When you can't speak out (A rant about being closeted)

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    Mar 28, 2013 7:17 PM GMT
    I know no one likes a cry baby, and honestly I don't either. But I just need to rant a bit and clear my mind. So buckle up if you want to read and leave if you don't.

    Last night some adults in the family were talking about all the crime. My father was saying something about the new pope and it turned into how priests have molested children. Then he said something along the lines of "Well with all the gays becoming more abundant it's no wonder" He continued to go on and imply (And again I say IMPLY) "Well victims don't speak out because they are gay and they like it"

    My mind immediatly says "WTF?! No one likes to be raped?! What type of idiot are you?!" (It's kinda funny because I rarely curse even in my own mind.) As it says in the title, I'm closeted, and normally I'd debate him to no end on this, but since I'm too scared to be outed, I stayed silent.

    This leads into the title. For my whole life, I've rarely ever spoken out, but now that I'm an adult, now that I am told to be responsible and form my own opinions, I still can't speak out.

    My mind is going through hundreds of different things, like how powerless I feel, how ignorant my dad is, how my mom agreed with him, and how the future (specifically coming out) can be so scary.

    We grow from hard times, but we rarely remember how powerful they are when it's over and done with. Sometimes we don't even realize how much pain we put others through when we went through the same thing only years before.

    Thanks for reading if you did.
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    Mar 28, 2013 7:27 PM GMT
    Well, I know you still live with your folks so I understand you don't want to ruffel any feathers. That's just the price YOU are going to have to pay for not having depending on them so much.

    If you weren't dependent on them, this would have been a perfect opportunity to school them on gay issues.

    Alas, it's time for you to grow up dawn....
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    Mar 29, 2013 1:30 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidWell, I know you still live with your folks so I understand you don't want to ruffel any feathers. That's just the price YOU are going to have to pay for not having depending on them so much.

    If you weren't dependent on them, this would have been a perfect opportunity to school them on gay issues.

    Alas, it's time for you to grow up dawn....


    I can write you an essay, give you a hundred pictures, and spend my entire life trying to explain, but you probably still wouldn't understand.

    I have been an adult for most of my life. Being hurt, making sacrifices, and setting goals does that to you. But it is not enough to be an adult, you need to make the rest of the world accept you as an adult.
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    Mar 29, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    I'm so glad I moved out of the house at age 17 when I started college. I could be myself and live free.
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    Mar 29, 2013 5:42 AM GMT
    i can relate to you about this because i went through a similar situation talking to my mom yesterday about being gay and her views on gay people. it's sad that people think about homosexuality to be the worst thing in the world. icon_sad.gif

    it pissed me when she said "why do gay people feel the need to force people to accept them? why do they have to announce that they're gay? why can't they just keep it on the low and not put it out there?" the day before yesterday when we were talking about prop 8 and doma, she says "being gay is a choice. it's not natural" and blah, blah, blah, blah. just listening to her and some of these other people out here about their views on gay people is just sickening. are they even listening to what they're saying? they don't want us to express who we are whether public or private because we're gay and they hate us regardless. they treat us like less than the animals and they make it out something as simple as an attraction to members of the same sex to be a crime.

    i also hate when these ignorant folks try to talk about how it is to be gay as if they know.

    these people do NOT realize the pain that they cause with their words and the thinking that they spread across because there's many men and women that are gay and they're having a tough time accepting it because they see and hear people saying these things. they see other gay people being mistreated, abused, discriminated against and etc and society thinks that it's okay. i was in your position some years ago where i was terrified of who i was because of the people around me. it's crazy how people make the smallest things fucking bother them.
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    Mar 29, 2013 5:45 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidWell, I know you still live with your folks so I understand you don't want to ruffel any feathers. That's just the price YOU are going to have to pay for not having depending on them so much.

    If you weren't dependent on them, this would have been a perfect opportunity to school them on gay issues.

