Gaydar advice?

  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 08, 2013 7:21 PM GMT
    I worked at a banquet hall last night. There was a guy there around my age who always seemed to make a bit more eye contact than the others at his table, he went out of his way to thank me for every random dish I cleared and when everyone left he made an effort to find me, shake my hand, and thank me.

    ....He also was very attractive and wore a terquiose dress shirt with the volume maxed out.

    I am notoriously oblivious to getting signals sent to me, so in an attempt to get better at this, I am wondering if situations like this should trigger something on the gaydar. THoughts?
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Apr 08, 2013 9:21 PM GMT
    i always make an effort to thank peeps when they clear ma food away n such even if all the other people at the table dont, so that could just be he's a polite guy,
    as for findin you n shakin your hand thats a little excessive, gaydar is tingling!!!
    maybe next time give him a "you're welcome (winkyface) come back any time" to show you're interested haha
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    Apr 08, 2013 10:09 PM GMT
    The shirt was a dead giveaway.icon_wink.gif

    You say you were working at a banquet hall?..I assume it was a for an event therefore possible your only shot at actually getting acquainted with this guy?

    It was charming of him to come over and thank you with a hand-shake, classy! He either really appreciated your excellent service or/and could have been sending a signal that he's interested.
    1/ He got you alone, outside of his group, to make direct contact with you.
    2/ Touch, it's usually a good indicator of someone showing interest.

    If there are opportunities like this in the future, you may want to feel it out more. Whenever I'm in this type of situation ( I work in the service industry as well ) I spend a little extra time with the person, smile, chat them up a bit, perhaps a hand on the shoulder or a touch of his arm, I make sure to ask some light, not too personal questions to make them aware I'm interested in them.
    If the other guy reacts in a like manner, then I know there's something going on.
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    Apr 08, 2013 10:19 PM GMT
    Yep, my gaydar is kinda going off too. You got me at the shirt.and then the handshake.
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    Apr 08, 2013 10:20 PM GMT
    killercliche saidI worked at a banquet hall last night. There was a guy there around my age who always seemed to make a bit more eye contact than the others at his table, he went out of his way to thank me for every random dish I cleared and when everyone left he made an effort to find me, shake my hand, and thank me.

    ....He also was very attractive and wore a terquiose dress shirt with the volume maxed out.

    I am notoriously oblivious to getting signals sent to me, so in an attempt to get better at this, I am wondering if situations like this should trigger something on the gaydar. THoughts?


    he's gay. the fact that he was making eye contact with you the whole night. go get em, man. he wants you to put your frankfooter into his bbq pit.
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    Apr 08, 2013 10:23 PM GMT
    killercliche said...and when everyone left he made an effort to find me, shake my hand, and thank me.

    A nice gesture on his part. My husband & I always try to say something nice directly to the serving staff at these kinds of events. Sometimes we give them a separate tip, depending on the circumstances of how the event was arranged.

    But here's what we also often do, that others might consider: we seek out the manager or owner. We tell him/her how pleased we were by the overall experience, and compliment their staff as also being responsible for our satisfaction. We may or may not identify particular individuals. We make it clear their excellent staff is a factor in our wanting to return there on our own. That's assuming the staff merited such praise, naturally.

    What the manager then does I have no idea. Reward his staff or fire them, or simply ignore what we said, I can't anticipate or control that. But we put the good word in anyway, and hope it reaches the workers. I know everyone likes to be complimented, and we do that ourselves. But praising you to your boss can deliver much more tangible job rewards than I'm in a position to give you myself.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 08, 2013 10:41 PM GMT
    UPDATE:

    So I may be a stalker, but I was able to find him on facebook. Curveball alert: he is in a relationship with the overweight girl that sat next to him. I sort of figured they were related or something since they were in different leagues to my eye.


    Oh well! So much for gaydar! Is there a place I can get this thing checked out? Definitely faulty!
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    Apr 08, 2013 11:26 PM GMT
    If people are obliged to be friendly to you to keep their job, I usually think it is a bit sleazy to flirt with them. It puts the person in an awkward position.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 09, 2013 1:47 AM GMT
    bus9ja2d saidIf people are obliged to be friendly to you to keep their job, I usually think it is a bit sleazy to flirt with them. It puts the person in an awkward position.



    Yeah. But it happens so much that, to me, it's really something I've come to accept as a part of the job. I've gotten my fair share of love notes along with other advances. The worst was when I literally had no clue a certain married man was hitting on me until he was trying to unbutton my pants...



