Because no matter what facet of society you are in there will always be something to remind you of your skin color. Speaking for myself and in this is STRICTLY my opinion..but I feel the mainstream gay community is VICIOUSLY Racist and in extreme subtle ways (to the point where most people just deny it). Now of course, NOT ALL non-black gays are racist but I would imagine, for normal gay males, who happen to be Black his dating options are smaller than blondie blue eyed from France. As a result, his race results in a slightly altered experience or lack there of when compared to his mainstream counterparts. Which is why i'd say Black comes before Gay, cause, gay or not..you're still Black..and the homosexual community does a great job at reminding us of that.
Interesting. I'm not in any minority, other than being gay, so I can't claim those experiences myself. Nor can I address the OP's question.
What I do see in our little gay world of Wilton Manors is guys & girls of all kinds hanging around together, being BFs and partners, socializing in every way. In restaurants and bars I'll see groups together that include Asians, Blacks, Latinos, Whites, even Indians from our local tribes. And more often than not to my observation, if one of the minorities is partnered it'll be with a White. So I don't see and hear a lot of racial hatred or division in this particular gay community, not even in private conversations.
BUT, I know I don't see everything that's going on, even here, much less in the rest of the US. And I'd be unlikely to see or hear the bad experiences minorities have, I only witness the good things in my own daily life and social circles. It raises the danger of having a rose-tinted view of this issue.
So I welcome your personal insights. It's a problem I don't witness and so it takes someone else to inform me, as I'm sure you've informed some others of us here today. I'm just surprised the problem is quite as extreme & wide-spread as you state, and would be interested in hearing more about this. Thanks
I think what he's getting at is general dissatisfaction with gay community in general on the part of racial and ethnic minorities. It may not seem like a big deal to be discriminated against for sex or dating but it can be, especially given the cocktail of self-esteem stripping experiences that ALL GAYS tend to go through before and during the coming out process.
There is a simple fact that drives all of these hurt feelings and it can't be overstated.
We come to the table as gay men to be considered as emotional and sexual beings. so while it may seem like rejection for partnership is trivial, it's importance is greatly amplified when one considers the fact that being gay is entirely about the pursuit and acquisition of love and sex. If we did not need these things-and need them from men, we wouldn't be here.
It is also important to remember that to be a free self actualized gay man, you have to be a very aggressive combatant against inequality already. So when we do finally overcome the obstacles in life that prevent us from being able to freely be able to partner with who we want outside of the community, it makes absolutely no sense for us to accept the deep, systemic farming of pro-white attraction bias within the community we fought so hard to be a part of.
Discrimination against minorities for companionship is not a serious issue because people get turned down as a matter of individual, organically developed preferences. It's an issue because the structure of the gay experience is currently set up to facilitate a lot more exposure to sexualized white gay men than any other group. Our media, our TV shows, magazines, and pornagraphic material all impose whiteness onto male beauty.
The frustration is that most people are unwilling to acknowledge that pro white attraction bias is manufactured.....which kind of implies that it's innate.......which is horrifically offensive. Often times when issues of race a brought up, people aren't looking to change other peoples' minds, they are looking to get them to think metacognitively about their attraction patterns. And when they fail to do so, it is particularly disappointing because it ensures that disenfranchisement of gay ethnic minorities will continue.
You meet lots of guys who break the mold, and don't fall into preference traps, but it would be helpful to discuss how these preferences develop. For example, it's widely noted among gay minorities that closeted gay white men are much more open to dating them. It is theorized that it is the exposure to gay culture that leads them to believe that they should only associate themselves romantically and sexually with other white men.