Why is it that great guys with big hearts get hurt the most?

  • _Christian

    Posts: 3

    Apr 02, 2013 11:27 AM GMT
    Greetings guys...

    My best friend, whom I love like a brother, has always had the worst of luck with relationships. He wants to find love and wants to be in a great relationship. He's a great guy, big heart and beautiful on the inside and out. He's got a nice body, big hands, big feet... haha... you know what they say about a guy with big hands & feet right? Well... it ain't so true in his case cause even though he's got a nice body, there is that one thing that he's falling "short" on and that's his manhood. He's told me about it and I've seen it. It's not that small... well... I dunno... 5"? Anyways, he's tried many things from pills, pumps to buy that 'how to grow you penis' books that just ends up in frustration. Well after going through all that, he finally came to terms with himself and said... "fuck it, if they don't like me for who and how I am, then they don't deserve me, my time or love". I was happy for him when he finally just learned to love himself as he is. But still, the reasons to his recent breakup is because of the size of his manhood. I've been there for him for his many breakups and this guy doesn't deserve it like that. Is everything and our society now a days just all about sex? Would you dump a great guy just because of his size? Is the love and romance dead in the gay world? I may be saying this cause he's my friend but in my eyes he would be considered the perfect kind of guy. I dunno what to do. I'm his best friend and I've run out of answers and advice to give. So I'm kindly turning to the OP for some advice for my bro.

    I don't want to sound dramatic but this is a very good friend of mine who about to go down to depression and don't know what he might be thinking and I know there may be some guys out there that may make fun, pun, etc about this and I kindly ask that you please keep your non-constructive criticism and jokes to yourselves... please and thank you.
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    Apr 02, 2013 1:24 PM GMT
    Thats really unfortunate that men are that shallow, however he must realize that if they are more focused on their sexual stimulation, and how it is predicated on "inches" then the likelihood of a successful relationship, in my opinion, is very limited.

    I'm incredibly sexual, and I would have no problem with 5"- Granted receiving that in Anal sex will not provide the stimulation that 7 or 8" well- but there are several other things that will result in an orgasm, including using hands, tongue etc.

    I always enjoy finding an Orgasm, and if i was with someone who I truly felt for on the inside, It wouldn't make as much difference to me!

    Wonderful to hear your committed to being such a good friend, I'm sure your support is incredibly beneficial to this man!
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    Apr 02, 2013 1:40 PM GMT
    First you are a solid friend that is admirable and good of you to support him. Second now put yourself outside of your friendship. If you were dating him would the size of his penis bother you? If you answer this truthfully then there are two options: If yes then you understand why a man might end a relationship if he isn't sexually satisfied. If no, then why are you not dating him yourself? Since you are protesting that he has a big heart and is attractive.

    Lets be honest we all want the total package: a man that is sexy inside and out but is also sexually compatible with our needs (this is a subjective view what I deem sexy might be different then others). Someone who challenges us but also supports; the one we can take home to mom so to speak.

    Often the search for the perfect guys leaves many coming up short. Now many guys would say, "your standards are too high" or "you shouldn't be so picky" but lets be real if you settle for less then you deserve you won't be happy. Tell him don't be discouraged on his penis size, there is a guy out there that will love him for him 100% he just hasn't met him yet. Sometimes we gotta kiss a few frogs to find our prince.
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    Apr 02, 2013 1:53 PM GMT
    Dumping people for not having good pleasurable sex?! That's disgusting!
    I'm very sorry this happened to your friend.
    But if I were you, The first thing I would tell him is not to or stop consider it as a relation-breakup thing...because it is not a relationship in first place! That's only a pleasure seeking connection...a cheating on trust.

    Tell him to be strong, be there for him...help him to find new friends...If he is depressed, take him out to a movie or some place...Make him feel that they are disgusting people and unworthy and do not deserve him...
    Tell him that all things happen for a greater good...may be, next time, you can assist in finding a mate for him and you can be a judge in guiding him...coz it feels like, based on your description, your friend may be innocent enough to fall for crazy people!

    Is everything and our society now a days just all about sex?
    A.No! That is applicable only for sex addicts...& it seems like there are too many of them.

    Would you dump a great guy just because of his size?
    A. Never

    Is the love and romance dead in the gay world?
    A. No...It's perfectly alive and healthy...
    It's only dead in people with animal instincts.
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    Apr 02, 2013 2:07 PM GMT
    _Christian said
    I don't want to sound dramatic but this is a very good friend of mine who about to go down to depression and don't know what he might be thinking and I know there may be some guys out there that may make fun, pun, etc about this and I kindly ask that you please keep your non-constructive criticism and jokes to yourselves... please and thank you.