    Alas, it's time for you to grow up dawn....


    smh. it irks me to hear gay men who once upon a time were in the closet themselves are insensitive to other gay men that are in the closet acting like it's easy. just stop while you're ahead. you clearly don't know what you're talking about.

    coming out the closet is something that goes beyond him being an adult still living with his parents. he would have to face the same shit regardless if he was living with them or on his own and he needs all the support he can get. he's going to have to come out if he wants to enjoy his life where he won't have to hide who he is to his family and the people he cares about the most.

    shame on you for thinking coming out the closet is as simple as moving out the house. are you even out the closet yourself?
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Mar 29, 2013 6:20 AM GMT
    Unfortunately, as long as you live under their roof? You're gonna have to put up with them and their doings and goings-on. .

    If I was you, I'd wanna move the hell up outta thre. Get my own life going and start havin sex with guys.

    As hard and as difficult as this may be, perhaps u may want to consider the fact that they are just ignorant and just are not in the know about gay people....They just don't know any....or have any exposure, therefore are completely ignorant of what a gay person is and can be. . .

    You're an average dude, with a job and an average everyday work life... like everyone, myself included. You're not some twisted fuck..... however ur parents prob things gays are like that. .that they're pervs. Perhaps consider that if u tell them about you being gay u could educate your parents to not be so fucking ignorant. U know? U could change their mind and make them realize that gays dont like being raped and aren't pedophiles, etc..... I mean, thats kinda what happened to me. My parents were so fucking ignorant and stupid.... they didnt know, however when I came out to them it helped them realize that gay ppl arent bad. They're good. They're like everyone else and shit. They will realize that gay people are awesome and deserve everything that str8 ppl have. Like my parents learned. Your mom especially. She's your mom and most moms have like this natural instinct to love the things they gave birth to.
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    Mar 29, 2013 8:39 AM GMT
    Isolated incident?
    ..Something tells me you are from a kind loving home..

    ...I have heard my parents and siblings blirt things out "accidentally"..
    ..It's all apart of it!..

    And yes you CAN speak out.. !
    ..It's about when , where , how and what you say!..

    "Well with all the gays becoming more abundant it's no wonder" He continued to go on and imply (And again I say IMPLY) "Well victims don't speak out because they are gay and they like it"

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

    Well Dad... I thought.most victims..Gay or straight.. stay quiet because of fear and intimidation..? (end there no matter what he saids after..keep quiet)..eg..

    Parents are boneheads sometimes..
    Next time tell mom her potato salad sucks!
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    Mar 29, 2013 8:45 AM GMT
    You are being a bit harsh on them, they would not have said that if they knew it would make you upset. And you could have said nobody likes being raped, or they would just call it sex. Nobody would have thought that was a controversial thing to say.

    About the unnatural thing, lots of animals are gay. Dolphins give each other blowjobs (no I don't have any pics).
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    Mar 29, 2013 5:03 PM GMT
    bus9ja2d saidYou are being a bit harsh on them, they would not have said that if they knew it would make you upset. And you could have said nobody likes being raped, or they would just call it sex. Nobody would have thought that was a controversial thing to say.

    About the unnatural thing, lots of animals are gay. Dolphins give each other blowjobs (no I don't have any pics).


    they don't know that he's gay and he's scared to talk against what they're saying because he's afraid that they might find out.
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    Mar 29, 2013 5:14 PM GMT
    scaredmidget said
    jmusmc85 saidWell, I know you still live with your folks so I understand you don't want to ruffel any feathers. That's just the price YOU are going to have to pay for not having depending on them so much.

    If you weren't dependent on them, this would have been a perfect opportunity to school them on gay issues.

    Alas, it's time for you to grow up dawn....


    smh. it irks me to hear gay men who once upon a time were in the closet themselves are insensitive to other gay men that are in the closet acting like it's easy. just stop while you're ahead. you clearly don't know what you're talking about.

    coming out the closet is something that goes beyond him being an adult still living with his parents. he would have to face the same shit regardless if he was living with them or on his own and he needs all the support he can get. he's going to have to come out if he wants to enjoy his life where he won't have to hide who he is to his family and the people he cares about the most.

    shame on you for thinking coming out the closet is as simple as moving out the house. are you even out the closet yourself?


    Stfu you stupid faggot! Of course I now how it feels, I was there once.... When I was a teenager!

