Should I ask this guy out?

  • fLiP21

    Posts: 48

    Apr 08, 2013 5:24 AM GMT
    I've been seeing this guy named Jeff this past month, 3 times in total to be exact. My concern is to whether I should ask him if he wants to date or if I should wait longer or something. We met through grindr (I know, not the best method of meeting potential bf's) The thing is we didn't just have a simple one night stand and not communicate. We actually text regularly and converse on topics BESIDES sex and we have been pretty open to each other when we do meet. We did have sex on all three instances, no official dates, It is not a fuck buddy thing just to let you know. He hasn't had sex for 2 years he says, since he broke up with his last bf and he isn't jumping in bed with a new guy every night so I'm inferring he's more inclined towards some form of relationship. What's your opinion? He definitely seems interested besides the sex as well. Also if I should, how should I go about asking him? Is there a good way to ask? I'm relatively inexperienced.

    Thanks for your responses!
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Apr 08, 2013 9:34 PM GMT
    yes!!! do it! sounds he likes you, being warey of the 'grindr' peeps is good but remember you were on grindr too, theres every chance he'll be a normal guy,

    as for asking him out just be simple about it, just ask him if he wants to do something you wanna do, like see a movie, good luck!!!
  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Apr 08, 2013 11:03 PM GMT
    yes ask him out! just tell him that you want to get know him better!!

    Just be cautious ! many guys (but not all) say one thing then act differently! so don't give your heart away too soon too easily!!
  • fLiP21

    Posts: 48

    Apr 09, 2013 3:56 AM GMT
    thanks for your input jackooh and wherewillwebe! I really appreciate it, I'll sure try to be cautious, he's the first and only person I've had sex with, and so far he's been sweet
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 3:59 AM GMT
    You should ask him out. Just don't make a very big deal about it. If he is interested in something serious, he'll know where you are going. If he flakes out, then he saved you a lot of heartache.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 4:08 AM GMT
    Technically it is a Fuck Buddy situation...

    Your fuck buddy just happens to be a nice guy.

    Hell yeah ..ask him out.. !!
  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Apr 09, 2013 4:25 AM GMT
    I'd say go for it--yeah no one goes on grindr to find their long term guy, but it happens sometimes. Also, if he's dropping hints at not looking around any more, then I think that's a great sign.

    Having sex on the first date is taboo, but whatever, sometimes it just works. Plus, you get that out of the way up front that you work in bed together, which is important!
  • fLiP21

    Posts: 48

    Apr 09, 2013 4:49 AM GMT
    I think I'll wait after I meet him one or two more times. Even if it is a fuck buddy situation, he actually seems interested at least in my opinion. It's not like he asks if I'm free to have sex that very night, he actually asks how I'm doing once every few days. And yeah, I know it's taboo, it just happened lol. Anyways, I'm pretty he enjoys being in bed with me, because we literally cuddled for a long time after fucking, and even told me he just likes holding me.
  • Puppymuncher

    Posts: 163

    Apr 09, 2013 5:12 PM GMT
    Awww such a cute story. I think you should definitely ask him out, in a romantic way. Ask him over for dinner and either cook or get take out, or something to that extent. If he blushes, smiles, or is evidently happy that you put thought into such a gesture that probably means he returns your affection. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 5:16 PM GMT
    Yes, ask him on a date.

    Just ask him if he'd like to go see a movie or go for dinner. Asking him flat out on a date may be a bit too bold for him. (If it is a date though, you may not want to have sex, so it feels lke an actual date and not just another hook-up)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 5:22 PM GMT
    Yes, I would do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 6:08 PM GMT
    fLiP21 saidI think I'll wait after I meet him one or two more times. Even if it is a fuck buddy situation, he actually seems interested at least in my opinion. It's not like he asks if I'm free to have sex that very night, he actually asks how I'm doing once every few days. And yeah, I know it's taboo, it just happened lol. Anyways, I'm pretty he enjoys being in bed with me, because we literally cuddled for a long time after fucking, and even told me he just likes holding me.


    Why do you feel that you need to wait? Wait for what? Just ask him for a date! Honestly, if you have enough energy to have sex with him 3 times then you certainly have the same energy to ask him out!

