How to set boundaries with someone i'm not interested in?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2013 6:30 PM GMT
    For some reason, one of my ex's friends have fallen in love with me. He tried to kiss me on several occasions when we are at clubs, but I've always fended him off. He acknowledges the rejection with a pout, but 5 minutes later he resumes his advances as if nothing happened. One night he insisted on walking me home, and I told him I only wanted to be friends. He nearly cried, but at least I made it really clear...

    ...or I had thought, until the same routine happened next weekend. I managed to avoid him for a week, but tonight we're both going to friend's party, and he texted me he's got my alcohol covered. Obviously I'm gonna bring my own drinks anyway, but how should I reply him?

    "that's nice, but I should get my own drinks. Don't wanna give u the wrong idea lol" (truth)
    "that's nice, but i already got drinks" (lie)

    Or should I let him cover my drinks, and just return the favor next time? Friends can do this right?
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    Mar 30, 2013 7:23 PM GMT
    go with the second choice for the drinks.

    Maybe you should slap him every time he tries to hit on you? Maybe words just won't solve your problem, and that you need to get a bit physical to get the point across. icon_smile.gif
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3516

    Mar 30, 2013 8:30 PM GMT
    say no once twice then exploit him shamelesly
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    Mar 31, 2013 5:08 AM GMT
    I'd say you need to draw a line in the sand now and tell him if he crosses it, that's it. Hold to your threat and if he crosses it, dump his ass as your friend. You've been patient and understanding but you've been pretty clear about your feelings and yet he continues to cross the line. If he's going to be a friend, he needs to learn to be respectful of your boundaries. Also, I would go with number 2 also, don't let him think you're interested. It will send the wrong message. Good luck.
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    Mar 31, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    Don't do what I did. Went to this beach party with friends, see him there, he kept handing me drinks, got so fucked up. Ended up sleeping with him. he was hot..but no. Just no. Self respect year commenced as of that night
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Mar 31, 2013 6:21 AM GMT
    Apparition saidsay no once twice then exploit him shamelesly


    some people do need this lesson. if you care about his well being and finances though, shout at him that "I'm a grown man who can take care of myself, and... that you are not interested in a sexual relationship with him any time soon."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2013 8:25 AM GMT
    gooddaytoday saidFor some reason, one of my ex's friends have fallen in love with me. He tried to kiss me on several occasions when we are at clubs, but I've always fended him off. He acknowledges the rejection with a pout, but 5 minutes later he resumes his advances as if nothing happened. One night he insisted on walking me home, and I told him I only wanted to be friends. He nearly cried, but at least I made it really clear...

    ...or I had thought, until the same routine happened next weekend. I managed to avoid him for a week, but tonight we're both going to friend's party, and he texted me he's got my alcohol covered. Obviously I'm gonna bring my own drinks anyway, but how should I reply him?

    "that's nice, but I should get my own drinks. Don't wanna give u the wrong idea lol" (truth)
    "that's nice, but i already got drinks" (lie)

    Or should I let him cover my drinks, and just return the favor next time? Friends can do this right?


    Deal with it. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you aren't interested in being friend with benefits, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2013 8:27 AM GMT
    stratavos said
    Apparition saidsay no once twice then exploit him shamelesly


    some people do need this lesson. if you care about his well being and finances though, shout at him that "I'm a grown man who can take care of myself, and... that you are not interested in a sexual relationship with him any time soon."


    This is a very adolescent response. I would forgo doing it in a tantrum way.

    Just tell him directly, and not by text, but, in real words, to his face, with him seeing your face. and hearing your voice.

    I've had issues where folks don't respond to requests, and constantly want to touch me. Finally, a tap in the nose got him to knock it off. Sometimes, it's the only thing folks understand.

    Remember, texts, and being pictureless, and not saying it to his face, in person...are all very cowardly. Time to grow up; assert yourself; have confidence.

    The boogie man is you.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 31, 2013 1:42 PM GMT
    When a dog is jumping on you, you raise up your knee to not kick them, but to keep them off you - they bounce themselves off the knee. Try that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2013 1:45 PM GMT
    Why are you classifying this person as a friend again??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2013 1:47 PM GMT
    Ignore them more, and more... unless of course your conscious doesn't cause you to ask your'self, "Am I a bad person?".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2013 1:48 PM GMT
    Get your own drinks!!
    Is he Hung?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2013 1:51 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidGet your own drinks!!
    Is he Hung?
    icon_lol.gif Menz!
  • spacemagic

    Posts: 520

    Mar 31, 2013 2:07 PM GMT
    Tell him in no uncertain terms you aren't interested in anything more than friendship. If he continues his behavior, tell him you don't want to hang out with him until he's ready to respect you and the parameters you have set.
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    Apr 02, 2013 12:56 AM GMT
    So the day of the party, he texts me saying he hasn't decided whether to come or not, presumably hoping for a bit of convincing. I texted back "well don't just come on account of me lol", which sounded really mean in hindsight. He replied "hehe why shouldn't i go just to see someone who I think is interesting?"

    At the club, he refused to drink, and clung onto me just like the previous 2 weekends, except without trying to kiss or make me feel his muscle pecs; instead he kept talking about wanting to take care of me and being that shoulder to lean on and stuff, which is hilarious since he's several years younger. I told him several times to stop cockblocking me, and that I'm literally checking out other guys right over his head (he's even shorter than me), but he kept saying that he'll pursue me regardless.

    Of course, all this is while he's got me locked in a bearhug such that we're just waddling around on stage. Eventually I had to literally pry him off because it was getting real sweaty.

    Shortly after being released, I got numbers from a cute 19 year old, then a 21 year old (neither followed up; maybe cuz i was too honest about my age icon_twisted.gif )but one happened to be white, so when he saw me trading numbers, he came over and made an obvious pout since he had previously accused me of liking Asians only.

    The next morning, he texts me from my friend's place (where a bunch of our non-downtown friends were crashing), informing me of a group hangover brunch. At the last minute, it turned out everyone else couldn't make it, so it was too late/mean to back out now... ffff. We did end up having a good converation since we have a ton in common as well as interests, and he seems to be the only guy who appreciates my offensive brand of honesty... except I'm still not attracted to him. He's been texting for the last 2 days. I actually want to be friends with this guy, but even my ex didn't show me this much affection at the height of our relationship.