    The difference now is that I don't have to worry about my parents cutting me off or kicking me out just because I'm gay.

    Moving out will do wonders!!! This kid is obviously having issues, many stemming from living with his parents. Perhaps the easiest solution is the best!!!!
  • blueyedgrey20...

    Posts: 285

    Mar 29, 2013 5:38 PM GMT
    i am their hahaha but i dont let peoples words get to me. My favorite quote from a former 1st lady is this...“noone can make you feel inferior without your consent.” and its so true. and a quote by my only lady crush “ so what im still a rockstar i got my rock moves and i dont need you!”- p!nk
    those two quotes have really helped me to just not give a fuck what haters are gunna say! Congrats you called me a fagg wow you sure got me want a cookie!?
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Mar 29, 2013 5:51 PM GMT
    You are 20 years old. That is just a number. For all practical purposes you are still a teenager and teenagers, despite all their bluster and frustration, are children. As long as you live with them there will be a heavy price to pay, especially if you're afraid to come out to them and deal with whatever the consequences might be. Even after you're out of the house, you still have to work at getting *them* out of your head. That may take years.

    Being an adult means becoming responsible for your own life. It is both terrifying and liberating at the same time. Begin in small ways to take more and more responsibility for your life. This can include, for example, as someone else said above, talking back to them politely. You don't have to get into an argument, just make it clear that you have your own thoughts and feelings about things. THEY DO NOT KNOW YOU and they don't because you're keeping something very fundamental about yourself secret. No judgement from me about that, its just a fact. But that is a choice you're making and there are consequences to that choice. Being an adult means taking responsibility for your choices.
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:07 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    scaredmidget said
    jmusmc85 saidWell, I know you still live with your folks so I understand you don't want to ruffel any feathers. That's just the price YOU are going to have to pay for not having depending on them so much.

    If you weren't dependent on them, this would have been a perfect opportunity to school them on gay issues.

    Alas, it's time for you to grow up dawn....


    smh. it irks me to hear gay men who once upon a time were in the closet themselves are insensitive to other gay men that are in the closet acting like it's easy. just stop while you're ahead. you clearly don't know what you're talking about.

    coming out the closet is something that goes beyond him being an adult still living with his parents. he would have to face the same shit regardless if he was living with them or on his own and he needs all the support he can get. he's going to have to come out if he wants to enjoy his life where he won't have to hide who he is to his family and the people he cares about the most.

    shame on you for thinking coming out the closet is as simple as moving out the house. are you even out the closet yourself?


    Stfu you stupid faggot! Of course I now how it feels, I was there once.... When I was a teenager!

    The difference now is that I don't have to worry about my parents cutting me off or kicking me out just because I'm gay.

    Moving out will do wonders!!! This kid is obviously having issues, many stemming from living with his parents. Perhaps the easiest solution is the best!!!!


    man, you obviously didn't get what the dude was saying so why the fuck are you still talking for?

    if you're not going to help him out and belittle him in the process by telling him "move out the house and you won't have to worry about coming out", then you really need to take your ass out of this thread. thank you. he's still going to have to come out regardless if he moves out and lives on his own. coming out is NOT easy period. fuck you for acting like a self righteous jackass.

    i just think it's hilarious that your ass comes in here talking shit when you were in the army and don't ask, don't tell was around where you were in there. you damn sure didn't have the balls to come out because you wouldn't have been there that long so don't try to make the op feel like some fucking coward or weakling because he's struggling to come out. if you could relate, then you shouldn't be belittling him for being scared to come out the closet and standing up for himself because he's afraid of what the people he loves and care about would think. you just come off like a condescending jackass that just wants to one up yourself while putting other people down. it's fucking corny. not everybody is like you. when you can understand that, then talk. til then, just keep your fucking opinion and ignorance to yourself.

  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Mar 30, 2013 4:31 AM GMT
    scaredmidget said
    jmusmc85 said
    scaredmidget said
    jmusmc85 saidWell, I know you still live with your folks so I understand you don't want to ruffel any feathers. That's just the price YOU are going to have to pay for not having depending on them so much.

