strangest revelation just found out myself

Ive been in lots of relationships, ive always liked sucking dick and servicing my man, but in the end I was always the top for the most part ( i can bottom, but it causes damage for a couple weeks so i avoid it )

So after a 12 year relationship being the top 95% of the time with no issues, but he was versatile, and a handfull of hookups with no real problems on my end, I'm dating a total bottom. And I cant deal with it.

I fucked him a few times the first few dates and he always just wanted to please me, that gets him off. He could suck me off and i didnt have a problem I could stay hard. I can do all kinds of foreplay with him and be a rock, but when it comes to fucking him lately I lose it.

This happened twice to me this week (been with him a couple weeks)
First time i let it go because I was not feeling the best (stomach) and after a 12 year Im still getting used to condoms again, but last night it happened again. He was understanding but I was not. It was embarrassing. I was rock hard for over an hour playing with him til i wanted to go in, and by the time i lubed him up, I just lost it. It was frustrating. This never really happened before, and it isnt age, because was hard all night.

I didnt know if it was because I am not sure if I like him (hes a bear and a lot older than I usually like (ie. my age lol)). But I really wanted to go inside and my dick wasnt helping. I told him to suck it some more and I was frustrated and it didnt help. BUT I got him to get on top and skullfuck me hard and make me gag....and I got HARD AS A ROCK. I rubbered up and lubed up and went to go in and lost it, so i let him gag me again and I was good to go.

It was the strangest revelation about myself. I had never had a total bottom before who just wanted to please me. I cant stand it. It seems I get off on agression and being in "danger". Looking back, its obvious. All the guys Ive actually dated always have had the option of want to fuck me and that was something i wanted to avoid and I avoided it by getting hard and sort of conquerring them first, but in this case I didnt have to, so I lost it.

It's kind of like i have a "fuck or be fucked" system response sexually that I never knew I had. I think he is okay with this, but I hope I can unlearn this and enjoy just fucking him in the regular way. Very strange to learn this after 20 years for the first time.

Anyone else learn something about themselves after years of experience.