    You didn't say what his sexual preferences are, assuming you know them. But there's somebody for everybody and maybe he needs to keep looking, not be giving up.

    He might find somebody like me, who PREFERS smaller dicks, and 5" would suit me fine. I'm versatile, and when I bottom I don't want to be stretched by a monster. Small gives me plenty of pleasure with no pain.

    I also love to give head, but not on a jawbreaker. Bite size lets me do a lot more creative things with my mouth, and for a longer time.

    Assure him there are other guys like me out there who don't want really big cocks. And guys for whom size is just part of the package they're after, and not the essential thing, either. It may take your friend more time & effort to find them, but they do exist.
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    Apr 02, 2013 2:09 PM GMT
    It seems like any shallow excuse is given to break up. If it wasn't penis size it would be something equally ridiculous. The most your friend can do is to evaluate the real integrity of the people he hangs out with, and who he choses to date. Its so easy to get fooled by surface impressions and the way people choose to present themselves. The challenge is in finding friends, acquaintances and dates who are real.
  • Android17

    Posts: 346

    Apr 02, 2013 2:16 PM GMT
    Onigumo saidFirst you are a solid friend that is admirable and good of you to support him. Second now put yourself outside of your friendship. If you were dating him would the size of his penis bother you? If you answer this truthfully then there are two options: If yes then you understand why a man might end a relationship if he isn't sexually satisfied. If no, then why are you not dating him yourself? Since you are protesting that he has a big heart and is attractive.

    Lets be honest we all want the total package: a man that is sexy inside and out but is also sexually compatible with our needs (this is a subjective view what I deem sexy might be different then others). Someone who challenges us but also supports; the one we can take home to mom so to speak.

    Often the search for the perfect guys leaves many coming up short. Now many guys would say, "your standards are too high" or "you shouldn't be so picky" but lets be real if you settle for less then you deserve you won't be happy. Tell him don't be discouraged on his penis size, there is a guy out there that will love him for him 100% he just hasn't met him yet. Sometimes we gotta kiss a few frogs to find our prince.


    I disagree with you, if he is his friend, he just learned to see him that way, that doesnt mean that he's speaking empty words, dating his friend is not the solution.

    The best you can do it's been there for him what you have been doing, I'm sure that is just a matter of time for him to find someone that really cares about him, but just be his support until then.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Apr 02, 2013 2:17 PM GMT
    date him
  • shutoman

    Posts: 505

    Apr 02, 2013 2:20 PM GMT
    It will be little consolation - but your friend's ex will soon be kicking himself and, I would guess, be asking to come back. Men of the qualities you describe are extremely rare.
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    Apr 02, 2013 2:31 PM GMT

    Spiraling down into depression over this would be a terrible waste of valuable life and energy.

    They broke up with him over dick size, and nothing else? Sometimes dick size breakups are an excuse by the breaker, covering up something else that was really the deal breaker
    That someone would breakup or lose interest in someone over this after getting together and starting a relationship says they aren't worth getting down over. That ain't being in love, you know. icon_wink.gif

    There are lots of guys out there that this would be a non issue over, however you can't just walk up to every guy you like and ask if dick size is crucial, lol, so the trick is to just go on his merry way, with you and others for support, continuing to meet people. The odds then go up in his favour. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 02, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    Hello Tony here.
    I think that your friend doesn't have a problem at all.
    I think that your friend really needs to find someone for sure.
    And I'm sure it will come in due time. The size of someone manhood does not determine the person and the quality of the person.
    These days you do have a lot of guys who only look at that and that only to determine whether or not going to be with someone and a half a healthy relationship with them.
    And those other guys that I do not want to be around because they are only looking at surface.
    Let him know that he is not alone in any of this.

    Tony.
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    Apr 02, 2013 2:46 PM GMT
    _Christian saidGreetings guys...

    See original post.



    Comment on my post or write to me. I'd like to your friend to have the opportunity to interact with me over the suggestion I make below. AND IS HE ON RJ? He could benefit from this community.

    Last Friday, I came across a posting for a guy who was 6'2" 290 lbs. His erection was only 6". I was like WHAT? My processor stopped working for 20 seconds. How can you have all that body mass on only six inches (I can't even speak straight, my processor is not fully back online YET. How can you have all that body mass and only have a six inch erection? Okay, I can form a sentence after that lightning bolt of a shock.)

    First: Thank God I read Chinese Sexual Astrology by Shelly Wu. Her discussion of penis sizes has made me very good at penis diversity--not excellent but very good.

    But 5 inches erect and not thick?