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    Apr 09, 2013 4:54 AM GMT
    killercliche said
    bus9ja2d saidIf people are obliged to be friendly to you to keep their job, I usually think it is a bit sleazy to flirt with them. It puts the person in an awkward position.



    Yeah. But it happens so much that, to me, it's really something I've come to accept as a part of the job. I've gotten my fair share of love notes along with other advances. The worst was when I literally had no clue a certain married man was hitting on me until he was trying to unbutton my pants...





    That's usually a pretty good indicator of interest, although I am capable of missing even that one.
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    Apr 09, 2013 5:05 AM GMT
    i would keep an eye on him if i were you, if you think he's attractive and " might " be flirting with you, take it slow just in case he happens to be a " friendly straight guy ", if you're still unsure, bring up ' gay themed subjects ' around him to see his reaction too get a better idea of what is sexuality
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 09, 2013 6:36 AM GMT
    Shawnathan said
    killercliche saidUPDATE:

    So I may be a stalker, but I was able to find him on facebook. Curveball alert: he is in a relationship with the overweight girl that sat next to him. I sort of figured they were related or something since they were in different leagues to my eye.


    Oh well! So much for gaydar! Is there a place I can get this thing checked out? Definitely faulty!

    creepy-guy-meme-generator-hey-i-got-your

    PS. You're attractive enough that even the straightest guys can have eyes for you.


    lol

    P.S. Awwww thanks! Too bad I won't have a clue till I come home and run it by you guys :-/
  • davidsticky69

    Posts: 412

    Apr 09, 2013 7:24 AM GMT
    killercliche said
    Shawnathan said
    killercliche saidUPDATE:

    So I may be a stalker, but I was able to find him on facebook. Curveball alert: he is in a relationship with the overweight girl that sat next to him. I sort of figured they were related or something since they were in different leagues to my eye.


    Oh well! So much for gaydar! Is there a place I can get this thing checked out? Definitely faulty!

    creepy-guy-meme-generator-hey-i-got-your

    PS. You're attractive enough that even the straightest guys can have eyes for you.


    lol

    P.S. Awwww thanks! Too bad I won't have a clue till I come home and run it by you guys :-/


    I believe you JUST got hit on big time (not by the straight dude with the fat gf though)
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 09, 2013 7:52 AM GMT
    davidsticky69 said
    killercliche said
    Shawnathan said
    killercliche saidUPDATE:

    So I may be a stalker, but I was able to find him on facebook. Curveball alert: he is in a relationship with the overweight girl that sat next to him. I sort of figured they were related or something since they were in different leagues to my eye.


    Oh well! So much for gaydar! Is there a place I can get this thing checked out? Definitely faulty!

    creepy-guy-meme-generator-hey-i-got-your

    PS. You're attractive enough that even the straightest guys can have eyes for you.


    lol

    P.S. Awwww thanks! Too bad I won't have a clue till I come home and run it by you guys :-/


    I believe you JUST got hit on big time (not by the straight dude with the fat gf though)


    Ya think so? I dunnoooooooooooo his status says he's lookin for friends. Prolly just bein friendly =D
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    Apr 09, 2013 10:44 AM GMT
    killercliche saidUPDATE:

    So I may be a stalker, but I was able to find him on facebook. Curveball alert: he is in a relationship with the overweight girl that sat next to him. I sort of figured they were related or something since they were in different leagues to my eye.


    Oh well! So much for gaydar! Is there a place I can get this thing checked out? Definitely faulty!


    Dude, amazing detective work! How you do that? Anyway, its prob a cover for him (he might not be out to family or others) and she prob knows so DO NOT let it dissuade you! Go for it!
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    Apr 09, 2013 10:45 AM GMT
    killercliche said
    bus9ja2d saidIf people are obliged to be friendly to you to keep their job, I usually think it is a bit sleazy to flirt with them. It puts the person in an awkward position.



    Yeah. But it happens so much that, to me, it's really something I've come to accept as a part of the job. I've gotten my fair share of love notes along with other advances. The worst was when I literally had no clue a certain married man was hitting on me until he was trying to unbutton my pants...


    Please discuss!!!!!
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Apr 09, 2013 1:30 PM GMT
    killercliche saidUPDATE:

    So I may be a stalker, but I was able to find him on facebook. Curveball alert: he is in a relationship with the overweight girl that sat next to him. I sort of figured they were related or something since they were in different leagues to my eye.


