Deal breaker :'(

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  Apr 01, 2013 9:10 PM GMT

  Been dating a guy for a little more than a month and things were going well. Yesterday we went out for a easter party called bunnies on the bayou. Lots of fun and went out to a club after. we were both pretty wasted but it was a good time. Today I found out that he asked my friends if they had any cocaine or ex during the party. He had been honest with me that his last bf had gotten him into it but he hadn't used it in a while. And I had told him then that i don't tolerate drugs or smoking. I was not expecting this from him. I'm very disappointed now. Meeting him for dinner in a few and going to talk to him about it. But seems like this will be a deal breaker :/
  
  Any one have experience with drugs? would you be able to tolerate them if your bf used?

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• Tombo
  
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  Apr 01, 2013 9:12 PM GMT

  Dude, stick to your personal morals and ethics
  
  One time I was seeing a guy and he kept going to the bathroom but each time would be really quick then after he went I found a drug bag on the floor :/

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  Apr 01, 2013 9:15 PM GMT

  

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  Apr 01, 2013 9:34 PM GMT

  Tombo saidDude, stick to your personal morals and ethics
  
  One time I was seeing a guy and he kept going to the bathroom but each time would be really quick then after he went I found a drug bag on the floor :/

  
  
  Yup sure am going to. Just sad cuz I hardly find guys that I actually want to date :'(

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  Apr 01, 2013 9:43 PM GMT

  Yea that's a toughie, drugs can make things go down hill real quick.
  
  I would talk to him about it again, and maybe he just needs help getting back on the right track, and lacks the support to do so.

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• PolaroidSwing...
  
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  Apr 01, 2013 10:05 PM GMT

  It's not my scene, but I probably wouldn't care if it was only a once in a while thing; and they didn't try and pressure me into it. I mean 30 something years ago everyone and their grandmother was using cocaine recreationally, I doubt they were all horrible people.
  
  I try not to worry about what other people are doing with their own lives until it impacts me directly.

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  Apr 01, 2013 10:16 PM GMT

  PolaroidSwinger said
  I try not to worry about what other people are doing with their own lives until it impacts me directly.

  
  
  I take your point but when its your bf doesn't it impact you directly?

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  Apr 01, 2013 10:18 PM GMT

  I wouldn't like it if my bf used it around me, but if he used it when he was out with his friends or work I would be less bothered. There is a hierarchy of drugs which annoy me more or less and cocaine is one that annoys me more because I lived with a girl who spent about £100 a week on it and was very annoying to live with!

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  Apr 01, 2013 10:43 PM GMT

  I've never experimented with drugs but my ex has. He was really insisting on trying ecstasy because according to a Time magazine report that he read, ex was not an addicting drug. I told him he's more than welcome to try it and then go find a different path of life without me. Deal breaker for sure! I have very little tolerance for that kind of crap!

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• cavecanem10
  
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  Apr 01, 2013 11:31 PM GMT

  I agree, I'd say that consistent drug usage would be a deal breaker. For some people though, it's so ingrained with their friendships that it's a hard cycle to break. I feel like if the person is serious enough about your relationship, then they will make the right choice.

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  Apr 02, 2013 12:29 AM GMT

  hairymusclejock said

  PolaroidSwinger said
  I try not to worry about what other people are doing with their own lives until it impacts me directly.

  
  
  I take your point but when its your bf doesn't it impact you directly?

  
  It sure does.
  1) It's expensive. The money for this is going to come from somewhere.
  2) The behavior. You've already been lied to and it goes downhill from there.
  3) The law. Being in proximity to drugs can get you arrested.
  
  Not to mention, Bunnies is a fun outdoor party and if he needs drugs to enjoy that he has a problem.

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• PolaroidSwing...
  
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  Apr 02, 2013 12:49 AM GMT

  TexDef07 said

  hairymusclejock saidI take your point but when its your bf doesn't it impact you directly?

  
  It sure does.
  1) It's expensive. The money for this is going to come from somewhere.
  2) The behavior. You've already been lied to and it goes downhill from there.
  3) The law. Being in proximity to drugs can get you arrested.
  
  Not to mention, Bunnies is a fun outdoor party and if he needs drugs to enjoy that he has a problem.

  
  
  Those things are only a problem if they have a habit or dependency issues; which is entirely different than someone who randomly indulges on a night out partying (which is my understanding of the situation).
  The former is obviously asking for trouble; but the second isn't going to hurt anyone, except maybe themselves, which is their business.

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  Apr 02, 2013 5:15 AM GMT

  PolaroidSwinger said

  TexDef07 said

  hairymusclejock saidI take your point but when its your bf doesn't it impact you directly?

  
  It sure does.
  1) It's expensive. The money for this is going to come from somewhere.
  2) The behavior. You've already been lied to and it goes downhill from there.
  3) The law. Being in proximity to drugs can get you arrested.
  
  Not to mention, Bunnies is a fun outdoor party and if he needs drugs to enjoy that he has a problem.

