Can't get a date

  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Apr 04, 2013 3:17 PM GMT
    I ended a 2 year relationship in November.
    Since then I've only had 2 hook ups.
    It's kinda depressing me the lack of action.
    I'm so sick of Grindr. I waste so much time on there and I've only hooked up with 1 guy from it. No one asks me on dates and when I do get chatting to someone cute the conversation just fizzes out. I'm not one to initiate, so I won't ask anyone on a date. I'm considering deleting the app all together.

    If I delete this app how else am I meant to meet guys. I don't club as much these days and they're not the best environment to meet someone anyway.

    I'm starting to believe i'll be single forever unless I move cities.
    And I don't even want a relationship ATM but yeah it's frustrating that my sex/love life is basically 0.


    /endrant
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2013 4:06 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidNo one asks me on dates and when I do get chatting to someone cute the conversation just fizzes out. I'm not one to initiate, so I won't ask anyone on a date.

    If you want dates, you need to be the one to initiate. If you're looking for them on the Grindr throw out a "wanna grab sum coffee this weekend" or "let's get lunch tomorro" and see where it goes
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    Apr 04, 2013 4:29 PM GMT
    Dont worry dude you are not alone i am the same way ! Haha
    At least you had a relationship ! But i gues since i am not out its a different story ! But good luck in finding someone and on grindr everyone there wants to just hook up ! Woop woop!
  • Pyathan6

    Posts: 7

    Apr 04, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    Deadlyshark247 saidDont worry dude you are not alone i am the same way ! Haha


    Ditto, pretty much the only way I know how to find guys these days, I think i was made with a faulty Gay-dar or something. But, while on grindr I do usually have to be the one to initiate the idea of a date instead of a hookup.

    Dont be afraid to initiate!
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    Apr 04, 2013 5:21 PM GMT
    Funny enough..most guys will say "I'm not the one to initiate"..

    I think you have to bite the bullet and put yourself out there a bit more.. I don't have Grindr.. so I really couldn't give you tips.

    ..i'm sure you could come up with creative ways to land yourself some positive attention..

    .. I hope you find what you need.. icon_biggrin.gif

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    Apr 04, 2013 5:22 PM GMT
    grow a pair.

    ask'em.

    You wanna eat, you gotta go chase down the wilderbeest
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2013 5:41 PM GMT
    So you actually find some people you like, but you don't want to initiate and ask them on a date? Why not? Just go for it. If they don't want to, then that's fine. Sure it will suck a bit, but that beats the hell out of no sex lol...
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    Apr 04, 2013 5:46 PM GMT
    birds of same feathers fly together....
    i suggest you do the same icon_smile.gif
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 04, 2013 8:03 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer said

    I'm starting to believe i'll be single forever unless I move cities.
    And I don't even want a relationship ATM but yeah it's frustrating that my sex/love life is basically 0.
    From some of your other posts we can tell you are all of too nice a guy, and you are too cute, to stay single forever. If you don't want an LTR now, but you want sex, then you have to meet guys in the same boat. Like others said, you have to be the "one who initiates." Melbourne has tons of gay guys - not as many as Sydney, but enough. Maybe try other venues - bars that are not dance clubs? Gay sports clubs (or gay anything organizations)? Or just organizations that are of interest, but are not gay-denominated? You have to be out there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2013 8:57 PM GMT
    Deadlyshark247 saidDont worry dude you are not alone i am the same way ! Haha
    At least you had a relationship ! But i gues since i am not out its a different story ! But good luck in finding someone and on grindr everyone there wants to just hook up ! Woop woop!


    You had me till I read you were a bottom...

    Next!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2013 11:26 PM GMT
    I agree with the others. Instigate the conversation and ask the other guy out on a date. If a cute guy like you can't find a date, it's hopeless for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2013 11:27 PM GMT
    I've been on the so-called apps and other websites off and on for the past two years. Actually meeting a guy is almost like a 30 to 1 ratio. You have to take a lot of no's to get a yes. It is discouraging and frustrating, but you have to see it for what it really is and not let it trouble you. Most guys get on the apps/sites for one of two reasons. They are bored or they are horny. The general consensuses is that most guys don't take the apps/sites or people seriously. You also have to consider the type of mentality and personality of people that just sit on these apps/sites all day long and yet never go out.

    I still think the best chance at a date, even if just one time, is to meet someone out in public at a coffee shop or in a park where it's known to be gay friendly.

    I only get on the apps/sites briefly just to check messages and then I close it out. Like you, Onemoresummer, I've wasted countless hours that could amount into to weeks of time over the course of two years. I would rather spend that time doing something for myself or volunteering to help someone else.

    From your profile, it seems you live in a major city. Try to get out there and meet some people. Perhaps MeetUp.com offers gay activity groups in your area that could provide opportunities. Just explore other options rather than relying on trolls that sit on Grindr all day. icon_smile.gif

    Good luck!!
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    Apr 05, 2013 2:17 AM GMT
    You're doing it wrong. IF you want to get laid on grindr, start sending your sexy shots out and stop conversing. People get bored and get carpal tunnel syndrome from thumb texting on grindr with 20 different guys all the time--it's annoying when you have the "hello//hi//how are you or what's up// not much you // just chillin" blah blah nonsense gets boring. Being polite on apps wastes time. Your "meaningful" conversation on grindr is not meaningful. If you want meaningful conversation, you have to meet IN PERSON (and then you can cover that 10 to 45 min to 3 day hello/how are you conversation in 10 seconds IN PERSON (if that's what you want to do, rather than meet, lunge, fuck). Use grindr just to set up an initial mutual physical attraction and to determine where to meet. Anything more is honestly waste of time. I'm not alone in this thinking.

