Gay Man Arrested At Missouri Hospital For Refusing To Leave Sick Partner, Not Recognized As Family

  • metta

    Posts: 39165

    Apr 11, 2013 3:23 PM GMT



    Family Of Roger Gorley, Gay Man Denied Hospital Visitation Rights, Set Up Legal Defense Fund


    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/15/roger-gorley-gay-man-denied-hospital-visitation-legal-defense_n_3086977.html


    Their goal is to raise $5,000 for legal fees. They have raised over $3,000 so far. I have a feeling that they will need more than $5k for legal fees.

    Help Roger Gorley with Legal Fees
    http://www.gofundme.com/2kofr8


    Gay Man Arrested At Missouri Hospital For Refusing To Leave Sick Partner, Not Recognized As Family

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/11/gay-man-arrested-missouri-hospital_n_3060488.html




    https://www.facebook.com/ResearchMedicalCenter



    Petitioning Barack Obama
    Obama Administration: Pull Funds from Hospital that Removed Gay Man from Partner's Bedside


    http://www.change.org/petitions/obama-administration-pull-funds-from-hospital-that-removed-gay-man-from-partner-s-bedside
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Apr 11, 2013 3:31 PM GMT
    That's horrible. Sounds like that hospital better get ready for a lawsuit.
  • hartfan

    Posts: 1037

    Apr 11, 2013 5:36 PM GMT
    It is sometimes difficult to believe that this kind of things still happen, that people can still be horribly cruel.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2013 5:40 PM GMT
    Can't believe this is real.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2013 5:57 PM GMT
    Horrible.

    I have posted here many times the need to see a gay-friendly attorney, and have documents drawn between your partner or BF and yourself that deal with this problem, which may differ by State.

    Many of you know my partner recently had heart surgery, here in the Red State of Florida, run by homophobic Republicans. It was a disgraceful incident in Miami where a lesbian was barred from her dying partner's bedside, that led to the Obama decision cited in this article.

    Because we took the precaution of having legal documents drawn, which I have on file with every medical facility with which we deal, we haven't yet been subjected to the outrageous discrimination cited in this article.

    On the contrary, I am listed as his next of kin, and take precedence over his relatives regarding his care & medical decisions, as he does for me, even in Florida. I encourage every guy here to do the same, if you want to stay at the hospital bedside of your SO.
  • metta

    Posts: 39165

    Apr 11, 2013 6:01 PM GMT
    ^
    What makes it even worse is that even if you have the paperwork...it can be ignored...yeah...you can sue later but that does not help the couple in the mean time.

  • metta

    Posts: 39165

    Apr 11, 2013 6:06 PM GMT
    Petitioning Barack Obama
    Obama Administration: Pull Funds from Hospital that Removed Gay Man from Partner's Bedside


    http://www.change.org/petitions/obama-administration-pull-funds-from-hospital-that-removed-gay-man-from-partner-s-bedside
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2013 6:11 PM GMT
    They had joint Power of Attorney,, but that still didn't matter.. that is why

    Separate but Equal is full of shit and not good enough.




    ps.. this story really pisses me off. icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2013 6:14 PM GMT
    metta8 said^
    What makes it even worse is that even if you have the paperwork...it can be ignored...yeah...you can sue later but that does not help the couple in the mean time.

    Agreed. But nevertheless, it's better to have the legal documentation.

    First, it increases your chances that your access to your loved one won't be denied in the first place. We never have been, even in homophobic Republican Florida.

    Second, if you are denied, the damages you can bring against them are magnified. Not to make you rich, but to make them rue that they ever did such a thing, and will never do it again with anyone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2013 6:22 PM GMT
    dudewithabeard saidThey had joint Power of Attorney,, but that still didn't matter.. that is why

    Separate but Equal is full of shit and not good enough.

    ps.. this story really pisses me off. icon_mad.gif

    Our documents include both mutual Durable Power of Attorney agreements, and also Health Care Surrogate. The latter is the one the hospitals want here in Florida.

    Consult with an attorney who's knowledgeable about gay rights in your own State. We have a number of gay friends who've been legally married in States outside Florida, but who live mainly in Florida. We've stressed with them the need to have the same documents drawn as we have, because, until DOMA is overturned, their marriage certificates are worthless here. They might as well be perfect strangers here in Forida, for all this State will acknowledge their gay or lesbian relationships without the proper individual legal instruments.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2013 7:47 PM GMT
    http://fox4kc.com/2013/04/10/man-no-longer-allowed-to-visit-husband-at-kc-area-hospital/
    UPDATE: Hospital: Man OK to visit sick husband

    The following is a statement from Research Medical Center’s Denise Charpentier, VP of Marketing and Public Relations which said in part:

    “Research Medical Center was one of the first hospitals in Kansas City to offer domestic partner benefits, which have been in place since 2005, and we have had a policy specifically acknowledging domestic partners’ visitation rights in place for years.