    If you weren't dependent on them, this would have been a perfect opportunity to school them on gay issues.

    Alas, it's time for you to grow up dawn....


    smh. it irks me to hear gay men who once upon a time were in the closet themselves are insensitive to other gay men that are in the closet acting like it's easy. just stop while you're ahead. you clearly don't know what you're talking about.

    coming out the closet is something that goes beyond him being an adult still living with his parents. he would have to face the same shit regardless if he was living with them or on his own and he needs all the support he can get. he's going to have to come out if he wants to enjoy his life where he won't have to hide who he is to his family and the people he cares about the most.

    shame on you for thinking coming out the closet is as simple as moving out the house. are you even out the closet yourself?


    Stfu you stupid faggot! Of course I now how it feels, I was there once.... When I was a teenager!

    The difference now is that I don't have to worry about my parents cutting me off or kicking me out just because I'm gay.

    Moving out will do wonders!!! This kid is obviously having issues, many stemming from living with his parents. Perhaps the easiest solution is the best!!!!


    man, you obviously didn't get what the dude was saying so why the fuck are you still talking for?

    if you're not going to help him out and belittle him in the process by telling him "move out the house and you won't have to worry about coming out", then you really need to take your ass out of this thread. thank you. he's still going to have to come out regardless if he moves out and lives on his own. coming out is NOT easy period. fuck you for acting like a self righteous jackass.

    i just think it's hilarious that your ass comes in here talking shit when you were in the army and don't ask, don't tell was around where you were in there. you damn sure didn't have the balls to come out because you wouldn't have been there that long so don't try to make the op feel like some fucking coward or weakling because he's struggling to come out. if you could relate, then you shouldn't be belittling him for being scared to come out the closet and standing up for himself because he's afraid of what the people he loves and care about would think. you just come off like a condescending jackass that just wants to one up yourself while putting other people down. it's fucking corny. not everybody is like you. when you can understand that, then talk. til then, just keep your fucking opinion and ignorance to yourself.



    this
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:34 AM GMT
    scaredmidget said
    jmusmc85 said
    scaredmidget said
    jmusmc85 saidWell, I know you still live with your folks so I understand you don't want to ruffel any feathers. That's just the price YOU are going to have to pay for not having depending on them so much.

    If you weren't dependent on them, this would have been a perfect opportunity to school them on gay issues.

    Alas, it's time for you to grow up dawn....


    smh. it irks me to hear gay men who once upon a time were in the closet themselves are insensitive to other gay men that are in the closet acting like it's easy. just stop while you're ahead. you clearly don't know what you're talking about.

    coming out the closet is something that goes beyond him being an adult still living with his parents. he would have to face the same shit regardless if he was living with them or on his own and he needs all the support he can get. he's going to have to come out if he wants to enjoy his life where he won't have to hide who he is to his family and the people he cares about the most.

    shame on you for thinking coming out the closet is as simple as moving out the house. are you even out the closet yourself?


    Stfu you stupid faggot! Of course I now how it feels, I was there once.... When I was a teenager!

    The difference now is that I don't have to worry about my parents cutting me off or kicking me out just because I'm gay.

    Moving out will do wonders!!! This kid is obviously having issues, many stemming from living with his parents. Perhaps the easiest solution is the best!!!!


    man, you obviously didn't get what the dude was saying so why the fuck are you still talking for?

    if you're not going to help him out and belittle him in the process by telling him "move out the house and you won't have to worry about coming out", then you really need to take your ass out of this thread. thank you. he's still going to have to come out regardless if he moves out and lives on his own. coming out is NOT easy period. fuck you for acting like a self righteous jackass.

    i just think it's hilarious that your ass comes in here talking shit when you were in the army and don't ask, don't tell was around where you were in there. you damn sure didn't have the balls to come out because you wouldn't have been there that long so don't try to make the op feel like some fucking coward or weakling because he's struggling to come out. if you could relate, then you shouldn't be belittling him for being scared to come out the closet and standing up for himself because he's afraid of what the people he loves and care about would think. you just come off like a condescending jackass that just wants to one up yourself while putting other people down. it's fucking corny. not everybody is like you. when you can understand that, then talk. til then, just keep your fucking opinion and ignorance to yourself.



