how do you play it cool?

  • socalbruin

    Posts: 28

    Mar 27, 2013 7:08 AM GMT
    When you get way too into someone and need to reel in, what's your strategy? I'm seeing someone I'm clicking with very well, but I don't want to ruin things by moving too quickly. Any advice welcome
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    Mar 27, 2013 7:23 AM GMT
    Care about the person, but always put yourself first, and you will never go wrong.
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    Mar 27, 2013 9:23 AM GMT
    AtlasHarper saidCare about the person, but always put yourself first, and you will never go wrong.


    Basically this. You just have to do you. Maybe the person will like you more if you ease off.
  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Mar 27, 2013 11:12 AM GMT
    how often should you call/contact someone you like then?
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    Mar 27, 2013 12:45 PM GMT
    wherewillwebe saidhow often should you call/contact someone you like then?


    4 hours minimum wait according to The Rules icon_biggrin.gif
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Mar 27, 2013 2:14 PM GMT
    Damned if I know! I've moved a bit too fast before and other times I was told I moved too slow - one guy I really liked really liked me back but because I was possibly TOO relaxed about it he met someone else as a result. It's a fine and tricky line sometimes. I would still verge on the side of moving too slow than too fast.
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    Mar 27, 2013 2:25 PM GMT
    I agree, you don't want to scare them off by moving fast and seeming desperate. Keep in touch but not overly communicative, better to arrange a date for the next week than to just keep texting back and forth.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Mar 27, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidI agree, you don't want to scare them off by moving fast and seeming desperate. Keep in touch but not overly communicative, better to arrange a date for the next week than to just keep texting back and forth.


    This is perfect advice. I'll use it myself icon_smile.gif
  • thisguy023

    Posts: 204

    Mar 27, 2013 2:45 PM GMT

    Don't overthink it too much. Just follow your heart. And his, of course.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 27, 2013 2:45 PM GMT
    I totally disagree. Just be yourself and be open and damn! What's the matter with you guys? Be enthusiastic and loving if you're feeling it. If he feels it, too, man, you've got romance! If not, well, it wasn't meant to be. Or maybe he just needs a bit more time but he won't run away if there's a spark. Think about it... If some guy suddenly appeared and thought you were the greatest guy he's ever met, and you liked him at all, wouldn't you be flattered and HAPPY? Give love a chance! Ya. What this ^^^^ guy said.
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    Mar 27, 2013 2:47 PM GMT
    Go with the flow, but just like the currents they always push and pull,
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 376

    Mar 27, 2013 2:53 PM GMT
    Set limits together on how often to see each other and make sure he knows he can comfortably tell you anytime things may be too much. Everybody needs their personal space and time alone. An ex of mine (great guy btw) wasn't vocal about me coming around too much and not giving him alone time and eventually got burnt out on me. He thought it would offend me if he told me he just wanted a day to himself when I would want to come over. I just loved being around him and didn't realize I was being overwhelming to him.
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    Mar 27, 2013 2:58 PM GMT
    I'm a big fan of doing what feels right in the situation. You can't play by any set rules. At some point, you're going to have to be you and let him know you for who you are. If you're a really out-going person who likes a lot of contact, don't pretend to be more reserved. Eventually, you'll have to drop the act and he'll be surprised. That's not good. Same goes for us introverts. Don't try to be more communicative than normal just to catch his attention since when you eventually run out of energy trying to keep that front he'll be confused about the mixed messages.

    Just be you and do your best to find a guy that you respect and click with and who feels the same about you.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Mar 27, 2013 3:03 PM GMT
    bus9ja2d said
    wherewillwebe saidhow often should you call/contact someone you like then?


    4 hours minimum wait according to The Rules icon_biggrin.gif


    yes. 4 hours minimum.
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    Mar 27, 2013 3:04 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI totally disagree. Just be yourself and be open and damn! What's the matter with you guys? Be enthusiastic and loving if you're feeling it. If he feels it, too, man, you've got romance! If not, well, it wasn't meant to be. Or maybe he just needs a bit more time but he won't run away if there's a spark. Think about it... If some guy suddenly appeared and thought you were the greatest guy he's ever met, and you liked him at all, wouldn't you be flattered and HAPPY? Give love a chance! Ya. What this ^^^^ guy said.