    This was an issue of disruptive and belligerent behavior by the visitor that affected patient care. The hospital’s response followed the same policies that would apply to any individual engaged in this behavior in a patient care setting and was not in any way related to the patient’s or the visitor’s sexual orientation or marital status. This visitor created a barrier for us to care for the patient. Attempts were made to deescalate the situation. Unfortunately, we had no choice but to involve security and the Kansas City MO Police Department.”
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    Apr 11, 2013 7:57 PM GMT
    theantijock saidhttp://fox4kc.com/2013/04/10/man-no-longer-allowed-to-visit-husband-at-kc-area-hospital/
    UPDATE: Hospital: Man OK to visit sick husband

    The following is a statement from Research Medical Center’s Denise Charpentier, VP of Marketing and Public Relations which said in part:

    “Research Medical Center was one of the first hospitals in Kansas City to offer domestic partner benefits, which have been in place since 2005, and we have had a policy specifically acknowledging domestic partners’ visitation rights in place for years.

    This was an issue of disruptive and belligerent behavior by the visitor that affected patient care. The hospital’s response followed the same policies that would apply to any individual engaged in this behavior in a patient care setting and was not in any way related to the patient’s or the visitor’s sexual orientation or marital status. This visitor created a barrier for us to care for the patient. Attempts were made to deescalate the situation. Unfortunately, we had no choice but to involve security and the Kansas City MO Police Department.”

    Looks like they got their legal department involved. The question now is, WHY was the visitor "disruptive and belligerent"? Maybe because he was illegally denied access to his partner? I think the cause & effect needs to be examined here.

    But I see where the hospital is going with this. The belligerent behavior will be confirmed by the staff. The denial of his access will not, they'll say it never happened. He just became belligerent spontaneously, as we all know that hospital visitors frequently are, for no reason at all. icon_rolleyes.gif

    I hope this guy has some disinterested witnesses to all of this, otherwise he's screwed. The hospital staff will not implicate itself, so he's on his own.
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    Apr 11, 2013 8:05 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    theantijock saidhttp://fox4kc.com/2013/04/10/man-no-longer-allowed-to-visit-husband-at-kc-area-hospital/
    UPDATE: Hospital: Man OK to visit sick husband

    The following is a statement from Research Medical Center’s Denise Charpentier, VP of Marketing and Public Relations which said in part:

    “Research Medical Center was one of the first hospitals in Kansas City to offer domestic partner benefits, which have been in place since 2005, and we have had a policy specifically acknowledging domestic partners’ visitation rights in place for years.

    This was an issue of disruptive and belligerent behavior by the visitor that affected patient care. The hospital’s response followed the same policies that would apply to any individual engaged in this behavior in a patient care setting and was not in any way related to the patient’s or the visitor’s sexual orientation or marital status. This visitor created a barrier for us to care for the patient. Attempts were made to deescalate the situation. Unfortunately, we had no choice but to involve security and the Kansas City MO Police Department.”

    Looks like they got their legal department involved. The question now is, WHY was the visitor "disruptive and belligerent"? Maybe because he was illegally denied access to his partner? I think the cause & effect needs to be examined here.

    But I see where the hospital is going with this. The belligerent behavior will be confirmed by the staff. The denial of his access will not, they'll say it never happened. He just became belligerent spontaneously, as we all know that hospital visitors frequently are, for no reason at all. icon_rolleyes.gif

    I hope this guy has some disinterested witnesses to all of this, otherwise he's screwed. The hospital staff will not implicate itself, so he's on his own.


    If there was an outburst by the hospitalized guy's partner, and I don't know the facts, but it sounds by the original article that the lover's frustration was caused initially by the family, not by the hospital. If he started getting loud (and again, I don't know, but it is not beyond reason to speculate) with the family, then I might understand the hospital taking immediate measures in light of the safety of their patients.

    If the initial outburst was caused by the hospital, that would be another story.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 11, 2013 8:12 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    I hope this guy has some disinterested witnesses to all of this, otherwise he's screwed. The hospital staff will not implicate itself, so he's on his own.


    They might confirm he was being disruptive and belligerent. Perhaps he and his partner's family don't get along and he started a blazing row with them and failed to simmer down when asked to do so by the staff. Just a thought.
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    Apr 11, 2013 8:30 PM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 said
    ART_DECO said
    I hope this guy has some disinterested witnesses to all of this, otherwise he's screwed. The hospital staff will not implicate itself, so he's on his own.

