platonic friendship that slowly but surely in time blossomed into a love interest. You seem to be making all the right moves thus far, but please don't bring the "I am falling in love with you" not just yet! why? the teasing and resisting temptation between you two can be quite inviting; think of it as foreplay for the mind if you will. I guarantee the waiting will slowly bring you both closer and closer. For now keep enjoying the teasing and temptations, until one day when Love will get you both off guard and bam, it will strike both of you like lighting!! but always keep in mind to respect his timing as well as he does yours! good luck! Love is in the air, I can feel it for both of you!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 3:35 AM GMT
    It is best to try then to waste years regretting having never tried.
    Even if there is a remote possibility of it ending badly, think of all the good memories that could be made but won't be if you never try.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 6:51 AM GMT
    I've never understood why people "need" gay friends.

    Do it. It sounds like he's worth a shot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 6:53 AM GMT
    .Time to do someone else besides you!!
    Go for it!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Mar 26, 2013 6:56 AM GMT
    Is 'take him on a date' code for something? It has to be the most ambiguous phrase ever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2013 7:18 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidYou have to get drunk with him. Let him grope you and do something that would be an otherwise regrettable mistake, except don't be gone in the morning. Make him breakfast and take him to the park.


    That's cool icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    Thx all for the advice. You're all very sweet for taking the time to respond icon_wink.gif
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Mar 27, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    Just see where it progresses. Be open to it developing, but don't push it. If it does get there, great. icon_smile.gif
  • Jericophantom...

    Posts: 185

    Mar 27, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    take a chance you only live once but be cautious and play safe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2013 3:55 AM GMT
    wonofakind saidI'm not the type who can really stay friends with someone if I've dated them before...which is why I say "risk losing a friend"...



    I think you need to reexamine this mind-set. Yes, you can continue being friends after dating someone....you're just choosing not to. I've found it's more of a maturity thing, and you can evolve in this area if you make up your mind to do so. And who knows...you may not need to go back to friends.