I feel so lost, can I get some advice?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2013 5:19 PM GMT

    I bartend currently, and it can be enjoyable but I will not be a bartender for my entire life. I want more, I want to experience things, and I don't want to work my life away.

    I want to find a career that doesn't feel like work. The things I'm good at are singing (not to brag, but people tell me all the time), making people laugh, foreign languages. I love to travel to non-touristy places and experience natural beauty.

    If I could just snap my fingers and have any job i want, I would be performing on a stage in front of thousands...Singing, comedy, acting. But the logical side of me says it is too unrealistic. There are countless people who want what I want, and I dont want to spend the rest of my life dreaming and getting nowhere.

    And any normal job...forget it. I feel like I would be forcing myself into all of those "normal" careers, like I would hate getting up in the morning, trapped is a good word.

    I have considered the military, but being told what to do and when to do it is my worst nightmare! I think i would be so resentful and angry, and trapped.

    Of course I thought long and hard about college, but I dont really know what I want, and I feel like its pointless to go to school and rack up all that debt if I don't have a friggin clue....

    I have thought about what to do with my life and analyzed it from every concieveable angle. I have moved around, traveled, auditioned and experienced things and tried finding what my life is supposed to be about, but it only leaves me feeling more and more confused and lost.

    I'm sure I'm not the only one. If you have figured it out, how did you get there?
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    Mar 28, 2013 5:53 PM GMT
    This seriously sounds exactly how I feel, man! I guess the important thing is to get a degree first - that opens up so many more opportunities. Are you planning on going through college?
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    Mar 28, 2013 5:56 PM GMT
    Hey OP, why not volunteer as an English teacher abroad? Some programs require TEFL/TESL certification, some require an undergraduate degree, and some just require a willing person with excellent command of English. You'd get to experience another culture, often they'll work in a deal where you get to learn their language, and you'd see if something like teaching or a job as a translator is appealing to you.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Mar 28, 2013 6:22 PM GMT
    If you're not born into money, and sometimes even if you are, you're going to have to work for a living. Successful people work hard at what they do, regardless of their career. If you want to be an entertainer, at what ever level, you're going to have to work to develop your talent. If it is what you want to do, go for it.

    What I see from your post, though, is something deeper, a real question about who you are and what you want and what you're wiling to do to get it. FWIW it isn't uncommon for someone your age, even someone much older, to have these questions.

    As I see it, having a satisfying life is only partly related to what one does to earn money. One of my mottos: Our lives depend on what we pay attention to, the quality of our lives depends upon the quality of our attention to them. In other words, first notice what interests you, what you pay attention to. If you are like most people, most of what you pay attention to is just 'entertainment' of one sort or another. Hanging out on this forum, for example. That is, mostly just a waste of time from any larger life perspective.

    Quality attention is something different. What genuinely interests you? This is a clue and it may take time, possibly even years, to notice what it is. It may be that what genuinely interests you isn't something that will earn you much money if any. But if you give quality attention to it, you feel rewarded, satisfied in yourself. In that case, it doesn't much matter what you do for money. So what if you are a bartender for the rest of your life? If you're living a happy, satisfied life, that is. On the other hand, it might turn out that what genuinely interests you leads to something monetary. Maybe, maybe not.

    The thing is, it is possible to live a satisfied life without a lot of money. That depends on who you are inside and the quality of your attention to it. It is equally possible to be consumed with your career, even make a lot of money at it, even be "famous" and still not be happy. See what I'm getting at? The two things may be related but they aren't identical.

    My suggestion: Learn to really look at and enjoy the simplest things around you. This will fill you in a way that allows the other questions of money, career, and so on, to take their rightful place without a lot of anxiety or anguish.

    Hope that made sense.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2013 7:04 PM GMT
    Do what you want. If you want to sing, then sing. Maybe a vocal instructor or something along those lines?

    I honestly don't have it all figured out yet, but lately, I've been happy. And that lets me know that I'm on the right path. Just follow your dreams, and find a good back-up.

    Like I said, teaching is a good back-up if you want to sing or act. How about an interpreter or foreign language instructor? There is always a way, you just hae to find it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2013 7:44 PM GMT
    Phoenyx saidI want to find a career that doesn't feel like work.

    Confucius said “Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life”
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Mar 28, 2013 11:35 PM GMT
    Try Americorps.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Mar 29, 2013 1:31 AM GMT
    Phoenyx said


    I have thought about what to do with my life and analyzed it from every concieveable angle. I have moved around, traveled, auditioned and experienced things and tried finding what my life is supposed to be about, but it only leaves me feeling more and more confused and lost.

    I'm sure I'm not the only one. If you have figured it out, how did you get there?


