Using fat as avoidance technique to address sexuality

  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Apr 07, 2013 2:05 PM GMT
    The psychological theory goes that some people, including closeted gay men, unconsciously stay fat in order to avoid sexual situations where they would be attractive to other men. I believe I did. Anyone else experience this phenomena in their own life?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2013 5:04 PM GMT
    when I was 12/13, I already kind of knew I was gay... I wasn't fat, but I wasn't that skinny either... I actually wanted to become fat because I wanted to avoid dating or sexuality altogether. I really thought fat people were happier people because they didn't have to worry about staying fit. I felt like they didn't have to worry about sexuality as much as a more fit person. That's exactly what I wanted, because I wasn't comfortable with growing up, or with my role as a guy... I really don't know what it was... it was weird, but I'm glad I got over it, sort of
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Apr 07, 2013 5:21 PM GMT
    Yes. I did it as a way to escape facing a lack of intimacy in my marriage to my ex husband for ten years. I figured if I was fat I couldn't cheat.
    I almost killed myself through this avoidance.
    Never again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2013 5:31 PM GMT
    I see a lot of fat very camp guys who are inseparable from their loud straight women friends. They seem to spend a lot of time cockblocking each other haha.
  • Pyre85

    Posts: 213

    Apr 07, 2013 7:25 PM GMT
    Not intentionally maybe? But I was a very compulsive eater when I was closeted in my Jehovah's Witness family growing up. I never wanted to be fat, I think I just combated the self hatred (unfortunately compounding it with body image issues) by eating. Alot.
  • Pyre85

    Posts: 213

    Apr 07, 2013 7:27 PM GMT
    Now I have nothing but regret, If I'd never gotten huge in the first place, I can only imagine how much better my body, health and self image now a days would be.
    C'est la vie.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2013 7:29 PM GMT
    I haven't thought about that before, but I can see that as being one of many factors that kept me fat. I can tell you it wasn't the primary factor.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Apr 07, 2013 7:33 PM GMT
    I had a friend, growing up, that I'm positive did this. I also have a cousin that I'm almost certain went into priesthood for the same reason, though he did come out eventually, unlike the other guy.

    BTW, I know for a fact they're both gay. The only speculation is the lengths they went to to avoid coming out, or even admitting to themselves for so long. I can relate to a degree, and considered my cousin's path at one time.

    Overeating usually has some sort of emotional component. Being closeted gay is huge.

    You need a cover to stay closeted if you're not on your own, off away from family. I fled to my own apartment at 18 and came out in my late 20's.
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Apr 07, 2013 7:34 PM GMT
    Pyre85 saidNot intentionally maybe? But I was a very compulsive eater when I was closeted in my Jehovah's Witness family growing up. I never wanted to be fat, I think I just combated the self hatred (unfortunately compounding it with body image issues) by eating. Alot.


    I was also raised a JW. I was also overweight when I was younger, but I don't believe that it was due to a hidden fear of being gay or as an isolation to protect me from sexuality. I just ate really bad food choices because my father's idea of a healthy breakfast was Twinkies and a glass of milk.

    I was raised in the Midwest so most of our foods were corn, potatoes and starches. Combine that diet with parents who were ignorant and void of even the most basic nutrition knowledge and you have a disaster waiting to happen.

    It's an interesting hypothesis, and I would like to see some studies, if there are any, even if they are correlational studies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2013 7:35 PM GMT
    I think it is more common with women who were sexually molested/abused.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2013 7:40 PM GMT
    I rarely talk about what ever gifts I have because, well really it'd be a very, very brief talk.
    I can say that one of my most natural talents or gifts is that I am able to naturally achieve this without even being so fat.
    It's probably one of my, if not only, special skills whereby the avoidance occurs on it's own without me having to actually put an effort to do so.
    I know it's not a skill for everyone but you know what, that's what makes me 'special' lol.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Apr 07, 2013 8:33 PM GMT
    I wasn't sure this topic would even get one reply ..... I like others believe I ate and stayed heavy while I was married to women in order to be unattractive .... however it was never a conscious decision.
  • Eccomi09

    Posts: 203

    Apr 07, 2013 8:39 PM GMT
    LuckyGuyKC saidThe psychological theory goes that some people, including closeted gay men, unconsciously stay fat in order to avoid sexual situations where they would be attractive to other men. I believe I did. Anyone else experience this phenomena in their own life?


