A message from The Queen to all U.S citizens :-)

  • Tiran

    Posts: 227

    Oct 15, 2008 11:55 PM GMT
    A Message from HM Queen Elizabeth II

    To the citizens of the United States ofAmerica from Her Sovereign
    Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

    In the light of your failure in recent years to govern yourselves
    half reasonably, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
    independence, effective immediately. (You should look up
    'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
    duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except
    Kansas, which she does not fancy).

    Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a
    Governor-General, without the need for further elections.

    Congress will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next
    year to determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the
    following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour',
    'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to
    spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters and the suffix
    '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be
    expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up
    'vocabulary'.)
    ------------------------
    2. The letter 'Z' will be pronounced Zed as is proper Queen's English. No zee.
    ------------------------
    3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
    such as 'like' and'yaknow' is an unacceptable and inefficient form
    of communication. There is no such thing as U.S.English. We will let
    Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker
    willalsobe adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u''
    and the elimination of '-ize'.
    ------------------
    4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
    -----------------
    5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
    lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
    therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
    should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things
    out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're
    not ready to shoot grouse.
    ----------------------
    6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
    more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. (Although a permit will be
    required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.)
    ----------------------
    7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts and you will
    start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same
    time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the
    benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will
    help you understand the British sense of humour.
    -------------------
    8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have
    been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/gallon. Get used to it.
    -------------------
    9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French
    fries' are not real chips and those things you insist on calling
    'potato chips' are properly called 'crisps'. Real chips are thick
    cut, fried in animal fat and dressed not with ketchup but
    with_malt_vinegar.
    -------------------
    10. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
    actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
    referred to as beer and European brews of known and accepted
    provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also
    acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation
    on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of
    the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands
    will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be
    sold without risk of further confusion.
    ---------------------
    11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors
    as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors
    to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
    dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to
    having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
    ---------------------
    12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
    of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
    will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
    to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
    twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
    nancies).
    ---------------------
    13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
    host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
    outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a
    world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will
    learn cricket and we will let you face the South Africans first to
    take the sting out of their deliveries.
    --------------------
    14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
    -----------------
    15. An internal revenue agent (i.e., tax collector) from Her
    Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the
    acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
    ---------------
    16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
    saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (which you've
    been calling 'cookies') and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream)
    when in season.

    God Save the Queen!
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    Oct 16, 2008 12:17 AM GMT
    She doesn't fancy Kansas but she's OK with New Jersey? I smell a fraud here...
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    Oct 16, 2008 4:06 AM GMT
    This is funny.

    Hail Britannica!
  • olden

    Posts: 194

    Oct 16, 2008 4:15 AM GMT
    Thank God. I knew my annual Fourth of July letter of apology to the Queen would ultimately be accepted.
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    Oct 16, 2008 4:51 AM GMT
    lol, I just spat my coffee on my screen laughing, I love the world series remark icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 16, 2008 4:57 AM GMT
    long live the queen!
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    Oct 16, 2008 5:06 AM GMT
    No glass of ours was ever raised to toast the Queen.
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    Oct 16, 2008 5:28 AM GMT

    OFF with her head!!!!

    Attach and adjust the new puppet strings to fit Gordon!!! A new sherriff will soon be in town!

    Ban the production of Marmite and Veggiemite!!!

    Conquer the UK and offer it as a gift to France

    Adopt Prince Harry since he is not actually of English royal blood (He's Di's lovechild with some random non royal dude)

    Send over a team of dentists from the US
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    Oct 16, 2008 5:29 AM GMT
    I KNEW IT! South Park was right! Our true enemy IS the british!
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    Oct 16, 2008 5:36 AM GMT
    As one queen to another...you have GOT to let me try out your Tierra and earrings!...they are simply FABULOUS! and please make some sort of order to force your people to get their teeth fixed!LOL!!!...
    PS: Does this mean we can all have "civil unions" if we want to? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 16, 2008 12:46 PM GMT
    Ah what a spiffing idea, the Empire strikes back!

    I assume that bowler hats and pin stripe suits will be worn on a daily basis as they are here, except obviously on Sundays when everybody puts on their Sunday best and goes to Ikea.

    God bless you Ma'am.
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    Oct 16, 2008 1:04 PM GMT
    Did her majesty's message get cut off at the end?

    I am sure it really ends with "j/k"

    icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 16, 2008 1:24 PM GMT
    Amen, and god save the Queen. Long live the Queen.

    How many Americans think Australia and America have a lot in common, oh please. But now we will.

    No more french fries, but real chips.

    Now we have a hope of world peace, and America can at last come back home.

    Well the American Empire had to expire sooner or latter. This is their consequence for giving the world a recession.

    God save the Queen, and long live the Queen.
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    Oct 16, 2008 1:33 PM GMT
    long live the Queen.

    I salute you Ma'am. Your humble servant Ma'am.

    God save the Queen, and long live the Queen.
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    Oct 16, 2008 2:25 PM GMT
    Bloody hell that naf old bird! Oi, sounds like she's off her bleedin rocker again! Giving sheit to all der bleedin stupid Americans buggers...cheers to that!

    200479575_ab78fb0414.jpg
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    Oct 16, 2008 2:43 PM GMT
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    Oct 16, 2008 3:01 PM GMT
    you have to love the fact that the lyric, "Frustrate their knavish tricks," made it into our national anthem, as if knavish tricks are the worst thing that we as a nation might ever face.

    War, Natural Disater, Disease are nothing compared to knavish tricks.

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    Oct 16, 2008 4:01 PM GMT
    utter rubbish!icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 17, 2008 11:16 AM GMT
    Devildog78 saidBloody hell that naf old bird! Oi, sounds like she's off her bleedin rocker again! Giving sheit to all der bleedin stupid Americans buggers...cheers to that!

    200479575_ab78fb0414.jpg


    hahahahahahahaha ROFLMAO!!!!
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    Oct 17, 2008 11:54 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidShe doesn't fancy Kansas but she's OK with New Jersey? I smell a fraud here...


    hey now... you got a problem with jersey??
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    Oct 17, 2008 12:08 PM GMT
    Does this mean I can relocate to the Isle Of Man?

    No you bloody well can't! Not unless your passport is burgundy red with the coat of arms embossed on the front with the words United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and European Union above it!
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    Oct 17, 2008 12:13 PM GMT
    The fact that you need so many lawyers and
    therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent.


    From now on, lawyers will only be known as either solicitors or barristers.
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    Oct 17, 2008 12:20 PM GMT
    NNJfitandbi saidA message to HMQ:

    Why do you prefer your corgis to your subjects?


    Because unlike my children(gasp!) and subjects, my corgis don't give me grief! Now be a good boy and make me another gin and tonic please!
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    Oct 17, 2008 7:56 PM GMT
    Wow, I didn't know God Save the Queen and My country tis' of Thee were the same freaking song



    Talk about propogranda
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    Oct 17, 2008 8:07 PM GMT
    Greygull saidWow, I didn't know God Save the Queen and My country tis' of Thee were the same freaking song



    Talk about propogranda


    What about all men are born equal in the American Constitution, now thats propaganda at it best.

    Are so many American gay unhappy because they was not born equal, and they take this out on the Republicans, yet the democRATS have done nothing to correct this either.

    Long live our Noble Queen, God save our Queen. Shame the USA can't find a person to run it's country as well as ma'am runs the Commonwealth, and is Queen over the UK, and Ireland.