    Dude you are 20, to say you have analyzed from every concieveable angle, traveled, auditioned and moved around in that short of period you don't know the third of it, never mind half of it, your life isn't out of infancy yet. Go ahead and try to sing or perform so you can say you gave a go but get your ass to college because education will never hurt you, although a lack of an education will.
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    Mar 29, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    Consider retaining a "Life Coach" to help you to determine what you like/dislike doing, assess your natural aptitudes, and help you to sort through a fairly well defined dictionary of "Standard Occupation Codes".

    Although you might not opt for a "standard occupation", you might stumble onto your passion in a non-traditional, profitable, form.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2013 4:26 AM GMT
    DO NOT join the military. I think that's the dumbest move any gay American can make - considering gays have no rights there still. So fuck'em.

    Since you bartend and sing, have you ever considered working on cruise ships? I used to work with a cruise ship recruiter. There are many jobs you can get there...bartending, performing to name a few. Plus, you'd be traveling while working...it's a great way to make money and all your expenses are paid for. You're young too so it's a great time for you to do that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2013 6:06 AM GMT
    you're still 20, You have plenty of time to decide...don't jump into conclusions..

    If I were you, I would never join military...anyhow it's your decision...but think carefully!
    if you don't want to follow orders then don't even think about joining military.
    Military is nothing but following rules, protocols, orders etc.,. from top senior most officer to the person of lowest rank possible.

    It took me more than a year to decide what to do with my life...So, sometimes it takes a lot of time...

    My advice is: Do what you love, even if it takes decades to settle down, do only what you love to do...
    & one more thing...when you are in pursuit you should concentrate only on that...not on money, not on social status, not on anything but only concentrate on what you want to achieve...

    If you're facing failure when you are in the middle of the path...remember Edison's 1000 failures quote “I will not say I failed 1000 times, I will say I discovered their are 1000 ways that can cause failure”

    All the best!
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Mar 29, 2013 6:12 AM GMT
    Goo back to school and get a degree in the performing arts. It's either that or become a porn star.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 29, 2013 6:13 AM GMT
    TheBizMan saidGoo back to school and get a degree in the performing arts. It's either that or become a porn star.
    '

    as long as there adderall involved. Do both.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Mar 29, 2013 6:14 AM GMT
    Import said
    TheBizMan saidGoo back to school and get a degree in the performing arts. It's either that or become a porn star.
    '

    as long as there adderall involved. Do both.
    because with adderall you can focus on both.
  • lvzhi

    Posts: 122

    Mar 29, 2013 6:57 AM GMT
    Have you thought of teaching Chinese kids English? I own a school in Foshan (180km from Hongkong). Right now I'm looking for good teachers and possibly a partner.
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Mar 29, 2013 7:36 AM GMT
    Terrance saidHave you thought of teaching Chinese kids English? I own a school in Foshan (180km from Hongkong). Right now I'm looking for good teachers and possibly a partner.


    That escalated so dam fast I don't even know what to say. . .
    tumblr_inline_mkdpiy8ADr1qz4rgp.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2013 8:06 AM GMT
    Terrance saidHave you thought of teaching Chinese kids English? I own a school in Foshan (180km from Hongkong). Right now I'm looking for good teachers and possibly a partner.


    I'm sure my qualifications exceed your requirements..and I am Hung !!
    May I msg you?

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSfpxJS5sfR949eyelYVIY
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2013 8:16 AM GMT
    Kriss said
    Terrance saidHave you thought of teaching Chinese kids English? I own a school in Foshan (180km from Hongkong). Right now I'm looking for good teachers and possibly a partner.


    That escalated so dam fast I don't even know what to say. . .
    tumblr_inline_mkdpiy8ADr1qz4rgp.gif


    Hahaha. He saw an opportunity a went for it!
  • lvzhi

    Posts: 122

    Mar 29, 2013 8:42 AM GMT
    [Hahaha. He saw an opportunity a went for it! [/quote]

    I went for an opportunity (not the kind of oppotunity you guys mistook) of getting a potential good employee or a business partner (It doesnt mean that I'm so desperate that I won't exam if the candidate fits the position or not).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    Terrance said[Hahaha. He saw an opportunity a went for it!


    I went for an opportunity (not the kind of oppotunity you guys mistook) of getting a potential good employee or a business partner (It doesnt mean that I'm so desperate that I won't exam if the candidate fits the position or not). [/quote]
    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    You looked at my profile...wouldn't you like to know what my qualifications are??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2013 2:27 PM GMT
    jo2hotbod said
    Phoenyx said


    I have thought about what to do with my life and analyzed it from every concieveable angle. I have moved around, traveled, auditioned and experienced things and tried finding what my life is supposed to be about, but it only leaves me feeling more and more confused and lost.

    I'm sure I'm not the only one. If you have figured it out, how did you get there?


    Dude you are 20, to say you have analyzed from every concieveable angle, traveled, auditioned and moved around in that short of period you don't know the third of it, never mind half of it, your life isn't out of infancy yet. Go ahead and try to sing or perform so you can say you gave a go but get your ass to college because education will never hurt you, although a lack of an education will.