    I used to say that I was happier when I was fatter. People actually treated me nicer online than they do now... I'll get on Grindr or Scruff the random and unprovoked email from people who will tell me I'm not muscled, or that I'm ugly, or fat, and on and on. Socially, I experienced better treatment from others when I was heavier, too. Sure, I didn't get my pick of the hottest guy in the bar, but he was likely one of those random insecure types anyway who would, once I lost weight, evaluate me as worthy of his time.

    Mind you, now, I am fine the way I am. If someone thinks I'm too fat, it's says far more about them than it does about me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2013 9:28 PM GMT
    I did actually think this when I was younger. Makes sense.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2013 9:53 PM GMT
    LuckyGuyKC saidThe psychological theory goes that some people, including closeted gay men, unconsciously stay fat in order to avoid sexual situations where they would be attractive to other men. I believe I did. Anyone else experience this phenomena in their own life?
    That's exactly what I think every time I see a fat homophobic redneck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 07, 2013 10:04 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    LuckyGuyKC saidThe psychological theory goes that some people, including closeted gay men, unconsciously stay fat in order to avoid sexual situations where they would be attractive to other men. I believe I did. Anyone else experience this phenomena in their own life?

    Yes...for a good 20 years I did this. Still trying to fight the urge. icon_neutral.gif


    icon_sad.gif
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Apr 09, 2013 12:29 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    LuckyGuyKC saidThe psychological theory goes that some people, including closeted gay men, unconsciously stay fat in order to avoid sexual situations where they would be attractive to other men. I believe I did. Anyone else experience this phenomena in their own life?

    Yes...for a good 20 years I did this. Still trying to fight the urge. icon_neutral.gif

    I've been dating a great guy happily monogamously for over a year; in that time I have gained over 10 pounds. I sometimes think I am gaining weight now for the similar reason that I don't want to be tempted by other guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2013 4:56 AM GMT
    still there....but the chubby chasers have found me and my virtue is again in danger......
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Apr 09, 2013 4:58 AM GMT
    I have never experienced this but now it makes me want to read up on the subject.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2013 5:48 AM GMT
    Yes. I did exactly this. In my mid to late teens I was both obese and very aware that I was attracted to guys. I did not, however, adopt the label "gay." I was straight, and until I had evidence to the contrary I would remain straight. Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I realized that if I became physically attractive to anyone (male or female) and began to date that person I would soon have to face the fact that I was not as heterosexual as I was vainly telling myself I was.

    The fat kept me from having to face my own homosexuality for a long time. It was a very sad state of affairs.

    Then I came out, lost the weight, and oh dear lord how things have changed icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2013 1:10 PM GMT
    Gross.
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Apr 09, 2013 1:15 PM GMT
    Hmm, interesting. I, on the contrary, was really fat and totally didn't wanna stay fat because no one would even pay attention to me, sexually, if I did. So, I guess it's actually the opposite.

    And besides, being fat isn't healthy. Coming out would probably be safer than staying in the fat closet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2013 1:17 PM GMT
    I'm sure tons of psychiatrists/psychologists will agree this statement.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2013 1:22 PM GMT
    Wouldn't you mean' "consciously" stay fat?

    Actually this subject had never crossed my mind until a semi-closeted guy I dated brought that up when we were discussing fat gay guys. It seems to make sense. Sad for those people, but the consciousness makes sense.

    I've accepted my lust for men as early as I can remember looking at muscles in a magazine and thinking 'Damn I like that' Thankfully, I came from a mostly-accepting family with a few spats of common name calling which most balanced children overcome anyway.

    In my early twenties, I made it a conscious priority to celebrate myself visually with masculinity/muscles because the acceptance in myself has always been there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2013 1:45 PM GMT
    Wow. I didn't realize gay men did this. I thought this was a tactic of their hags.

    Question: How did you guys handle it if approached by a chubby chaser?