    They might confirm he was being disruptive and belligerent. Perhaps he and his partner's family don't get along and he started a blazing row with them and failed to simmer down when asked to do so by the staff. Just a thought.

    I had the same thought, and theantijock suggested a similar scenario. But that's the point - who knows? This could be hospital CYA. But I do know that families can be viciously anti-gay.

    When my late husband's former partner contracted AIDS (from cheating, and infected his partner, my future husband), the partner's family was nowhere to be seen. They offered no help. So my future husband bore all the medical expenses, going bankrupt, and took care of him alone. Not a penny came from the family.

    But when the partner was dying the family appeared at the Texas hospital, expelled my partner, and took possession of the body. They made the funeral arrangements, that specifically excluded the partner, now claiming that he was the one who caused the AIDS, and had killed their relative.

    A few weeks later my future partner came home to find a moving van at his rented house. His late partner's mother was there with a court order, giving her the right to take everything from the residence. Things they jointly owned were not differentiated, nor even personal items belonging to my future partner. She took it all, except for a few articles of clothing, and also terminated the lease.

    My partner had no place to stay, with not even a bed. He went to a motel, and then rented a place. He was living there when I first met him, with little furnishings. I met his Houston friends, who confirmed this horrific story, having known both of them.

    Sometimes we think we know our partner's family, all cordial & nice. But should he become seriously ill or die, be prepared for a Jekyll & Hyde change. Make sure your legal rights cannot be denied you, in writing. In most US States his blood relatives will supersede you in everything, unless you have ironclad legal documents to protect you.
  • sk8rdom

    Posts: 22

    Apr 11, 2013 11:21 PM GMT
    OMG I cant believe this shit still happens!!
    I hate to say it but the American System is royally screwed up!!

    This shit doesnt fly in Canada.
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Apr 11, 2013 11:48 PM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 said
    ART_DECO said
    I hope this guy has some disinterested witnesses to all of this, otherwise he's screwed. The hospital staff will not implicate itself, so he's on his own.


    They might confirm he was being disruptive and belligerent. Perhaps he and his partner's family don't get along and he started a blazing row with them and failed to simmer down when asked to do so by the staff. Just a thought.


    I was thinking the same thing.
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    Apr 12, 2013 12:04 AM GMT
    creature said
    Ex_Mil8 said
    ART_DECO said
    I hope this guy has some disinterested witnesses to all of this, otherwise he's screwed. The hospital staff will not implicate itself, so he's on his own.

    They might confirm he was being disruptive and belligerent. Perhaps he and his partner's family don't get along and he started a blazing row with them and failed to simmer down when asked to do so by the staff. Just a thought.

    I was thinking the same thing.

    I agree. But see my post 3 above. Is this an overreacting queen, or a hospital now in damage control mode? Difficult to determine with the information so far.
  • Menergy_1

    Posts: 737

    Apr 12, 2013 1:44 AM GMT
    Horrible situation for sure. Hard to know all the facts, although some blogs and commenters have done more research on the internet into this particular case. We don't have all the facts -- and it's likely the sick man's family member(s) acted up and requested the husband/partner be excluded -- enough reason for any of us to become agitated and angry/loud.

    However, many hospital nurses have said the raising a voice is grounds to call security - who knows how unstable/dangerous etc. a visitor (regardless of relationship) can be and the patient's safety is their main concern. Unfair, ugly situation perhaps, to have security take away someone bodily in view of the ill partner in the room, then have police called in too (who seem to have power to get restraining orders - although it's not clear in this case that that was in fact what happened here). Safety first -- regardless of documents authorizing decisions, visitation rights, Power of Attorney documents etc. - which the one nurse may or may not have ignored. Again, part of this scene may have been a standard ejection of a disturbed partner for the safety of the hospitalized spouse (also since MO doesn't recognize or have same sex unions, this complicates things although the federal executive order for hospitals accepting Medicare/Medicaid and public funds demands the facility recognize visitation rights -- but then we're back to the disturbance situation, regardless who may have caused the husband to react (justifiably to us of course) in a way which got him thrown out of the room/hospital. Once things settled down, he's welcome back in. Moral of the story - never lose your temper, never raise your voice to the nursing staff or doctors. Otherwise this ejection may certainly result per standard protective procedures.

