Do you think being molested makes you queer?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2008 7:28 AM GMT
    Just wondering since this came to mind when someone talked about their "daddy" in an unusual way.....

    I know some things....but I don't know everything...that's why I am asking!!
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Oct 16, 2008 8:28 AM GMT
    Unless i see some compelling study supporting the notion, no, i would tend to doubt it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2008 12:04 PM GMT
    no it doesn't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2008 1:02 PM GMT
    No it would not make you gay or queer, but it would make your intimate relationships with other men more difficult.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2008 1:39 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidNo it would not make you gay or queer, but it would make your intimate relationships with other men more difficult.


    Yes. Increasing scientific evidence continues to point to sexual orientation being established prior to birth. There is no evidence that orientation can be changed at a later time, even by traumatic incidents such as molestation.

    Some traumas can leave emotional scars that result in altered behavioral & response patterns. Is it therefore not uncommon to see adults exhibit particular sexual habits & practices that are reflective of earlier traumatic events in their lives.

    For instance, a child who remembers seeing police uniforms at a very frightening moment, perhaps during a motor vehicle crash, might later develop a fetish for uniforms during adult sexual play. Or a sexually abused child might later find him or herself drawn to adult sex partners whose appearance or behavior approximates the abuser from their youth, and/or the circumstances surrounding those events.

    But this occurs in both straight & gay persons, so that trauma is not the source of basic sexual orientation, but rather may influence sexual practices within that orientation.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2008 2:12 PM GMT
    I dont believe so, I dont think the two have anything to do with each other.

    I know for myself, I was attracted to my own gender before I was molested.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2008 4:39 PM GMT
    Plenty of people are molested and turn out straight.

    I am sure it has an effect on sexuality, but not so much orientation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2008 6:55 PM GMT
    sfinboston saidI dont believe so, I dont think the two have anything to do with each other.

    I know for myself, I was attracted to my own gender before I was molested.


    Exactly the same here. Which was probably the reason why it succeeded. I was attracted to the guy, the guy saw it, and took advantage. I don't see it as a molestation tho. Nothing bad came off it, though I was VERY young. Wasn't with a relative (I don't even really remember his real name or even what he looked like! icon_eek.gif ), but yeah, no scars, no nothing to make me feel like a 'victim'. icon_confused.gif I guess I'm one of the lucky ones there.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Oct 16, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
    Once I thought it was a possibility. I was mildly molested in school, but the more I think about it, the more I realise I liked guy before that, although I couldn't accept being gay. But I know I liked guys before that happened. In fact, I think if I were straight, it would never have happened, because I would never have let him get that close. If you know what I mean.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2008 8:35 PM GMT
    Interesting question. Answer would be NO! Two things that I can relate back to when I was molested and what it did to me personally is that I was acutely aware at a very early age that we are all sexual beings. Prior to being molested that was not a part of my thought process. All I wanted at the time was to be batman or some superhero that wore a cape. The innocence of being a child in that area was destroyed. I did not think in shades of being attracted to a man or a woman at that point. The focus was a confused take on physical pleasure.

    The thing that I can still see that damaged me for good is that as an adult I don't like to be touched by strangers but that stranger will never know how uncomfortable I am with it. It can be as simple as a handshake. I will do it and you'd never know what I was thinking which is usually a feeling of disgust that I have no control over and can't describe. It just feels uncomfortable to me and up until I know you that uncomfortable feeling remains. If I put my chin on your shoulder during a hug it means I trust you. There was a time when I wouldn't even allow anyone to hug me and if someone did do that I caught myself pulling out of the hug real fast or reaching around my back without thinking and pulling their hands off of me slightly. All I can describe is a feeling of disgust and fighting real hard to hide that disgust.

    BTW I'm a great hugger don't get me wrong. I have no problem hugging my friends but if it gets too touchy feely I make what appears to be a joke out of it by saying.. hands off freak. It's presented as a joke but inside I really am thinking... STOP TOUCHING ME I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I really have no control over that feeling when it hits me. I've had people casually reach to brush something off of me and I've flinched and pulled back.

    In a relationship it's all different. I feel so comfortable and cuddle like crazy. It's one of my favorite things and have no problem with it. However, there is one area I still work through. If I'm asleep and my guy reach's over to cuddle I will bolt awake kicking him off of me and once I'm fully awake I'll apologize. Doesn't always happen but it has happened enough times that it's apparent what I'm doing and what I just have to deal with. I've usually explained myself by then and he understands.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 17, 2008 4:41 AM GMT
    Guys,

    Thanks for sharing and being open. I am not sure if I could feel as comfortable about doing so. I often wonder that when a young man is growing up...and still has his young and immature...possibly more effeminate ways if this actually brings on the adult molester attracted to young and immature men. I am wondering because I am very anti child abuse and I do appreciate the insight. I know some "men" --in general--- who embrace their molestation and then want to and talk about being a Pedophilia.....now, that's not good in my book!!