    Oh well! So much for gaydar! Is there a place I can get this thing checked out? Definitely faulty!


    Hmm, if he's as attractive and she's as overweight as you say she is, then she's probably his hag right? You know how sometimes hags love to cock-block and do a relationship status thing on Facebook... Maybe that's their relationship
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    Apr 09, 2013 3:09 PM GMT
    noted-ryan-the-office.gif
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    Apr 09, 2013 3:28 PM GMT
    killercliche said

    My profile says I'm just interested in friends here because I'm not willing to let someone kick me in the heart from >1000 miles away.


    That's not really fair to your heart.. icon_confused.gif
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Apr 09, 2013 7:01 PM GMT
    killercliche saidUPDATE:

    So I may be a stalker, but I was able to find him on facebook. Curveball alert: he is in a relationship with the overweight girl that sat next to him.

    Oh well! So much for gaydar! Is there a place I can get this thing checked out? Definitely faulty!

    Gaydar may be working just fine It does not necessarily definitively identify everyone gay, but gay vibes. - he may be totally in the closet - or he might have an "understanding" with his grilfriend or he may be thinking about coming out as gay or he might be one of the rare ones who really appreciates good service and compliments the help. Now if he held your hand a bit too long, or gave an inappropriate squeeze, you would know he was gay. If you're interested next time, smile and look into his eyes without averting your eyes while talking. You may both perceive the other is gay, but if he shows interest and you show none in return . . .
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    Apr 09, 2013 7:06 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidkillercliche said

    My profile says I'm just interested in friends here because I'm not willing to let someone kick me in the heart from >1000 miles away.


    That's not really fair to your heart.. icon_confused.gif

    How about up to 100 miles - about a 2 hour drive?
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    Apr 09, 2013 7:13 PM GMT
    killercliche said
    bus9ja2d saidIf people are obliged to be friendly to you to keep their job, I usually think it is a bit sleazy to flirt with them. It puts the person in an awkward position.



    Yeah. But it happens so much that, to me, it's really something I've come to accept as a part of the job. I've gotten my fair share of love notes along with other advances.

    Well, with a love note, at least you know the guy is gay. But you must get as many from women as well - they are so upfront today.

    Waiters can play the same game. I remember having lunch with a hot date in a totally gay restaurant in San Francisco, and when I pay the check, the (hot) waiter smiles to me and says, "but you didn't write your phone number on the check." I wasn't paying with a credit card, and there was no doubt as to his meaning. If I weren't on a date, it's likely we would have had another encounter.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 09, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge said
    killercliche said
    bus9ja2d saidIf people are obliged to be friendly to you to keep their job, I usually think it is a bit sleazy to flirt with them. It puts the person in an awkward position.



    Yeah. But it happens so much that, to me, it's really something I've come to accept as a part of the job. I've gotten my fair share of love notes along with other advances.

    Well, with a love note, at least you know the guy is gay. But you must get as many from women as well - they are so upfront today.

    Waiters can play the same game. I remember having lunch with a hot date in a totally gay restaurant in San Francisco, and when I pay the check, the (hot) waiter smiles to me and says, "but you didn't write your phone number on the check." I wasn't paying with a credit card, and there was no doubt as to his meaning. If I weren't on a date, it's likely we would have had another encounter.


    Yeah with women you get more attention working real late night places. They seem to need the alcohol more.

    Last note I got was from a guy. He was part of a catholic group celebrating their annual christmas party. He said I was handsome and asked me not to speak of the note and all that and not to reply if I wasnt interested. It was a nice note to be honest and I intended to thank him but I lost the note. Of course I see him the next year and in a really awkward moment he confronts me and tells me he was looking for a guy for his daughter... o.O

    I have a friend who is into leaving his number. I'm much more of a shy guy character and couldn't really think about doing something like that though. I try to be understanding when someone misinterprets your kindness as interest though, since the world is often so cold that I can see how someone would see a server being friendly being more than just "doing the job". I confess, I sometimes give people I find attractive slightly better service haha.


    As to finding the guy, it wasnt so hard. Lots of the guests had tags with arranged seatings so when I finished clearing the table I just took the tags and got to my stalker work. I get the feeling its not a fag hag scenario from the pictures, but I might friend the guy anyway... he has steinway and sons as an interest and I'm a piano player so............