    YOU_MAD.gif
    You are just a virgin who can't drive!!! Pfft!!!
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:35 AM GMT
    DIVA FIGHT

    tumblr_m6ftwiRYef1rwcc6bo1_500.gif
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:36 AM GMT
    RadRTT saidDIVA FIGHT

    tumblr_m6ftwiRYef1rwcc6bo1_500.gif


    I can't believe I'm letting a ghetto hoodrat virgin with mental issues try to one up me!!! The nerve!!!icon_mad.gif
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:55 AM GMT
    WtD - Sorry to hear that you have been having such a tough time at home. As mentioned yesterday, I think your best bet is to start considering your options and planning to move on your own. It is the only way to get past those feelings of being trapped and helpless.

    Once you establish your independence and develop the self-confidence that comes with it, you'll be in a much better place to assert your sexuality to them. Some parents have a change of heart on the issue when their own child comes out, some do not (sadly). Some improve over time. But first things first is finding a way to build yourself up and surround yourself with others that will offer support.

    Regarding the comments, obviously they are wrong on many levels, especially in terms of placing blame on the victims of sexual abuse. Sometimes all you can do is shake your head and sigh.

    Stay strong! icon_sad.gif
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:56 AM GMT
    dc0776 saidWtD - Sorry to hear that you have been having such a tough time at home. As mentioned yesterday, I think your best bet is to start considering your options and planning to move on your own. It is the only way to get past those feelings of being trapped and helpless.

    Once you establish your independence and develop the self-confidence that comes with it, you'll be in a much better place to assert your sexuality to them. Some parents have a change of heart on the issue when their own child comes out, some do not (sadly). Some improve over time. But first things first is finding a way to build yourself up and surround yourself with others that will offer support.

    Regarding the comments, obviously they are wrong on many levels, especially in terms of placing blame on the victims of sexual abuse. Sometimes all you can do is shake your head and sigh.

    Stay strong! icon_sad.gif


    Who has said that?
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    Mar 30, 2013 5:00 AM GMT
    I was lucky enough to fall out of the closet and deal with it, without actually turning the knob and coming out myself.
    My brother came across a gay forum site I was a regular on in my history when I was 18. I was at work at the time, but he texted me a heart warming message that i should of screen saved and saved to my computer. He was who I most feared to coming out to, because he WAS always very homophobic. He beats himself up for it and hopefully your dad can too. My sister cried like a baby, loves me unconditionally, it's all good with her.
    On the other hand, I decided to tell my mom in the following months. She's in denial, she's a crucifix hugger. Her gay brother actualy died of aids in the 80s, in which she gave birth to me a few years later to name me after him. The irony! She's slowly dealing with it in a positive manner, but that's life.
    I don''t even speak, see, or care enough about my dad to tell him, the daddy issues was enough of a burden to live with, so coming out was definitely something that made me stronger and I now love spreading my pro-gay message to anyone and everyone who has a problem with it.

    good luck.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Mar 30, 2013 5:31 AM GMT
    My dad would say to me growing up, "You live under my roof, you obey my rules". I moved out at 18...I ate a lot of cheese pizzas and mac and cheese,can't eat either to this day. I remember one day in particular, my dad came in my apartment and started yelling at me...I can't remember why. I looked him in the eye and said, " No one yells at me in my house". He stopped yelling..he turned and slammed the door behind him...In my mind,I knew he was pissed but at the same time he respected me...A huge life lesson.
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    Mar 30, 2013 5:29 PM GMT
    scaredmidget said
    jmusmc85 said
    scaredmidget said
    jmusmc85 saidWell, I know you still live with your folks so I understand you don't want to ruffel any feathers. That's just the price YOU are going to have to pay for not having depending on them so much.

    If you weren't dependent on them, this would have been a perfect opportunity to school them on gay issues.

