So this happened to me when I was walking on the street...

  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Apr 05, 2013 11:28 PM GMT
    Ok so I was walking back from university to catch my train. The sun was shining so I decided to walk all the way to the station from my faculty.

    When I was about half way this guy who I passed, asked me if he could ask me something. Ofcourse! So he asked me where a snackbar was. I pointed out a snackbar to him and then I wanted to go on to the station again. He started walking a bit weird next to me, so I walked a bit faster. Then he stopped me again and asked me if I also knew whether or not I knew where this particular bar X was. I told him I never heard of it before, sorry. (turns out it was a gay bar, I really never heard of it) So then he asked me if I knew any other gay clubs. ( So now I started to become a bit nervous since I am not out..) So I told him this one club which is known for being gay but also hosts some student parties. So then he said, oh so you are gay? Closeted me said, no. But then how do you know this club? Well cause of the student parties and I lived here for a while.. 'Are you sure you are not gay?' yes, I am sure. I asked him whether he was gay, he said he was bi. And then he just said again, I am sure you are gay, or at least bi. I see it. I don't believe you. This was very confronting to me.. I am not used to that.. Let alone from a stranger.. So I told him again I wasn't gay. My non-verbal behavior must've been so fkn odd though, I didn't know how to act.. I told him I could show him where a snackbar was, I was ofcourse a bit intrigued by this guy, he was in good shape and was just a decent looking guy. While we were walking I asked him what he was looking for and he said, well just want to have a drink and want to get laid... so we stopped in front of this snackbar and he said, are you sure you dont want to drink anything with me. I refused and he shook my hand and tickled the palm of my hand with his middle finger. Which is gay code or something right? Then I left him there. I was so confused and couldn't believe this just happened. I read about these kind of stories from guys on here all the time, but thats different than having it happen to yourself icon_razz.gif

    This whole situation was very new to me. I am not used to getting hit on in real life since I never go to gay bars and I don't really live in a town/city where being gay is very common. I was mindblown. I do kind of regret it, I should've just gone and have a drink with him.. Life of a closeted gay guy is hard.. I know I know.. I should come out..

    But this confronting way of getting hit on (total new experience for me) If you can even call it getting hit on, is it normal in gay bars etc?
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Apr 05, 2013 11:36 PM GMT
    getting hit on is normal yes


    just cos you're not out doesnt mean everyone can't know


    you shoulda made a new friend
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    Apr 05, 2013 11:42 PM GMT
    Daelin, I've "known" you for a few years on this site and always thought you were a good person.

    Now you've proven that you're a liar and uncomfortable with your own identity.

    You live in an area that is becoming increasingly accepting of gays, so why don't you just admit who you are? The more you deny it, the slower your society will be at making it just as normal as hetero.

    BTW, I'm not slamming you. I'm just calling you out on this particular situation. The guy was obviously into you and you fucked up a potentially awesome lay (and potential boyfriend) as a result. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    Yes getting hit on is normal, and you get a higher chance of getting hit on in clubs.

    but I agree, you should have at least made a new friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2013 11:48 PM GMT
    he was feeling you out. he had a strong inkling you were friendly!!

    Ive been hit on kinda like that before it's happened a few times. Just roll with it and enjoy the attention.
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    Apr 05, 2013 11:51 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidThe guy was obviously into you and you fucked up a potentially awesome lay (and potential boyfriend) as a result. icon_wink.gif

    No a lay is a lay not a potential boyfriend... Don't confuse the two and don't sleep with someone thinking it's going to become anything more then just a lay
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Apr 05, 2013 11:53 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidDaelin, I've "known" you for a few years on this site and always thought you were a good person.

    Now you've proven that you're a liar and uncomfortable with your own identity.

    You live in an area that is becoming increasingly accepting of gays, so why don't you just admit who you are? The more you deny it, the slower your society will be at making it just as normal as hetero.

    BTW, I'm not slamming you. I'm just calling you out on this particular situation. The guy was obviously into you and you fucked up a potentially awesome lay (and potential boyfriend) as a result. icon_wink.gif


    It didn't feel good to say no mulitple times, thats why my nonverbal behavior didn't match my words and why he probably kept asking. You say im uncomfortable with my identity. This is true for some part. I am still in the proces of accepting my sexual preference. It's going the right way and I am definitely working on it, but this was just on a moment when I didn't expect it and it was too upfront. At this time anyway. But I do kind of regret it. I should've had a drink with him. When I walked away I was doubting whether or not to go back.. but I didn't.

    I know you're not slamming me, you're not like that. And you are right.. Its just that my feelings and thoughts don't always say the same yet icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 05, 2013 11:58 PM GMT
    Daelin said
    paulflexes saidDaelin, I've "known" you for a few years on this site and always thought you were a good person.