    I'll take it two steps further that pretty much all online conversation is just as isolating and trite/boring/banal. I haven't had a facebook profile since 2010 and I'm doing quite fine meeting people the regular way. That site was fun back in '04 when you had to have a .edu for it; now it's just how employers, parents, people you don't like, people who used to like you stalk your ass.

    Edit: Don't forget to use condoms 100% of the time for anal if you want to stay HIV negative. You just met someone, so don't trust anyone, no matter how hot they are. You know they're fucking around just as much if not more than you are, and HIV testing is too slow in terms of sensitivity to keep up with gay men's sex lives.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Apr 05, 2013 2:19 AM GMT
    Wait.
    Seriously.
    You're openly noting that you won't ask guys out and then complaining you're not getting any dates.

    *insert facepalm giif*
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    Apr 05, 2013 2:21 AM GMT
    i don't think grindr is a good place to look for 'dates'. adam4adam might be a little better, or, an actual dating website
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    Apr 05, 2013 2:34 AM GMT
    blueyedItalian saidi don't think grindr is a good place to look for 'dates'. adam4adam might be a little better, or, an actual dating website


    Wouldn't A4A be a step toward the hookup spectrum from Grindr?? Grindr is a step toward relationship from A4a...
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Apr 05, 2013 2:51 AM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidNo one asks me on dates and when I do get chatting to someone cute the conversation just fizzes out. I'm not one to initiate, so I won't ask anyone on a date.


    I found the problem! icon_biggrin.gif

    What do I win?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2013 2:56 AM GMT
    Am I the only gay who has never used Grindr? lol

    I've been single for a year and only hooked up twice. Nothing crazy. I'm not depressed over the situation or sad...if someone comes around, great. It will probably be a while- the gay community in my city is nearly nonexistent.


    Try to keep your mind busy doing other things? Take up a hobby, go work out, read a book? lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidI ended a 2 year relationship in November.
    Since then I've only had 2 hook ups.
    It's kinda depressing me the lack of action.
    I'm so sick of Grindr. I waste so much time on there and I've only hooked up with 1 guy from it. No one asks me on dates and when I do get chatting to someone cute the conversation just fizzes out. I'm not one to initiate, so I won't ask anyone on a date. I'm considering deleting the app all together.

    If I delete this app how else am I meant to meet guys. I don't club as much these days and they're not the best environment to meet someone anyway.

    I'm starting to believe i'll be single forever unless I move cities.
    And I don't even want a relationship ATM but yeah it's frustrating that my sex/love life is basically 0.


    /endrant


    I know exactly how you feel. I'm there myself, only my situation is worse. You haven't dated since November (2012?) I haven't dated in years. It sucks! But hang in there. Hopefully things will change.
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    Apr 05, 2013 3:37 AM GMT
    ithnku8micr8on saidAm I the only gay who has never used Grindr? lol

    I've been single for a year and only hooked up twice. Nothing crazy. I'm not depressed over the situation or sad...if someone comes around, great. It will probably be a while- the gay community in my city is nearly nonexistent.


    Try to keep your mind busy doing other things? Take up a hobby, go work out, read a book? lol


    That must be your problem because you're gorgeous! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2013 3:44 AM GMT
    Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.

    "Everyone gets rejected- even underwear models,and celebrities. "

    This has been your daily gay zen wisdom.
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    Apr 05, 2013 3:56 AM GMT
    Have you tried some of the other sites like POF, OkCupid, Match, etc? They seem to be a little more geared toward dating than hookups
  • bna2

    Posts: 20

    Apr 12, 2014 4:07 AM GMT
    [quote]I Hate A4A! worst site ever, constantly ignored on there, [cite]blueyedItalian said[/cite]i don't think grindr is a good place to look for 'dates'. adam4adam might be a little better, or, an actual dating website[/quote]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2014 6:37 PM GMT
    bna2 said[quote]I Hate A4A! worst site ever, constantly ignored on there, [cite]blueyedItalian said[/cite]i don't think grindr is a good place to look for 'dates'. adam4adam might be a little better, or, an actual dating website
    [/quote]
    Since it has been a year since Onemoresummer complained about not getting a date, maybe before offering him advice, someone should first ask him for a current update on his dating situation.

    Volunteers?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2014 7:40 PM GMT
    Tell me about it. I'm 23, and I've never even been on a date. I've only hooked up with one guy in my life, and it was from Grindr. I'm really not the random hookup type of guy, but I just acted impulsively and wanted to "get it over with".

    It seems like it's really hard to find a decent, normal guys who actually want to date and get to know you first. Granted, I've never been to any gay bars/clubs yet, but I have a feeling I won't have much success there either...