No More of this dethroning, The Queen is taking over.

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    Oct 14, 2008 6:49 PM GMT
    The Queen
    To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

    In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
    (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
    Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
    Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
    To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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    1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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    2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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    3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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    4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
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    5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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    6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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    7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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    8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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    9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
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    10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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    11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
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    Further new rules below.
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    Oct 14, 2008 6:54 PM GMT
    12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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    13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
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    14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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    15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
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    God Save the Queen!
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    Oct 14, 2008 6:56 PM GMT
    This is just wonderful, and entirely acceptable. I would only note that the correct title is "Governor General" rather than just "Governor."
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    Oct 14, 2008 6:56 PM GMT
    Well her annual Christmas address to the Commonwealth is far superior to the gibberish the current US President spews out. At least she can speak English properly.
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    Oct 14, 2008 6:58 PM GMT
    oh Regina, Regina....I know what you've been up to....
    icon_wink.gif

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    Oct 14, 2008 6:58 PM GMT
    I'm all for this haha


    <-- already uses metric daily and loves formal tea
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Oct 14, 2008 7:01 PM GMT
    I thought this was going to be an address from a real Queen, like Ru Paul.
  • funkymonkey

    Posts: 194

    Jun 04, 2012 9:26 PM GMT
    Amazing!
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Jun 04, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    funkymonkey saidAmazing!


    Necropost.jpg
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    Jun 04, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidThis is just wonderful, and entirely acceptable. I would only note that the correct title is "Governor General" rather than just "Governor."
    Its pronounced "guvnah".icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 04, 2012 9:33 PM GMT
    I never got the questionnaire.

    Also, how do you look up stuffs?
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    Jun 04, 2012 9:49 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Jamesrific saidI'm all for this haha


    <-- already uses metric daily and loves formal tea
    FUCK IMPERIAL MEASUREMENTS! Feet, gallons, and pounds are all horseshit.

    Edit: Also, goddamn you limeys with your thread necroes.


    Crabby%2BAppleton.gif
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Jun 04, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    We'd destroy England.
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    Jun 04, 2012 9:54 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidThis is just wonderful, and entirely acceptable. I would only note that the correct title is "Governor General" rather than just "Governor."


    This is true the Queen and her vice-regal representative provide leadership beyond politics. But........ then Art will also only be a queen, and never the Queen; not matter how pompous he may act, as many queens do.icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 04, 2012 10:01 PM GMT
    Montague saidWe'd destroy England.
    Our ancestors already did. That's why they left. icon_twisted.gif
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Jun 04, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Montague saidWe'd destroy England.
    Our ancestors already did. That's why they left. icon_twisted.gif


    Maybe we should start a preventive war!
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    Jun 04, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    Many here consider her The last true British royal monarch. Hopefully us and our brothers in Canada and NZ will get rid of them upon her passing. Do you really want Charles to be your ruler? Lol
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    Jun 04, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    Yep, seen this before, but love it!
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    Jun 04, 2012 10:32 PM GMT
    Long live the Queen, and long may she reign over you too.

    This will be a good thing as the Americas really have never been able to get it just right; certainly not since WWII.

    Yet what has helped Oz become the Great Southern land it did, with a standard of living many Americans fail to find, is the fact we have always been apart of the commonwealth and never become a republic. a concept that is slipping quickly away from us; Oz becoming a republic; thanks to our Queen and her family.

    For us Queen Elizabeth II has rendered impeccable service in an office that regard as indispensable to the workings of our system of government. She doesn't change with opinion polls and focus groups. She is not paid. She will receive no golden handshake or enormous superannuation. She demonstrated her commitment and concern for the Australian people in 1986 by resolving a quandary that Australia politicians has been in for over 50 years. This was how to change the states from being formal British colonies. She agreed to do something that is unique within the Commonwealth of Nations. She is advised not only by the prim minister but also by six premiers.

    If there is one thing that distinguishes our Royal Family it is service. It has been noticed in the US that unlike the sons of the old leading American families the royal princes William and harry have dedicated their lives to serviced, not only armed forces but also their charities too.

    Our Queen has established and maintained standards that guide not only her family but also governors, governor general. They are the same standards of loyalty and honer to which our armed forces are dedicated whose loyalty is to the Australian crown and not the politicians who happen to be in government.

    Long live our graces Queen. Long live our noble Queen, long live the Queen. Elizabeth you have seen Pops and Presidents come and go, yet you still go one.
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    Jun 04, 2012 10:46 PM GMT
    Who cares?
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    Jun 05, 2012 2:27 AM GMT
    Loved it ...icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2012 2:29 AM GMT
    For some reason I thought this had something to do with Madonna vs. Gaga... icon_neutral.gif
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    Jun 05, 2012 2:38 AM GMT
    ...royalties are legacy of colonial times. Their wealth came from exploitation of indigenous colonies ( Watch Gandhi for a start). The only thing that will make royalties honorable is to donate all the stolen wealth back to the rightful owners- but many British subjects have already known this. All the show off are so theatrical - Love ii icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 05, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    buddha_the_god said
    funkymonkey saidAmazing!


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    fuck dis shit
    !
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    Jun 05, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    yay 0((^_^))0