    Now you've proven that you're a liar and uncomfortable with your own identity.

    You live in an area that is becoming increasingly accepting of gays, so why don't you just admit who you are? The more you deny it, the slower your society will be at making it just as normal as hetero.

    BTW, I'm not slamming you. I'm just calling you out on this particular situation. The guy was obviously into you and you fucked up a potentially awesome lay (and potential boyfriend) as a result. icon_wink.gif


    It didn't feel good to say no mulitple times, thats why my nonverbal behavior didn't match my words and why he probably kept asking. You say im uncomfortable with my identity. This is true for some part. I am still in the proces of accepting my sexual preference. It's going the right way and I am definitely working on it, but this was just on a moment when I didn't expect it and it was too upfront. At this time anyway. But I do kind of regret it. I should've had a drink with him. When I walked away I was doubting whether or not to go back.. but I didn't.

    I know you're not slamming me, you're not like that. And you are right.. Its just that my feelings and thoughts don't always say the same yet icon_razz.gif
    Let this be a learning experience for you (in other words, don't regret it - learn from it).

    You have my undying support in accepting who you are and being comfortable with it. After all...the more comfortable you are, the more comfortable your friends, family, and acquaintances will be. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2013 12:14 AM GMT
    Daelin, the only people who can say it is a preference or a choice are Bi people.
    "I am still in the proces of accepting my sexual preference."

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2013 1:14 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDaelin, I've "known" you for a few years on this site and always thought you were a good person.

    Now you've proven that you're a liar and uncomfortable with your own identity.

    You live in an area that is becoming increasingly accepting of gays, so why don't you just admit who you are? The more you deny it, the slower your society will be at making it just as normal as hetero.

    BTW, I'm not slamming you. I'm just calling you out on this particular situation. The guy was obviously into you and you fucked up a potentially awesome lay (and potential boyfriend) as a result. icon_wink.gif


    ^ ^ ^ ^
    Not buying that.. He was seriously caught off guard..
    Why are you calling him a liar??
    Out of context... Your entire post !!

    You took the obvious and made it 10 times more extreme.. ..Even more extreme than the OP did !!

    He was caught off guard..totally off guard !!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2013 1:31 AM GMT
    Daelin said?..
    . Life of a closeted gay guy is hard.. I know I know.. I should come out..

    But this confronting way of getting hit on (total new experience for me) If you can even call it getting hit on, is it normal in gay bars etc?


    Don't lose any sleep over this situation. Coming out is getting comfortable with yourself and you obviously weren't in this situation. How about you getting into the drivers seat to get comfy with other gay people, in gay bars, sport clubs etc. your university must have gay groups. Go and mingle.

    Btw. In gay bars it is assumed that you are gay and come-ons range from a smile to someone grabbing your ass.
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    Apr 06, 2013 5:07 AM GMT
    Come out on your own time and your own way man don't feel pressured either way.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 06, 2013 7:58 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDaelin, I've "known" you for a few years on this site and always thought you were a good person.

    Now you've proven that you're a liar and uncomfortable with your own identity.



    OP was very understanding in his response to this post, but the writing is quite harsh.

    This post is literally saying that poster no longer thinks that OP is a good person, and that he is a liar.

    To OP, I find it very uncomfortable when anyone, male or female, is that forward with me, but I do think that, even if it is your intention to remain closeted, you could consider being more open with at least select few other gay men. Particularly if your goal is to one day be more open about it. You have to start somewhere, and in this case it seemed you had genuine interest in this person... next time go for the drink!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2013 8:42 AM GMT
    waarom heb je een drankje met hem, jongen, jongen...wat heb je gedaan icon_razz.gificon_razz.gif
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    Apr 06, 2013 9:33 AM GMT
    Mmm, Lay's with dip...
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    Apr 06, 2013 10:23 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDaelin, I've "known" you for a few years on this site and always thought you were a good person.

    Now you've proven that you're a liar and uncomfortable with your own identity.

    You live in an area that is becoming increasingly accepting of gays, so why don't you just admit who you are? The more you deny it, the slower your society will be at making it just as normal as hetero.

