Older men hitting on you

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:18 PM GMT
    So go to this bar where I met this older guy in his 40s. I enjoy his company and he is handsome but I am not into older men personally. Whenever he sees me and my friends, he buys us drinks. He even paid for my meal once. I accepted it all which in hindsight was a bad idea because now I feel like I owe him something.

    He is going to Vancouveer in May and wants me to come along as a travel buddy. He said he expects nothing romantic but we are going to stay in his apartment. I don't know if I should go or not. I feel really bad and I feel like I do owe him something but I also don't feel that attracted to him icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:36 PM GMT
    All you can do is continue to be honest with him. If you decide to go, make it clear you are not interested in sex. If he wants a travel buddy you are more than happy to be his company. If you truly feel he will eventually make a move then say no right now.
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    Apr 10, 2013 9:40 PM GMT
    This is my area of expertise. He's expecting. Go sightseeing, have a lot of fun, he might buy you some shit or at least more food, plays up the whole "I'm a nice guy who has his act together and can provide" in your head without him having to say a word, you get back to his place, he suggests you two "unwind" with some drinks, "some" turns into "more than necessary" and next thing you know you two are going at it. If you can look ahead and predict yourself feeling bad about it, don't go.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:43 PM GMT
    If he were your age, and the rule was no sex, would you want to go? If you have the makings of a good friendship, then go. If you are just lured by an inexpensive excursion (I assume he is treating) to the West coast, then maybe best to stay put.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:44 PM GMT
    If we were obliged to have sex with everyone who ever sent a drink over, we would never have time to put our clothes back on. It's a stupid concept.

    You don't "owe" anybody anything EVER. Your body is not a credit card and Guys buying drinks are not creditors.

    HOWEVER - if you are intentionally giving the impression of wanting or willing to do more...then you are being unethical and kinda cheesy.

    Wether the Dude is 22 or 122 doesn't matter. You should be clear in your motivations and intentions. So should the Guy who is doing the buying.

    It all balances out that way.

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:44 PM GMT
    Nha, dont go, you will frustate him which isn't fair because by accepting, he is thinking he has a chance. Also, it will make you constantly on the defense.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    The thing is I dont want to be stuck in here for the whole summer and would love to check out BC, especially Whisler. I am going to ask him again to make sure we are just going as friends and see his response.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:50 PM GMT
    It's gonna turn out badly, don't do it just cuz you want a freebie
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:50 PM GMT
    Nonsense90 saidThe thing is I dont want to be stuck in here for the whole summer and would love to check out BC, especially Whisler. I am going to ask him again to make sure we are just going as friends and see his response.


    Be sure to ask Him at a high-end jewelry store while trying on Rolexes...

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:51 PM GMT
    Nonsense90 saidThe thing is I dont want to be stuck in here for the whole summer and would love to check out BC, especially Whisler. I am going to ask him again to make sure we are just going as friends and see his response.


    You are fooling yourself if you think he really expects to be just friends, even if that's what he says. If you go I think you'd be using him, as well as setting yourself up for an uncomfortable confrontation.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 10, 2013 9:51 PM GMT
    You don't owe him anything and it sounds like going would be a bad idea. My vote, don't go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 9:53 PM GMT
    He knows the game just like you do. Nobody just buys you drinks after hardly knowing you unless they are über nice (way less likely), or expecting get some dingdong.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:03 PM GMT
    Myol saidHe knows the game just like you do. Nobody just buys you drinks after hardly knowing you unless they are über nice (way less likely), or expecting get some dingdong.


    This! I really don't think you are that naive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:08 PM GMT
    The gay man's brain can work wonders..

    Part 'A'
    So go to this bar where I met this older guy in his 40s. I enjoy his company and he is handsome but I am not into older men personally. Whenever he sees me and my friends, he buys us drinks. He even paid for my meal once. I accepted it all which in hindsight was a bad idea because now I feel like I owe him something.

    He is going to Vancouveer in May and wants me to come along as a travel buddy. He said he expects nothing romantic but we are going to stay in his apartment. I don't know if I should go or not. I feel really bad and I feel like I do owe him something but I also don't feel that attracted to him


    Part 'B'

    The thing is I dont want to be stuck in here for the whole summer and would love to check out BC, especially Whisler. I am going to ask him again to make sure we are just going as friends and see his response.

    After feeling so conflicted you are still considering accepting more from someone that obviously has an alternate agenda.. Which makes you a bit of a user.. icon_sad.gif
    ..Let this guy go so he can find someone to spoil.. that's truly into him..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:13 PM GMT
    He says he does not "expect" anything romantic but does he "hope" for anything romantic? Sometimes "hope" seems to turn into "expect" after a few drinks. Although there is nothing romantic about guilt tripping someone into doing something they don't want to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    As in the straight world, in the gay world nothing is EVER free. EVERYTHING comes with a price.

    Trust me, he's looking for payment.
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Apr 10, 2013 10:24 PM GMT
    You are using him and taking advantage of him. Stop accepting his free stuff if all you want is to be friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:28 PM GMT
    Trust your instincts, you know he will want something more otherwise you wouldn't ask the question in the first place. Always remember:


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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:30 PM GMT
    Or just let Him read your comments here:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3131409?forumpage=1#48320_3132232_name

    That should sufficiently turn Him off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:32 PM GMT
    Here is a novel idea....

    rather than asking random strangers what this guy wants or is expecting from you... ASK HIM!!!

    There seems to be a lot of telepathic folks speaking for your 'friend'. Unless their names are Jean Grey or Professor X, then you should get the information from the source.

    He may want to get into your pants (probability of that is high) but he may also enjoy your company. Until you clearly ask what is he expecting of your companionship, you wont know.

    Have the conversation with him (like an adult), tell him your boundaries (you'd like to go but you're not interested in sex with him) and if he is ok, he'll tell you. Piece of advice, if you accept the trip, make sure you have enough money to get back or a place to crash in case things turn sour. It's always good to have a plan B.

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 10, 2013 10:33 PM GMT
    It sounds like he has low self esteem and is trying to buy affection and you're a mooch.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Apr 10, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
    If you want to go to BC and see the sights, go on your own and on your own dime. No matter how nice the guy seems, it is really not fair to play him for favors and that is exactly what you are doing, realize it or not. Tell him if you get out there you will look him up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:38 PM GMT
    Dont think to much into it. Sometimes older men are lonley and are just looking for some company. As long as you two have a mutual understanding on wheat level your friendship is at then take him up on his offer. YOLO icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:46 PM GMT
    arse up sweet heart your putting out!

    You wanna go somewhere buy your own ticket.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 10, 2013 10:47 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidarse up sweet heart your putting out!

    You wanna go somewhere buy your own ticket.


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