Your take on sexually active teens

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Mar 30, 2013 3:29 AM GMT
    I work with kids and I feel like teenagers even kids as young as 12 are really doing too much too soon and its actually alarming...kind of makes me sick.

    I mentor a teen boy who is 16 and he has had sex with 6 girls in the last year....do you think that is a lot or too much for his age??

    I personally believe that is too much for his age but my opinion may differ from yours.

    Me and him have a very open dialogue about his sexual encounters and he comes to for advice on being safe and Ive even brought him to planned parenthood for condoms.

    He just worries me a lot because I personally believe that he needs to slow it down a little bit. He tells me he always uses condoms but you never know. Ive had many conversations with him about safe sex and having some respect for himself because he doesnt want that "reputation" of being a player or pig. But sometimes he hops into the bed with girls he barely even knows.

    Im not a prude or uptight lol it just scares me

    What are some other techiniques I could use to really get THROUGH to him that sex shouldnt be like a handshake and that he needs to slow down a little bit??
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    Mar 30, 2013 3:41 AM GMT
    I feel like kids are growing up way too fast,
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Mar 30, 2013 3:48 AM GMT
    They are!

    Whats your take on the scenario I wrote about guys...advice would be nice to hear
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Mar 30, 2013 3:50 AM GMT
    pretend like he got a girl pregnant.



    no more foolin around.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Mar 30, 2013 3:53 AM GMT
    fable saidpretend like he got a girl pregnant.



    no more foolin around.


    Ironic...he actually did in the beginning of last year...she had an abortion but it did scare him...I try to refer to that situation but to some extent he still doesnt understand he shouldnt be having sex so freely and quickly...I will say he talks a lot about needing and using acondom. I make it very clear to him that if he doesnt have a condom he CANT HAVE SEX
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    Mar 30, 2013 3:55 AM GMT
    I really don't know. This topic with kids is really foreign to me actually. There was actually a story I saw in the news about 2 boys and a girl who had sex in the sewers of the school grounds, and they were only in 6th grade.. it was really sad, and eventually I think all three had to go see a psychiatrist.

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    Mar 30, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    I'm no prude, but I do agree that kids/teens are doing far too much sexually.

    As for the 16-year-old, you know his hormones are at levels through the roof, man. On top of that, his executive functioning (inhibitory control is of particular relevance here) is still developing within the prefrontal cortex. That's not to say that he can't be responsible, but rather that impulsive sexual behaviour should not be all that surprising, neither from him nor the girls. Perhaps talk to him about how the girls he has sex with might feel with respect to their self-worth and value if he were to do the fuck 'n' chuck routine with any of them. And I'm not even being sexist here; the reality is that while females do have an active sex drive (far more active than males tend to give them credit for), they generally do not view sex in the same way that males do. It's not just about him respecting himself, it's about him respecting girls.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Mar 30, 2013 4:09 AM GMT
    juvenescences saidI'm no prude, but I do agree that kids/teens are doing far too much sexually.

    As for the 16-year-old, you know his hormones are at levels through the roof, man. On top of that, his executive functioning (inhibitory control is of particular relevance here) is still developing within the prefrontal cortex. That's not to say that he can't be responsible, but rather that impulsive sexual behaviour should not be all that surprising, neither from him nor the girls. Perhaps talk to him about how the girls he has sex with might feel with respect to their self-worth and value if he were to do the fuck 'n' chuck routine with any of them. And I'm not even being sexist here; the reality is that while females do have an active sex drive (far more active than males tend to give them credit for), they generally do not view sex in the same way that males do. It's not just about him respecting himself, it's about him respecting girls.


    thank you that was helpful. I do try to stress Stds/pregnancies....I stress having morals and having sex for the right reasons...it really is as common as a handshake with kids now a days. Its just that I hope he doesnt grow up and have had 100 sex partners before 20...I dont want him to have that reputation because I think so highly of him ya know?
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    comical44 saidI do try to stress Stds/pregnancies....I stress having morals and having sex for the right reasons...it really is as common as a handshake with kids now a days. Its just that I hope he doesnt grow up and have had 100 sex partners before 20...I dont want him to have that reputation because I think so highly of him ya know?


    As long as you have the authority to speak into someone's life (and at this point you do, which is awesome), keep on appealing to reason. It's not that teenagers are unable to comprehend sound logic/wisdom, but rather that they aren't always capable of fully generating it themselves, and that's where mentors such as yourself come in.