    Second: About three weeks ago, The Doctors had a show about a man in his twenties who had a developmental problem. He needed to be treated with testosterone treatment for a puberty that just was not arriving. I think he was extra tall because whatever the problem was it did not tell the growth plates to stop.

    ~ ~ ~

    135_ChineseSexAstro.jpg

    http://www.amazon.com/Chinese-Sexual-Astrology-Eastern-Mind-Blowing/dp/1564149218/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364914101&sr=8-1&keywords=Chinese+Sexual+Astrology

    I SO MUCH NEEDED TO READ THE CHAPTER ON WHAT I'M CALLING PENIS DIVERSITY in Shelly Wu's Chinese Sexual Astrology. I'm telling you, erotic nude and porn magazines do not present penis diversity. It's like all women are under size 10 in women's fashion--fallacy! And guess what? Some men with large penises are still human. The media would have you think happy ever after once you find the man with 7.5-9.5" medium thick. He's holy, rich, never loses a job, has a 3.0 - 3.5 GPA, can say I love you, brings you on dates, doesn't have an alcohol, weed, drugs, or sarcasm problem, has parents, siblings, and a religious community that affirms you and the relationship.

    As an astrologer, I'm curious about his 8th house.

    Finally, he's going to have to talk up how much he likes his sexual partners. If he can make his sexual partners feel appreciated, that may keep them at home. Guys who have had clean oral sex with men in the 7.5-9.5" medium thick range, especially uncut will never forget the physically pleasing part of it. But, again, Shelly Wu explains that God did not make all men's penises look the same and the 7.5-9.5" medium thick penis is not the best of all. The penis is not to be objectified. It is a symptom of an overall incarnation.




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    Apr 02, 2013 2:51 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    They broke up with him over dick size, and nothing else? Sometimes dick size breakups are an excuse by the breaker, covering up something else that was really the deal breaker


    This.

    And guys with the big hearts are always going to get hurt the most. The problem with being a guy with a tender heart is that we interact with the world as though the world is as it should be instead of how it is: trusting fully, loving freely, feeling intensely, giving gladly. But the world isn't as it should be.
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    Apr 02, 2013 3:06 PM GMT
    Larkin said
    meninlove said
    They broke up with him over dick size, and nothing else? Sometimes dick size breakups are an excuse by the breaker, covering up something else that was really the deal breaker


    This.

    And guys with the big hearts are always going to get hurt the most. The problem with being a guy with a tender heart is that we interact with the world as though the world is as it should be instead of how it is: trusting fully, loving freely, feeling intensely, giving gladly. But the world isn't as it should be.


    ...I believe that if you build it, they will come (and he did). icon_wink.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Apr 02, 2013 3:12 PM GMT
    Everybody gets broken up with over and over. Sometimes we break up with the other guy. The search for love is long and hard and until you find the "One," breakups happen and are even necessary. Everyone has insecurities about something and when we are broken up with, we always go to that place. Just keep reminding him that he is going through a process to find the right guy. That he has to evaluate the other guy just as critically as he feels he is being evaluated but that in the end, the right guy will present himself (or be found), and all that will melt away in love. THAT is how it works. It isn't fun on the way out of a relationship but it sure is fun on the way in. So keep trying, keep having fun, and good will happen.

    If you think he is so insecure about his size that he can no longer perform when given the opportunity, he may need some professional help. Hell, I can hardly think about the possibility of non-performance in an important moment without losing my hard on. It happens to us all. Life's not porn.
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    Apr 02, 2013 3:12 PM GMT
    Larkin said
    meninlove said
    They broke up with him over dick size, and nothing else? Sometimes dick size breakups are an excuse by the breaker, covering up something else that was really the deal breaker


    This.

    And guys with the big hearts are always going to get hurt the most. The problem with being a guy with a tender heart is that we interact with the world as though the world is as it should be instead of how it is: trusting fully, loving freely, feeling intensely, giving gladly. But the world isn't as it should be.


    Unfortunately this is seen as a weakness and some exploit it all too willingly. Many a heart has been hardened to the realities of our world which is sad.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Apr 02, 2013 3:21 PM GMT
    Becouse they are bigger targets?
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    Apr 02, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    _Christian saidI was happy for him when he finally just learned to love himself as he is. But still, the reasons to his recent breakup is because of the size of his manhood. I've been there for him for his many breakups and this guy doesn't deserve it like that. Is everything and our society now a days just all about sex? Would you dump a great guy just because of his size?


    Does he live in a gay marriage state or a civil union state. I'd choose domestic security with a 5" erection over no domestic security with the 7-9.5" erection.

    Is he a Corvette driving guy?

    Is he a die-hard monogamist with a 5" erection?

