Never had a boyfriend

  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Apr 04, 2013 5:01 PM GMT
    I recently met this guy. We hit it off and things started moving pretty fast. He found me on ok Cupid and said he would really like to get to know me and gave me his number and we talked on the phone hours at a time before we even met. We met had a great date. Second date was a night and day of sex and cuddling watching tv like a couple. Then he got distant and stopped replying to my texts and avoiding me. It had come up that I had never had a boyfriend and he said that was his main concern as he didn't want to be the one to teach me how to be in a relationship.

    Did I fuck up? Is he just not into me and trying to give an excuse? Or should I give him some time like a week and then see what's up? I'm gutted as I really liked this guy. Whole lot of feelings
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    Apr 04, 2013 5:36 PM GMT
    My advice is to let it go and ignore him. You cannot wait for people to come around or to change. Some people just like to play games like that. You have absolutely no way of reading someone's mind to why he felt the need to stop talking to you.

    And no you didn't fuck it up by being honest...that's never the case. If you ask me, he wouldn't have been that good of a boyfriend if he let you go just because you've never had a bf. If you like someone, you like them regardless of their past dating experience.

    There's also no such thing as learning how to be in a relationship. You either like someone and you're honest and straightforward about it or you don't and just want to play games. All I know is you need to show the other person who you REALLY are and not lie just to satisfy them. Either way it's not your loss.

    You'll find someone better!
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Apr 04, 2013 6:46 PM GMT
    Agreed. You didn't fuck up. You need to find someone who's going to be a match for you and vice versa. You need someone who's willing to be at the same level with you. I realize you probably really want a boyfriend, but also keep in mind that a lot of your feelings are those intense first time feelings.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Apr 04, 2013 7:16 PM GMT
    The famous fuck and dash...you did nothing wrong...Move on...
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Apr 04, 2013 7:30 PM GMT
    I think you dodged a bullet.
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    Apr 04, 2013 7:34 PM GMT
    mybud saidThe famous fuck and dash...you did nothing wrong...Move on...


    Dam! those slithery, sneaky, snakes! Players man, gotta watch out!
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Apr 04, 2013 7:47 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. Hearing this from other gay guys as opposed to my straight female friends makes me feel a lot better. Though the advice one gave me to just pretend he died is also working pretty well. RIP hot bartender nerd. Struck down by a runaway unicyclist.
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Apr 05, 2013 2:49 AM GMT
    What a tool..don't even waste your breath on the guy.If a guy ever did that too me I would make his life a living hell.
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Apr 05, 2013 3:44 PM GMT
    The next day i sent him a message saying I would give him some space and to call me when he was ready. He never really ended it just told me his concerns then said don't worry, we'll talk. That was3 days ago. I know it's pathetic but I want to keep my options open because I believe now that he really liked me and was telling the truth. Maybe he'll have an epiphany. The smart and sane thing would be to hire guys to be my exes and conveniently bump into me on dates with men with ridiculous issues.
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    Apr 06, 2013 4:12 AM GMT
    Mark87 saidThe next day i sent him a message saying I would give him some space and to call me when he was ready. He never really ended it just told me his concerns then said don't worry, we'll talk. That was3 days ago. I know it's pathetic but I want to keep my options open because I believe now that he really liked me and was telling the truth. Maybe he'll have an epiphany. The smart and sane thing would be to hire guys to be my exes and conveniently bump into me on dates with men with ridiculous issues.

