Breaking Hearts To Save Hearts.

  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Mar 26, 2013 2:02 PM GMT
    I recently made myself guilty of shattering somebody's heart who was showing affection for me, but was living in an entirely different locale with no way of connecting other than through e-mail. The result of it was that there was so much "longing" going on that I was feeling that it was finally making both unhappy.

    So I did the unthinkable: I said some horrible things to this person, and they cut me off in response. I never thought I could have done it. I sometimes feel guilty, but then I think of the resulting longing that would ensue if I let it go on, for perhaps, forever, since there are no plans of meeting later. So I broke it off not just in my head (by saying I was leaving) but by making this person hate me.

    It's a strange feeling: it's relieving, I keep thinking of this person in my head, and I will feel some fondness, and then I will immediately turn on the negativity, willing this person to hate me so we can stay cut off and continue our daily lives instead of living in as-yet "unrealisable" dreams.

    Does this sound familiar to anyone? I found it to be very effective. Incredibly painful, but less problematic and quicker than indefinite longing: sort of like ripping off a band-aid instead of taking it off agonisingly slowly. I feel it's best for both of us. Anyways, it was interesting, I never thought I would do something like that and then leave the "hate" in place so that cutting-off can occur with satisfaction and no regret.

    Edit: this also gives the other person the opportunity to see other people and be happy with them, while I am sufficiently "cut-off" from this person not to have to witness that and become hurt by seeing someone I like with somebody else. A win-win situation! Yes, I somewhat hate myself for it, but I hope he does too and can move on easily like this!

    Anyone been in such a situation?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2013 4:12 PM GMT
    You know...

    Your decisions and perspectives are pretty selfish..
    ..Come on dude?..there are better ways to handle situations like these.. icon_sad.gif

    Making a person hate you??
    Cutting people off..just so you don't see them move on??

    ..You are sick!!
    SICK!!

    (I've done it)






    .

  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Mar 26, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    Apparently you are an idiot, a fuckwad and an asshole. Congratulations. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2013 4:37 PM GMT
    Don't worry , karma is coming back to you , and it bloody going to hit you hard !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2013 5:38 PM GMT
    Being honest about the distance and the fact it wouldn't work may have been a nicer way to handle it. Remember, it was an INTERNET relationship!! There was no reason to make him hate you... but it sounds like you foster that kind of thinking and behaviour... just saying!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 26, 2013 6:32 PM GMT
    heyom said
    Does this sound familiar to anyone? I found it to be very effective. Incredibly painful, but less problematic and quicker than indefinite longing: sort of like ripping off a band-aid instead of taking it off agonisingly slowly. I feel it's best for both of us. Anyways, it was interesting, I never thought I would do something like that and then leave the "hate" in place so that cutting-off can occur with satisfaction and no regret.


    By "making someone hate you" rather than just telling them that you don't share the same feelings or can't go on the way you have been, you are using another person to create a negative association so that you don't have to confront your own feelings. I'm sorry, I honestly don't understand this mentality. I'll just outright say that it's absolutely fucked up. And yes, I am also a flawed human being so I'm not being holier than thou.

    Own your feelings and take responsibility for what happens. There is no "satisfaction" to be had in creating misery in another human being just because you aren't mature enough to properly deal with your feelings and someone else's.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Mar 28, 2013 3:39 AM GMT
    Only gays can perform these mental acrobatics in their head to justify such fucked up shit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2013 3:46 AM GMT
    Is there some kinda asshole-of-the-year award on here I missed?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2013 4:13 AM GMT
    Yeah, you're an ass.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    whytehot saidOnly gays can perform these mental acrobatics in their head to justify such fucked up shit.


    Nah; I've talked to at least 5 straights who said pretty well the same thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    neffa saidDon't worry , karma is coming back to you , and it bloody going to hit you hard !
    yup...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2013 4:23 AM GMT
    No, I've never been in such a situation because I don't engage in douchey behavior.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2013 4:23 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    whytehot saidOnly gays can perform these mental acrobatics in their head to justify such fucked up shit.


    Nah; I've talked to at least 5 straights who said pretty well the same thing.

    & I know few straight women too...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2013 4:49 AM GMT
    Honestly this game of "Broken hearts" will not work on everyone. I'm sure it's predictable. In the end all you're doing is creating enemies and loneliness for yourself.

    I don't see how you would benefit from this, such unnecessary stress.

  • NHLFAN

    Posts: 370

    Mar 28, 2013 5:15 AM GMT
    Wow...What is going on in your head that you just couldn't be honest with him and say hey this isn't going to work out because of distance? No, you decided to be an asshole and hurt someone you say you cared about? Sorry, but anyone like you who does that is just a plan douche.

    Oh, and when Karma does come and bite you in the ass please don't post how the guy did you wrong. I'll bring this thread up reminding you that you had it coming.

  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Mar 28, 2013 5:52 AM GMT
    Wow really? You guys think I should have acted differently? Wierd; I'm surprised: my ex did this exact thing to me when he ended things then.. and though I was angry for a while, I moved on very swiftly because of it, so I figured since it worked on me, why not? Otherwise things just... linger.

    Ok, I will re-think that technique again, and obviously apologise to the person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2013 6:24 AM GMT
    I believe that I know what you're talking about. I have cut my former best friend off after our relationship became toxic. She began lashing out at me, said some really harsh things after I went through a really irrational period in my life, so I felt that I needed to cut her off. Initially it was difficult, but eventually I believe it turned out for the best. I just walked away from the situation, learned from her mistakes as well as mine and strived to become a better person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 28, 2013 6:47 AM GMT
    If you were honest, and firm and said "I care about you, but there's a ton of distance and problems that make this impossible. I would like to move on, and just know that I care." Then in time you could have kept a friend.

    But if you intentionally said hurtful things to create this false scenario, then you're an ass. Highly manipulative. Here's an extreme scenario... what if you're mean words caused this person to go to a place of depression, and then they harmed themselves. I'm not saying you would be the cause of their depression, but that your words were a trigger among other factors.

    Honesty and kindness always win.
  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Mar 28, 2013 6:51 AM GMT
    Bullwinklemoos saidI believe that I know what you're talking about. I have cut my former best friend off after our relationship became toxic. She began lashing out at me, said some really harsh things after I went through a really irrational period in my life, so I felt that I needed to cut her off. Initially it was difficult, but eventually I believe it turned out for the best. I just walked away from the situation, learned from her mistakes as well as mine and strived to become a better person.



    indeed, it was very toxic: he acted very unhappy with me. And I know I was unhappy with him. Any contact between us would show that really... there was no joy whatsoever when we talked anymore... the contact was draining all our happiness away, it seemed. He would lash out, and I would lash out, like you said. Better to stay cut off, I figured.