Fallen for best friend...badly!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2013 12:14 AM GMT
    I'm sure this won't be the first post like this,but it's the first time I've posted on a forum.

    Met this guy last year and we just clicked. I love him like a brother and that is reciprocated, but I want more.....but he's married and obviously straight...lol

    How do you get over people like that in your lives? He's on my mind every single day...
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    Apr 05, 2013 3:17 AM GMT
    How to get over people like that? In my opinion, just give it time (until you are over that "honeymoon" phase) and it might help to get a friend with benefit to keep your mind off things.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Apr 05, 2013 4:33 AM GMT
    banter2 saidI'm sure this won't be the first post like this,but it's the first time I've posted on a forum.

    Met this guy last year and we just clicked. I love him like a brother and that is reciprocated, but I want more.....but he's married and obviously straight...lol

    How do you get over people like that in your lives? He's on my mind every single day...
    The reality is you know he's straight..You're all caught up into a unrealistic fantasy that has no thread of reality..Abandon these thoughts..its a waste of time...my 2
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    Apr 05, 2013 5:36 AM GMT
    You may not ever get over it, but respect his boundaries if you want to keep him as a friend.
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    Apr 05, 2013 6:11 AM GMT
    I feel your pain bud. But in my case he's not obviously straight
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    Apr 05, 2013 6:36 AM GMT
    mbio saidHow to get over people like that? In my opinion, just give it time (until you are over that "honeymoon" phase) and it might help to get a friend with benefit to keep your mind off things.


    Agreed on giving it time! You'll come to the realization that your friend is off limits and because he's straight, you'll also realize that your desires will never materialize. This happened to me with one of my fraternity brothers. The lesson taught me to seek guys who are playing within my league and respect those who are not.
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    Apr 05, 2013 7:01 AM GMT
    Keep your positive feel about this guy! Remain a distance and enjoy his friendship.At the same time, start looking for other possible friend / brothers. Join groups or try to social more .. It can feel awkward at the beginning, but with time it will ease.

    One advice, try not to get along with his family often!

    All the best!
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    Apr 05, 2013 7:53 AM GMT
    Thank goodness the only really close people I have in my life are all women haha.

    He's married and straight, appreciate the friendship for what it is and leave it at that. I don't see anything good coming from trying to pursue something more with this guy.
    I think you'll have to come to a place where if you find that you just can't knock these feelings you are going to have to be okay with distancing yourself from him.
    You don't want to be the guy who destroys the friendship and/or his marriage.
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    Apr 05, 2013 8:42 AM GMT
    At some point you have to challenge yourself ...

    ..You have to look yourself in the mirror and say .."Lusting after my straight married friend is really ridiculous and sad..there are better things I could be doing with my time".

    ..One issue here is that you keep entertaining these thoughts.
    Time to apply some self discipline..

    There are so many other things you could be doing with your time.. !!



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2013 9:00 AM GMT
    Been there. Fell badly for my friend, who is gay. Feeling wasn't reciprocated. Distanced myself for a bit and the feelings passed. We have maintained a good friendship through it. Get a bit of space, engage in other activities and with other people and the feelings should pass in time.
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    Apr 05, 2013 12:49 PM GMT
    banter2 saidI'm sure this won't be the first post like this,but it's the first time I've posted on a forum.

    Met this guy last year and we just clicked. I love him like a brother and that is reciprocated, but I want more.....but he's married and obviously straight...lol

    How do you get over people like that in your lives? He's on my mind every single day...


    The thing that worked; OK not worked, but helped: I told him how I felt. Just, get it out in the open.
    He said he sorta knew and it took our friendship to a whole new level of openness and honesty--I get hit a lot, but then again so does he.
  • str8hardbody9

    Posts: 1519

    Apr 05, 2013 1:00 PM GMT
    I've been in that situation before. I would highly recommend to just stay best of friend. It will just ruin your friendship. Keep him as your best friend.
    "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people become friends and stay for a while... leaving a beautiful footprints in our heart. And we never quite the same because we made a good friend!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Tombo

    Posts: 355

    Apr 05, 2013 1:13 PM GMT
    I slept with my bezzy, I was in love with him, he came out, 3 days later he called things off and now we're not mates
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    Apr 05, 2013 1:16 PM GMT
    Give it time. There will be a point where it just hits you—this fantasy is not gonna happen, ever. In the meantime, enjoy it for what it is. Right now, it's really just one-sided infatuation. Call it what it is. It's actually rather self-centered and not mutual at all, so recognize the reality of it. Your heart will get it sooner or later. In the meantime, honor your friendship, honor his marriage, honor him.
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    Apr 05, 2013 2:12 PM GMT

    "How do you get over people like that in your lives? He's on my mind every single day..."