    Is he claiming to be a top?

    List 5 things you can do with a guy with a 5" erection.
    See, most guys palms need 6" for a good hand job--okay, stop complaining.


    1. Enjoy the rest of his body

    2. Let him grind you although he can't penetrate you.

    3. Give him a smile of acceptance and true love after he has an orgasm

    4. Let him hug you and act like a loving pet and love him more than a great dane

    5. Let him massage and kiss his partner

    6. Let him speak from his heart and make sure the penetration of his words and actions fit the opening of your heart BECAUSE there is the red and orange lower chakras, but there are also the higher green, blue, and third eye chakras. ARE YOU A HEART BOTTOM? Let this Heart Top fill you UP, BABY!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2013 3:31 PM GMT
    See, this is the problem:

    Gay men don't have romantic comedies. Gay men only have porn.

    Romantic comedies are higher-chakra movies.

    Porn is only lower-chakra movies.

    The media says men aren't wired for chick flicks. So people break up over the penis in the red or orange chakra.

    All the TV sitcoms of domestic partnerships is about getting along and getting affection and sex for non-sexual reasons.
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    Apr 02, 2013 3:36 PM GMT
    I find the people who seem to constantly get their hearts broken are the ones who go for someone who isn't a match. Allow me to elaborate. I have a friend - an overweight, short, hairy, balding friend. He would always go after thes tall, thin, statuesque blondes who weren't interested in giving him the time of day. He would always end up crest fallen, despondent, and worried he would never find someone. Yes, he was a good guy, with a big heart and a professional making a good living but he couldn't find love because this guy with the big heart wasn't looking for someone with a big heart; he was looking for someone with big boobs and a model's figure.

    One day he was introduced to a woman he would never have condsidered. She too was short, had a weight problem, and a kid from a previous marriage - WOW! three strikes and she was out in most guys' eyes. He gave her a chance and now is married to a beautiful woman who loves him and takes care of him and dotes on him.

    I would venture to say your friend is doing the same thing. I'd venture to say there are other guys out there with big hearts that he wouldn't give the time of day to because they don't fit his ideal. I bet he needs to open himself up to tne possibility of dating guys that don't fit the gay ideal. Would he date a guy with a weight problem? A skinny guy? A bald guy? A handicapped guy? A short guy? Does he write off possible dates because the person doesn't fit his criteria? If he does, He gets no sympathy from me.
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    Apr 02, 2013 3:38 PM GMT
    Onigumo said
    Larkin said
    meninlove said
    They broke up with him over dick size, and nothing else? Sometimes dick size breakups are an excuse by the breaker, covering up something else that was really the deal breaker


    This.

    And guys with the big hearts are always going to get hurt the most. The problem with being a guy with a tender heart is that we interact with the world as though the world is as it should be instead of how it is: trusting fully, loving freely, feeling intensely, giving gladly. But the world isn't as it should be.


    Unfortunately this is seen as a weakness and some exploit it all too willingly. Many a heart has been hardened to the realities of our world which is sad.


    Yes some certainly do exploit it.
    I decided to never allow another to harden my heart or steal my fire. Interestingly, once I resolved that, something about me, either the way I presented myself or something in my manner, changed, and people picked up on it. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 02, 2013 3:46 PM GMT
    Larkin said
    meninlove said
    They broke up with him over dick size, and nothing else? Sometimes dick size breakups are an excuse by the breaker, covering up something else that was really the deal breaker


    This.

    And guys with the big hearts are always going to get hurt the most. The problem with being a guy with a tender heart is that we interact with the world as though the world is as it should be instead of how it is: trusting fully, loving freely, feeling intensely, giving gladly. But the world isn't as it should be.



    So true
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Apr 02, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    Having a small penis size would only be an issue if his preference is to top. If he is into bottoming then it shouldn't matter at all.

    I am a top and once had a BF with a small dick and I REALLY loved his mouth-size penis. I mean, I had zero interest in getting fucked and I loved been able to deep throat him without really stressing my vocal chords.
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    Apr 02, 2013 5:23 PM GMT
    PEOPLE JUST SUCK!!!
    icon_mad.gif!
  • _Christian

    Posts: 3

    Apr 02, 2013 6:56 PM GMT
    I gotta say thank you all for your kind advice. We've been best friends since the 3rd grade and I've always had his back and the answers for any situation he asks but for some reason I just couldn't come up with anymore for this situation of his. He's the type that gives everyone the benefit of a doubt no matter what he heard about them, befriends everyone he meets and would literally give you his shirt off his back if needed. I love this guy... he's my brother for life and I know will appreciate the advice you all have given. Thanks again. icon_biggrin.gif