    You've expressed what you don't want for him to become, but in the end it's his life, not yours, and only he is truly accountable for his actions in the end. Part of growing up is understanding consequences, both short and long term, for all of our actions. Sometimes the best thing a mentor can do after reasonable attempts at appealing to logic is stand alongside someone in the good and the bad. You can disagree with him, but the end goal should always be to work with him, not against him. All the while, you want to be emphasizing that he take responsibility for all of his actions. This generation is full of people who feel entitled to everything without any of the responsibility; one of the best things we can pass on and model in the future generations is enabling them to make mature decisions where they take responsibility for any positive and/or negative consequences that come out of those decisions.
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    For one of my nursing school projects, I spoke to a bunch of teens about std transmission, mostly HPV and herpes. I informed them how these two diseases are easy to catch because they are transmitted thru skin to skin contact. I also showed them some pictures of what the diseases have done to patients I've taken care of and how most people have the viruses and don't know it.

    It worked! To this day they still talk about it and want to know more about the diseases. What I learned about teens is that a simple lecture doesn't work. They're visual learners and if you can show them what can happen if they're not careful during sex, then they develop a deeper understanding of the discussions.
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:21 AM GMT
    comical44 saidWhat are some other techiniques I could use to really get THROUGH to him that sex shouldnt be like a handshake and that he needs to slow down a little bit??

    It's not a one man's problem...whole age group is having this problem....
    There is a saying 'You cannot teach a thirsty horse not to wet its mouth when there is water all around'
    What we should do is control the water, then you can control the horse!
    This requires all elders to look for how adult content reaches the kids and take measures to prevent it.

    In a situation like yours, it is very difficult to apply the above to a single person, one way or the other way he tries to meet women!
    it is obvious that you cannot control him!
    but don't stop telling him till he realizes by himself! find a better way to educate him...like telling him morals, make him feel that you're emotionally hurt by his actions...this will definitely work with many people.
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:22 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidWhat I learned about teens is that a simple lecture doesn't work. They're visual learners and if you can show them what can happen if they're not careful during sex, then they develop a deeper understanding of the discussions.

    This is also true, especially when you consider that males are very visual when it comes to sex (cue pornography). Good call.
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    Mar 30, 2013 4:40 AM GMT
    I might get some flack for these thoughts... but here is how I see it...

    comical44 saidI work with kids and I feel like teenagers even kids as young as 12 are really doing too much too soon and its actually alarming...kind of makes me sick.

    I mentor a teen boy who is 16 and he has had sex with 6 girls in the last year....do you think that is a lot or too much for his age??
    I think that every single teen who is biologically 16 is psychologically in a million different places. This specific teen is having sex and is doing it a lot. Once you pop, the fun don't stop. It's pretty hard to go back to celibacy after starting sex. It doesn't mean that he should be having sex with anyone, or anything, or instantly... but I doubt you could get him to stop.

    I personally believe that is too much for his age but my opinion may differ from yours. I think it's also important to realize that your opinion differs from his opinion. Have you mentioned stopping sex? Has he reacted?

    Me and him have a very open dialogue about his sexual encounters and he comes to for advice on being safe and Ive even brought him to planned parenthood for condoms.This is great. I am glad he is being safe. I hope he is using them.

    He just worries me a lot because I personally believe that he needs to slow it down a little bit. He tells me he always uses condoms but you never know. Ive had many conversations with him about safe sex and having some respect for himself because he doesnt want that "reputation" of being a player or pig. But sometimes he hops into the bed with girls he barely even knows. There's a lot going on in this paragraph. First I will say that your intentions are all good. The best way to ensure that he is using condoms is to show him the reality of what it's like to not use them. Have him talk to an HIV positive person who regrets not wearing them. Have him talk to a pregnant girl who thought she would be just fine... if you can't find them, at least encourage him to find them. When people make mistakes they generally want other to not go through the same mistakes. Also, he needs to really think about the emotions of the girls he is sleeping with. I would ask him if he is dating them. I would ask if they know that his intentions are not to be in a relationship (if that is the case). I would ask him if he makes sure they are OK with everything.

    Im not a prude or uptight lol it just scares me

    What are some other techiniques I could use to really get THROUGH to him that sex shouldnt be like a handshake and that he needs to slow down a little bit?? I think some of the things I mentioned above would help, but I also think that some of this is going to be learning experience. The babies and STIs need to be rapidly educated and avoided, because those can't be undone... but some of the lessons about emotions and sex will be learned in time from experience. He is starting young, so it could really help him mature rapidly, and learn a lot rapidly. He needs to know that it's OK to talk about these things with knowledgeable adults who will not judge him, or think him a "slut" for typical human behavior.