    Also, if you let this linger on, what are the chances he'll meet someone else in the interim? If that happens, then it's your lost and then you'll be asking yourself why you didn't make a move sooner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 6:19 PM GMT
    Erik101 said
    fLiP21 saidI think I'll wait after I meet him one or two more times. Even if it is a fuck buddy situation, he actually seems interested at least in my opinion. It's not like he asks if I'm free to have sex that very night, he actually asks how I'm doing once every few days. And yeah, I know it's taboo, it just happened lol. Anyways, I'm pretty he enjoys being in bed with me, because we literally cuddled for a long time after fucking, and even told me he just likes holding me.




    Also, if you let this linger on, what are the chances he'll meet someone else in the interim? If that happens, then it's your lost and then you'll be asking yourself why you didn't make a move sooner.



    This right here. I really liked this one guy. He broke it off with his boyfriend, and I just waited, and waited for two years. I felt like he was waiting for me to ask him out, and never occurred to me why he was single for two years, since he was so popular with the boys. We always make eye contact whenever we see each other, the whole looking back and forth thing not trying to get caught staring, and we Knew each others names before we even struck our first conversation together. On new years eve, I made it my new years resolution to ask him out, but when I did he told me he was moving to L.A. and i was like FUUUUUUUUUUU!! I could have had the chance but, I guess not, unless he decides to move back to austin.

    *sigh*
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 09, 2013 6:46 PM GMT
    I don't understand. You have asked him "in", and had sex with him several times (I would have said "slept with," but you might have been standing up the whole time.) But you are hesitant to ask him "out"? What's the harm?

    "How to ask' ? How about - Hey, would you like to catch a movie next week (watch the hippo races/go to the rodeo/go to the zoo/whatever) ? Movies are a safe bet if you haven't talked much and don't know his interests.

    I would not propose it as a "romantic" date - just doing something together. What happens happens.

    That's what real people do - they go places and do things together while getting to know each other before expecting living happily ever after.

    Do it. Good luck. If he doesn't work out, well you are only 19, so there's lots of years ahead of you for other guys.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Apr 09, 2013 8:17 PM GMT
    i cant believe how many teenaged girls masquerading as men are on this site....

    most of you are pathetic when it comes to actual dating. icon_smile.gif

    ---------------

    on any of your profiles, put "possibly looking for a relationship".

    then if you hook up a few times. bring that up.

    "Hi...you seem to like my vagina...I've been single a while and its too much work meeting new guys all the time and I'm holding boyfriend tryouts this week do you want to go see a movie with me?"


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 8:28 PM GMT
    Seems like you are already dating? I guess you are asking that it be exclusive between the two of you? If that's the case, I'd wait a bit. Relationships should develop organically and not forced.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    fLiP21 said We met through grindr
    ...he hasn't had sex for 2 years...
    ...he isn't jumping in bed with a new guy every night
    ...I'm inferring he's more inclined towards some form of relationship.

    lost-in-space-robot.jpg
    ⨸⨸⩐⩤⪌⟜⟟⟠⦬⦭⧲ DOES NOT COMPUTE DOES NOT COMPUTE DOES NOT COMPUTE ⨸⨸⩐⩤⪌⟜⟟⟠⦬⦭⧲
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 9:25 PM GMT
    Apparition said"Hi...you seem to like my vagina...I've been single a while and its too much work meeting new guys all the time and I'm holding boyfriend tryouts this week do you want to go see a movie with me?"


    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    ROTFL...omg!!

    If he met new guys all the time ..his vagina wouldn't be so....."Snappy" icon_biggrin.gif
  • fLiP21

    Posts: 48

    Apr 09, 2013 9:51 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidSeems like you are already dating? I guess you are asking that it be exclusive between the two of you? If that's the case, I'd wait a bit. Relationships should develop organically and not forced.


    In a way yes. I'm not the type of guy who goes looking for a new guy every week to satisfy my sexual desires. So should I casually ask him to hangout like at the movies but without asking if he wants to date? As of now we're not "officially" dating,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2013 10:20 PM GMT
    I believe you have feel more signs from him, after you are sure, make the question not as a direct question, but as a matter of course, a question like a quote, so you'll know if he likes this idea and if it worth open up to him.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 10, 2013 3:45 AM GMT
    fLiP21 said
    UndercoverMan saidSeems like you are already dating? I guess you are asking that it be exclusive between the two of you? If that's the case, I'd wait a bit. Relationships should develop organically and not forced.


