I need some help/advice...

  • wildtigre

    Posts: 6

    Apr 03, 2013 3:06 PM GMT
    I need some help/advice...

    I got this guy Im really attracted to. We been hanging for about 2 years. We're close friends. He's "straight" but I know he's into me, at least 60-70% sure. He knows I like guys, and more in particular at one point I told him I'm attracted to him as well.

    We've fooled a round a little. Light sexual touching and what not (never made out but I want to so badly. I think I missed a couple opportunities before). But when anything happens he becomes hot and cold, it'll go on for a minute then he'll abruptly stop.

    I tried the just be friends thing. He's a good guy I like hanging with him, but the thing is, as good as our friendship is I think my attraction is stronger. I tried cutting him off so my feelings die down but one of us will end up starting communications again.

    I think, or know, he's prob scared to go the whole way, and I been there before too. But I want to take this to the next step. I don't mean bf and bf because with his family and mine, our environment, and other factors, I know that wouldn't happen nor work.

    Please don't look at me as a bad guy when I say this but, how can I hook up with him? I dont want him to feel Im coming on too strong, I noticed the more I relax with him the closer we get (I mean literally & physically). I want to kiss him sooo bad. I would be satisfied with that. Should I get him alone with me and just go for it one day? LIke just lean in and approach him for a kiss? help.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 03, 2013 6:29 PM GMT
    Joined yesterday and no info in your profile. Not a good start.

    What I know is this: Some straight guys can be close friends with gay guys but not interested in physical intimacy. Total turn off. Any advances on your part could lead to losing the friendship or worse. Some straight guys are gay curious but feel insecure and afraid of what 'going there' might mean for their own sexuality. An advance might open up something but you're going to have to live with his reaction, whatever it may be. Some straight guys will have sex with gay guys if/when females aren't available to them. An advance might get you where you want to go physically but, seriously, after that, what? Some "straight" guys aren't totally straight, just not yet comfortable with their sexuality, whatever it may be. An advance might open up something but, again, you'll have to deal with the consequences whatever they are. If he is gay but not out to himself or anyone else, then you're going to have to deal with that.

    My advice? Don't make a physical advance on anyone, especially someone you consider a friend, without their explicit approval. Its disrespectful and potentially harmful. Don't be afraid to tell him what you want and/or what you are feeling and then listen to and respect his reply, where he's coming from. Beyond that, if his reply isn't favorable, let it go. If it is favorable, just take it one step at a time. Keep communicating, exploring, asking questions, not assuming anything.
  • wildtigre

    Posts: 6

    Apr 03, 2013 6:50 PM GMT
    I know I just started this profile yesterday. I made it specifically so I can ask this question. I think about it a lot and I really need some unbiased opinions on it.

    I never been in this situation before and worse I have never felt this strong towards anybody. I had a crush on him since the first day I seen him but I immediately dismissed any thought of anything as to not get any hopes up. He got my number from a mutual friend and started showing interest in me and thats what has me soooo confused. If I knew 100% theres no chance I can live with that and move on but he always leaves a window cracked or a door open.

    I never pursued him until.. he started showing interest in me. I dont know if he just gets a kick out of keeping me on a yoyo or what but it is KILLING me. I wish I could just leave him alone but its so hard and I dont know if I should.

    On top of everything he's going through things in his life that Im helping him with and I just dont want to bail on him.

    Mike W, I thank you for your advice.

    Again, I really seriously need help and have no one to talk to about this and never been through this before
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2013 6:55 PM GMT
    No advice but interested to see what others may say. I've been there before
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3516

    Apr 03, 2013 6:58 PM GMT
    you dont fuck your friends.

    if you want him to know the door is open, just jokingly say "shes not putting out again...you know i got a wet hole for you any time you want to change teams for a couple hours"
    and then the ball is in his court. stop it. there are 3.5 billion men to hit on. do them

    or at the very least learn to get them drunk first.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2013 6:58 PM GMT
    Two years, hot and cold, straight and gay, no profile and long boring question. So you're gay and he's a mess and you want, what? A healthy relationship or a blow job? Either way, you wasted two years.
    If I were either of you I'd seek serious help and stop voting republican out of shame.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2013 7:03 PM GMT
    Apparition said just jokingly say "shes not putting out again...you know i got a wet hole for you any time you want to change teams for a couple hours"


    I do hope you're not a sex therapist.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2013 7:04 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    Apparition said just jokingly say "shes not putting out again...you know i got a wet hole for you any time you want to change teams for a couple hours"


    Do you actually think there is a man on Earth who would be turned on by that "I got a wet hole for you" suggestion?