    BTW, I'm not slamming you. I'm just calling you out on this particular situation. The guy was obviously into you and you fucked up a potentially awesome lay (and potential boyfriend) as a result. icon_wink.gif



    First off, who are you to tell someone that they are a liar and uncomfortable in their own identity? Just because someone isn't out doesn't mean they are a liar. People come out when they are ready, just because you would be comfortable with a complete stranger asking if you are gay doesn't mean everyone else will be. Were you there? No, he was. I can tell you, I am perfectly comfortable with who I am however in certain environments and at work I am not openly gay or out. I have my reasons and no one on here or in general has a right to judge me for my decision of not being out at work etc. It is my choice to be this way and when / if I am ready to be out at work then I will be, until then I won't be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2013 10:26 AM GMT
    Ooh-a-ditty ditty-dum-ditty-doo!
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    Apr 06, 2013 10:30 AM GMT
    chadwick1985 said
    paulflexes saidDaelin, I've "known" you for a few years on this site and always thought you were a good person.

    Now you've proven that you're a liar and uncomfortable with your own identity.

    You live in an area that is becoming increasingly accepting of gays, so why don't you just admit who you are? The more you deny it, the slower your society will be at making it just as normal as hetero.

    BTW, I'm not slamming you. I'm just calling you out on this particular situation. The guy was obviously into you and you fucked up a potentially awesome lay (and potential boyfriend) as a result. icon_wink.gif



    First off, who are you to tell someone that they are a liar and uncomfortable in their own identity? Just because someone isn't out doesn't mean they are a liar. People come out when they are ready, just because you would be comfortable with a complete stranger asking if you are gay doesn't mean everyone else will be. Were you there? No, he was. I can tell you, I am perfectly comfortable with who I am however in certain environments and at work I am not openly gay or out. I have my reasons and no one on here or in general has a right to judge me for my decision of not being out at work etc. It is my choice to be this way and when / if I am ready to be out at work then I will be, until then I won't be.


    Exactly I couldn't agree more
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Apr 06, 2013 11:40 AM GMT
    closeted? holland? icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 06, 2013 11:52 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDaelin, I've "known" you for a few years on this site and always thought you were a good person.

    Now you've proven that you're a liar and uncomfortable with your own identity.

    You live in an area that is becoming increasingly accepting of gays, so why don't you just admit who you are? The more you deny it, the slower your society will be at making it just as normal as hetero.

    BTW, I'm not slamming you. I'm just calling you out on this particular situation. The guy was obviously into you and you fucked up a potentially awesome lay (and potential boyfriend) as a result. icon_wink.gif


    Getting 'hit on' by some creepy bloke who has to use directions for a subvertie way to chat you up....SCORE!!!! True boyfriend material and a great and classy way to get laid....not!!!

    This day and age, you cant be too careful, he could have been getting some info from you but also he could just as easily havae been a weirdo who would have freaked out had you overststepped your mark.

    You don't need to answer to anyone, not on here, no int a park, not even to yourself, you do so when you are ready, guys slamming you for this should know better!

  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Apr 06, 2013 12:00 PM GMT
    I know Paul, I know he didn't mean it like it may come across. And you are right I am not a liar. I really was caught off guard.

    On the one hand it was kind of exciting but it was just a bit odd to me. I'm trying to arrange something to go to a gay club in Amsterdam to see how that is.

    Also, as some of you may thing, The Netherlands is not just Amsterdam. It's true its a very progressive country. But just like everywhere there are also more conservative areas here where being gay is uncommon. But all together NL is pretty good to gays, so I understand where that comment is coming from icon_razz.gif
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Apr 06, 2013 12:02 PM GMT
    well i''m from the middle east, holland is one of the best places in the world for gays...so i was surprised
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2013 12:04 PM GMT
    It sounds like you met your conscience, in a 'Twilight Zone' sort of way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2013 12:05 PM GMT
    Ok call me too Australian, but compared to Americans yes we are way more sexually repressed, we don't as readily discuss sex to people at work or school especially random people! let alone our sexual orientation. Yes like anywhere in the world this can become a topic of discussion, but from experience and comments from Americans I know/known they reaffirm my comment.....(you may disagree but this is just what I've experienced, not trying to generalise, i love ya'll :p )

    ANYWAYS i don't understand how most of you guys thought it was ok let alone the guy that called him a liar, i have no comment for that. If this happened in Australia or to me in particular (I'm out btw and fine with it) while considering i were not out, I would direct him to a snack bar, but very quickly tell him that him asking this question 3 times over is not good form. You guys saying its ok while he has written that he was uncomfortable in the situation encourages this sort of 'UN-flattering' sleazy behavior from gay men.

    I think gay men should have the opportunity to first be able to come out at their own time without being judged by the gay community, and secondly gay men should have the same opportunity to be approached by other gay men in a normal non confronting manner, as most straight women or men receive in society. Think of it when a guy likes girl, he is normally shy and tries to charm and make the girl feel special about herself....not make her feel uncomfortable while stalk her towards the train station......jeeeeez icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 06, 2013 12:09 PM GMT
    After you denied being gay the 3rd time, did you hear a cock crow?