    In a way yes. I'm not the type of guy who goes looking for a new guy every week to satisfy my sexual desires. So should I casually ask him to hangout like at the movies but without asking if he wants to date? As of now we're not "officially" dating,

    Sounds like a plan - rather than just "hanging out", have several specific movies in mind before you ask him.
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Apr 10, 2013 5:32 AM GMT
    I met my current boyfriend off of Growlr about 9 months ago. He or I aren't the type to rush into anything deep but we both are compatible on so many levels. Were way past the honeymoon faze and have gotten into the serious aspect of our relationship, merging families and friends, semi-moving in with each other and so forth... I'm madly in love this this man as he is with me. We have a 13 year age difference (me 25, he 38 ) but that doesn't matter because were compatible on so many levels.

    The point I'm making is, you will never know if what you guys have is sustainable unless you actually take a risk and ask him. I met my boyfriend last July, we had lots of sex when we first me, even before our first actual date, but it was much more than JUST sex, we actually had a connection and talked about other things about ourselves. Sex was just an added bonus to our relationship.

    It wasn't until the end of August (a month after we met) when we had "the talk" and fortunately, we mutually agreed on the boundaries of our relationship and haven't had any problems since... a few hickups here and there, but that happens in all relationships.

    Good luck to you. Don't feel bad about Grindr, It's 2013 and were gay, sometimes in order to meet our man we have to sometimes go the non-traditional route in order to snatch him up, just be smart about it.
  • fLiP21

    Posts: 48

    Apr 10, 2013 5:54 PM GMT
    WApilot saidI met my current boyfriend off of Growlr about 9 months ago. He or I aren't the type to rush into anything deep but we both are compatible on so many levels. Were way past the honeymoon faze and have gotten into the serious aspect of our relationship, merging families and friends, semi-moving in with each other and so forth... I'm madly in love this this man as he is with me. We have a 13 year age difference (me 25, he 38 ) but that doesn't matter because were compatible on so many levels.

    The point I'm making is, you will never know if what you guys have is sustainable unless you actually take a risk and ask him. I met my boyfriend last July, we had lots of sex when we first me, even before our first actual date, but it was much more than JUST sex, we actually had a connection and talked about other things about ourselves. Sex was just an added bonus to our relationship.

    It wasn't until the end of August (a month after we met) when we had "the talk" and fortunately, we mutually agreed on the boundaries of our relationship and haven't had any problems since... a few hickups here and there, but that happens in all relationships.

    Good luck to you. Don't feel bad about Grindr, It's 2013 and were gay, sometimes in order to meet our man we have to sometimes go the non-traditional route in order to snatch him up, just be smart about it.



    Thanks for your story. How exactly did you start the "talk"? Did you just plainly talked to him or did wait for the right moment or something?
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Apr 10, 2013 6:28 PM GMT
    fLiP21 said
    WApilot said

    Thanks for your story. How exactly did you start the "talk"? Did you just plainly talked to him or did wait for the right moment or something?



    Well, I initiated the talk by just simply asking him his intentions in our relationship. I was nervous because I wanted something with him and I hoped that he wanted the same thing. But we simply talked about intentions and expectations; monogamy and so forth. Be sure to make that clear at the beginning, sometimes down the line people get upset when one party doesn't want the same thing, but they never talked about it.

    It all worked out, we agreed to be monogamous and committed to each other. It was good that I talked with him about this because, he wanted something serious but wasn't sure if I did, considering that next September I'm heading back to college, so he wasn't sure if I was serious. By having the talk we clarified some questions that we had and we continue to have a great open communication relationship.

    I'm no expert on relationships, but the experts do say communication is the best for one. Because we talk about everything, he and I have had minimal arguments and disagreements. If we happen to not see eye-to-eye on something, we talk about it, come to a median and move on.

    Point is, just talk. Worst he can say is he doesn't want a relationship, just move on before it gets too heavy and start over again. But remember just because Grindr, Growlr, etc are "hook-up" aps doesn't necessarily mean you can't find the right guy. 9 months isn't long, but between my boyfriend and I, it feels like a lifetime together thus far as he knows me better than most people in my life for the past decade.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 8:15 PM GMT
    WApilot saidI'm no expert on relationships, but the experts do say communication is the best for one. Because we talk about everything, he and I have had minimal arguments and disagreements. If we happen to not see eye-to-eye on something, we talk about it, come to a median and move on.

    Point is, just talk…..

    Isn't it amazing how communications work when you're not trying to guess what the other person is thinking? Nicely related and good for you to have figured this out. Most guys just don't get it. I hope you two continue and you both realize how many bumps in the road have been smoothened out for you because you knew about them before you hit them! Congrats!