Should I get involved here or stand by and let two friends work things out on their own?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    Two friends at work. One isn't speaking to the other anymore,. Basically, a friend, I'll call "Sam", applied to four different Ph D programs. He got into 3 of the 4 but the school he really wanted the most and had been waiting the longest to hear from rejected him. Our other coworker, I'll call "Chris", told Sam that he would be ok and that he had gotten into three great programs already and will have tons of opportunity to be successful.

    Well, Sam snapped at Chris and called him insensitive. Chris didn't really understand the reaction because he thought he was saying "look at how much opportunity you still have".... So now, its super awkward and a little weird in the office. I tend to be the mediator at work so now others want me to get involved to thaw the ice. But I feel like they should work it out themselves. And by the way, they both talk to me still so I feel like I have to avoid mentioning one to the other.
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    Apr 03, 2013 5:07 AM GMT
    Tell Sam to stop being a spoiled little cunt.

    /thread.
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    Apr 03, 2013 5:10 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidTell Sam to stop being a spoiled little cunt.

    /thread.





    this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2013 6:13 AM GMT
    Everyone in the office should ignore Sam.
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    Apr 03, 2013 6:19 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidTell Sam to stop being a spoiled little cunt.

    /thread.


    I wouldn't word it exactly like this, but his appears to be the case.

    I'd let them work it out. "Sam" is probably just angry. Give it some time.
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    Apr 03, 2013 7:16 AM GMT
    The real question is.

    Do you even care?

    Cause that shit is just petty. Let them bitch slap each other until they've worked it out.
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    Apr 03, 2013 7:18 AM GMT
    I assume these are grown men? Let them work it out themselves.
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    Apr 03, 2013 7:24 AM GMT
    Slash Sam's ties...Tell him Chris did it!
    Slash Chris' tires... Tell him Sam did it !
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    Apr 03, 2013 1:55 PM GMT
    Since when do you have empathy to give your "friends"?
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    Apr 03, 2013 2:25 PM GMT
    #noyb
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    Apr 03, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidThe real question is.

    Do you even care?

    Cause that shit is just petty. Let them bitch slap each other until they've worked it out.


    This getting involved could turn them both against you best to stay away until they fight it out and will be fine.
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    Apr 03, 2013 2:36 PM GMT
    I would let them work out themselves unless either one or both asks you to mediate. That you have a reputation as a mediator is pretty cool and should be carefully used. It would be too easy to piss off one or the other.

    On the other hand, you could get them both ticked off at you and have them unite against a common foe. There's nothing like uniting against a common enemy to bring people together.
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Apr 03, 2013 2:38 PM GMT
    1. Pee in their butts
    2. ???
    3. Profit
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    Apr 03, 2013 2:41 PM GMT


    Sometimes when coping with a loss someone else reminding you the glass is half full grates across very sensitized feelings when the coper really needs some commiseration before optimism.

    "Chris didn't really understand the reaction because he thought he was saying 'look at how much opportunity you still have'..."



    Were I Chris I would just get a 'hang in there!' card and write in it what I, Chris, told you, Myol, along with an apology if I'd come across as callous. I'd then give that card to Sam. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 03, 2013 2:47 PM GMT
    Ask each if they want you to mediate so they don't lose face by requesting help, leaving them in control of the situation and keeping you from stepping on toes while remaining engaged in a caring way.
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    Apr 03, 2013 2:49 PM GMT
    Let them work it out for themselves. The person who tries to work things out between two feuding parties ususally winds up with the shit on his face. I firmly believe the old adage: No good deed goes unpunished.

    Middle school girls meddle in their friends feuds, and we all know how irritating middle school girls are.
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    Apr 03, 2013 2:50 PM GMT
    Wow lol let this office politics settle itself out, don't get involved lest one of them starts claiming you picked their side.
    Generally if it was a work related incident then sure I guess you can mediate, but since this is something that was unrelated to work but is to do with their life outside of work, let them handle it.

    Honestly, Sam sounds so immature from what you posted and I don't see any negativity from Chris' end.
    If I were Chris, and if I were you, I would just leave Sam in his misery and not say a word at all if a situation were to arise similar to the one you posted.
    Clearly he's not in a headspace to accept any kind of words so just leave him in his silence.

    When he matures and can learn to understand people's words and not be so quickly runover by his emotions, then maybe people can begin to impart encouraging words into his life.
    Until then, you're better off encouraging a brick wall.

    I wish them the best though lol.
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    Apr 03, 2013 2:53 PM GMT
    I suppose hugging it out is not an option.

    icon_wink.gif





    Likewise a gang bang
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    Apr 03, 2013 2:57 PM GMT
    Tell them to fuck it out. Usually works.
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    Apr 03, 2013 3:07 PM GMT
    Im not sure why anyone would insert themselves in to petty gay drama. Sam is a cunt. Let him stew.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 03, 2013 3:27 PM GMT
    I think drama like this is petty and at work totally unprofessional. I'd either stay out of it entirely or have a talk with Sam. This is "drama" that needn't be.
    I'd be tempted to just stay out of it. It will pass.... or it won't, but you dont' need to be involved, save your energy for something important.
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    Apr 03, 2013 4:05 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidTell Sam to stop being a spoiled little cunt.

    /thread.

    This^^

    Chris was being positive and was looking on the bright side. Sam insists on being a whiny bitch and gets all bitchy when she doesn't get what she wants.

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    Apr 03, 2013 4:09 PM GMT
    Tell Sam that it's a good thing that he didn't apply for a PhD in social psychology or he'd be 0 for 4.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Apr 03, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    Sam's just in a messed up space because he feels like a major life path was just closed.
    Chances are you can't talk to him much right now because he's not in a reasonable space. You can mention something about remembering his friends when he's coming down from it; but you would probably do that in any case. No rush, sounds like.

    In anycase: PhDs, man, personally I'd say don't do back-ups. Assuming your primaries are places you can reasonably get into. He just needs to do some foot and face work and figure out what he needs to get where he wants. Probably not all that hard.
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    Apr 03, 2013 4:52 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidTell Sam to stop being a spoiled little cunt.
    /thread.
    The thread really should have been over after this comment because it's flawless tbh.