  
  
  Those things are only a problem if they have a habit or dependency issues; which is entirely different than someone who randomly indulges on a night out partying (which is my understanding of the situation).
  The former is obviously asking for trouble; but the second isn't going to hurt anyone, except maybe themselves, which is their business.

  
  
  hm, I feel that your partner or boyfriend is a reflection of you. I do believe that the people you associate yourself with will improve or tarnish how others see and think of you, and in this case, cocaine.,, nothing good comes with it. I mean it is a schedule 1 narcotic which has the highest addictive level potencies. He maybe fine now, but who knows how he will be in a week from now or a few months. And like the guy said above, you are going to be messing with the law, sorry but i'm not going to jail for no one.

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• PolaroidSwing...
  
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  Apr 02, 2013 6:20 AM GMT

  Seric saidhm, I feel that your partner or boyfriend is a reflection of you. I do believe that the people you associate yourself with will improve or tarnish how others see and think of you, and in this case, cocaine.,, nothing good comes with it. I mean it is a schedule 1 narcotic which has the highest addictive level potencies. He maybe fine now, but who knows how he will be in a week from now or a few months. And like the guy said above, you are going to be messing with the law, sorry but i'm not going to jail for no one.

  
  
  I don't buy the notion that drug usage has some sort of moral implication, or that all people who use drugs recreationally will probably turn into addicts. I have a very good friend who was doing coke at parties and stuff when she moved up here, and then stopped when she enrolled in college and started taking classes; it never affected me, not once.
  
  Somewhat unrelated side note; the narcotic laws in this country are moronic. Especially in light of Portugal's success in reducing drug abuse by 50%.

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• Apparition
  
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  Apr 02, 2013 2:39 PM GMT

  i dont like drinking either though....drugs are instant dump, you should be buying antiques with that money.

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  Apr 02, 2013 3:02 PM GMT

  I used to be the druggie. Have long since quit, though I feel for the guys, it would a major deal breaker to back track to that lifestyle. I'd rather get pumped from lifting weights!
  
  Speaking of... ttyl!

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• chadwick1985
  
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  Apr 02, 2013 3:02 PM GMT

  I will say this, stick to your guns. Don't tolerate drug use. If he really cared about you that much he wouldn't be using them at all knowing your opinion of them. Fact of the matter, his using them will affect you sooner or later. I can't stand being around people when they're high. If you let it slide once in a while chances are he will take advantage of it. Plus say for example, he has a bag of dope in a jacket pocket. You don't know its there and put the jacket on to run out really quick and get stopped by the police and they find it. Now you get charged with it.

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  Apr 02, 2013 3:05 PM GMT

  Deal breakers are deal breakers for a reason, it shouldn't matter if someone is cute or has a big dick or is a cute big dick or whatever. If cocaine is your deal breaker walk away.

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  Apr 02, 2013 3:10 PM GMT

  I am torn :/ i had dinner with him last night and then we watched a movie. I told him i was very disappointed by what my friends told me. I also told him that smoking and drugs are a huge deal for me. He was very apologetic about the whole thing and said he never ended up doing anything. He said I don't want you to think i'm an addict or something. He has promised to never do it again.
  
  I know i'm being a fool even as I type this. I hardly ever fall for guys. Its hard to not give him a chance :'(

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  Apr 02, 2013 3:12 PM GMT

  smartmoney saidDeal breakers are deal breakers for a reason, it shouldn't matter if someone is cute or has a big dick or is a cute big dick or whatever. If cocaine is your deal breaker walk away.

  
  
  I know you are right. I need to slap some sense into me. That's why I like these forums.

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• MarvelBoy23
  
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  Apr 02, 2013 3:24 PM GMT

  I've had more issues with friends drinking and causing serious problems than hard drugs, but having said that, I don't like anything that isn't marijuana! I don't even drink booze. My partner and I had a roommate living in our house for a while and she was an alcoholic, and it affected us very badly. So badly that I quit drinking because of her, and seeing what kind of fool it created!
  
  So I can understand the OP's position, but generally, not a very tough decision at the end of the day!

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  Apr 02, 2013 3:45 PM GMT

  If I find a bf and he uses drugs, that would be a deal breaker for sure. I would want them around for the rest of my life and not have to worry about whether or not he could get cancer and or possibly worse, end up hurt somewhere.
  
  I know I'm sounding a little over protective, but that's just me.
  
  As with you're relationship, I would talk to him about it and see what he says.

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  Apr 02, 2013 3:47 PM GMT

  hairymusclejock said
  
  I know i'm being a fool even as I type this. I hardly ever fall for guys. Its hard to not give him a chance :'(

  
  
  
  It's okay that's what makes us human, you really care for him, and it's understandable. I really do hope it works with you two, good luck!

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  Apr 02, 2013 3:47 PM GMT

  is weed a drug?
  

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  Apr 02, 2013 3:51 PM GMT

  It would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't invest any more time and emotion on this guy.

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