    Alas, it's time for you to grow up dawn....


    smh. it irks me to hear gay men who once upon a time were in the closet themselves are insensitive to other gay men that are in the closet acting like it's easy. just stop while you're ahead. you clearly don't know what you're talking about.

    coming out the closet is something that goes beyond him being an adult still living with his parents. he would have to face the same shit regardless if he was living with them or on his own and he needs all the support he can get. he's going to have to come out if he wants to enjoy his life where he won't have to hide who he is to his family and the people he cares about the most.

    shame on you for thinking coming out the closet is as simple as moving out the house. are you even out the closet yourself?


    Stfu you stupid faggot! Of course I now how it feels, I was there once.... When I was a teenager!

    The difference now is that I don't have to worry about my parents cutting me off or kicking me out just because I'm gay.

    Moving out will do wonders!!! This kid is obviously having issues, many stemming from living with his parents. Perhaps the easiest solution is the best!!!!


    man, you obviously didn't get what the dude was saying so why the fuck are you still talking for?

    if you're not going to help him out and belittle him in the process by telling him "move out the house and you won't have to worry about coming out", then you really need to take your ass out of this thread. thank you. he's still going to have to come out regardless if he moves out and lives on his own. coming out is NOT easy period. fuck you for acting like a self righteous jackass.

    i just think it's hilarious that your ass comes in here talking shit when you were in the army and don't ask, don't tell was around where you were in there. you damn sure didn't have the balls to come out because you wouldn't have been there that long so don't try to make the op feel like some fucking coward or weakling because he's struggling to come out. if you could relate, then you shouldn't be belittling him for being scared to come out the closet and standing up for himself because he's afraid of what the people he loves and care about would think. you just come off like a condescending jackass that just wants to one up yourself while putting other people down. it's fucking corny. not everybody is like you. when you can understand that, then talk. til then, just keep your fucking opinion and ignorance to yourself.



    It's actually okay scaredmidget. There is truth in what he says. I love my family dearly, but with so many bad things happening, our relationship has deteriorated a bit. I admit that sometimes, I've taken the easy way out. I also admit that the idea of debt and bills I can't pay does scare me a bit.

    What scares me the most is how to deal with my mother. She is VERY overprotective of me. Though I love her, I also fear her a bit, which is always why I try to make her happy.

    I appreciate brutal honesty, because everyone else seems to think I can't handle it.
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    Mar 30, 2013 5:32 PM GMT
    dc0776 saidWtD - Sorry to hear that you have been having such a tough time at home. As mentioned yesterday, I think your best bet is to start considering your options and planning to move on your own. It is the only way to get past those feelings of being trapped and helpless.

    Once you establish your independence and develop the self-confidence that comes with it, you'll be in a much better place to assert your sexuality to them. Some parents have a change of heart on the issue when their own child comes out, some do not (sadly). Some improve over time. But first things first is finding a way to build yourself up and surround yourself with others that will offer support.

    Regarding the comments, obviously they are wrong on many levels, especially in terms of placing blame on the victims of sexual abuse. Sometimes all you can do is shake your head and sigh.

    Stay strong! icon_sad.gif


    Thanks for the kind words. I've starting thinking, and looking at my options, and that was actually my plan all along.
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    Mar 30, 2013 5:33 PM GMT
    BP201 saidI was lucky enough to fall out of the closet and deal with it, without actually turning the knob and coming out myself.
    My brother came across a gay forum site I was a regular on in my history when I was 18. I was at work at the time, but he texted me a heart warming message that i should of screen saved and saved to my computer. He was who I most feared to coming out to, because he WAS always very homophobic. He beats himself up for it and hopefully your dad can too. My sister cried like a baby, loves me unconditionally, it's all good with her.
    On the other hand, I decided to tell my mom in the following months. She's in denial, she's a crucifix hugger. Her gay brother actualy died of aids in the 80s, in which she gave birth to me a few years later to name me after him. The irony! She's slowly dealing with it in a positive manner, but that's life.
    I don''t even speak, see, or care enough about my dad to tell him, the daddy issues was enough of a burden to live with, so coming out was definitely something that made me stronger and I now love spreading my pro-gay message to anyone and everyone who has a problem with it.

    good luck.


    Thanks for sharing your story. I hope mine can go as well, or better than yours.