Living together/new career--lessons learned?

  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Apr 07, 2013 4:40 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    Me and my guy are going to move in together! It's going to be a huge change as I currently travel a lot for work and we don't hang out every day but at least once a week (probably on average 3-4 nights a week). I'm also going to be completely changing careers (pursuing medicine), so I'll be getting ready to take that plunge around the same time. We've been together almost a year and a half, and it's my first serious bf, so yes lots of things to consider/dismiss right away, but I'm not asking for judgement on that end.

    I'm looking for some lessons learned from both of these scenarios and how they impacted your relationship. I'm as confident as one can be about fidelity, and we've been through several trials and tests (traveling together, visiting families multiple times/weddings, friends, etc.), so we work together as people really well.

    I've thought this through and have come up with rationalizations, but I'm looking for some cold, hard anecdotes and views that will help ready myself for the changes to come. What should I expect? Let 'er rip!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 07, 2013 6:54 AM GMT
    Carriage before the horse?

    ..No matter how many generalizations get posted in this thread..

    The dynamics / interactions between you and your BF will sum an overall "Uniqueness"
    ..Besides the obvious ..you'll have to take it one day at a time..

    Generalizations:

    ..Be honest, Patient, Give him space when he needs it..Be there when he needs you..Communicate your feelings... Time and place for everything..Do not let him overextend himself.. Do not overextend yourself...Some issues might take a long time to solve..Some questions might take forever to get answered...Know when to hold em, Fold em, Walk away...

    ^ ^ ^ ^
    But you already knew all this..

    Congrats on moving in together !!


  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Apr 07, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    Yes, good things to reiterate-thanks!

    Any other things? Horror stories or things you wish you did differently?

  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 07, 2013 11:46 PM GMT
    cavecanem10 saidHey guys,

    Me and my guy are going to move in together! It's going to be a huge change as I currently travel a lot for work and we don't hang out every day but at least once a week (probably on average 3-4 nights a week).


    Ha, I was in this exact situation with a traveling long distance who eventually moved in. Things promptly fell apart.

    From what I learned: communicate, be honest with yourself and him, trust but don't be blind, don't cheat, give each other space, apologize, and watch other gay dudes like a hawk!
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Apr 08, 2013 8:04 PM GMT
    Be realistic, please. Pick your battles. Communicate often. Show him affection, even when you're not exactly feeling lovey-dovey toward him. Be honest, truthful, and talk stuff out.

    Living with your SO will present many challenges, you just need to be sure that you're 100% committed to this and you're not gonna wanna walk away when things are shit or when times get tough.

    Remember, that you must always look out for number one....aka YOU... Know when to give him space and leave him alone, dont be over-bearing of "motherly"... and nag him about shit.

    If something is bothering you, talk like 2 adults and work it out.

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2013 9:06 PM GMT


    * and you don't want to hear me singing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2013 9:42 PM GMT
    Import saidBe realistic, please. Pick your battles. Communicate often. Show him affection, even when you're not exactly feeling lovey-dovey toward him. Be honest, truthful, and talk stuff out.

    Living with your SO will present many challenges, you just need to be sure that you're 100% committed to this and you're not gonna wanna walk away when things are shit or when times get tough.

    Remember, that you must always look out for number one....aka YOU... Know when to give him space and leave him alone, dont be over-bearing of "motherly"... and nag him about shit.

    If something is bothering you, talk like 2 adults and work it out.

    Good luck.

    It doesn't get more important than this! Good advice from Import and the best is highlight (in my opinion).
  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Apr 09, 2013 2:46 AM GMT
    Very good advice! We've done a pretty good job of talking about this proximal to when they happen, and we're super honest with each other. Most of that is initiated by me, so I do need to watch the nagging. icon_biggrin.gif

    I'm pumped, but scared at the same time! I've got two things riding on this upcoming year--my relationship and my new career. I'm also the kind of person who likes knowing what I'm doing for the next couple months/years, so this point in time knowing that I'm jumping head-first into our first apartment and then blindly into the pre-medical school world is really driving me crazy. Looking forward to some clarity soon--thanks guys!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 11:04 AM GMT
    From my perspective, i've always been a rather individual kind of person....so when my bf moved in with me, i felt like i had lost some personal freedom. Like I don't have my own "man-cave" anymore. this didn't happen right away, it was months into it. we've been living together for a year and 5 months now or so. Its been great and I'm glad we did, but still sometimes I have to push him away so I can have some "me" time on occasion.