    I agree with jo2hotbod!
  • lvzhi

    Posts: 122

    Mar 29, 2013 2:45 PM GMT
    Anocxu said
    Terrance said[Hahaha. He saw an opportunity a went for it!


    I went for an opportunity (not the kind of oppotunity you guys mistook) of getting a potential good employee or a business partner (It doesnt mean that I'm so desperate that I won't exam if the candidate fits the position or not).

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    You looked at my profile...wouldn't you like to know what my qualifications are??[/quote]

    I look at many people's profiles but I do not offer everyone a job.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2013 2:48 PM GMT
    Phoenyx said
    I bartend currently, and it can be enjoyable but I will not be a bartender for my entire life. I want more, I want to experience things, and I don't want to work my life away.

    That you are considering these important things early in life is encouraging and vital to your future happiness. Congratulations.

    I want to find a career that doesn't feel like work. The things I'm good at are singing (not to brag, but people tell me all the time), making people laugh, foreign languages. I love to travel to non-touristy places and experience natural beauty.

    Perhaps a career in tourism would be rewarding. Perhaps working as a tour guide, especially if the destinations are typically "non-touristy", would be your cup of tea.

    If I could just snap my fingers and have any job i want, I would be performing on a stage in front of thousands...Singing, comedy, acting. But the logical side of me says it is too unrealistic. There are countless people who want what I want, and I dont want to spend the rest of my life dreaming and getting nowhere.

    It sounds like you really want to be on stage and make people laugh. Then do it! Start with open mics at local comedy clubs. You can do it.

    Also, you are young. Now is the time to experiment. If you're serious, try breaking into comedy or a related field now. If it doesn't work you can switch. On the other hand if you don't try now, years later you may regret it deeply and by that point switching may be very difficult.

    And any normal job...forget it. I feel like I would be forcing myself into all of those "normal" careers, like I would hate getting up in the morning, trapped is a good word.

    I have considered the military, but being told what to do and when to do it is my worst nightmare! I think i would be so resentful and angry, and trapped.

    Then avoid this option!

    Of course I thought long and hard about college, but I dont really know what I want, and I feel like its pointless to go to school and rack up all that debt if I don't have a friggin clue....

    Perhaps, at least at this time, college is inappropriate for you. But keep in mind, you don't have to take on huge debt. Community (two-year) colleges are usually inexpensive. State colleges and universities are pricier but still frequently relatively inexpensive.

    I have thought about what to do with my life and analyzed it from every concieveable angle. I have moved around, traveled, auditioned and experienced things and tried finding what my life is supposed to be about, but it only leaves me feeling more and more confused and lost.

    You might benefit from seeing a career counselor, an expert who can assist you in making choices. Among other things you can take tests in which you note your interests and what you enjoy. The results can then be analyzed by computer, you, and your counselor to select jobs that might be good fits.

    In addition, you may wish to identify your core values, which requires significant time and thought. But once you do so, you will be in a better position to select a career that will be meaningful to you. To start you may wish to read Covey's classic The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.


    I'm sure I'm not the only one. If you have figured it out, how did you get there?
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    Mar 29, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    juvenescences saidHey OP, why not volunteer as an English teacher abroad? Some programs require TEFL/TESL certification, some require an undergraduate degree, and some just require a willing person with excellent command of English. You'd get to experience another culture, often they'll work in a deal where you get to learn their language, and you'd see if something like teaching or a job as a translator is appealing to you.


    Not a bad idea, assuming Phoenyx (OP) is amenable to teaching. But "volunteering" is the wrong word. He would probably want a paying job.

    If you're gong to do this (and I have), a certificate is highly recommended, e.g., the CELTA certificate. It is administered by Oxford University and offered in many schools around the world at very modest cost. Earning is takes about a month of intense work; it will give you practical teaching skills and open doors for you.
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    Mar 30, 2013 1:17 AM GMT
    justin_pal saidNot a bad idea, assuming Phoenyx (OP) is amenable to teaching. But "volunteering" is the wrong word. He would probably want a paying job.

    If you're gong to do this (and I have), a certificate is highly recommended, e.g., the CELTA certificate. It is administered by Oxford University and offered in many schools around the world at very modest cost. Earning is takes about a month of intense work; it will give you practical teaching skills and open doors for you.

    On the contrary...volunteering is the perfect way to find out if you really love doing something, because the pay is unlikely to be a factor in one's love or hate for teaching following the experience. Money is an extrinsic motivator, and by volunteering a majority of extrinsic motivators/factors are eliminated. It is precisely the mindset of "I need to make (a lot of) money" that drives people to having jobs that make them miserable and lower their life satisfaction. Down the road sure, we clearly all have to work to earn some cash flow, but why not volunteer while young? Less legal issues with respect to visas and all that when traveling abroad.