Balancing two guys at once

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    First of all, sorry for the novel! lol

    I have always been a relationship oriented kind of guy. I was in a serious relationship for 5.5 years which ended about three years ago. I have been back in the dating scene for a while now and have had really bad luck (which I am not discouraged by).

    The story begins from this past summer; I “met” guy #1 online whom I exchanged several emails and eventually phone numbers with. I liked him a lot and we had great conversation with each other, but when we attempted to meet up our schedules conflicted and we eventually lost touch. That same summer I met guy #2 while out with mutual friends. I was definitely attracted to his appearance, attitude, confidence, and over all character. I attempted conversation with him without success; I assumed he just wasn’t interested.

    I have since moved away from the city for school but venture home every other weekend. A few weeks ago I was visiting home for a full week. My friend suggested I go on a date with his friend, who ended up being guy #2! Apparently he didn’t realize I was interested, which is understandable because I turn into a total chum when I try to flirt! Lol my friend gave me his contact information and we began to chat regularly for the next few days. Monday morning we had set a date for that Thursday…

    Later Monday night one of my friends had invited me to grab a drink with him at our spot. There, I was approached by a straight guy inquiring about my love life and if I would talk to his friend because he thinks we would be cute together. Eventually I had no choice since he brought his friend over to me, who ended up being guy #1! We laughed and talked and really enjoyed each other a ton. After the bar he invited me back to his place to have a couple beers and hang out. I accepted his request with the understanding that nothing was going to happen. I did spend the night, because I was pretty drunk at this point, but nothing sexually happened. We went to brunch in the morning and talked and really had a good time. The bonus was, he was potentially moving to the city I now lived in! We did continue talking and even hung out throughout the week. I really liked him…

    Thursday rolled around and I was feeling horrible about this date with guy #2. I expressed my concerns with my friend that set this up, he told me to stop worrying about it, that it was just a date and I have no commitment to either guy. He has also known me for a long time and realizes how I work, he knew I wanted to be straight up and honest with them both, but I didn’t.

    Date with guy #2 was incredible! We sat in a wine bar and just talked… for 5 hours! We departed and I felt sick to my stomach. I have continued to talk/hang-out with them both, and every time I find myself liking them both more and more. I still have not been sexual with either one yet at this point I feel like a cheater…

    Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do? How did you fix it without hurting anyone? I like them both and would hate to lose a potential friendship over it.
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Apr 12, 2013 4:11 PM GMT
    You haven't cheated on anyone because you haven't made a commitment to either one of them. When it gets to that stage with one of them, then you'll have to decide. But I don't think you're obligated to tell either one of them anything. If #1 or #2 are assuming you're exclusive, then you guys have a communication problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2013 5:06 PM GMT
    Yup, what he said. ^
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2013 6:24 PM GMT
    gwuinsf saidYou haven't cheated on anyone because you haven't made a commitment to either one of them. When it gets to that stage with one of them, then you'll have to decide. But I don't think you're obligated to tell either one of them anything. If #1 or #2 are assuming you're exclusive, then you guys have a communication problem.



    Bingo.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 12, 2013 8:41 PM GMT
    I am 99.9% sure they understand we are not exclusive. I just feel like I’m hiding something from them, which is not like me to do and makes me feel uncomfortable. I just need to figure things out and make up my mind already! It seems like the longer I wait the harder and harder it is going to be.
    But thank you for confirming that I am doing nothing wrong! ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2013 7:20 AM GMT
    to the OP - I can completely identify with this feeling no matter what people assume or don't... I just tend to have an awkward time with it until I'm with ONE person. I find it very hard to juggle things for long. For some the position may be enviable... but I find it emotionally complicated.

    That said - I think the honest advice here is good. Good luck!
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1165

    Apr 13, 2013 7:36 AM GMT
    this could be a movie
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2013 5:16 PM GMT
    My entire life is a sitcom! lol
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Apr 13, 2013 5:20 PM GMT
    I think that you should continue to see both, get to know them a bit better and then balance which one you like best.

    Then if one asks you to become exclusive then you should see how you feel. But you seem more attracted to Number 2, but Number 1 is moving near you, none of us actually know the right answer like
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Apr 13, 2013 5:26 PM GMT
    When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for. -unknown

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    Medjai saidWhen faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for. -unknown



    i dont know if this is the solution, BUT i do love this quote, and i will be stealing it! thanks for sharing! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2013 5:43 PM GMT
    Just a friendly update… Guy #1 and I have become more serious and I finally told guy #2. He completely understood and we actually had a good laugh over it when I told him how I had been feeling through this whole ordeal! We are definitely going to remain good friends and everyone is happy! icon_biggrin.gif
  • DBomb129

    Posts: 144

    Apr 25, 2013 6:09 AM GMT
    ^^ Do you feel like you're missing something or maybe going in the wrong direction or are you sure you wanna try with this one?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2013 6:15 AM GMT
    You seem like a very honest and caring guy. I'm glad everything worked out for you in the end!

    I'd feel lost if I were in a similar situation =/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2013 6:25 AM GMT
    I'm glad it worked out for you.

    I have been in the same situation repeatedly. I go for months without meeting anyone, and then there are three terrific guys interested. Why do they always seem to come along in groups? Why do they all want monogamy? icon_wink.gif

    You did nothing wrong, but I can totally empathize with the feeling that you did something wrong. The fact is, the longer you let it go on, the more you will hurt the person(s) you eventually turn away. Your instinct as a nice person tells you to avoid that.

    An interesting solution to the problem was presented on the old cop show NYPD Blue. (Are any of you old enough to remember?) The Jimmy Smits character had the hots for someone and was approached by a second woman who wanted him. He said to the second one, "I'm sorry. I'm interested in someone." He hadn't even expressed his interest to the first one yet. But, according to the moral code of NYPD Blue, a "stand-up" man is only interested in one woman at a time. Wow.

    I don't think I have the strength to do that, but I'm working on it. icon_wink.gif
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Apr 25, 2013 6:37 AM GMT
    So, when's the wedding? icon_cool.gif
  • DR2K

    Posts: 346

    Apr 25, 2013 11:12 AM GMT
    You're only hanging out until the balls touch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2013 11:45 AM GMT
    I thought this thread was about bench press
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2013 12:16 PM GMT
    Your 'saga' can be summarized by a single word: dating.

    Relax, keep seeing both if your feelings warrant it, and you'll end up liking one more than the other, or neither! Just be honest to both of them - that includes saying you are seeing other guys (if he asks). And if the moment comes where you want things to be serious with one of them, have the respect to tell the other it's only going to be friends (for now). Don't string him along.

    Good luck!

    ***EDIT: I missed your update post but just now read it. You did everything I suggested! Congrats on the outcome.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 25, 2013 12:32 PM GMT
    Glad everything is working out for you. I think you did everything right. Nothing wrong with dating more than one person, so long as it isn't exclusive. If you
    begin to get more serious with one, you did the right thing... you make a choice, be honest and move along. If more guys did as you did, there would much less drama. Hope all goes well!

    icon_biggrin.gif