Can you be gay if you had a girlfriend?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    So a little backstory into my life. Throughout highschool I was in denial and considered myself straight. Had a girlfriend from grade 10 to 12 and even lost my virginity to her. Then a year after graduation, something traumatic happened. She got pregnant because one time we were too drunk to wrap up. It was the most stressfull experience of my life because I knew that if she had the baby, there was no going back. I would have to be the child's father since I would not leave my own son and thus be stuck in the closet forever.

    But eventually we decided for an abortion and that incident led to me coming out because I did not want to lie anymore. It has been two and a haf years since and a lot of people (especially from my hometown) think I am confused or am using homosexuality as an excuse because I was traumatized by the pregnancy. I have been stressed about the whole thing, and the lack of support is not helping.

    Do you guys think I should seek therapy?
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    Apr 10, 2013 5:18 PM GMT
    yes, you do need therapy.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 10, 2013 5:36 PM GMT
    Of course you can be gay and have had a girl friend. Hell, I was in a ten year relationship with a woman. I was out to her the whole time, but that's another story.

    As for therapy, sounds like it could be useful.

    Its difficult for me to give young people advice because times have changed a lot. Some things do remain the same, though.

    I found therapy very helpful and not only for dealing with my sexuality. I had very low self-esteme issues stemming from growing up in an emotionally abusive family, especially my dad. Total nut case.

    It was a revelation one day to realize that all my problems didn't come from my sexuality. I would have been fucked up even if I'd been straight! LOL. I eventually worked through a lot of my issues and was able to have healthy relationships. Also got over my depression that I'd had since I was a child. Fucking expensive, though. But, still, its one of several things that saved my life. I'm sure I would have offed myself one way or another long ago without it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 7:23 PM GMT

    Hmmm...some counsel from a therapist wouldn't hurt.

    Gay, bi or straight, which is it?

    If you enjoyed having sex with a girl, that's not gay, which is homosexual.

    See this?
    16_shades_of_gray.png

    Let's call the left side (white) straight and the opposite end (black) gay. Everything in between are the zillion degrees of Bi, from being slightly attracted to girls all the way to being nearly exclusively attracted to girls with just an appreciation for men.

    If you enjoyed sex with a girl, then you're somewhere in there. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 7:31 PM GMT
    Yes you can be gay if you had a girlfriend. Elton John was married for a while. If you do not love someone and honestly do not find them attractive, you should dump them as soon as possible for their own good before you hurt them more.
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    Apr 10, 2013 7:31 PM GMT
    Thanks for that graph meninlove. Though to be honest, I just want to be gay, not bisexual. Just because I feel when I label myself bisexual, people always ask a lot of questions. I rather just be gay or straight.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    Nonsense90 saidThanks for that graph meninlove. Though to be honest, I just want to be gay, not bisexual. Just because I feel when I label myself bisexual, people always ask a lot of questions. I rather just be gay or straight.


    I understand this. I see it on RJ and in real life. Some gays believe Bis are really gays that haven't come out (not always true at all) and some straights think that, too. Other straights think it's just a phase and you'll be straight again after awhile. Yikes.

    I'm gay, and so is Bill. Zero turn on when it comes to women. Lovely people, those women, just no oomph, no sparks, nada. About as sexual a turn-on as a toothbrush. icon_wink.gif
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Apr 10, 2013 9:50 PM GMT
    Meninlove,

    I really love you guys and you are going to be fine young man from Canada. It happened to me, I paid for it and she did it on my 22 birthday. It takes time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    I had several Girlfriends including two who wanted Me to marry them.

    TRUST ME - I AM GAY AS GAY CAN BE.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:53 PM GMT
    Cash said
    TRUST ME - I AM GAY AS GAY CAN BE.


    I don't believe you. icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:54 PM GMT
    Thanks guys that helps a lot. I was so confused and I remember a member here telling me that you can't be gay if you have been witha women which made me even more anxious lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:56 PM GMT
    showme said
    Cash said
    TRUST ME - I AM GAY AS GAY CAN BE.


    I don't believe you. icon_mad.gif


    Oh I see where your going with this...this is just a ploy to get Me to do the Gay Dance of the Gay 7 veils and then have lots of Gay sex with lots of Gay Guys just to prove how Gay I am.