    Here's a fun fact: they never do. This is the type of guy who is so trapped inside his own narrow way of thinking that he can't possibly have an epiphany. Plain and simple: he played you. Or maybe he's eternally looking for a guy who is Mr. Perfect in his tiny little mind that he'll just be alone and then he's got nothing.
  • Rawrdo

    Posts: 343

    Apr 06, 2013 4:31 AM GMT
    Meh, that happened to me before, and the guy at the time sort of said the same thing just with a slightly different twist. In his eyes, being my first boyfriend was putting him under a lot of pressure, I'm still not sold on that excuse but whatever. Anyways, personally having experienced that I would recommend on moving on, and just letting it roll off your shoulder. Also, whatever his reasons may have been are his and his alone, you've done nothing wrong so don't worry about it.
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    Apr 06, 2013 4:53 AM GMT
    Yeah honestly I don't think its worth it. Obviously there is no connection there. Its good that you were honest with him and told him that you've never had a BF. Trust me there are plenty of guys out there that will like you for who you are and that's the challenge, finding the right guy. You'll find him. icon_smile.gif
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Apr 06, 2013 6:36 AM GMT
    Again thanks. Feels a lot better. Seems like you can't throw a rock in NYC without hitting one of these. My bullshit meter is definitly more finely tuned now. No idea what his end game was. I'm gona go with harvesting my kidneys. Yup dodged a bullet.
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Apr 07, 2013 10:34 AM GMT
    He's a useless cunt
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    Apr 07, 2013 10:41 AM GMT
    Don't rush. Drop expectations. Let relationships develop naturally. Everything you bring with you is what you understand.
  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Apr 07, 2013 10:47 AM GMT
    that bastardicon_rolleyes.gificon_evil.gif
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    Apr 07, 2013 11:37 AM GMT
    I think he's inviting you to play the game. Don't call or text for 7 days. Then ask him for a coffee or something. When you meet, be completely engaging, but don't kiss and don't hug. If he initiates the 2nd meeting, take things extremely slow and don't have sex again for a month.. until you know you have him.

    You just need to show him your value and assert your emotional independence.
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Apr 07, 2013 11:54 AM GMT
    Yeah forget about him, sounds like you don't need him
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    Apr 07, 2013 9:37 PM GMT
    Sounds like excuses to me. Give him some time, but move on if he doesn't show interest in you any more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 07, 2013 9:53 PM GMT
    Awww sorry, definitely a red flag. That is not normal behavior he's got something buried deep in that closet.
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    Apr 07, 2013 9:58 PM GMT
    Slyblue saidAwww sorry, definitely a red flag. That is not normal behavior he's got something buried deep in that closet.


    this
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Apr 08, 2013 7:32 PM GMT
    Well well. He called me yesterday. We talked like nothing was wrong. He told me he was going into work (bartender) and asked what I was doing. I already had plans. Phone died and I had an unknown missed call and voicemail which sounded like him mumbling. Anyway I had told him I was going to see the evil dead on wednsday and he geeked out and asked the time. I texted him the time today but since missing his call yesterday radio silence. Oh well off to the movies. Little victories. Yeah I got a lot of time on my hands.
  • blueyedgrey20...

    Posts: 285

    Apr 08, 2013 8:08 PM GMT
    damn N.P.S no pussy shit ...sounds like hes not only a pussy but also a drag wow what a fuckin tool.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 08, 2013 8:20 PM GMT
    I keep pointing this out in different threads. A lot of this kind of thing is due to the fact that most gay teens don't date and, consequently, don't get to deal with these sorts of issues earlier on in life. Who knows what his problem really is. Whatever it is, it isn't your not having had a bf, not really. Sounds like he has some trust issues. If you ever see him again, it might be interesting to fish out the story. Or not.

    My suggestion is, if you want a bf, to go on at least three dates before having sex. Kissing on the first date and maybe heavy petting by date two or three is permitted. The point is to get to know one another as people first. I don't know where caming and that sort of thing fits into this, not my generation.

    ETA: you wrote: "We talked like nothing was wrong." Sometimes that's a good strategy, sometimes not. You have feelings about his not being available to you. Overlooking that in general isn't a good move. Depends, though. Sometimes it is best not to bring up 'heavy shit' on the phone but in person.
  • unicoman1

    Posts: 822

    Apr 08, 2013 8:42 PM GMT
    Nope , he got what he wanted and took off. I would of waited a bit longer for the sex thing but.... Hope you learned something from this, and your next "relationship" and further ones get better.
    Peace and good things!