    Uhhh, hello.
  • wildtigre

    Posts: 6

    Apr 03, 2013 7:16 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidTwo years, hot and cold, straight and gay, no profile and long boring question. So you're gay and he's a mess and you want, what? A healthy relationship or a blow job? Either way, you wasted two years.
    If I were either of you I'd seek serious help and stop voting republican out of shame.


    I know it's no profile. I'm here because I need advice. Don't look down on me, dude I'm really hurting here. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I cant go ask my parents... Step out of your shoes for one second. I know i need help, so bad that I'm turning to a forum for life advice.

    We have a healthy friendship I guess, but the fact remains I am attracted to him more than that. And no matter how hard I try to ignore it it keeps coming back.

    I dont see anything as a waste because every second of life is a learning lesson and an experience.


    FYI I'm not democrat or republican.. why are they our only choices? ask yourself that
  • wildtigre

    Posts: 6

    Apr 03, 2013 7:24 PM GMT
    Apparition saidyou dont fuck your friends.

    if you want him to know the door is open, just jokingly say "shes not putting out again...you know i got a wet hole for you any time you want to change teams for a couple hours"
    and then the ball is in his court. stop it. there are 3.5 billion men to hit on. do them

    or at the very least learn to get them drunk first.



    It's like a catch 22. I know we don't fuck our friends.. I want him as a friend but I dont know if I can be around him and not want more than that.


    Its like this:
    Imagine someone you have a crush on or really like (celebrity, co-worker whatever). Then say this person starts wanting to hang out with you. As you guys hangout you start to think, 'Hey, not only is this guy attractive but he's really cool too. We have soo much in common. We even like the same nerdy stuff no one else does.' You like hanging gout with him

    It's impossible to not get feelings for this person. Thats where I'm at
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 03, 2013 7:35 PM GMT
    Hook up with him and then what??

    Be the bigger man and the smarter/ better friend..
    ..You know you two shouldn't start a sexual relationship...

    ..Figure this out..do you wan't him around as a friend?..or do you want to bang him and deal with a sea of awkwardness??

    Now how hot is this guy anyway??

  • wildtigre

    Posts: 6

    Apr 04, 2013 12:50 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidHook up with him and then what??

    Be the bigger man and the smarter/ better friend..
    ..You know you two shouldn't start a sexual relationship...

    ..Figure this out..do you wan't him around as a friend?..or do you want to bang him and deal with a sea of awkwardness??

    Now how hot is this guy anyway??



    I want him as a friend but truthfully, I would be ready to deal with the sea of awkwardness.

    Really, I think its cause I never had a connection with a guy before this strong.

    For the record he's HOT, really HOT
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 04, 2013 12:59 AM GMT
    Although I may be feeding a troll, -

    If he's basically straight, you will never have a sexual relationship with him, unless you two get stranded on an uninhabited island.

    If you really want sex with him , since he "fools around," get him drunk or high, preferably away from your usual locales - like on a camping trip or ski weekend. Probably your only chance. You may find the friendship peters out after that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2013 1:00 AM GMT
    I've been down this road before...

    I would strongly recommend staying friends. The intense attraction will fade (trust me, it does), and what you'll be left with is a great friend who you might have for life.

    Make a move on a guy who identifies as straight and you may risk losing him completely. That would be much harder to deal with.

    I know it hurts, but you can and will get through it. The first step is to stop thinking of him as a relationship/sexual prospect.
  • wildtigre

    Posts: 6

    Apr 04, 2013 1:12 AM GMT
    dc0776 saidI've been down this road before...

    I would strongly recommend staying friends. The intense attraction will fade (trust me, it does), and what you'll be left with is a great friend who you might have for life.

    Make a move on a guy who identifies as straight and you may risk losing him completely. That would be much harder to deal with.

    I know it hurts, but you can and will get through it. The first step is to stop thinking of him as a relationship/sexual prospect.


    I'm trying man. I just hope if not him, I can find someone I feel the same way about that feels that way about me.