    I personally witnessed ugly and evil family takeovers of AIDS patients in hospitals and who died and whose estates were seized or demanded by blood relatives versus a long-time supportive partner who saw his loved one through all the tough times and including eventual death -- only to be excluded and disowned by the family members. Despite legal papers supposedly to protect against this. it takes a lot of money generally to pay attorneys to sue - back then in the 80's and 90's of course those were early days in these horrible situations - and now we can arm ourselves better and have more allies. The hospitals (in San Francisco anyway) have all been very supportive, caring, and allowed my friends' partners to sleep in or near the rooms with the patients, regardless of legal recognition or not of their relationships. Compassion.

    I'm not sure what to think of the MO hospital yet - the administration does claim to be following federal requirements to allow visitation by partners/spouses.....but then there's the operational procedures to deal with disturbances and disruption to treatment by visitors, even spouses..... A tough one. And then there's the possible homophobic family member(s) to complicate things and keep up with the ugly.

    I hope this is resolved for the two men quickly, and perhaps the documentation on file will finally be recognized and followed as the two men wish.

  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 12, 2013 1:56 AM GMT
    House gays: "The hospital was just exercising its right to free speech. Agree to disagree."
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Apr 12, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    creature said
    Ex_Mil8 said
    ART_DECO said
    I hope this guy has some disinterested witnesses to all of this, otherwise he's screwed. The hospital staff will not implicate itself, so he's on his own.

    They might confirm he was being disruptive and belligerent. Perhaps he and his partner's family don't get along and he started a blazing row with them and failed to simmer down when asked to do so by the staff. Just a thought.

    I was thinking the same thing.

    I agree. But see my post 3 above. Is this an overreacting queen, or a hospital now in damage control mode? Difficult to determine with the information so far.


    You're right, and I hope there are more updates so I can get a better sense of what was going on.
  • metta

    Posts: 39165

    Apr 12, 2013 3:57 PM GMT
    Federal Government Looking Into Missouri Hospital's Arrest Of Gay Man


    http://instinctmagazine.com/blogs/blog/federal-government-looking-into-missouri-hospital-s-arrest-of-gay-man
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Apr 12, 2013 4:05 PM GMT
    icon_sad.gif
    ART_DECO said
    Ex_Mil8 said
    ART_DECO said
    I hope this guy has some disinterested witnesses to all of this, otherwise he's screwed. The hospital staff will not implicate itself, so he's on his own.

    They might confirm he was being disruptive and belligerent. Perhaps he and his partner's family don't get along and he started a blazing row with them and failed to simmer down when asked to do so by the staff. Just a thought.

    I had the same thought, and theantijock suggested a similar scenario. But that's the point - who knows? This could be hospital CYA. But I do know that families can be viciously anti-gay.

    When my late husband's former partner contracted AIDS (from cheating, and infected his partner, my future husband), the partner's family was nowhere to be seen. They offered no help. So my future husband bore all the medical expenses, going bankrupt, and took care of him alone. Not a penny came from the family.

    But when the partner was dying the family appeared at the Texas hospital, expelled my partner, and took possession of the body. They made the funeral arrangements, that specifically excluded the partner, now claiming that he was the one who caused the AIDS, and had killed their relative.

    A few weeks later my future partner came home to find a moving van at his rented house. His late partner's mother was there with a court order, giving her the right to take everything from the residence. Things they jointly owned were not differentiated, nor even personal items belonging to my future partner. She took it all, except for a few articles of clothing, and also terminated the lease.

    My partner had no place to stay, with not even a bed. He went to a motel, and then rented a place. He was living there when I first met him, with little furnishings. I met his Houston friends, who confirmed this horrific story, having known both of them.

    Sometimes we think we know our partner's family, all cordial & nice. But should he become seriously ill or die, be prepared for a Jekyll & Hyde change. Make sure your legal rights cannot be denied you, in writing. In most US States his blood relatives will supersede you in everything, unless you have ironclad legal documents to protect you.



    Although we are not in a 24/7 partnered/live together situation (and prolly never will be); I can see the possibility of my long term (5 years this month! whowuddathunkit!!) man's conservative, religious, republican family doing some/all of the above.

    Although certain sections of New Orleans are very "gay friendly" and accepting, the rest of the city and this state is rather tight assed, conservative and behind the times in the area of partner's rights.

    It seems like death & inheritance brings out the worst in even otherwise reasonable, compassionate people.


  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Apr 12, 2013 4:09 PM GMT
    Welcome to free America the land of hope and glory
  • metta

    Posts: 39165

    Apr 12, 2013 4:34 PM GMT
    Daughter of man arrested at husband’s bedside: Hospital statement is ‘absolute and utter bullshit’

    http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2013/04/daughter-of-man-arrested-at-husbands-bedside-hospital-statement-is-absolute-and-utter-bullshit/