    Best advice ever. Viewing someone as prey that you have to capture or a fish you have to reel in is just a recipe for disaster.

    BE YOURSELF because eventually he's going to come out anyway.

    Starting a relationship means opening up, being honest, and being vulnerable. Yes, you don't want to lay all your cards out but you don't want to be someone you're not.
  • socalbruin

    Posts: 28

    Mar 27, 2013 6:10 PM GMT
    All great advice, much appreciated. Considering that I'm planning on coming out to my parents this week... I think I should just take a deep breath and take things as they come.

    I always have this inclination that I can talk my way out of (or into) anything. Seeing how much I like this guy, I just didn't want to lose him, but there really is a fine line of how that is accomplished. Pushing too hard is just as bad as not enough
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    Mar 27, 2013 6:20 PM GMT
    Ignore him.
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    Mar 27, 2013 6:30 PM GMT
    socalbruin saidAll great advice, much appreciated. Considering that I'm planning on coming out to my parents this week... I think I should just take a deep breath and take things as they come.

    I always have this inclination that I can talk my way out of (or into) anything. Seeing how much I like this guy, I just didn't want to lose him, but there really is a fine line of how that is accomplished. Pushing too hard is just as bad as not enough


    Right now, there are so many choices for you on how to do it. Just pick one and go 100%. It's like an Improv Act, the only way to do it wrong is not being fully 100% into the role.
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    Mar 27, 2013 6:45 PM GMT
    Well, I've been around the block a couple of times. I've never "played" things any way and instead what works for me is to just be myself. With that being said however, there IS such a thing as coming on too strong, or being too forward with a new dating situation. I realize that overexposure in any way is not a good thing. Just don't be annoying or call / text too often. Relax. Breathe. Continue to live your life. Don't be chasing anyone too hard. They'll feel hunted and that isn't a good thing. You don't want a guy to cringe every time his phone rings - - wondering if it is YOU again! Be yourself, yes. But use your judgement about what is coming on too strong.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 27, 2013 7:33 PM GMT
    socalbruin saidAll great advice, much appreciated. Considering that I'm planning on coming out to my parents this week... I think I should just take a deep breath and take things as they come.

    I always have this inclination that I can talk my way out of (or into) anything. Seeing how much I like this guy, I just didn't want to lose him, but there really is a fine line of how that is accomplished. Pushing too hard is just as bad as not enough

    Good luck with the coming out party. Remember, you're only a debutante once! Life is great. Enjoy!
  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Mar 27, 2013 8:27 PM GMT
    bus9ja2d said
    wherewillwebe saidhow often should you call/contact someone you like then?


    4 hours minimum wait according to The Rules icon_biggrin.gif


    I meant like once a day? twice a week? icon_biggrin.gif
  • socalbruin

    Posts: 28

    Mar 28, 2013 6:57 AM GMT
    told my parents!!! I am officially out icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 28, 2013 7:10 AM GMT
    imasrxd saidI'm a big fan of doing what feels right in the situation. You can't play by any set rules. At some point, you're going to have to be you and let him know you for who you are. If you're a really out-going person who likes a lot of contact, don't pretend to be more reserved. Eventually, you'll have to drop the act and he'll be surprised. That's not good. Same goes for us introverts. Don't try to be more communicative than normal just to catch his attention since when you eventually run out of energy trying to keep that front he'll be confused about the mixed messages.

    Just be you and do your best to find a guy that you respect and click with and who feels the same about you.

    That!

    I'm talkative when it comes to a guy I'm interested in.

    If he aint or it bothers him he's free to go experience a benless life icon_razz.gif
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Mar 28, 2013 7:36 PM GMT
    socalbruin saidtold my parents!!! I am officially out icon_smile.gif


    congrats on being out. so much easier.

    Personally, if you are not sure about how to play cool. just ask the guy.


    "are you the kind of guy that likes lots of attention or a couple days alone? I've dated both and found it just easier to ask than guess."