    Well, fine then.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:57 PM GMT
    Nonsense90 saidThanks guys that helps a lot. I was so confused and I remember a member here telling me that you can't be gay if you have been witha women which made me even more anxious lol


    Lol, that's TBA, pay no attention to him, he's got some, um, "interesting" theories.

    Best of luck to you.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2940

    Apr 10, 2013 9:57 PM GMT
    No! It's against the rules. You'll find the rules in the appendix at the end of the Gay Agenda. icon_smile.gif

    Heck, I'm as gay as it's possible to be, and I tried the whole girlfriend thing for a while when I was in college - it was expected, everyone was doing it... AND it's what convinced me beyond any doubt that I was gay - so it was a good thing.

    Good luck to you - you're making the right decisions!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:00 PM GMT
    Nonsense90 saidThanks guys that helps a lot. I was so confused and I remember a member here telling me that you can't be gay if you have been witha women which made me even more anxious lol


    What determines it is this: do women turn you on, or not? icon_wink.gif

    The problem for those of us gay as I described myself and Bill earlier, is that men who declare themselves gay but have desires for women become poster boys (examples) that the religious Right and others like to hold up as their examples of gay being a choice.

    It. Is. Not. A. Choice. Nor is being Bi. Nor is being straight.


  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Apr 10, 2013 10:01 PM GMT
    If you can afford it, definitely.

    I'm a big proponent of therapy. I don't think you have to be fucked up in the head to seek help. You have someone for 60 minutes totally devoted to your problems and what's on your mind. Your friends can't do that for you. If you're stressed and feel like you don't have the support, then go for it.

    I've done therapy on and off over the past 15 years. My suggestion is to find a gay therapist. Other therapists might say they can help you but I really believe that only a gay therapist can really understand the issues of gay men. It might be tough to find that where you live. You might have to "interview" a couple therapists before you find the right fit.
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Apr 10, 2013 10:05 PM GMT
    So you killed a baby because you didn't want to tell the truth from the start?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:11 PM GMT
    Cash saidI had several Girlfriends including two who wanted Me to marry them.

    TRUST ME - I AM GAY AS GAY CAN BE.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif


    I believe you !! icon_eek.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 10, 2013 10:11 PM GMT
    gwuinsf saidMy suggestion is to find a gay therapist. Other therapists might say they can help you but I really believe that only a gay therapist can really understand the issues of gay men. It might be tough to find that where you live. You might have to "interview" a couple therapists before you find the right fit.

    Agree with that. But I've also had gay therapists that I didn't 'click' with. Definitely "interview".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:20 PM GMT
    Montague saidSo you killed a baby because you didn't want to tell the truth from the start?


    Fully agree.

    An innocent child has had his chance for life terminated because of this emotional mess.

    It is cases like this that I wish that elective abortions were made illegal, unless the chance of carrying the pregnancy to term poses a serious risk to the mother's health.

    Personally, I prefer to call a spade a spade. The proper name for this termination is murder.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2013 1:04 AM GMT
    Was married for 22 years and gay. As you can attest a person can suppress their true sexuality for any number of reasons.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Apr 11, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    and so the abortion debate begins
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 11, 2013 1:22 AM GMT
    no. kill yourself now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2013 1:25 AM GMT
    calibro saidno. kill yourself now.


    Lol another bitter queen.
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    Apr 11, 2013 1:27 AM GMT
    Many young gay men who are in denial, afraid to be labled gay have girl friends early on. Especially those from smaller communities. I grew up a country boy, spent time on my grandparent farm in a very small town in TX and was in denial for a very long time. I had a few girl friends, only had sex with one and even then I had to be very drunk, was imagining a hot guy I knew and didn't enjoy it but I was closeted then.

    Joining the military @ 17 didn't help that either, I had to stay closeted because DADT was still in effect. Showering with a group of good looking guys was difficult but I got through it. Going to a therapist may help, but if they try to convince you that you are wrong for thinking you are gay leave and find another one. No one has a right to tell you that you aren't gay or are wrong for being or thinking you are gay. The only person who knows for a fact that you are gay is you.

    I will ask this: when did you realize you were attracted to men? Do you get arroused when you think of sexual contact with another man? Do you have to be intoxicated to be with another man? Would you say you are more comfortable being with a man than a woman? While you were in the relationship with the female did you fantasize about men?