    The AMOUNT of sex that a person partakes in has no bearing on the connections and honesty that person presents to the partner(s) involved. Some guys are with one person and treat them like shit. Some guys sleep with many people and treat them all with love and care. Being seen as a slut socially has negatives because it makes you feel shitty, but deep down he will construct his own identity around sex in time that he feels content with. Perhaps it's useful that he is exploring it now, providing he is safe.
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    Mar 30, 2013 5:06 AM GMT
    i have no take on it because it's not a big deal. as long as they're responsible just like anybody outthere that choses to fuck, it's all good.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2013 1:22 PM GMT
    I think teens who are sexually active are pretty much immature kids who think they are mature enough to have sex. I have a problem with teenagers who do have sex because again they are just KIDS!!! I say unless you are able to support yourself and become a responsible adult (job, bills, etc) then I say keep your anaconda in your cage and put a lock on your vagina (example from parody movie: Robin Hood men in tight... Lol)

    It's irresponsible when teenagers get pregnant and they either get an abortion, give up their kid for adoption or have to rely on their parents for support. Teenagers need to grow up live a little then have sex.

    To answer your question, I'd let him make his own mistakes. I think for teenagers it's the best way for him to realize that if he continues to do what he's doing, there's going to be some major consequences.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2013 1:29 PM GMT
    I wouldn't know. I was the last kid in town to figure out masturbation.
  • swall1963

    Posts: 161

    Mar 30, 2013 1:48 PM GMT
    Everyone responding to this thread makes it sound like this is a recent development.

    I graduated high school in 1982. Out of a class of 72 we had three who were married, and 7 children, I have limited information on how many abortions but I know of 2.

    I lost my virginity to a 16 year old guy when I was 15. By the time I had graduated from high school I had had sex with 3 girls and I will not disclose who many guys.

    This isn't new.
  • BastienDC

    Posts: 19

    Mar 30, 2013 1:55 PM GMT
    I think you are wrong when you say he doesn't want a reputation of player.

    He's 16 and there is for sure competitions with his other dudes to know which one is the most active.

    I was for sure like that when i was 16 ... i still probably like that being almost 25.
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    Mar 30, 2013 1:59 PM GMT
    comical44 said
    fable saidpretend like he got a girl pregnant.

    no more foolin around.

    Ironic...he actually did in the beginning of last year...she had an abortion but it did scare him... I make it very clear to him that if he doesnt have a condom he CANT HAVE SEX

    Well clearly he HAS been having sex without a condom, despite what you say he tells you.

    "He tells me he always uses condoms but you never know." [From your OP]

    Well, clearly you DO know, that he's not reliable, unless that pregnant girl had an immaculate conception, or is having sex with multiple partners herself. Obviously he hasn't been using condoms in the past, which makes him suspect today.

    What are the laws in your State of New York? Is sex between minors technically a crime? If so you might add that to the mix of arguments to use with him. And tell him to whack off more often, which may reduce the urgency of his lust a little. Other than that, I don't know how to rein-in an oversexed young male who has access to willing sex partners.

    You're a counselor/advisor (?), not his parent, so your range of options is limited. You might involve his parents, but I understand that could violate the confidential trust you have established with him, and shut down further communication.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2013 1:59 PM GMT
    It's not just kids who are 16. It's just.. kids in general. I've seen small 10 year olds with hairstyling products in their hair, going with clothes that a regular teen would walk in.. act like they're all tough and shit.. They even have an iPad and an iPhone and stuff!
    Most 'kids' or people who just turned 13 already have had sex... that's kinda insane.

    I don't wanna sound old, but when I were their age. All I had was like.. A tomagotchi and some toys. heh.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 30, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    going twelve years without sex seems like a really long time
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2013 2:36 PM GMT
    i'm 18 yet i haven't even done anything with anyone yet.
    anyways, i consider it alarming..they hardly know anything about their yet developing bodies & the risk involved in having sex.
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Mar 30, 2013 2:43 PM GMT

    I hate to sound like a troglodyte but I think technology has allot to do with this phenomenon. We have a generation that grew up on high speed wireless and smart phones. Access to porn involves clicking "are you over 18? Click Y or N". Video of romps and taking pics of your junk no longer involve expensive cameras or polariods. Bragging about sexual exploits has moved out of the boys locker room and into public forums (like Facebook) for both genders.

    Young people hooking up is nothing new. Sociological acceptability of females being upfront about their sexual needs; horny guys able to find them not just in school, but on FB, POF, chat sites, etc. IS new.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Mar 30, 2013 2:46 PM GMT
    This guy seems to have made quite the impression on you. What is it that makes you so involved in his life? Is he really attractive? Does he remind you of someone you know? I was just wondering..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2013 2:47 PM GMT
    Take him to the Vet to get "tutored"....you'd be doing the world a favor!

    30972Vet_tutored.jpg