    Here's something to consider, an exercise in awareness which may help you:

    " Met this guy last year and we just clicked. I love him like a brother and that is reciprocated, but I want more.....but he's married and obviously straight...lol"

    Sometimes it helps to rotate the positions of each person in a situation to gain perspective, and gaining another perspective can change our feelings. icon_wink.gif

    This is one way that cognitive behavioural therapy works, imagining taking a situation to a conclusion, then examining the resultant feelings.

    If he was gay and married to man would you want to take this man from his partner?
    If you were married to a man and your best friend began making moves on you, how would you feel about your beast friend?
    If you were married and your partner's best friend began making moves on him, how would you feel?

    warmly,
    -Doug


  • Tombo

    Posts: 355

    Apr 05, 2013 2:33 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    "How do you get over people like that in your lives? He's on my mind every single day..."

    Here's something to consider, an exercise in awareness which may help you:

    " Met this guy last year and we just clicked. I love him like a brother and that is reciprocated, but I want more.....but he's married and obviously straight...lol"

    Sometimes it helps to rotate the positions of each person in a situation to gain perspective, and gaining another perspective can change our feelings. icon_wink.gif

    This is one way that cognitive behavioural therapy works, imagining taking a situation to a conclusion, then examining the resultant feelings.

    If he was gay and married to man would you want to take this man from his partner?
    If you were married to a man and your best friend began making moves on you, how would you feel about your beast friend?
    If you were married and your partner's best friend began making moves on him, how would you feel?

    warmly,
    -Doug




    Great knowledge you speak of *Yoda voice*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    Has there ever been any success stories with this type of situation?
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    Apr 05, 2013 4:35 PM GMT
    Erik101 said
    mbio saidHow to get over people like that? In my opinion, just give it time (until you are over that "honeymoon" phase) and it might help to get a friend with benefit to keep your mind off things.


    Agreed on giving it time! You'll come to the realization that your friend is off limits and because he's straight, you'll also realize that your desires will never materialize. This happened to me with one of my fraternity brothers. The lesson taught me to seek guys who are playing within my league and respect those who are not.


    OP - these guys are correct - the only thing you can do it wait it out and give it time.

    I went through this myself and hurts like hell. It's not fun having a huge crush on a guy that you know will never be reciprocated. Just know that your feelings will change. The intensity will go down and it will become easier to deal with, to the point where it eventually becomes a non-issue. It may take a while, but it will happen.

    I would recommend finding a distraction. Start dating or keep dating if you are already. If you feel like you are moving on, that helps. Don't allow yourself to dwell on the guy.

    Just remember - you may not get to be his partner, but he did choose you to have an important place in his life all the same. Of all the many guys out there, he picked you to be his close guy friend, who he thinks of as a brother. That's pretty awesome when you think about it, isn't it? icon_wink.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2013 5:53 PM GMT
    Thankfully I don't have this issue, once I know somebody is straight, then no matter how hot they are I don't develop any sort of any feelings for them, I still find them hot but my heart has no interest.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 05, 2013 5:59 PM GMT
    mbio saidHow to get over people like that? In my opinion, just give it time (until you are over that "honeymoon" phase) and it might help to get a friend with benefit to keep your mind off things.
    i agree. i have had buddies that i wanted to sleep with. however, i usually turm them into brothers so i do not have to worry about that. once i have that down and someone else to distract me sexually i am usually good to go
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 05, 2013 6:11 PM GMT
    dc0776 said
    Erik101 said
    mbio saidHow to get over people like that? In my opinion, just give it time (until you are over that "honeymoon" phase) and it might help to get a friend with benefit to keep your mind off things.


    Agreed on giving it time! You'll come to the realization that your friend is off limits and because he's straight, you'll also realize that your desires will never materialize. This happened to me with one of my fraternity brothers. The lesson taught me to seek guys who are playing within my league and respect those who are not.


    OP - these guys are correct - the only thing you can do it wait it out and give it time.

    I went through this myself and hurts like hell. It's not fun having a huge crush on a guy that you know will never be reciprocated. Just know that your feelings will change. The intensity will go down and it will become easier to deal with, to the point where it eventually becomes a non-issue. It may take a while, but it will happen.

    I would recommend finding a distraction. Start dating or keep dating if you are already. If you feel like you are moving on, that helps. Don't allow yourself to dwell on the guy.

    Just remember - you may not get to be his partner, but he did choose you to have an important place in his life all the same. Of all the many guys out there, he picked you to be his close guy friend, who he thinks of as a brother. That's pretty awesome when you think about it, isn't it? icon_wink.gif


    +1
    Enjoy it for what it is, and don't fuck it up. Acting on your sexual desire, or even expressing it to him will ruin things for you. Those situations always end badly. Like others said, find someone else for a BF, or just casual sex.